Batter & Curses
What has gone on before:
Ukyo went along for the ride with the Saotome�s
in this universe. At Jusenkyo, Genma and Ranma
received their usual curses. Predictably, events
conspired to dump Ukyo in the Nanniichuan. Ryoga
escaped undipped. Sorry, P-Chan fans. In the days
following Jusenkyo, Ryoga quickly developed an
attraction to Ranma�s female form, evidently
convincing himself that she was now a real girl.
His earlier attraction to Ukyo despite this, did
not wane.
In the Amazon village, Shampoo was defeated by
both Ranma and Ukyo, each in their cursed form.
They received the Kisses of Death and Marriage
respectively.
Back at Jusenkyo, Ryoga bottled some Nyannchiuan,
and the unfortunate Guide joined Ranma in
unwillingly exploring his feminine side.
An accident with the Dragon�s Whisker porridge
led to Ranma having to effectively lock himself
in his cursed form with the waterproof soap for
the meantime. An almost kiss between Ranma and
Ukyo was inadvertently foiled by Genma, who has
motives of his own. Ukyo�s affluent uncle provided
the trio with transport back to Japan.
Ryoga�s directional difficulties have ballooned to
an outrageous level, as Shampoo can attest. The
Amazon girl is also unknowingly being shadowed by
a heavily-dressed figure�
Chapter 8 - Homecomings
Planes screamed overhead the packed Chengdu airport.
Thousands of travellers, unable to engage in such
an indulgence, wearily waited on their respective
flights. It didn�t do anyone�s patience any
favours when it was announced that there was a
disturbance that would cause another delay. A
multitude of sighs answered the declaration made
by the various large speakers positioned
throughout the buildings. When such a proclamation
is made, people tend to make certain assumptions
as to the nature of the problem. The more
paranoid passenger may suspect a bomb threat,
or perhaps there was a foiled attempt at smuggling
contraband aboard a plane.
The less dramatic, and more pragmatic passengers dismissed the
delay as the cause of un-kept schedules, and inept airport staff.
The more cynical airline customers proposed that they send
someone to the airport pharmacy and fetch the pilot a hangover
cure, should they ever expect to take off.
If indeed there was one thing all these passengers had in
common, it was that they would never believe the actual source
of the disturbance was small, lavender-haired girl belligerently
wielding two oversized baby-rattles. Said girl refused to move
until the staff complied with her wishes, and allowed her to
board the next flight to Japan.
Shampoo scowled unhappily. Despite this being a matter of law,
she was still willing to pay her fare, yet the stupid woman
(she�d have decked a man by then) at the counter insisted on
being shown a �passport�, whatever that was. Thinking on it,
she recalled that her great-grandmother had once told her she�d
applied for a �passport� for her. But that was over a year ago,
and she hadn�t really being paying attention, engaged as she
had been in pummelling a Pink. Or Link. Who cared?
�Miss,� spoke the short-haired woman at the counter. �If you
don�t have your passport, I�m afraid we cannot allow you to
board a flight out of the country.�
�Don�t you understand?� demanded Shampoo, smacking her hand
against her forehead. �This is a sacred mission! I told you
I�d pay,� she indicated, holding up a wad of yuan bills. �What
more do you want?� she asked in confusion.
�Its more complicated than -�
�What�s complicated about it?� boggled the girl. �I give you
money for passage on your flying carria-, er plane, and you
take me across the water.� She indicated a price list between
them on the counter top. �This is more than what you�re asking
for, _so take me already!_� The woman winced as Shampoo�s
voice raised in anger.
�Please calm down, miss,� pleaded the subject of the girl�s
ire as she held her hands in an appeasing gesture. She was
relieved to see airport security closing in from the corner of
her eye. She turned her gaze once more to the girl, spotting as
she did, a new item on the counter. She promptly picked up and
scanned the irate girl�s passport. Had she been just playing a
game? Regardless of the inappropriate joke, she motioned for
the security to back off. However, a guard had already placed
his hand on Shampoo�s shoulder.
�Is there a problem, miss?� he asked casually, standing more
than a head taller than the petite girl.
Shampoo saw red mist. They had toyed with her, annoyed her and
denied her. And now this man had dare put his hand on her. An
Amazon champion. The guard�s large body left a shallow impact
crater as Shampoo made him one with the wall. Two more bulky
guards received similar treatment as they rushed her.
�You! You are nothing!� she proclaimed haughtily. She snarled
predatorily as a slew of security staff began filing in toward
her. Almost all weak men, she noted in fury. Were there no
warriors to challenge her? The Amazon moved to mangle the
approaching cannon fodder, when a slew of clicking noises cut
through her haze of outrage. Shampoo�s eyes levelled on the
dozen handguns aimed quite purposely at her person.
��Uh oh.�
-----
Some miles away, another traveller, accompanied by two trusted
vassals, pursued the same quarry. If for a (not entirely)
dissimilar reason. The Musk Prince was excited to finally
experience the outside world he had until so recently only
read about. Arrangements had already been made for a boat to
be ready when they reached Shanghai. A voyage across the seas,
he thought, fanciful images of sea-faring drama flashing
through his mind. One may have described the Musk Prince as
being giddy as a schoolgirl at whole idea, had one little
concern for their own regularity of breathing.
But, Herb _was_ anxious. He couldn�t wait to finally encounter
the true reason for this adventure he endeavoured upon.
Carefully unrolling the canvas, he gazed starry-eyed at the
beautiful portrait that Mint had produced. He�d known before
that the wolf-boy was a competent artist, but he had never
imagined he was capable of creating something so bedevilling.
The royal heir recalled how several days previous, while
seeking out the lupine lad, he had happened upon the painting,
displayed in Mint�s quarters. His aides had found him there,
hours later, completely enraptured by what he saw. He hadn�t
known until an older warrior had explained that the beautiful
red-haired visage in the painting was a �woman�. Herb
concluded that he had fallen in love. Of this he was quite
certain.
Hearing Mint�s account of how he�d overheard a confrontation
in the forest just outside Musk territory, the dragon-prince
had bid him continue. The youth explained how he had
surreptitiously watched the lavender-haired individual
threaten the red-haired one. He�d returned to the palace in
a dreamlike state and immediately set about reproducing the
strangely compelling faces on canvas.
Herb had sent him after them upon hearing this. He had to
find out where the red-haired woman was going. Although
Mint never caught up with the girl, an eavesdropped
conversation between the purple haired woman and a strange
foreigner had revealed that their destination was in the
capital of the island nation, Japan. The wolf boy had returned
to relay the information to his lord. However, Herb had not
been idle during Mint�s reconnaissance.
The sagacious prince realised that meeting the red-haired
dream without any experience of dealing with a woman could
lead to gracelessness on his part. That simply would not do.
When eventually he did meet the girl, it would shame him for
artless blundering to mar the moment. So, taking the Musk
artefact, the Chiisuiton, in hand, Herb made his way to the
magical pools which had so must significance in his tribe�s
long history.
After capturing a wild monkey, the curious Musk Prince was
lead by a small person in concealing, large robes, to the
Nyaniichuan. He knew from his history lessons that it was
indeed the spring of drowned girl. Assuming the person was
a relative of the regular Guide, and not really caring, Herb
had tossed the small animal into the spring. He readied the
locking ladle, as a transformed figure emerged.
He had found himself entranced with the strange protrusions
on the neo-girl�s chest. The portrait hadn�t had _those_.
Slack-jawed, he offered no resistance as the freshly cursed
primate angrily knocked him into the water.
Herb chuckled. That monkey girl had inadvertently done him a
service. The naked girl had snatched the Chiisuiton in Herb�s
shocked state. He was fortunate that the heavily dressed
person had been in the way of the locking water�s splash.
The stand-in guide seemed to take it rather badly though,
having run off screaming about some demon in a bandanna or
whatnot.
After leaving Jusenkyo, Herb decided that there could be no
better preparation for meeting the girl of his dreams than
experiencing the world through a girl�s perspective himself.
He allotted a portion each day to spend in his cursed
form - generally the times when he sent Mint and Lime away
on busy-work.
Mint had returned that day a with destination and a name.
�Ranchan�. He couldn�t wait to meet her, and find out if she
too possessed those �breasts� like the monkey-girl and his
own cursed form had.
-----
Amidst a crisply cold queuing area, a heavily clothed girl
buried her gloveless hands deep into her pockets, the weather
doing the extremities absolutely no favours. She
subconsciously hummed along with a familiar Proclaimers
tune as the song pumped into the headphones beneath her
woolly hat. The game would be kicking off any minute. She
had better haul arse if she hoped to make it to her seat
in time. The young woman hesitated, frowning at the match
programs she�d essentially be abandoning if she did so.
She grinned when she spied a late comer, calling, �Programs
for the semi-final! Fanzines for Celtic and Hearts!� Her
predatory grin warmed into a smile of recognition when
the figure�s dusty face became visible through the light
snowfall.
�Sweet Jayzus, Hibiki?!�
�A-Angie?� ventured the Japanese boy. He hadn�t encountered
anybody remotely familiar since the locker room in Hawaii.
�Is, is that really you?�
�No, its Billy Connoly,� the freckled girl rolled her eyes
at the boy�s flummoxed expression. �Of course its me.
�Aven�t seen you in bloody _years_. What�ve ya been doin�,
ya gallivantin� bollox?� she inquired, good-naturedly.
Ryoga broke into a gleeful simper. At last, a familiar face.
He wondered what Angie was doing in Antarctica, but noticed
the much sparser snow, and soon realised that he�d misplaced
himself again.
�Everywhere, ah think,� he answered honestly, in English.
Then something clicked. �Wait jus�a sec? Did you say Hearts
are playin� reet now!?�
�Yep,� she winked. �In the cup semi, no less.�
�Then what are we waitin� fer?� He asked urgently, reaching
into his pack for his wallet. �Lead me te�de damn ticket
booth so ah can see mah boys hammer them Glasgow poseurs!�
-----
~You are a contemptible creep. You understand this, don�t you?~
~As per agreement, I�ll reinstate the curb on that clan-curse
of his. �As soon as he�s back in China.�~
-----
Shampoo brooded at what she�d been reduced to. She had had to
keep a low profile since the incident in Chengdu. Being a
wanted fugitive was not to her liking. After leaving (she
deigned not to call it fleeing) through a hastily made
portal in the airport wall, and thanking Artemis that
something had distracted the gun-toting security officers,
she had travelled deeper into the city. Her plan to return
to the airport after dark and sneak onto a departing aircraft
was somewhat set back when she noticed what was very
clearly her own face being displayed on multitudes of
televisions in shop displays. Others noticed her noticing.
Police had come then. And lots of vehicles. She never
imagined how difficult it would be to lose a helicopter from
one�s tail while roof hopping.
But lost it, she had. And, enjoyable as the chase had been,
it hadn�t taken excessive contemplation on her part to
decide to leave the city and seek alternative means of
travel. A low-key cross country tour later, and (minus a
bonbori that she had abandoned in Wuhan after soiling it)
the girl had reached a small fishing village in the Zhejiang
province of the country. And there she found herself,
wringing wet after being splashed by spray, bribing a hairy
man for passage on the filthy skiff he called a boat.
He�d agreed to ferry her to Japan for a suspiciously low
price. Not that she was especially concerned. Someone of her
training could stay awake the entire journey if need be.
And breaking the ill-guided limbs of any crew member who
dared get too close to her would relieve some stress. She
made a mental note not to cripple any of them, though. It
might adversely affect the journey�s swiftness, if those
manning the boat were unable to operate it efficiently.
Or, y�know, walk.
The unshaven captain grinned evilly as he pocketed the money
he�d taken from the na�ve girl. He�d get the rest later, of
course. He approached the bar where his crew were taking
their last chance to become intimate with some hard liquor,
before leaving in the morning. They would definitely perk
up when he revealed that the pretty young thing that had
approached the sailors earlier would be joining them on
their next trip to Honshu.
He pushed aside the door to the clich�d bar, chuckling,
�Boys, wait until you all get a load of th�� Carrying
themselves like good, honest, stereotypical sailors,
his crew had apparently gotten a little rowdy. He expected
the odd black eye and band aid, but usually, the men
weren�t bound, gagged and unconscious on the bar tiles when
he returned from various errands around a town. �What in
the name of -� his swear was choked off as a hand locked
around his throat, lifting him bodily from the floor. He
was swivelled around to face a pair of cold blue-green eyes.
�Let�s you and I have a little discussion about proper
comportment, shall we?�
-----
A muscular boy frowned at the base of the large tower
above him, and at the suspiciously large number of
French-speaking people present. Ryoga was beginning to
damn the foolish embarrassment that had prevented him
from allowing Angie to lead him to men�s room. At this
rate, the second half of the match would begin before he
could relieve himself and get back to the stands. He
entered a random building, and approached the counter,
asking for the restroom.
�Excusez-moi. O� est le W.C?�
�Cosa?� replied the Italian vendor.
�Oh, merde,� he sighed, resignedly.
-----
In the hilly forests of Hubei, a clear afternoon sky was
witness to a young man of perhaps eighteen years engaging
in a slow kata. The tall figure maintained a deliberate
and unhurried pace, belying the speed he had at his
disposal. Eyes closed, he strained his senses to attune
to world around him. His mahogany coloured hair fluttered
gently, as the wind carried the man an unexpected message.
There, just on the edge of his hearing, was the sound of
an upset, female voice.
Quickly securing his dragon scale vest, the spry figure
hastily ran toward the sound. He arrived at a gently
running brook, eyes searching for the imperilled female.
Indeed, there was a girl bathing in the waist-deep water,
but certainly no indication of anybody in trouble.
Satisfied that his intervention wouldn�t be needed, the
man made to leave when, seemingly of their own volition,
his eyes wandered back to the lithe form sitting in the
stream.
Her back was mostly to him, but he was able to see enough
of the mysterious girl�s face and body to wholeheartedly
label her a first class sex-kitten. The multi-coloured,
but predominantly pink hair was the kicker. Normally, at
this point the man�s sense of propriety would rouse in
full force and prompt him to withdraw. However, he had
been without much human contact since the humiliating
events of a Shanghai strip club quite some time before.
Thus, engrossed as he was in appraising the exotic girl�s
body, it didn�t register when her slit gaze shifted to
stare directly at the gawking interloper. He was woken
from his visual study of the of the water-sprite when
he spied the covert approach of a large panther,
bearing down on the girl. He sprang into motion, as
the girl raised her arms in terror.
-----
Herb sulked in a huff, as she sat back into the cool
stream. Mint and Lime were supposed to have been off
gathering food and firewood, and she had relaxed her
guard� Only to open her eyes to the entranced stares
of the two Musk warriors� Standing in the water� right
beside her. She didn�t know what had come over her, but
instead of levelling the two jerks with a ki blast, she
had shrieked like� like, well, she didn�t know what. The
tiger and wolf boy were as surprised as Herb herself was
by the outburst, and had quickly fled, leaving a nonplussed
dragon princess flinging energy after them.
Still sitting in befuddlement a minute or so later, she
felt yet another set of eyes upon her. Also absently noting
the approach of a leopard, she glared at the tall man, who
was unashamedly drinking in the sight of her. The sheer
effrontery! The entire situation was stirring indistinct
reactions in the cursed Musk heir. Perturbed by these
events, Herb pinpointed the one emotion that she currently
felt with which she was familiar. Anger. Gathering her
energy, she raised her arms to simultaneously blast the
skulking cat and the impolite gawker.
Before she could release the fury of her ki, the man had
dived at and beyond her. He levelled a kick across the cat�s
jaw that sent the wild feline into harmless unconsciousness.
He landed by water�s bank, and turned a relieved smile on her.
Damnit! Why had he done that? Now he�d confused her even more!
And he was still looking at her naked body, too! Again, the
only recognisable emotion Herb felt was frustrated anger at
her inability to understand the source of her own inaction.
She grabbed it and locked eyes with the rescuer/pervert/
intruder/deviant. In a tone she had expected to sound far
more imperious than it did, she promulgated,
�I am Herb, heir to the Musk, and I would know the name
of the man who presumes to spy upon my royal person!�
Proper forms had to observed after all. It wouldn�t do
to kill the stranger without names and titles being
exchanged. The man�s smile faded, and golden-eyed girl
nervously wondered what was wrong. He looked absolutely
miserable upon hearing Herb�s demand.
�I�,� he spluttered, �I have to go!� turning and bolting
away from the brook.
�Hey!� Herb protested loudly. �Get back here, you jerk!�
she called after him. Had those been� tears? She ran from
the stream, not finding any sign of him. �What�s wrong?�
she asked the forest. �Come back,� she insisted softly.
��Please?�
A nearby shrub rustled unnaturally. She padded up to the
foliage, and pulled it aside. Impatiently thumping the
figures she revealed, Herb stalked back to the stream.
�Breasts,� breathed Lime dreamily, as Mint nodded in
agreement.
-----
�Why?� choked the man as he ran from the exotic beauty.
�Why did she have to ask?� He sniffed, as reached his
campsite a gathered up his pack. The serene atmosphere
now seemed dull and lifeless. Oh, why had she had to
ask _that?_
Of course she was going to ask. So would any others in
the future. He would just have to live with it, like he�d
always done.
No! He was through bearing this unjust curse. It was time
to take things into his own hands and finally begin to
shape his own destiny. He opened an ever-present canteen,
and unceremoniously dumped the cold contents over himself.
He rolled his massive shoulders experimentally, before
smoothly taking off. As he flew west over the forest, he
glanced down. Perhaps then� he thought wistfully, his neck
craning to gaze back the way he came.
Resolute in his goal, he turned to face forward, toward
Qinghai, and his birthplace.
-----
Oh thank you gods, it�s a miracle!
It had quickly become apparent to the meandering youth
that he wasn�t going to see the remainder of match. A
shame, that. (He�d have to ask the wee lass how it went
the next time he was in the neighbourhood.) This acceptance
sadly did not serve to increase the volume of his bladder.
Ryoga�s mission had devolved into the dubious quest for a
restroom. In the wilds of a Siberian mountain range, such
proprieties were a menial thing. Yet, modesty seemed far
less trivial in the heavily populated, urban areas in
which he repeatedly found himself since wandering away
from the soccer game.
Few would assume it an especially difficult task for
person to locate a men�s room in a sprawling city centre.
But fewer still would assume it somebody of Ryoga Hibiki�s
eccentricities who was doing the searching. Every bathroom
door he opened seemed to lead outdoors. That the sun, or
moon as it may be, appeared in vastly varying positions
in the sky each time he happened upon a new locale no
longer registered. Hours had passed. The urgency of his
search inexorably snowballed.
It was when he was prepared to bite the bullet and just
make due with the next female restroom he�d inevitably
stumble across, that he closed another non-descript door
behind him. And found Nirvana. Out of habit rather than
any true requirement, he secured the door to the Hibiki
bathroom.
Washed and refreshed, hours later, he exited the room,
and stalked about his home, finding evidence that someone
had been there not too long ago. A dusty pile of pages
with his mother�s letterhead graced the living room table.
He nonchalantly evaded several of her burglar traps, and
snatched the top page from the pile. Addressed to his older
sister; it asked how things were progressing with that
foreign boyfriend of hers, and if his divorce proceedings
with that Julia woman were through with, yet. That his
sister was married, with a toddler, and lived in North
America indicated that it hadn�t been the Hibiki matriarch
who�d recently tidied the family�s household. In the kitchen,
he discovered a note from his father. He�d indeed
been home, less than a fortnight earlier. He had left some
dried provisions and kibble for any family member who
chanced to find their ancestral home.
Kibble?
Ryoga�s features grew into a huge fanged grin as he heard
the cheerful bark echo throughout the household. A black
and white blur raced into the kitchen and onto his
compliant form, knocking the boy to the floor amid throes
of laughter. �Shirokuro!� he smiled, ruffling the dog�s
fur affectionately. �How have you been, girl?�
After feeding the usually self-sufficient Hibiki pet,
the animal led Ryoga to a somewhat musty chamber he
recognised as his own room. He petted Shirokuro
thankfully, grateful that he�d at least be able to drop
off his souvenirs. The sight of his old bed sent a wave
of desire throughout the frankly exhausted boy. Without
preamble, he shucked the blanket over himself, and
promptly began getting lost in dreamland.
Tongue lolling out in the canine equivalent of geniality,
the dog joined her master on the bed, laying across his
dozing frame. Amazed that two of her owners had visited
within such a close span, Shirokuro followed the boy
into contented oblivion.
-----
~You ARE aware that that dog�s presence can negate the
curse you�ve been so callously abusing?~
~It�ll be worth it.~
-----
As Shampoo quietly left the docks, her mind again
wondered back to the strange behaviour of the boat�s crew
throughout the entire voyage to Japan. Rather than
carrying themselves like the boorish sailors (that
even the somewhat backwoods Amazon found clich�d) she
had witnessed when she first approached the ship�s captain,
they had conducted themselves like� She reached for an
analogy. Like Amazons. Male Amazons.
Appropriate as it may have been considering her status,
it was nonetheless quite unexpected. She also had the
oddest suspicion that their deferential and overly polite
carriage was less rooted in respect and awe than it was
in uneasy apprehension and flat out fear for their own
well-being.
That was strange. She hadn�t behaved at all belligerently
before boarding the vessel, intending to mete out
necessary discipline on the journey itself. Perhaps
those bandages and rope burns several of the men had
sported when she arrived on board that first morning
had something to do with the peculiarly complaisant
etiquette?
Why also, were they so eager to be off again as soon
as Shampoo had departed? They had seemed afraid of
dallying for some reason.
Scanning the horizon, Shampoo dismissed the sailors�
behaviour as irrelevant. Numerous signs in
indecipherable text greeted her exit from the pier.
She was in an unfamiliar country. Although she had
never travelled much of China before undertaking
this quest, at least there she spoke the language.
This wouldn�t be as straightforward as she initially
judged. But no matter. A true Amazon Champion
relished a challenge.
Orientating herself, she took a moment to look
�through� the city in her direct line of sight.
Beyond this Yokohama, to the north, waited her husband,
and the one who held his shackles. Perhaps, she
considered, she may even intercept them. It was not
that far-fetched a notion. Her quarry would likely
have relaxed their hegira when they landed on their
home country. Should she locate this �Tendo Dojo�
in good time, she could prepare a most effective
ambush.
Tapping her teeth with a calloused index finger, she
ruminated over several possible fortifications that
would also aid her efforts. Why, with several volleys
of darts tipped with neurotoxin venom, and a tripwire
or four she could� She brushed off the idea, reminding
herself that this was a smash and grab mission, not a
war. Being pursued by another small army of police was
not on her wish list. The incident in Chengdu had
somewhat soured her on the whole �wrath of the state�
gig. The Amazon had best keep the killing limited to
her target, and definitely not body slam any security
or police officers through walls where others could
see. As the buildings in the distance grew, their
shadows swallowing her up, she decided a boycott on
pummelling non-warriors would be a most prudent course
of action.
-----
It was growing very difficult to keep his thoughts
from her features. Those perfect, determined lips;
those rubicund, burgundy eyes that sparkled like�
And there he nearly lost it again. With a preparatory
breath he recommenced the mental gymnastics of
cataloguing all his knowledge of the Japanese language,
integrating various phrases he�d heard the previous
few days into the mess.
It would be awkward. But he was used to that. Hidden
in plain sight, the spectacled man did his best not
to look the lavender-haired beauty in the eye. She
passed by his mumbling figure, lost in her own thoughts.
Clothed in dark flowing silks, the tall young man
continued to stare across the docks that the�
completely random girl had just left.
Eyeing the various signs, he busied himself, repeatedly
reading them for some minutes before slumping from
exertion. Chengdu had definitely been the hardest.
Swinging a grappling hook that accurately, too
swiftly for untrained eyes to see was a difficult
task on its own. Forcing himself not to think on
why he was doing it - while he was doing it - was
more a considerably more gruelling affair. He�d still
managed it. Choking now would be shameful.
He had already done his homework. He�d be with Shampoo
all the way to Tokyo and the Tendo Dojo. There he would
encounter the man Shampoo was to marry and the girl she
was to murder. After he�d found those two he�d�err�
Well, the _original_ plan was easy. Covertly protect
and aid Shampoo in finding her prey. Kill her prey,
the boy specifically, philandering devil that he was.
Leading Shampoo on like that, that playboy deserved
all that he got! His Shampoo was so pure, so
unpresumptuous and patient� Certainly Mousse had
been sure that she was. But, her actions in the
airport had struck a blow at the gut of his
unquestionable faith in Shampoo�s good judgement.
Unable to help her on the rooftops, he had had
stand back and hope she could evade the chasing
police forces on her own. To his monumental relief,
she had consummately escaped after leading the
chopper on merry run-around high above the city
streets.
Unfortunately, with his confidence in Shampoo ruffled
uncomfortably, his original conviction of this
�Ukyo�s� womanising nature and the arbitrary death
sentence he placed upon him, had been distressingly
shaken. The trip hadn�t eased it, and with each display
of rash behaviour on Shampoo�s part, his assuredness
in her incisiveness took one on the chin.
Sure, anybody could lose their cool in an airport,
but what she did to that guy in Wuhan for hitting on
her had seemed� excessive. Mousse had planned to kick
his ass afterward, but he didn�t have the heart
considering what Shampoo had inserted in there.
He came to worry that he had followed Shampoo to kill
a victim of circumstance being punished only for a
laudable display of skill. His concern aggrandised when
he realised that the other one, the girl, was the victim
of much the same happenstance as her companion. The
darkly clothed man�s personal odds that the village
champion would experience a mini-epiphany like his before
finding the pair were slimmer than Shampoo�s taught waist.
This too, added fuel to the fire of his growing unease.
Making a mental note to finish his homework before turning
it in, Mousse raised an eyebrow in consternation.
He understood a decision would have to be made, and soon.
His face betrayed his disquiet as he followed after his
love at a more sedate pace.
-----
Ryoga was cheerily walking Shirokuro down the street. It
was nice to enjoy the morning for once. He cradled several
packages in one arm, amused at the notion that he could
be trusted upon to buy groceries for the Hibiki household.
His faithful pet had stuck to him like Clingfilm since
he found his way back to his home. She must have been
lonely, by herself all this time. His grin faded a
moment but came back in full force when his thoughts
predictably turned to Ukyo and Ranma. He was far from
them now, but he knew that they would eventually have
to return to school. And his effective guide dog had
lead him there on more than one occasion.
But he was struck by a horrible thought. What if
Saotome-san moved them onto another school like Ukyo
had told him he�d often done before? He might never
find them. The idea of never again enjoying the company
of those who made his life worth living made him quiver
with dread.
He stepped inside his front door, frantically
contemplating means to avoid such an unhappy conclusion.
He could check up on the pair�s whereabouts (if they
were indeed reregistered at another school) at his own�
Fist sledged palm with a loud �Aha!�
�Shirokuro! C�mere girl!� The dog was quickly beside
her master, panting patiently, leash dragging behind.
Finished restocking the kitchen, he grabbed his backpack
from a corner, and began rifling through its innards.
Plucking a cloudy plastic bag from the pack, he reverently
inspected its contents. He removed a large flask, which
he carefully placed on the table at which he sat. He
tossed aside the bag, not noticing the gash on its side.
The fanged boy resumed his search and produced another
plastic-wrapped package. He tugged at his bandanna,
relieved that he hadn�t had to resort to wearing the t-shirt
he had briefly lent Ukyo for her cursed form. Ryoga hadn�t
washed it because he�ah, hadn�t had the chance. With a
tracker like Shirokuro searching for this scent, he�d
find Ukyo in no time when she returned. And by extension,
Ranma.
�Ranma�, he thought gazing out a window, a dreamy haze
coming over him.
He looked up at Shirokuro sniffing curiously at the
container before him. �No girl!� He shied her away.
�That�s for Ukyo-san.� His eyes turned to the flask,
frowning as he slowly turned the container around on
the flat surface. �Oh no!� he cried, rising in reaction
to seeing the long, thin slash midway through the bottle,
which went tumbling as he incidentally knocked the table.
He rocked backwards and tried to grab the airborne piece
of furniture in a flapping hand. The table cracked in
half before falling to the floor, amid curses from the
boy. Ryoga smacked himself on the forehead as he gave
the chunk of wood in his hand a resigned glare.
Glancing down at the remains of the living-room table,
his shoulders moved into a long-suffering slump. He
pulled the sleeve of his shirt around his hand and
picked up the flask. It was empty. �Someone up there
has it in for me.� His lamentation ceased as he heard
a piteous moan from beneath the shattered table. He
urgently tossed aside the pieces of wood, freeing
Shirokuro from the debris.
She stood, shaking large splinters from her long mane.
Ryoga�s eye twitched as a pair of golden eyes peeked
from beneath two-toned hair at his own. A vein threatened
to bulge on his brow until Shirokuro�s state of dress,
somewhat irrelevant prior to this point, made him grab
his nose reflexively.
��Rrga?� questioned the naked girl, before grinning at
her hands. �Rrga!� she chimed, grabbing the frozen
martial artist in a grateful hug. She let go
abruptly and began ecstatically bouncing around
the house, giggling like a loon. Ryoga just stared
passively ahead.
�Oh, goodie. I turned the dog into a girl.� With a
vacant expression, he began weighing the
ramifications of what he�d just done. �This is
just freakin� peachy.� He glanced at the prancing
dog-girl, or was it girl-dog? Whatever, his irate
inner monologue dismissed the question. Great. Just
great. Finally home and something has to happen to
screw it up. And he�d lost the water, too. �How the
frick am I supposed to�� he trailed off, vexed,
staring at his eyelids. When his brown pupils
reappeared, the pique was gone. �To hell with it.
I�m sixteen. I�m entitled to the occasional
screw-up.� He barked out a brief laugh. �Someone
else can take responsibility for this craptastic quagmire.�
Reflexively donning his backpack, Ryoga decided he
needed some air. Moving with a strangely detached
calm, he left a hastily scribbled note on the kitchen
table and exited through the front door.
Inside, Shirokuro, who was staring wondrously at the
now far more colourful world, paused in her glorying
as she noticed Ryoga�s absence. A word she had heard
countless times that now suddenly made real sense came
to her lips.
�Stay!� And with her first word, the dog-girl dashed
out of the house. Seeing what her rapidly increasing
intelligence told her was her de facto mentor in this
strange, new and oddly cold world.
-----
This city was so frustrating! Following the directions
of foreign signs was challenging enough, but she
despaired at the uphill battle in store when even locals
were unable to direct her with any surety. Finding the
location of the Tendo Dojo had been painless. Actually
getting there made her feel like someone had glued a jar
of gerbils to her kisser, and set a blowtorch on slow
burn to the end of the jar so that the rodents had to
eat through her face to escape�
�Okay, now I�m getting screwy�� she muttered to herself
in Mandarin. �And not in that pleasant Ucchan way,� she
added, blushing. Her joviality disintegrated when,
amongst the din of the bustling Tokyo street, she spied
a being of nightmare approaching. �The demon!� she
hissed, horrified. Her greatest fears were confirmed
at the sight of the enslaved woman trailing him, whom
she overheard him bid call him �master�.
�Alright!� she cried, her face becoming a mask of resolve.
She had to finish it. If the hell spawn had pursued her
this far, it wouldn�t stop just because she�d fulfilled
the obligations with which she burdened herself on the
day of the tournament.
Gritting her teeth, she drew her lone bonbori, and looked
determinedly at her opponent. Loosing a pealing war cry,
a lavender blur flew towards its target, it�s intent; lethal.
-----
Mousse hummed in appreciation at the coffee in his hands.
�Robust,� he commented in Japanese, �yet ethereally smooth
and soothing. Like the sound of an over-stimulated
rabbit�s heart monitor beeping in time with the roaring
sea, while children exchange flower necklaces dipped
in hummus��
He paused, reviewing what he had just said, a waiter
looking on bewilderment.
�Okay, now I�m getting screwy�� He emptied the dregs
of his mug, and motioned the man over. �And not in
that pleasant Shampoo way.�
�You want me to get you a decaf?� asked the waiter
warily.
�You know what?� began Mousse, blinking behind his
glasses at the waiter�s afterimages. �That�s probably
a good idea.� The caf� employee nodded agreeably and
left to fetch Mousse another drink. Perhaps the
short-sighted young man should have paid heed to
waiter�s warning that ordering a sextuple espresso
wasn�t the wisest choice available? Having never
drank coffee before, Mousse had opted for the old
baptism of fire routine� and was now fighting off a
severe fit of giggles.
Grinning widely, he looked up and out the one way
mirror that served as the caf�s window. Passing by,
right when he expected her to be, was Shampoo, still
looking disoriented at the unnavigable surroundings.
As he watched her walking across his line of sight,
he saw something that he wouldn�t have expected to see.
Ever.
Looking out at the very fast, very loud, and very
naked girl (wearing only a collar and leash!), screaming
equally strange things approaching
on a line that would lead her directly into Shampoo�s
path, Mousse loudly called, �Can I have that decaf to
go, please?�
-----
Looking over his shoulder, Ryoga had never felt so
mortified. (Even though that time he had confessed
his love to someone he thought was Ukyo came close.
That cross-dressing little weirdo would pay some day!)
Tailing him was the girl the water had made out of his
pet, still unclothed save the leash and collar,
dangling conspicuously down her back beneath her
two-tone hair. All this, he could almost live with.
Just about.
Unfortunately, she was repeatedly howling �Stay,
master!� at the top of her considerably powerful
lungs, and regardless of how quickly he moved,
he _couldn�t_ shake her! So, he did the next best
thing. He ignored her.
When the hell had she learned to speak? What on earth
had that water done to her? Turned her into a girl,
body AND mind?
Of course! Just like with Ranma! Great. Now, he�d
gone and depressed himself again. He couldn�t ask
the person behind him to just resume their life as a
dog, and act as his tracker� Could he? She was calling
him �master� after all, he mused, deciding to ignore
that she�d only resorted to the title after
mispronouncing �Ryoga� several times.
�Hello, Iwata-obasan,� politely greeted Ryoga with a
deferential bow as he passed an old lady in a very
traditional kimono, serenely watering her flowers.
�Ah, Hibiki-kun,� she smiled looking up from her gardening.
�Found that blaggard that stole your lady love yet, have
you?� she asked playfully.
�Don�t worry about _him_, Iwata-san,� directed Ryoga.
�He�s out of the picture.�
�Excellent,� commented the old woman, slowly clapping
her hands together once. Ryoga noticed her eyes drift
and widen. �And, is this, ah, the uh, lady friend, you
spoke of?� she said indicating the naked young lady
wearing the leash peeking from behind the boy�s large
backpack.
�Huh?�
��Ferr�en�,� tested the dog-girl. �Frur�friend!� she
exclaimed, yipping triumphantly.
�Er, of course dear,� replied the old woman with a
half smile. �Ryoga, come here a moment.� He complied,
sheepishly moving into the garden and behind a hedge
where the cursed dog couldn�t see them. Ryoga glanced
up and blinked at the change in the way the usually
hunched up old lady held herself. �What�s going on
here, boy?� she demanded. �Is that woman on something?�
�No! Never! Of course not! I swear to you that I
wouldn�t allow such an -�
�Hush, I believe you,� she placated the ranting boy.
�And I couldn�t smell liquor. Then why is she speaking
like that?�
�She�s only learning Japanese today,� he answered
honestly.
�Really?� drawled Iwata peeking through the shrubbery
at the chanting girl. �A foreigner, eh?� Ryoga made to
correct her, but decided some truths were best kept
secret. �What�s her name?�
�Um, Shiro-, I mean �Shiko��er, �Yoshiko�!�
�And about the naked thing?�
Truths like this one.
�Well, the thing about that is��
�You wanted to draw the neighbourhood�s attention to
what a fine catch you�ve made?� she supplied. �Well,
if so, mission accomplished.� Ryoga�s eyes bulged,
noticing the many dozens of people congregating outside
of Mrs. Iwata�s home. �Yoshiko-chan certainly is a
healthy girl, isn�t she?�
�Iwata-obasan!�
�Don�t look at me. You�re the ones who decided your
girlfriend should show off her goodies to the locals.�
�Its not what you think!�
�Hmm? Oh yes, silly me. The collar! You two are
playing dom games, aren�t you?�
�Kill me��
�Not that I disapprove, but there are certain
proprieties to be followed.� She frowned at Ryoga
and whispered. �Such as not doing it in public in broad
daylight.� She looked out over her fence and placed a
finger to her lips. �Oh, dear, Hibiki-kun. It appears
that the police will be arriving shortly. I�d suggest
you move along with your lady friend hastily if you don�t
wish to be arrested.�
�Eeep!� grimaced the dark-eyed boy, leaping out over the
shrubbery, away from her garden. Without preamble, he raced
down the street.
�Or on second thought, you could both come inside. I�m
sure I could persuade the officers that � oh,� she
breathed, spying Ryoga�s dust cloud in the distance,
quickly pursued by his energetic and rather open-minded
girlfriend. �Good luck, Yoshiko-chan!� the old woman
called. The girl turned back momentarily, flashing
her a victory sign. She exhaled with an aged smile.
�Oh, to be that young again.� She looked to the sky.
�I do hope they remember the safety word.�
�Will you stop following me? Heel or something!�
bellowed Ryoga over his shoulder.
�No!� declared the girl resolutely. �Stay, friend!�
�I am not your friend, Shirokuro. I�m your owner!�
�Own�er?� she repeated.
�As in �master�,� he informed her. When she didn�t
respond, he thought he�d finally lost her. But when
he glanced back, she was still keeping pace, a
determined expression on her face.
His head whipped forward when a soprano scream invaded
his senses. �Holy oof!!!� Ryoga�s feet left the ground
as the bonbori violently whipped his head backwards at
what looked a dangerously obtuse angle. He landed
heavily several metres behind the shocked dog-girl.
�What in the heck just hit m-?� his question died as
he was answered by a vertical stomp onto his kidneys
and back, shooting the air out of his lungs.
Gasping for air, he gingerly picked himself up, and
wheezed angrily at the person who had attacked him.
�What *pant* do you think *pant* you�re doing? If you
want to fight me, challenge me to match like a
real m- Hey, its you!�
�No!� cried Shampoo. Those blows should have broken
his neck and backbone. �You is true demon! I kill!�
�Huh?� asked Ryoga intelligently, as the lavender-haired
girl from China tossed a dagger at his face. A bandanna
intercepted the projectile, and another made to slice
off a public tree branch above Shampoo. The dog-girl
blinked as a grappling hook deflected the airborne
weapon off course, and promptly disappeared from view.
The incident had apparently gone unnoticed by both
combatants. �Listen here, lady! I�ve had about enough
crap piled on me as of late to have to deal with whatever
your issues are, too.�
Saying, so, Ryoga gave a huge swing of his bamboo
umbrella, dashing after the whirling missile which
Shampoo instinctively ducked. �Gotcha!� he grinned,
grabbing her in a bear hug. She struggled but her
effort may as well have been a token gesture for
her lack of progress. �Now you�re going to tell
me exactly why you�re contriving to pile more crap
onto the garbage heap that�s been my existence as
of late.�
�Amazon womans rather die than give in to-� she
blinked as a heavy weight smacked the demon�s jaw.
Taking full advantage of the distraction, she drove
a knee forward with enough force to make every man
who had gathered to watch the naked chick� the battle,
wince in sympathy.
Ryoga fell to the pavement clutching the Hibiki Jewels,
amidst wails of horror from the male spectators. Any
harder, he thought, and they�d have been as lost as
the rest of the family.
Shampoo gulped deeply, as she got back her breath.
She scanned the area for her anonymous benefactor.
He couldn�t be here, could he?
Cries of �He can�t be human!� and �Maybe its just a
really ugly chick!� alerted Shampoo that her fight
was far from over.
Snarling furiously, Ryoga slowly got back to his
vertical base, using his umbrella to prop himself
up. �THAT,� he roared savagely, �WAS NOT A
SMART MOVE!�
Aura writhing wildly, he levelled eerily glowing eyes
on the Amazon.
Champion or no, Shampoo knew when she was outmatched.
Desperately seeking distraction, she pointed behind
him, exclaiming,
�Look, there a naked woman there!�
�I AM _AWARE_ OF THAT!� he growled.
�Oh� bye!� and with that she fled through the city
streets, the bandanna-wearing demon in hot pursuit.
-----
�If I recall correctly,� thought Mousse aloud over
the din of approaching police sirens, �that guy has
navigational skills that make a lemming look shrewd.�
Shampoo would lose him in no time, he realised. He
could track her down from the trademark trail of
debris whenever he needed to. But first things first.
�So, what�s your name?� asked Mousse of the leashed
nude lady.
-----
She turned, and breathed in relief, seeing that she
had the demon outpaced. Another hundred metres or so
and she could lose him completely. She made to leap
atop a small diner, when something brought her up short,
effectively yanking her back to the earth. As she fell,
Shampoo glanced at the black and yellow cloth locked
around her wrist. He had tethered her, she realised
as she awkwardly landed on her feet.
�You�re mine, now,� grinned the hellspawn, baring his
inhuman fangs.
�Never!� cried the girl defiantly, futilely trying
to rip at the bandanna. It was like iron!
Ryoga tugged on his line like a determined fisherman
who had caught the feistiest fish in the lake. �You
never beat me, man-demon!� grimaced the girl, as a
tug-of-war ensued.
�Hey, I know you Amazons have the this girl-power
thing going on, but man-demon?!� retorted the boy as
he pulled.
�Is what you are!� countered Shampoo, dragging back.
�What I am,� hissed Ryoga, giving the cloth a mighty
heave, �is royally pissed off!� Shampoo screamed as
she was jerked bodily from the ground, careening over
her angry aggressor and behind a nearby takoyaki stall.
Ryoga peered around himself intently. �Where did you
go!?� he demanded, in his ire forgetting the bandanna
still wrapped about his forearm. �I�ll find you!� he
promised taking off down the street, an unwilling
companion in tow. Neither noticed when the buildings
gave way to forest.
-----
Mousse bounded across the roofs of Tokyo, patiently
awaiting a response from his cargo.
�Yoshiko, you say?� pondered Mousse when the girl
finally gave her answer.
-----
Shampoo gulped at the demon�s latest bellowed
promise of pain. She had become very confused when
she gathered her bearings enough to realise that
she was in the wilderness. The city they had fought
in was nowhere on the horizon. As worried as this made
her, she was frightened to call out for fear the beast
would go through with his threats. She was taking
enough punishment as things were, being dragged
roughly through all manner of extreme environments
by her oblivious tormentor. He may not have had the
girl�s speed, but his stamina appeared endless.
After another twenty minutes of unremitting abuse,
she could take no more.
�You stop!� she called out. �Am right here!�
�Huh?� muttered the fanged boy, abruptly halting.
Shampoo dropped to the ground with relief. He
turned, and grinned nastily. �So there you are.�
He stepped grimly towards her prone form. �I don�t
know how you�ve hidden from me,� he said grabbing
at his umbrella, fighting off a sweat drop when he
saw the bandanna still attached to his wrist, �but
for all the crap you�ve put me through, you shall
pay!� He raised the umbrella, glad the girl didn�t
whimper in fear, lest he lose his nerve to chastise
her. Strangely, not only did she seem unafraid, but
she was chuckling sinisterly�
He looked up, and couldn�t help but laugh resignedly
at the three dozen Amazon women levelling their
weapons at him.
-----
Still puzzled as to why the demon would transport
her back to the one place she would be safe from him,
Shampoo entered her home to find her great-grandmother
perched upon a stool in the main room. The antediluvian
Amazon turned her large eyes on the girl, and shook
her head.
�So you _are_ back, Granddaughter. I had hoped that
Xun-Daofu was mistaken��
�Great-Grandmother,� began the girl questioningly.
�Are you not happy to see me?� she asked, somewhat
hurt at the cold reception.
�At any other time, dear,� replied the old woman.
�Xun-Daofu also mentioned that you had returned
with a �demon� in tow. Care to elaborate?�
Despite the abrupt change in subject, Shampoo
nonetheless answered with enthusiasm.
�Certainly! I first encountered it here in Qinghai.
But it stalked me all the way to Japan, and brought
me here during a battle in a city there called Tokyo.�
Her ancestor nodded slowly.
�So I take it that this �demon� is not the man you
were bound to return with as your husband?�
�Of course not, Great-Grandmother! That demon? My
husband is still somewhere� in� Japan� oh no��
�Indeed,� agreed Cologne. �You know of the penalty
for returning unsuccessfully from such an endeavour?�
she asked rhetorically. Shampoo bowed her head in
stoic acceptance. �We shall pay a visit to the Pools
tomorrow. But first,� she motioned with her cane,
�let�s take a look at this �demon� you�ve brought
with you.�
-----
�So, he made no effort to resist?� asked Cologne,
as she made her way to the guardhouse.
�None, Elder,� answered Xun-Daofu. �He just came
willingly, laughing in own language about the universe
conspiring against him, or something to that effect.
It was very strange.� She opened a door and led the
multi-centenarian and her descendent to the
outsider�s cell. �Here he is,� indicated the
guardswoman, stopping at a barred area.
The Matriarch peered into the cell, assessing the
contentedly snoozing figure on the floor. Even
sleeping, his aura was strong, and she may have
perceived what was a lingering curse of some sort,
but there was no question as to his nature.
�Shampoo,� said the old woman exasperatedly,
�_this_ is your demon?�
�Yes?� answered the girl hesitantly at the dubious tone
in the gravely voice.
�I think you had better explain everything to me,
dear,� she suggested, rubbing at her temples.
As her Great-Grandchild�s story unfolded, Cologne�s
headache grew.
-----
Ryoga awoke from a wonderful dream involving Ranma,
Ukyo and a loofah, to a rather less pretty sight. A
person-shaped raisin was eyeing him. He instantly
got to his feet, recoiling in horror.
�What the!?� blubbered Ryoga.
The incredibly wrinkled but apparently human figure
rolled her eyes.
�Young man,� she spoke in Japanese, �I understand
that my great-granddaughter,� she indicated the
chagrined looking purple-haired girl beside her in
the cell, �and you have had several misunderstandings
since you first happened upon one another.� He
raised an eyebrow, nodding warily. �And during one
of these misunderstandings, while operating under
the premise that you were a hellspawned demon,� the
old woman glared at her scion, whose abashed
expression never left the floor, �she offered you
a boon of the Joketsuzoku in exchange for information,
which you provided.�
Scanning his memory, Ryoga affirmed her account.
�You are a martial artist, are you not?� she
asked.
�Yeah, I am,� he answered. �What�s that got to do
with anything?�
�If I taught you a most powerful technique, would
you consider this boon fulfilled?�
�You, old lady?� sniggered Ryoga. �You can�t be serious?�
�As as heart attack,� she grinned forebodingly.
�I could instruct you in a manoeuvre that could
allow you destroy the very walls of this building,
or the bars of this cell.�
�I could do that with my hands,� snorted Ryoga. The
old woman scrutinised him intently, her eyes
narrowing.
�Yes,� she agreed. �I imagine you could.� Her staff
blurred and the boy flew into the cell wall,
crashing through all the way to the outside. A
large section of the ceiling cascaded atop him.
�Elder, is something the matter?� inquired a guard
as she and others ran to the cell.
�Nothing to worry about,� answered the old woman as
the foreign boy surfaced, grumbling, but unharmed
from the rubble. She stroked her chin. Teaching the
Bakusai Tenketsu would be pointless, this boy already
possessing the toughness the hideous training regimen
provided. �Almost like something Happi would do, �
the woman mused.
-----
On a mountain face in Japan, lightning flashed, and
the last spirit ward precariously hanging from a
boulder finally fell away.
-----
�You shall wait here until our return,� Cologne
directed the muscular lad. �I will ruminate on the
appropriate technique in which to train you while
Shampoo, my grandson and I journey to Jusenkyo.�
�Whatever,� drawled Ryoga. �Sure, you might be
strong, but that doesn�t mean you�ve anything to
teach me. Don�t bother hurrying back from - Did
you say �Jusenkyo�!?�
-----
Cologne smacked her palm against her forehead as
surveyed the boy�s progress. He was indeed proving
remarkably adept at understanding any technique
with which she presented him. However, each proved
more superfluous to the boy than the last. Right
now, her descendents and she were resting in a
clearing, still a day from Jusenkyo, while she
goggled as the boy got lost in a dozen places in
the vicinity at once.
She decided that the Splitting Cat Hairs technique
wouldn�t be appropriate either.
-----
Shampoo gulped as the springs came into view. She
stared hatefully at the boy in their group, feeling
that this �Ryoga� was directly responsible for the
terror she now felt. But Great-Grandmother had
forbade her to attack him, or even to let him to
get lost since they had left the village. If only
she hadn�t said what she had about the boon. How
was she to know he�d ever be in a position to
collect it? Or that her Great-Grandmother would
honour a deal made with a demon? If only he _had_
been a demon. One ritual execution in the village
centre later, and not only would she have been
forgiven returning without the hand of her husband
or head of her rival, but she�d have been revered
amongst the village.
Only one other living Amazon had successfully
detained a demon, and she was currently hopping
ahead of Shampoo on her cane. Looking at the Elder
made her think of what was awaiting her. Perhaps
she would be merciful and choose to battle close
to the Nyaniichuan? The girl could only hope. She
regulated her breathing as a girl roughly her age
approached the group, welcoming them to the Cursed
Springs. As she had assumed the Guide would be,
this girl was cordial, civil and -
�I�LL KILL YOU!!!�
- bloodthirsty? The teenage guide had her hands
locked around the throat of the dark-haired boy
and was squeezing with all her might. �_You die!_�
Shampoo could definitely sympathise. Sadly, her
father grabbed the murderous girl and pulled her
away from the passive Ryoga.
�That�s enough of that, young lady,� he instructed
sternly. She reacted by stretching her arms as far
as they could go in the Japanese boy�s direction,
making various emphatic strangling motions.
�Its okay. She didn�t hurt me,� he commented in
unfeigned nonchalance.
�Aaaargh!� she screamed again, breaking from her
father�s grasp in a sudden rush of adrenalin. She
produced a knife and drove it as hard at Ryoga�s
torso as her arms would allow.
�Hey!� complained the boy. �I liked that shirt!�
The girl stared at the twisted and broken blade in
her palm, and then back at the bane of her existence.
She looked like she might hyperventilate. Her face
scrunched up ominously as her lungs inflated�
�WAAAAAHHHH! I HATE YOU! I WISH I�D NEVER
MET YOU!�
Shampoo and her father blinked in stereo as the girl
dashed away in tears, not stopping until she reached
the lone hut in the valley, slamming the door behind
her. Moments later, the door reopened, and girl
half the other�s age stepped out and met the group
apologetically.
�Forgive us, Honoured Customers, but Father is
very emotional right now.�
�Father?!� repeated two of the three Amazons. She
nodded.
�Is very tragic story. I can answer any questions
you need to know about the Springs, Honoured
Customers.�
�Can you direct us to the Nyaniichuan?� asked the
unusually reticent Cologne of the little girl.
Shampoo was cheering inside.
�Aiyah, its very dangerous to go near the
Nyaniichuan!�
�Don�t worry, little one,� she soothed her, �I
just need to know where it is in order to avoid
it.� The cheering became somewhat muted. �Hmm,�
frowned the old woman. �Its seems, dear, that you
have another customer besides us.� The others
present peered about until a cloaked and hooded
figure appeared over a natural incline in the land
near the pools. The tall man approached the group
without hesitance, confidence in his stride.
�Is one of you the Guide?� he asked without
introduction. The little girl piped up.
�That�s me for the time being, Honoured Customer.�
The man pulled back his hood, revealing a face that
despite the dubious expression it wore made Shampoo
blink twice. He was gorgeous!
�You can�t be serious?� he replied looking to the
others. They all nodded, confirming the little girl�s
assertion. �I see.�
�How can I help, Honoured Sir?�
�I�m searching for something,� he supplied.
�Something vital. Something of more significance
in the grand scheme of my life than anything else
one could fathom��
���
�Well?!� prompted all else present, hanging on his
words. He considered all in the group, seemingly
deciding something. He leaned in closer and said,
�Mind your own business.�
Three generations of the same family simultaneously
facefaulted.
Ryoga didn�t face fault, busy wondering where he
had seen the stranger before. Strangely, an image
of a speedo popped into the forefront of his mind
when he did so. Casting such a horrid mental
picture out, he focused on the true reason he had
accompanied the Amazons to Jusenkyo. Ukyo's
cure was lost, but that didn�t mean he couldn�t
get her some more. So he paid attention as
the little girl directed the old crone to the
Nyaniichuan, as the close-mouthed newcomer
seemed unwilling to divulge his business in
their presence.
He followed the pair to the unassuming looking spring,
setting his pack beside him on the ground. When the
ancient Amazon got within three metres of the pool,
she nodded silently. She turned to her
Great-Granddaughter.
�Shampoo, follow!� she commanded, as she leaped
onto the pole jutting from a pool quite a distance
away from the Spring of Drowned Girl. Shampoo
nodded as her father bid her to be safe. He
settled down on a rock beside the little girl.
It took three leaps but Shampoo soon faced off
against her ancestor above the accursed Pools
of Sorrow. �Shampoo!� the Elder declared, �You've
broken our laws and disgraced our tribe. You must
be trained again!�
�Yes, Great-Grandmother.�
�Here I come!�
The battle was hard fought, skilful and very, very
brief, as Shampoo careened into a pool not far
from where the young girl and Shampoo�s father sat.
�My daughter!� cried the man.
�The Maoniichuan,� provided the de facto guide,
unbidden. �In Jusenkyo, there is a very tragic
legend of a cat that drowned in a spring eighteen
hundred years ago. Now whoever falls� into� the spring�
takes� the body of��
�What�s wrong?� asked Shampoo as she emerged noisily
from the spring. The silence was deafening. �What are
you all looking at?�
-----
Although they�d quickly readjusted to having the yatai
with them again, the travelling martial artists were
loathe to manoeuvre the okonomiyaki cart into the
heavily wooded forest. One that apparently concealed
a famous male martial artists� training ground.
Genma agreed with his charges that getting the bulky
cart through the omnipresent florae wouldn�t be worth
the bother. His reasoning being that the ground�s
location was tightly kept secret only available to
true masters of the art. As such, potential customers
would be meagre. The teenagers deigned not to mention
the peculiarity of a famous training ground being a
secret.
This last stretch before Tokyo, while not having been
the most eventful, was certainly the most rigorous.
The cursed youths� sensei had decided that his students
had both finally attained a level sufficient for him
to begin to _truly_ train them.
While not exactly the most arrogant duo, Ranma Saotome
and Ukyo Kuonji certainly did not want for confidence
in their own abilities. Their mutual dismissive scoffs
at Panda-chan�s declaration were however, soon to be
replaced with mutual groans of pain, as Genma quite
handily wiped the floor with each of them. The stocky
man had apparently gotten over his odd inability
to battle his own child, the one that they�d
noticed in China. The pair wondered at how such
a powerful martial artist could completely transform
into a snivelling coward under the correct
circumstances. They were beginning to suspect
that their sensei had more layers than he had
ever let on.
Nonetheless, this situation was �bread and
butter� Genma Saotome.
It was a male training ground they were
approaching. This coupled with the need to guard
the yatai, Genma had naturally declared that his
manly son and he head onward, while Ukyo remained
with the cart. Perhaps setting up roadside and
take advantage of the irregular halt in their
wandering.
The smallest member of the group had adopted a
withered expression.
�Give it a rest, Pop,� she groaned. �Even with
this manliness shtick, I don�t see how I,� she
pointed a thumb at her chest �am gonna fit in
at a male only dojo, or whatever this place is.�
She nodded to her recently splashed fianc�. �Take
Ucchan, and I�ll set up the grill back on the trail.
See if I can�t earn us some spending money.�
�Watch yourself, Sugar,� bid the cursed chef,
absently flicking his thick, dark braid. He
turned toward the foliage ahead of them at Ranma�s
smiling nod. Ukyo unsheathed a spatula and began
cutting his way through the plant life.
�What sort of man sends a girl in his place to
train?� complained Genma, as he slowly followed.
�The sort of man that turns into a girl who
happens to have a girl that turns into a guy
handy,� she replied after him, easily.
Damn, grumbled Genma silently. The boy has
gotten far too comfortable with this curse
of his. Oh well, in in six months or so, if
all went to plan, which was unquestionable, it
would be a non-issue. If he played his cards
right, he could even get a lot more out of this
than he had originally intended. Best of all,
everything could be resolved in such a fashion
as to keep all involved happy. That this would
prevent taking it out of Genma�s hide when they
eventually surpassed him, down the line, didn�t
even come into it. Nope, not at all.
-----
Ranma frowned as she let the batter sizzle
on the griddle. Although the trail appeared
fairly well-travelled, (the girl rolling her
eyes at the large sign that read �Super Secret
Kunoichi Hiding Place -->�), she�d only
encountered a single customer in two hours.
And he�d been lost. She was cooking the modern
�yaki before her, more from boredom than hunger.
Unlike Ucchan, she couldn't so easliy get lost in
her cooking. Ranma supposed her friend had a
naturally affinity for the activity that she lacked.
If there was anything worthwhile to be learned
at the ground, she imagined Ukyo would let her know.
If so, she�d just have to return when she could
finally get her hands on a second dragon�s
whisker. Sacrifices in the name of the art were
all well and good, but Ranma was somewhat vainly
attached to her hair, and she preferred to keep
it attached to herself. Humming, she nonchalantly
plucked a fallen leaf from her gi.
The little redhead was listlessly flipping the
grilled dish when she screeched, thumbs, index
and pinkie fingers extended as a figure melted
form the forest to appear directly before the
cart. Taking in the figure�s garb and entrance,
Ranma adopted a defensive stance (grudgingly
conceding to herself that she was lucky that
she was wearing a sports bra). She faced off
against a ninja who� slobbered unashamedly at
the sight of the steaming �yaki on the grill. A
second look showed Ranma an almost emaciated looking
girl donned in hand-me-down suit, with various
white patches sewn where the dark red material
had worn away threw age and wear. Despite her
current gender, Ranma had enough teenage boy
left in her to note that despite the girl�s
undignified and malnourished appearance, she
was very attractive. More so even, than Ranma
herself, she adjudged, stabbing down an unsettling
surge of jealousy.
Seeing as her company had yet to shift her gaze
from the pancake, and quickly assessing the
unlikelihood of the girl having the capacity to
pay, Ranma asked rather lamely, �Uh, you hungry?�
No response. Ranma sweat, as the ninja-girl
continued to drool. �Er, you can have that if
you wan-�
�Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!� she gasped
swallowing the meal in a single gulp. Shaking her
head as though waking from a trance, the girl swiftly
prostrated herself before the yatai. �Thank you
for your kindness, miss,� she blubbered gratefully,
�I am indebted to you.�
�No, no, no, its free!� Ranma waved her hands
frantically. With her luck, she wouldn�t be
surprised if� �Er, say, does your clan by any
chance have a rule demanding the death of any
outsider who sells you any cabbage-based snacks
on Fridays?�
�Free?� repeated the tall girl in awe, not
hearing the question. �Really!?� she exclaimed,
and Ranma blinked as a blur quickly began
stripping the yatai of all its foodstuffs.
�Hey! Wait a minute, I meant that one okonomiyaki,
not EVERYTHING!� The ninja flushed in embarrassment.
�Oh, I�m dreadfully sorry!� she apologised.
�Then why are you _still_ eating!?�
-----
�So Pop, you never did tell us how you heard
about this place,� prompted Ukyo as he kept pace
with the older man. Genma frowned. He had never
been to this training ground before, but it was
listed as a �hotspot� in a certain demon�s training
manual that the bulky man had come into possession
of a few years back.
The part-time panda �hmphed�, playing the
all-knowing sensei card for the moment.
�Experience, my boy. It all comes down to that.
You have to know which grounds will yield the
greatest benefit and selectively tour those with
single-minded vigour.�
�Such as Jusenkyo?� the lad asked dryly.
�Even the best of us is entitled to an odd blip,�
proclaimed Genma casually, as he splashed into a
small puddle. [And I don�t see why you complain.
You�ve added strength and stamina in your current
state, boy.]
�So do you, Pop,� he countered, �and yet you
haven�t been exactly jumping for joy at being a
panda.�
[Alright, mistakes were made], conceded the sign
lazily. [But I�ve a good feeling about this place],
announced Genma as their destination loomed before
them. The pair came to a stop and took in the
building. Favouring the panda with a glare cold
enough to freeze Bill Gate�s liquid assets, Ukyo
read the large heart-shaped sign aloud,
� �Men�s Training Ground: Sexy Kunoichi
Teashop�� Huh.� Genma chuckled nervously. �Good
feeling about this place, have you?� asked the
chef in a calm tone. Male, he may have presently
been, but there was no question as to where his
sensibilities lay in regards to� this.
Hoping to salvage some modicum of respect from his
pupil, Genma suggested that the external appearance
was simply a ruse to mislead all but the most
determined of martial artists. He dumped a kettle
on himself, declining to offer his companion any
hot water. Ukyo�s glare hardened as he very
reluctantly followed Genma inside the building,
expecting the worst.
Sometimes, even the worst expectations are
optimistic.
A girlishly screaming figure (followed frantically
by Ukyo) fled from three�beings, straight through a
pair of walls and back into the comforting embrace
of the forest.
-----
�Listen, its alright,� explained the redhead,
wearily. The seemingly weak-willed girl, was
strangely resolute in her assertion that she
owed Ranma greatly.
�But I must pay you back for you generosity,�
insisted the kunouchi. She was still bowing
before the yatai.
�Geez, you don�t have to do that,� she complained
exasperatedly. �Stand up, er... I didn�t get your
name.� The ninja stood with beaming face.
�I am Kunoichi, Konatsu Kenzan. Shinobi indebted
to Miss�,� she trailed off suggestively.
�Oh,� blinked the shorter of the two. �Ranma,�
she supplied.
�Ranma-sama,� breathed the ninja girl in
adoration, as Ranma gulped worriedly. The girl
was levelling her with a worshipful gaze that
was pumping butterflies into her stomach.
�N-now listen, here,� she spluttered. �I um,
already got ah�That is to say, that I�m already�
I mean, er�� Ranma blushed furiously. �Just� D-don�t
be gettin� no ideas.� She looked up to see that she�d
lost her companion�s attention. Konatsu�s hand was on
her weapon, her head tilted to the side. The kunoichi
made a silent hushing gesture and whispered.
�Five people are running through the woods in this
direction.� She turned an intent gaze to the young
Saotome. �Don�t worry, Ranma-sama,� she assured her.
�I�ll make sure nothing happens to - oof!�
The girl�s promise was cut short by the intervention of
an airborne foot. The rest of Ukyo followed,
incidentally driving Konatsu back to the ground.
�Hey, what the,�
�No time!� wheezed Ukyo, unceremoniously throwing
the unresisting redhead over his shoulder. �They�re
coming!� Ranma blinked as her fianc�s terror-filled
shudder sent shivers through both of them.
�What about the girl?� screamed Ranma through the
din of their escape, and Ukyo�s flailing braid..
�What girl do mean, boy?� questioned Genma, furiously
dragging the yatai alongside the pair. Ranma glanced
back at the trail and saw no signs of Konatsu.
�But she was� Weird��
-----
Konatsu was ready to covertly pursue her mistress�
captors when she was abruptly smacked over her prone
skull. Groaning at the familiar pain, she fell to her
knees, lest the following hit be harder. She sighed as
she was thumped a second time, her compliant figure,
falling to the earth. She soon rose to face the three
grotesqueries that were her step-family.
�Konatsu!� growled her gremlin-like step-mother.
�Those two fiends destroyed our tea shop and insulted
our comeliness by running away from us.�
�Imagine questioning our loveliness!� proclaimed the
morbidly obese Koume, through her insanely gargantuan
lips. Her bald head had gone red with enmity.
�Oh, I couldn�t conceive it,� declared Konatsu in
dubiously faux honesty. Her bony sister Koede whacked
her, and shrieked,
�Are you jealous of our beauty?�
�Your beauty? Absolutely not!� the kunoichi answered
genuinely.
After the three pummelled her docile form, Kotet
yelled,
�Get those people who did this to the shop and us!
Do you hear me?� Konatsu shined as she realised she
had a excuse to rescue Ranma that her family condoned.
�And don�t think even think about coming home before
you do!� Little chance of that, she smirked.
�Alright, step-mother!� she announced heartily. �I�ll
go after them this very sec -�
�But first!� intervened Koume. �Get back to the
house and wash the dishes!�
�And scrub the floor!�
�And do the laundry!�
�And clean the -�
Conditioned reflexes kicking in, Konatsu smiled
agreeably as she dutifully went about her tasks.
�Right away, sister! Busy, busy, busy!�
-----
�Could you please put me down now?� grumbled Ranma
as they entered the city proper. Instead of answering,
her fianc� turned to her panting father and asked if
he felt sure that they had lost them. Huffing more
from fear than exertion, Genma shot a glance over his
shoulder and carefully examined his surroundings.
Things were looking up for the scheming Saotome. They
had killed two birds with one stone, reaching their
destination, while escaping from the three windigoes.
He allowed himself a smile. They had finally made it
back to Tokyo. Gradually signalling Ukyo to a halt,
Genma surveyed the expansive metropolis that sprawled
out ahead of him. He took a moment to sample the air
of his birthplace. After choking on the exhaust of a
passing minivan, he laughed.
�Boys! We�re home!� After all these years, his plans
would take their most important step on their way to
fruition.
�You know I was born in Osaka!� complained the chef.
�Right, Ranchan?�
�Could you put me down, please?�
�Details,� waved off Genma. �You�re a Tokyoite from
this day forth, and that�s what�s important.� He
began to contemplate. His old plan to pair up Ukyo
with that Hibiki boy had taken a gut punch at Jusenkyo.
The lost lad had behaved in an increasingly disturbing
manner towards his own son from that point on. He
didn�t even want speculate on the potential outcomes
of such a situation. Genma hoped that they wouldn�t
encounter Ryoga again in the foreseeable future,
especially with his son currently donning that
treacherous soap. Not that he doubted his son�s honour
in that scenario, but it would truly be best for all
concerned if Ranma never even had to consider such a
predicament. He glimpsed askance at the pouting
redhead laid across the strong shoulder of her very
male fianc�. _Definitely_ for the best.
If nothing else good, with his son�s curse had arisen
evidence that little Ukyo seemed quite taken with
Ranma, or rather his girl side. He felt it couldn�t
be coincidence that the levels of affection displayed
between the two had increased so dramatically since
Jusenkyo. With Ranma alone cursed, this would have
presented him with a very difficult conundrum. If
however, as he suspected, Ukyo�s tastes ran in the
�alternative� category, then young chef�s gender
curse granted him a perfect avenue of recourse.
Fate had truly been kind.
Genma grinned an alarmingly wide smile. One that
would have set warning bells ringing in his students�
head if they hadn�t been distracted with one another.
Imagine, not one - but two sons to carry on the
Anything-Goes legacy. He turned to the boys, er,
kids and spoke, �We�ve made good time getting here.�
�Lemme down already!�
�Hush, Ranchan,� drawled the chef, playfully patting
his captive on the rear. �Pops is trying to say
something.�
This was really going to work! Thought Genma joyously.
Oh happy day! He kindly withheld from himself the fact
that Ranma hadn�t complained about the contact. �Pops?�
prompted the chef with an arched eyebrow.
�Huh?� blinked Genma, gathering himself. �Oh yes. As
I was saying, we got here earlier than I expected,�
he motioned toward the city�s skyline. �And I think,
if we make a good pace, we could reach our destination
by the evening.�
�Where _are_ we going , anyway?� questioned the
dark-haired boy, absently shifting his grip on Ranma.
Moving the acquiescent redhead to his other shoulder,
he continued. �You still haven�t told us about this
engagement that was so important, we had to leave
China right away.� From beneath a hooded stare,
Genma spoke an artfully sinister rejoinder.
�Are you telling me you�d rather be back in Qinghai
dealing with that Amazon girl?�
�Good point!� agreed Ukyo nodding vehemently,
drowning out Ranma�s �hussy� comment. Still got
it, smirked Genma at his expert redirection. �But
don�t change the subject,� smirked the chef. �What�s
happening where we�re going?� Damn. He�d have to
work some more on that one. 'Oh well', he thought
grabbing a strangely convenient pail of water.
Distraction would have only gotten him so far. He
could just outright avoid answering their questions
the rest of the way. It would also give him time to
think of a way to convince the pair to go through
with it. He was certain of his plan�s long-term
success. All he needed was a way to get his
disagreeable charges to initially heed to his wisdom.
The now-panda could admit to himself that his
argumentative skills weren�t his fort�. He nodded
to himself resolutely, as he decided on his method
of persuasion. After all, he thought, reciting one
of his late master�s training slogans, �When nothing
else will work, blackmail is the only honourable
option.�
Ukyo quickly recovered from his discomfiture at his
guardian panda-fying himself, entreating, �At least
tell us WHERE we�re going.�
Genma decided to throw the pair a bone. After all,
the �where� wasn�t the problem, but the �what�. He
produced a sign displaying the words: [We�re headed
to the Nerima ward, boy. Keep up.]
�Nerima�, pondered Ukyo at the unexpected answer,
increasing his pace to that of the yatai-bearing
panda. Following the swiftly moving Genma into
the endless streets, he mused. Should that name
sound familiar?
�Can I come down yet?�
----
End Chapter 8
----
This story can be found in full at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1795217/1/
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