Disclaimer: I am a thief and a stealer of souls... ^_^;
 
Chapter 4 � Tempting Fate

�Probably took off during the night,� concluded Ukyo. �I suppose we 
can�t  really blame him,� she groused, squinting in the poor light of 
the forest.�Its not as though we haven�t caused him enough bother 
since we showed up at Jusenkyo and all, you think Ranchan?� Her 
fianc�e didn't respond. �Ranchan?�she repeated. He glanced at her, and 
shrugged,
�I guess so.� Ukyo frowned at his noncommital reply. She continued,
�Still, I didn�t think he�d leave us in the cold like this. But it 
probably couldn�t be helped. He did leave his daughter behind at 
Jusenkyo after all. But it would have been helpful...� she trailed.
[Ha!] read the sign presented by the awakening Genma. [We didn�t need the 
Guide to get us out of here.] The board turned. [I�m more than enough to 
lead us out of this mess.] Ukyo began to grow angry when he proffered 
another sign. [That�s why I sent him home last night.] He held the sign 
and nodded. [You two should be grateful.] She fumed when he produced a 
final sign. [We can consider this whole experience to be training.] He 
turned and she could just make out the small writing on the other side 
of the wood: [Just glad its not my skin she wants.]
The sign fell away in several pieces, as Genma dodged theirate chef�s 
spatula. She pursued.Unusually groggy from sleep, theelder Saotome was 
unable to maintain his evasion long. He took the flat of Ukyo�s blade 
fully on his crown.
�That�s for sending the Guide away without thinking,� she admonished, 
and then smacked his prone form a second time. �And that�s for caring 
only about your own worthless butt when Ranchan is the one in danger.� 
She brought down her spatula in one final noisy thud. �And that�s for 
using those dumb signs when you�re not even a panda!�
Genma, remarkably shaking off the effects of the beating, held up another 
sign,
[You sure about that, boy?] Ukyo scrunched up her face as she considered 
the large martial artist before her. Ukyo cursed mildly, aimed as much at 
the panda as it was at the drizzle that had just soaked through his 
clothes.
He turned to his freshly female fianc�e,brows scrunchingonce moreat 
herpeculiar reticence. �You okay, Ranchan?� he inquired. The girl slowly 
craned her neck topeer at the dull sky through the thick canopy.
�Fine, Ukyo,� she answered.Her tone indicated otherwise. The brunet 
imagined that having a death warrant recently placed on one's head could
somewhat detract from from one's spiritedness. Yet, Ranma's behaviour 
seemed unlike that of a condemned individual. It almost reminded him of 
Tsubasa's early behaviour around Ryoga. Before the crossdresser had really 
flown off the handle.
And when had been the last time that Ranma had directly addressed her as
'Ukyo'?
A deadly 'twang' cut through his contemplation. He swung his battle 
spatula in a wide arc, intercepting the arrow that had been on course 
for Ranma�s torso. Ukyo smiled when he noticedthat the redhead was 
standing a distance from where she had been crouched. She would have 
dodged anyway. They spied rustling in a clump of bushes in the direction
from which the arrow had flown.
�Come out!� Demanded Ukyo reaching for his second spatula.He held it 
defensively, using the other to motion at the forest.�We all see you.� 
Or rather, Ukyo and Ranma did. Genma was in parts unknown.
Gradually the anticipated lavender-haired individual emerged from the 
scenery, holding a bow with an arrow nocked... Which she loosed without 
ceremony. Ukyo sighed gladly when Ranma didn�t try to showboat and pluck 
the arrow form the air, choosing instead to roll out of harm�s way. 
�Ranchan! You alright?� she asked with concern.
�Like I said; just fine, Ukyo,� she replied as mechanically as before, 
while her would-be killer was readying another arrow.
�Stop already!� screamed Ukyo at the girl, before she could fire off a 
third projectile. For a wonder, she did, lowering her bow and flinging 
away her arrow. �Huh?� blinked the chef, glancing at Ranma, who 
maintained a ready stance, shrugging back. �What do you want?�asked the 
chef oftheir attacker, immediately realising how stupid a question it
was. He balked as the Amazon dropped her weapon and began moving towards 
them. Ukyo blinked as Ranma stepped nearer to him, almostpossessively. 
The apparently unarmed Chinese girl pausedfive metresfrom the pair.
�Husband,� she said to Ukyo in a very thickly accented voice, as though 
the word had only just been learned. �You come back with Shampoo, now.�
�Like hell she will!� snarled Ranma hotly. �She is my fianc�!� Ukyo�s 
eyes widened at the forceful declaration. So he wasn�t misremembering...
�Ranchan...?� he asked. Ranma looked up at him intently, somehow also 
keeping an eye on the Amazon, until her determination shifted into 
confusion.
�Wait a minute,� demanded the redhead,��Shampoo�?� she repeated 
dubiously.
The Amazon frowned, then pointed to herself announcing,
�Shampoo. Is wife.� She pointed to the chef. �Ucchan. Is husband.� 
Finally she directed a look at Ranma. Her eyes narrowed as she said, 
�Ranchan. Is obstacle,� before producing a butterfly sword from... 
somewhere, diving at the redhead.
�Stop!� cried Ukyo moving to parry the blade�s strike. He didn�t have to. 
Shampoo had stopped in mid-swing, and stood staring at Ukyo. �W-why did 
you stop?� he flustered. Ranma meanwhile had made no attempt to move, and 
continued to glare at the Amazon with animosity burning coldly in her 
blue eyes. The Amazon, Shampoo, pondered over the question for a minute, 
seemingly planning out the answer in her head. Eventually she explained,
�Where husband from, wife obey. Shampoo obey until break Ucchan-husband 
in. Then he be proper Amazon husband.� Ukyo considered the implications 
of this for a moment, before coming to a conclusion.
�Alright, �Shampoo�,� he promulgated, �as your husband,� Ranma gasped, 
�I command you to remain here and not follow us. I also command you not 
to try to hurt Ranchan.�
�No,� came the succinct reply. Ukyo was perturbed.
�But... you just said - �
�This Shampoo cannot do. No kill woman what defeat Amazon woman big 
dishonour. No marry man what defeat Amazon woman biggest dishonour.� 
The girl proclaimed this with a finality. Ukyo realised wasn�t she going 
to budge on the matter. But the girl had obeyed his earlier command not 
to attack Ranma. What was different? Of course. Deepening his voice as 
much as he could, he intoned in a slightly squeaky falsetto,
�Shampoo! As your husband, I command you not to try to hurt Ranchan in 
the foreseeable future. I also command you to remain here when Ranchan and 
I leave, and not to try to track us for a week, alright?� he finished 
weakly. Ukyo was worried that the Amazon would be as stubborn as before, 
and felt this fear validated when the girl's brows knotted, and muttered,
�What �foreseeable�?�
The chef sighed in relief.
�It means 'for a long time'.�
Shampoo considered this, and came to a decision.
�Is okay. Shampoo obey husband.� Ukyo cheered inwardly. �But soon,� she 
smiled,�Shampoo break husband in. Then it no matter.�As the sentence had 
finished the girl had glomped onto Ukyo. She looked at him smokily as 
Ranma grit her teeth and raised her fist. �Wo ai ni,� she breathed 
silverly, before releasing the chef, and smirking at Ranma, who looked 
about ready to pummel her. Considering that said girl was emanating a 
battle aura redder than her hair, Ukyo felt it prudent that they should 
leave sooner rather than later.
o-o-o
At last! He�d been travelling for three days before he came across his 
pack, concealed beneath some shrubs where he surmised they had camped 
several nights earlier. The famished boy tucked greedily into his 
supplies. Only visions of redheads and okonomiyaki chefs had nourished 
him the past few nights. With food now in his belly, the same visions 
drove him to strive onward.
As Ryoga trudged across the sodden earth, he contemplated the position 
in which he�d found himself. How could he love two girls? Any lingering 
doubt that Ranma was now a girl had been swept away by her most womanly 
reaction to that pervert who had tried to molest her by the stream.
Ah, Ranma, with her glittering azure eyes, her dazzling smile, her 
elfin face, her lithe, well built... Ryoga�s eyes glazed over. But what 
of Ukyo! With her earthy humour, her smooth, lovely face, her flowing 
dark hair, her long curvaceous...He wiped away drool.
o-o-o
~Doesn�t this seem somehow... malapropos?~
~Whatever could you mean?~
o-o-o
Ranma, a paragon of feminity and grace! Ukyo, with her unique bubbly 
exuberance and beauty!
The angel and the nymph. How could he choose?
Why couldn�t he have them both!
o-o-o
~Fix it.~ 
~Killjoy.~
~Now!~
o-o-o
What the hell was he thinking? Of course he couldn�t have them both. 
That would be immoral, right? And Ryoga Hibiki wasn�t immoral. He dashed
away some thoughts that threatened to disprove this, as he continued on 
his lonely trek.
Much later, Ryoga spied a single hut standing on a nearby hill. He 
reluctantly ceased his ruminations on how to maneuver two girls into a 
three-way relationship. After all, it would only be immoral if the other 
two didn't know about one another.A thin stream of smoke attested to the
cabin's occupancy. Perhaps he could ask for directions? He plodded 
haggardly up the gentle slope, and knocked.
�Oh, honoured customer,� exclaimed the Guide in surprise. �Welcome back 
to Jusenkyo!�
o-o-o
It had been four days since they�d left behind Shampoo, and three since 
they�d been rejoined by Pop. His forays into cowardice had long since 
lost their shock value on his two students. This however, didn�t prevent 
a most unpleasant (for Genma, at least) display of their displeasure 
upon his reappearance.
Ranma had reacted as Ukyo expected when Pops strolled nonchalantly back 
into camp the morning after they encountered the Amazon. Since then he 
had been oddly detached from conversation. As they didn�t stop to 
periodically heat the kettle - wanting to put as much ground as 
possible between them and Shampoo that head start would allow - this 
left Ukyo with nobody to talk to. Save a grumpy, sign-wielding panda. 
She was beginning to feel decidedly grumpy herself; her nascent 
annoyance at Ranma�s laconic responses to her attempts to begin 
conversation, growing by the day.
He had been so open that night after they�d called the truce. Just 
enjoying one another�s company, and discussing things that didn�t 
pertain to the associated subjects of martial arts or food. They had 
always gotten along, like buddies do. They�d never gotten along like 
that.
It had continued on into the next day, when they�d arrived at Joketsuzoku. 
After accidentally eating the first prize, Ukyo had defeated Shampoo 
with that same technique they had sparred in the night before. The chef 
had turned back to the table to see Ranma giving her (well, him at the 
time) a thumbs-up. Ukyo had never been so pleased to receive someone�s 
approval as she had then. And then Ranma had smiled at her. That moment
had seemed to freeze. Ranma and she had shared the beginnings of 
something that they never had before. Something Ukyo had always hoped 
they could one day share.
Naturally, something had happened to interrupt. She only recalled a 
fragmented account of the following events. According to the Guide, 
she�d been given the Kiss of Marriage by the Amazon; a pledge that 
Shampoo would track her (him) to the ends of the earth and return with 
Ukyo as her husband.
The chef realised that Ranma had challenged Shampoo, naming Ukyo her 
fianc�e. This recollection actually made Ranchan�s attitude over the 
past few days even more irksome.
When Ukyo regained cognizance, it had been to Ranma�s concerned face. 
That moment had been spoiled by an infuriating reaction by that new 
body. And before anything could be said, the Guide had a hold on them, 
moving like a man possessed, for their sakes.
Thinking more on it, it hadn�t been after Shampoo had attacked three 
days ago that Ranma had began acting coolly; it was after they�d left 
the village. However, the second incident with the girl seemed to have 
caused Ranma to distance himself further that before, something which 
Ukyo failed to understand. He�d been adamant about his engagement with 
Shampoo, yet remained somewhat cold to the subject of the engagement 
herself. Ukyo resolved to unravel this. If for nothing else, because it 
annoyed the ever-loving hell out of her.
o-o-o
The three martial artists rose to the pitter-patter of rainfall. Having 
gone to sleep in their cursed forms, this day promised them no respite. 
By unspoken agreement, they deigned not to train that morning. The dire 
weather seemed a match for the group�s mood. Ukyo began sleepily making 
breakfast, but reduced the servings when she saw Pops idly helping 
himself to a nearby cluster of bamboo.
Ranma sat down in her oversized gi, and wordlessly took a proffered bowl. 
They ate in rain sodden silence for a few minutes, Ukyo keeping his 
growing ire calm, giving himself time to fully wake up. When he felt 
ready, he quietly demanded, �Spill it. Now.� Ranma frowned, eyeing her 
dish.
�But I wanna eat it
�Oh, ha ha.� Commented Ukyo. �Its likeyousaid, Ranma,� he paused, noting 
the girl's eyes widen when Ukyo dropped her pet name.�You don�t hang 
around somebody for a year, or in this case, ten years, and not learn 
anything about them. So �fess up,� he demanded again. �What�s eating you?�
Looking away, the girl brushed at imagined dirt on her gi, muttering,
�I don�t know what you mean,� in the same maddening tone she�d been 
using for days. Fighting to keep growing ire under control, Ukyo 
ploughed onward.
�You�ve been, for want of a better term, moping about ever since we 
left Joketsuzoku.� Ukyo saw she flinched at �moping�. A hit; a fine 
hit! �And you�ve been even sulkier since Shampoo attacked us.� Ranma 
flinched again. �So, I ask you again: what is the problem? I mean, your 
fretting about is costing us time on Shampoo. You want her to catch us?� 
he asked rhetorically. Ranma placed the dish down and stood, still 
looking away, and mumbled,
�Yeah, like you�d hate that so much.� She moved away, leaving behind a 
thoroughly addled okonomiyaki chef. One who hadn't missed the pout on 
Ranma�s face.
'What had that got to do with any...' Ukyo�s hand flew to his mouth in 
a little gasp. Ranma was...she was...he was... Two emotions warred in 
Ukyo�s head at this realisation. One of them was gross irritation. The 
other, something quite different. The latter feeling won out, as 
burgeoning smile appeared behind his hand. He lowered it, to see that 
the reaction tohis new understading had not gone unnoticed by Ranma. 
The girl quickly looked away, and made a show of casually staring into 
the distance.
Ranma glanced surreptitiously at Ukyo, to see him staring right back at 
her, sporting a grin like the cat that ate the canary. Ranma didn�t 
know that she liked that grin. In fact, she was certain she didn�t. 
Yet, the unwavering expression lifted her spirits. Ranma grinned to 
herself. The redhead felt better than she had since Joketsuzoku. Her 
smile faded a bit at that thought. Ucchan�s grin remained.
o-o-o
�Sorry to bother you, but could you tell me where I...�
The current Guide had worked at Jusenkyo for twenty-five years. In that
quarter of a century of dealing with choleric cursed victims, ignorant 
customers, arrogant Amazons, and the just plain crackers Musk; he had 
developed a level of patience that would shame a saint on Prozac. 
However, this...boy, was beginning to test it.
�Honoured customer,� moaned the Guide languidly, �You in Jusenkyo last 
time. You in Jusenkyo time before that. You still in Jusenkyo, sir!� 
The boy in the bandanna looked around.
�Are you sure? I was certain that this time I...�
�Yes sir. I sure,� answered the Guide more calmly than he felt. It began
to rain and the uniformed man sighed. �Please come in, sir. I make 
dinner, then I lead you out of cursed springs,� again, he thought 
resignedly.
o-o-o
It was still raining when the Guide began to lead the martial artist 
out of Jusenkyo anew. Deciding to lead him to a different exit in hopes 
that he wouldn�t find his way back again, the Guide and the umbrella-
sporting boy tread close to several of the springs. They were passing by 
one particular pool when a sharp gust of wind caused a little earth to 
shift on a nearby rocky hillside.
With the earth, shifted some small pebbles, or more specifically, some 
small load-bearing pebbles. The small stones careened down the hillside 
followed closely by more than half a dozen head-sized rocks, on a 
trajectory to land in a certain pool.
Ryoga�s danger sense kicked in as several stones splashed into the pool 
to his left. Instinctively, he brought his umbrella down to block the 
spray. He was wet enough as it was.
He turned back to the Guide, who was staring at him in shocked relief. 
�Sir, you is very lucky customer! That is very cursed spring.� Ryoga 
frowned as the Guide began reciting the �too too tragic tale� of some 
animal that had drowned in the pool twelve hundred years ago. �Is 
terrible, sir.�
�No need to worry,� instructed the Lost Boy. �It wasn�t as though I was 
going to fall in,� he pointed out. The Guide regarded him as though he�d 
just asked what colour blue was.
�Uh, sir. Water splash enough cause curse,� he informed the boy. Ryoga 
blinked twice, then turned in horror. Skin crawling, he asked,
�You mean I was nearly cursed by the Spring of...?
�Drowned Orang-utan, sir. Is very cursed spring!� Ryoga nodded mutely 
in full agreement.
�To think, I could have been...� he gulped.
'Wait a minute,' he thought. If one only needs to be splashed, then 
Ryoga could get some �Drowned Girl� spring water for Ukyo. How happy 
she�d be when he arrived and cured her! Then she�d thank him, and... 
they could finally go out on their date! (Though he�d have to keep it 
secret from Ranma. He wouldn�t want to hurt her feelings.) But this was 
perfect! �Where is the Spring of Drowned Girl?� asked Ryoga intently.
�Here sir, is Nyannichuan: Spring of Drowned Girl,� announced the 
uniformed man, after leading the muttering figure to the correct pool. 
The boy nodded absently, and produced a flask from his backpack. 
Emptying the contents on the ground, he asked,
�Will this hold enough to curse someone?� His concern growing, but 
still having a job to do, the Guide nodded nervously.
Ryoga knelt cautiously by the spring�s edge and carefully lowered the 
flask�s opening into the water. He filled it almost completely, his 
hand never touching the surface. Standing, he sealed the container, 
and turned to face the Guide, a wide smile on his face. �Now I�ll be 
able to cure Ukyo-san,� he said dreamily, more to himself than to his 
companion. He stepped forward, unaware of the protruding root in his path.
�No, sir. You no understand,� warned the Guide. �Spring water, it,� he 
began, stepping closer to Ryoga, only for his foot to fail to find 
purchase on a slick piece of stone beneath him. �Aaiiiyaaa!� he wailed as 
he tumbled inexorably forward.
�Hey, are you okay? Do you need help?� inquired Ryoga from atop the 
Nyannichuan�s bamboo pole. His quick reaction had gotten him away from 
the dangerous splash. A Chinese girl in very oversized green garments 
broke the surface, yelling shrilly.
�No! That it!� shrieked the girl. �You worst customer ever!� she 
admonished, pulling herself from the pool. �You stay hell away!� she 
ordered, moving off as Ryoga looked on.
�Hey,� he called. �What was it you were saying about the water a minute 
ago?� he questioned, still balanced on the pole. The female Guide only 
answered with some muttered Chinese, which Ryoga, with his limited 
knowledge of the language, translated as best he could. �Why would she 
want me to 'go and phone myself'?� he wondered aloud.
o-o-o
~What _was_ that?~
~You were distracted. You didn�t notice that it kept raining?~
~So he had his umbrella ready. And the Guide slipped before he could 
trip on the root. Clever. But why?~
~Considering some of the things you have planned for this guy, does he 
really deserve a curse, too?~
~Undoubtedly.~
~Really? Hell, you even have him infatuated with the Saotome kid.~
~Been working on that.~
~So you�ve come up with something to eliminate his lust for the kid?~ 
~One might say that.~
~One might also say what you�ve come up with.~ Fate did.
~You sick bas... Heh heh. Reflecting on what you just said, do you still
feel he deserves a curse, too?~ 
~Well, he does have some rather glaring character flaws.~
~That�s my department. Well, do you?~
~All right,~ Fate begrudged. ~But if he comes back here again... How 
does the �Hibikinichuan� sound?~
~I�d say overkill.~
~Funny. I�d say just the right amount of kill.~
 
----

Chapter 5 � Gruel Tidings 
 
The small group had been skittish for the last few days, still 
traversing China�s Qinghai Province. Not that they had been prone to 
attack, by bandits or whatnot. The sight of two well built martial 
artists dissuaded all but the most foolhardy of attackers. And having a
seemingly impeccably trained and very large giant panda in their midst 
ensured that their cursed forms didn�t appear vulnerable either. Even 
the knowledge that a certain lavender-haired belle with murderous 
intentions was now on their trails didn�t cause them too much concern. 
Unless Shampoo had wings, she wasn�t going to catch them.
No, what had made the trio wary was the forbidding sensation of dread 
that saturated Ranma and Ukyo�s thoughts for two days now. The two 
young martial artists felt as thought they were walking into some 
unsavory premeditated trap. The younger Saotome in particular was uneasy 
to the degree that were it not for the homicidal Amazon that lay that 
way, he�d head back two days travel and detour around the whole area. 
Despite the overwhelming certainty of impending doom, neither he, nor 
Ukyo had any idea just why they felt so ill at ease.
o-o-o
~I�ve got an idea. You had your way earlier. It�s my turn.~
~I think you're- ~
~Being petty? You're right, I am. Enough with the omens.~
o-o-o
His two charges� anxious behavior hadnudged the Anything-Goes Master to 
the point of vexation for several days now. He�d have thought that they 
were still trying to punish him for his well-timed (and certainly not 
pusillanimous) change of venue when the insane Warrior Girl had shown 
up, by trying to make him paranoid. But Genma knew thatneither of the 
youths, especially his son, was acompetent enough actor to fool him.
He awoke to the sound of tristful grumbling. His ingrate son was 
complaining about their supplies. �Not more camp rice,� whined Ranma, 
bemoaning the lack of variety. He turned to the rising young chef. 
�Ucchan, I take back what I said before. I�d kill for a plain 
okonomiyaki right now.� The other teen rolled her eyes,
�I�m not exactly fond of our current culinary selection either, Sugar. 
But you know we can�t afford to go far off track for supplies,� she 
said in resigned tones. �At least not with Xena on our trail.� She 
knelt down and opened her pack, �I swear, cooking rice is so boring,� 
she griped as she began breakfast. Ranma sighed at the sight.
Though projecting a look of disapproval at his son�s ungratefulness, 
Genma couldn�t help but agree that another day of rice for breakfast, 
lunch and dinner wasn�t topping his wish list. He too, sighed inwardly 
as he accepted the proffered rice from Ukyo. Ten years with the girl in 
their company had thoroughly spoiled the Saotome men. Why, three square 
servings of rice a day would have seemed heavenly to Genma when he and 
Tendo had trained together under the Master. Still, he couldn�t begrudge 
the simple truth that he�s prefer being spoiled any day of the week to 
that foraging existence he had subsisted on before.
Genma was near finished his second serving when the rain began to fall. 
The insistent drizzle doused Ukyo�s campfire amid weary curses from the 
chef. Genma ignored these as he surveyed the surrounding area, this time 
taking note of the thick vegetation. He smiled a panda smile. 'Who says 
he�d only have rice today?'
Ranma eyed her father with scorn as the panda began chomping on the 
abundant florae in the area, as Ucchan continued to string together a 
series of mild expletitives.
�Well, the rain�s stopped,� mumbled the chef obviously, as thefall 
dissapated into a hazy mist. �Want to help me start another fire, 
Ranchan?� Ranma looked up to her fianc�, to her feasting father, to the 
half-eaten dish of rice in her hand. She downed it quickly, her stomach 
growling. She shook her head and replied,
�Nah, Ucchan.� A gleam appeared in her eye. �How about this? You want 
to make for that restaurant that old guy told us about?� Ukyo 
effeminately shrugged his shoulders is resignation.
�Ranchan,� he began (for what felt like the tenth time), �that old guy 
was probably crazy. For all we know, he made up the whole thing.� His 
tone turned mildly derisive, �I mean, come on! A restaurant up a 
mountain in the middle of nowhere that serves exotic dishes?� He paused 
for a moment hoping that his words would sink in to the girl�s hard 
skull. He blew a withered breath when the redhead�s expression didn�t 
waver, but continued nonetheless. �Don�t you find that a little far-
fetched?� Ranma, fists on hips, was smiling,
�Nope,� she answered cockily, �I find it right _there_,� she said pointing 
at a mountainside, the base of which was lost in the distance. Ukyo 
blinked at this and concentrated on augmenting his sight as best he 
could. His emerald eyes widened. Sure enough, there was a barely visible 
stream of smoke snaking up from the mountainside. Ranma smiled,
�Coming with, Ucchan? Pops�ll stay here with the stuff, but we can take 
a pack each and fill up on supplies from the restaurant. And maybe a 
lunch that ain�t rice!� she added hopefully. As much as the idea 
appealed to the okonomiyaki chef, he was skeptical,
�Ranchan,� he pointed out, �just because there�s smoke doesn�t mean 
that there�s a restaurant. It could be just another traveler like us,� 
he surmised.
�Aha!� proclaimed the determined girl. �But that smoke never went out 
when it rained. So it must be a building!� Ukyo rolled his tongue 
against his cheek.
�You are aware that it could be raining here and not a few kilometres 
away, right?�
�That�s a chance I�m willing to take,� replied the headstrong girl, 
grabbing a pack. �So, you coming or ain�t ya?� she asked. Ukyo could see
that Ranma was near imperceptibly shifting her balance from foot to foot 
in herimpatience. Soughing, he conceded,
�Okay, Ranchan,� he smiled at his stubborn fianc�e, �but just give me a 
few minutes to heat up some water.� Ranma looked positively stricken at 
the thought of having todally a moment longer. When hermidriff rumbled 
loud enough to make Genma pause in his engorgement, she hit Ukyo with a 
pleading look, that was probably meant to seem placating.
�Tell ya what, why don�t you catch up to me?� she suggested, grasping 
her abdomen. �We�ll, ahh,� she frowned, �make a training exercise out 
of it... or something. Well, see ya!� she finished before nimbly scampering 
away towards the mountain in question.
'Training exercise my fanny!' Thought Ukyo gazing at the shrinking form 
of Ranma scurrying up the mountainside. He turned as the kettle 
announced its readiness with a hiss. Whimpering in pain, as he availed 
himself of the too hot water, the again female chef narrowed her eyes at 
her fianc�e�s distant figure.
�Let�s just see who wins this �training exercise�,� she drawled to 
herself before bounding after the redhead, pack in hand.
o-o-o
'This's no mountain', groused Ranma to herself, as she hurried up the 
hillside. 'It just looked that way from the ground'. And she had been 
looking forward to a good workout to increase her appetite. At the 
thought of food, the poor girl moaned piteously. She assuaged herself 
with the sight of the �far-fetched� restaurant, clearly visible on a 
not-too distant ridge. A nascent fantasy of steaming pork buns and 
tasty takoyaki was abruptly banished from her mind when she spied two 
men running from the building and in another direction away from her. 
One was obviously chasing the other, who was holding a large bowl of... 
porridge! That would do very nicely to start!
o-o-o
Following Ranma�s path up the surprisingly gentle slope, Ukyo had 
quickly gained on her short opponent, her competitiveness, easily a 
match for Ranchan�s hunger. She was within calling distance, when Ranma 
suddenly changed direction. She ran towards two figures that Ukyo had 
just noticed some hundred metres away.The chef quickly detoured toward 
the pair, one of them seemingly being pursued by, and escaping from the 
other. She didn�t like to jump to conclusions, but it was pretty clear 
that the fleeing man was a thief. She groaned. Pops may have been a 
pain, but he�d instilled (or rather drilled) the tenets of a martial 
artist�s honour into Ranma and herself for so long that it became 
decidingly difficult to ignore her duty in this situation.
She made a beeline for the thief, reaching him just as she heard her 
fianc�e�s high-pitched (and not exactly lady-like) cry.
�Gimme that!�This was punctuated with a flying kick that sent the thief 
sprawling. Blinking at the airborne man, Ukyo turned to the redhead who 
cheered, �Itadakimasu!� before wolfing down what Ukyo now realised was 
porridge. She smacked her forehead when she saw the other man, huffing 
as hedashed towards them.
�Now that we�re gonna have to pay for this, you may as well give me some,� 
demanded Ukyo, grumpily wrestling the dish from Ranma�s grasp.
�Ucchan?� questioned the surprised redhead as the chef began tucking 
into her porridge. �When did you...hey that�s mine!� she whined. Ranma 
turned when she heard the other guy yelling at them in Mandarin. Seeing 
that Ukyo had already downed the bowl; she plucked it from her hands 
and presented it to the breathless, moustached man. �More please!� she 
intoned impishly, as Ukyo stepped beside her. The tall man responded by 
reaching forward with both hands and partially pulling open both of 
their gis.
�Thanks god! You�re women,� he announced in Japanese. He received 
stereo fists to the cranium as both girls shrieked in unison,
�Keep your hands to yourself, creep!� The blinked simultaneously and 
turned to face one another over the prostrated form of their would-be 
molester. Ranma began,
�Woah, that was...�
�Eerie,� finished Ukyo, looking down at the unconscious form. �Who is...?�
�I�m pretty sure he works in the restaurant,� Ranma informed the chef, 
indicating the building on the ridge. �I saw him running out of there after 
the other guy like a bat out of hell.�
�Why�d the weirdo grab at us?� she grumbled, tightening the front of her gi.
�Beats me. After all, look at 'im, Ucchan. He�s way too grizzled to be into 
perverted stuff. I mean, old guys can't be hentais, right?�
o-o-o
The sinister snicker caused even Fate to shudder... metaphorically.
o-o-o
�I guess,� agreed the taller girl.
o-o-o
Genma paused in his munching; a bamboo branch having broken in half 
before he could bite into it, as he experienced a horrible foreboding. 
It soon passed, and he nervously resumed eating, wondering if going 
back to Japan was such a good idea after all.
o-o-o
�Thanks you, Kasumi,� gratefully replied Soun Tendo, Master of the Tendo 
School of anything Goes Martial Arts. �It looks delicious! I can�t wait 
to - �
�Oh dear, Father. You�re chopsticks have broken,� identified the 
seemingly demure girl. �Here,� she said helpfully, �have another pair.� 
Soun woodenly took the new chopsticks as he gulped back a terrible 
premonition. Wordlessly, he stood and returned to the family table with 
a bottle of sake.
o-o-o
�Let�s get him back to the restaurant,� suggested Ranma. �I�m still 
hungry,� she moaned.
Soon, both girls were tucking into steaming bowls of ramen, in the 
otherwise empty �Healthy Greens� restaurant. The bruise-sporting owner 
chatted amiably with the two. He didn�t appear at all perturbed that 
they�d both knocked him for a loop several minutes earlier. In fact, he
seemed more relieved than anything else. Ukyo questioned him as to why 
he seemed so cheerful.
�Ah miss, you see,� he began in fluent Japanese, �that porridge you two 
ate was my restaurant�s secret dish.� He paused, and fished around his 
robes for a few moments, before presenting what looked like a short 
piece of string to the pair. �It was made with stock from this Dragon�s 
Whisker.�
�Dragon�s Whisker?� repeated Ranma, though a mouthful of noodles. �What�s 
that?�
�It is a powerful medicine used in Chinese herbal cooking,� explained 
the owner. �It has no effect on women, but should a man eat it, his 
ambition will come true, and his joy will be assured.�
�A man�s ambition, huh?� mumbled Ranma quietly to herself, already 
moving unobtrusively towards a kettle on the countertop. Ukyo listened 
as the restauranter continued his story.
�Wars have been fought over the Dragon�s Whisker,� he said ominously, 
�causing the deaths of countless men.� He smiled despite the sombre tale. 
�Thank goodness you�re both women,� he gushed, unaware of Ranma raising 
the steaming kettle above her head. �If you had been men...� His words 
died as a now male Ranma placed a hand on his shoulder from behind. 
�What?� blanched the owner. �You really are a man!�
�Cut the jokes,� growled the seething, steam-shrouded Ranma. �Is this 
what you call a man�s ambition?� he snarled, not having to point to the 
two metres of hair trailing from his scalp to the floor.
�Ranchan!� cried Ukyo, running to her fianc�s side. �Oh, god!� The 
owner�s eyes widened as he looked at Ukyo.
�J-Jusenkyo?� he stuttered. She nodded frantically, as he grabbed a 
beaker and quickly threw it at Ranma, drenching the martial artist. 
�You see,� he pointed out, �women are immune to,� he was cut off by Ukyo�s 
scream, as the chef�s already abundant hair began to creep down his legs.
�Ucchan!� exclaimed Ranma, tripping on her train of hair like a red carpet 
as she tried to move toward Ukyo.
�Oh no, not the both of you!� groaned the owner as he reached for the 
still half-filled kettle behind the redhead. �Stand away,� he ordered 
the short girl as he as he tossed the contents onto the struggling Ukyo. 
Calmed slightly, now that she was back in her uncursed form, the chef 
quieted down as she sat amidst a bedding of her own hair - the weights 
she had tied into her braid spread about her - and collected herself 
enough to ask,
�What the hell...?� she gulped and Ranma picked up the question.
�What the hell is going on?� demanded the angry redhead, her petite form 
nearly lost within a tangledmane of scarlet tresses. Seeing the two 
cursed martial artists quieten, the restaurateur explained again,
�I told you both that the Dragon�s Whisker is a powerful medicine. It is 
used to cure baldness in already afflicted men. As you heard, it has no 
effect on women. But should a man who is not bald take the whisker, its 
potency will shed him of all of his existing hair,� he finished, his voice 
nearly cracking.
�Then how do we cure it?� asked Ukyo from the floor, as Ranma leaned down 
and squeezed her hand. The proprietor shook his head with finality.
�I am sorry, but there is no cure.� Seeing the two girls about to react 
angrily, he held up his hand in a placating gesture. �However, the effects 
can be sealed until the potency wears off.�
�How long will that take?� asked Ranma warily, but suddenly feeling a 
lot better.
�I would suppose a few months, maybe six,� he answered succinctly.
�Great,� said Ranma happily, as the small girl awkwardly helped her taller 
companion to her feet. �So, how do you seal it?�
�With this,� he answered holding up the Dragon�s Whisker, and handing it 
to Ranma. �Once you tie your hair off with the whisker, the original effect 
will be sealed.� Ranma nodded, �hmphing� her understanding, as Ukyo looked 
at the tall man expectantly. �I am very sorry, miss, but that is the only 
whisker I have in stock.� The two martial artists blanched.
�Can�t you get another one?� asked Ukyo.
�Indeed I can,� he answered noticing both if them visibly calming down. 
�I�ll be leaving on a trip to my suppliers within the month. If you wish, 
you two can accompany me, and acquire another whisker.�
�Uh huh,� nodded Ranma, �and where�s your supplier at?�
�At a village called Joketsuzoku, several daysjourney from...� he trailed 
off as he noticed both martial artists had facefaulted. Recovering, a 
vexed Ranma asked,
�Is there maybe, I dunno, anywhere else you can get another of these 
things?� indicating thestring she held.
�I�m sorry, but the Dragon�s Whisker is a rare and very precious item. 
In fact, I would appreciate your word that you will return that whisker 
you�re holding once your use for it as a seal has passed.� He fumbled 
about and found a pair of large scissors. �If you�ll please follow me 
outside?�
Twenty minutes of shearing later, the pair now sported thigh-length 
hair; Ranma�s much longer than before.
�So I just tie my hair like this?� asked Ranma as she began braiding 
her hair.
�And what do you suppose you�re doing, Ranchan?� inquired Ukyo, raising 
a slender eyebrow.
�Well, I�m,� began the redhead sheepishly, as Ukyo glared at her. 
�I mean it�s not as though you�ll need the whisker, �cos you�re a girl 
and all,� sputtered Ranma weakly.
�Uh-huh,� replied the brunette dryly, �and when it rains?� Ranma sweated.
�Well, I�m sure this guy has an umbrella he could spare us...� Ukyo�s 
hand reached to draw her spatula, but the restaurant owned interjected.
�You two are in quite the dilemma,� he said, ponderously twirling his 
moustache. �But I think I have something that might help.� He disappeared 
behind the counter and into another room. The Japanese pair heard mumbled 
swearing in several languages as well the sound of boxes and drawers being 
rifled through. Some minutes later he returned with a triumphant smirk, a 
small box in his hands. �I knew I had some left,� he said more to himself 
than the girls.
�What�s that?� asked Ranma cautiously as he set the small wooden container 
before them. He raised a hand to the air in an exultant pose, and 
proclaimed,
�This contains several bars of Jusenkyo Waterproof Soap!� His pose wavered 
when their reaction was stereo, confused blinks. He deflated, and 
explained, �It is a product that one can use that will prevent a Jusenkyo 
victim�s curse from triggering.� The girls gasped. 'That�s better', he 
thought, a little smugly. �It works by creating a tiny waterproof layer 
around the user�s skin so that water can�t touch you.�
Ranma and Ukyo both stared in awe at the box. This wasn�t such a bad day 
after all. Suddenly, they high-fived and engulfed the owner in a double-
bear hug. The man gasped, or tried to, as he felt several blood vessels, 
perhaps all of them, about to rupture. He was saved, as they simultaneously 
released him, as Ranma gruffly thanked him,then announced,
�This is perfect, Ucchan! We can use the soap to get rid of these curses 
in the meantime, and �cos you�ll be back to normal, you won�t need the 
whisker.� She happily declared, �It�s about time we caught a break!�
�That would be so,� agreed the owner, �if the soap were at all reliable.� 
The celebrations died instantly.
�Come again?� muttered the redhead dangerously. Ukyo was slightly less 
unsettled, asking
�It�s not reliable?� With a sigh, he elucidated.
�Actually, under any circumstances other than being cursed, it is 
remarkably reliable. But, seeing as it�s made specifically for curse victims, 
its value becomes somewhat muted, wouldn�t you agree?�
�Did you understand any of that, Ucchan?� asked the addled Saotome. Ukyo 
replied with a blank stare. �Me neither.� The proprietor frowned,
�How long have you two been cursed?� They told him. �Only a matter of days?�
A depressed susurrus escaped him. It seemed he was destined to be the bearer 
of bad news today, much like that annoying Jusenkyo Guide. �Something you two, 
and any cursed person will eventually realise, is that you are essentially a 
water magnet. This is part of the magic of the curse, I�m afraid, constantly 
trying to trigger itself. I should warn you that you�ll probably find yourselves 
being splashed at the most inopportune of times.�
�Like when?� asked Ranma warily.
�You�ll see for yourselves soon enough,� he replied sympathetically. �Nothing 
is the world is truly waterproof, but this soap will make you extremely water-
resistant. That is where the problem lies.�
�Whad�ya mean?�
�The soap will make you water resistant, and on any normal person, nothing 
short of standing outside all day in the rain will wash it off. But for a 
cursed individual, taking a stroll equates to the same thing. You will be 
splashed repeatedly, even more so than if you weren�t wearing the soap, as 
the curse compensates to try and trigger itself.� Ukyo�s furrowed her brow 
prettily,
�So, the soap is only good as a temporary, preventative measure.�
�And considerin� what you said about water splashing at inopportune times,� 
added Ranma banefully, �the soap is pretty much useless to a cursed person.� 
He nodded. 'At least they were a bright pair of young girls. Well, half the 
time at any rate,' he supposed.
�And figurin� that only someone with a curse would have a use for the soap 
in the first place,� she clenched her fists and continued darkly, becoming 
steadily angrier with the owner for getting her hopes up, �that makes the 
soap completely friggin� worthless! � The moustached man held up his hands 
appeasingly.
�Not entirely,� he intoned suggestively. Ranma narrowed her eyes.
�Go on.�
�While the Jusenkyo victim attracts water in their uncursed form, there 
is no such allurement while in their cursed state,� he clarified. A moment 
later, Ukyo�s eyes boggled, as she tried and failed to stifle a giggle. 
Ranma squinted at her companion�s reaction. 'What was that about?' Ukyo 
stared in amused wonder as she practically saw the gears turning in 
Ranma�s head.
'So the cursed state didn�t attract water like the uncursed form...and 
here we have soap that can make you waterproof, er, resistant... and 
only one Dragon�s Whisker... but we can�t keep Ukyo from changin� to a 
guy... or me from changing into a girl... only one of us can... but we can 
keep me...' Ranma�s mouth opened in a perfect �O�.
�No... freaking... WAY!�
Some time later, Ukyo and the restaurateur were chatting amiably about 
seafood preparation, having long since tuned out the frantic redhead�s 
continuous loud protestations.
�Oh yeah, I meant to ask you,� began the chef. �How come you know all this? 
About Jusenkyo and curses, I mean?� she elucidated.�And the soap? Are 
you cursed too?� She quickly amended, �If that�s not too intrusive?�
�Of course not, young lady,� he answered good-naturedly. �It�s only prudent 
to have knowledge of the magics I come across in my work. After all, I 
pass near Jusenkyo whenever I travel to Joketsuzoku for supplies.� She 
nodded, but wasn�t really satisfied with his answer. �But there is more,� 
he continued, and she perked up. �Like you, my niece�s son also has a 
Jusenkyo curse. That�s why I had the leftover soap. I�d acquired it at 
my niece�s request several month�s ago, but the lad wouldn�t wear it.� 
At Ukyo�s unasked question, he expounded, �As it turned out, he liked 
his cursed form,� he finished with a shudder. Raising an eyebrow, the 
brunette asked incredulously,
�Really? What does he turn into?� The tall man shook his head tiredly.
�You wouldn�t believe me if I told you.�
�I�m not doing it!� screeched the indignant girl with a particularly 
powerful displacement of air.
�It�s either this, or you get to follow Pops into the ranks of the 
folically challenged,� spelled out Ukyo calmly.�It�s only until we can 
get cured. A month or two won�t hurt, right?�
�Six months,� corrected Ranma coolly.
�Not so, young lady,� said the owner. Ranma cringed at the epithet. 
�As I said, I�ll be restocking within the month. I do feel partially 
responsible for your situation -�
�_Partially!?_�
Ignoring the outburst, he continued.
�I can give you the restaurant�s phone number, and when you have 
returned home you can ring me and tell me where you�re staying.� During 
his chat with Ukyo, she let him know that they rarely stayed in one place 
for long. �I�ll send you on another Dragon�s Whisker, which you can 
return with the first, once the effects of the porridge have worn off 
the both of you.� Ukyo tried to placate her stubborn fianc�e.
�Like I said, Ranchan. It�s just for a couple of months.� Seeing the redhead 
was still fuming, a recent memory shot into the forefront of the chef�s mind. 
�Do this Ranchan, and it�ll cover your forfeit,� she said sneakily. 
Ranma�s brow crinkled in confusion for a moment, but her eyes soon 
widened into two shiny blue spheres. She grimaced, and grabbed the 
soap from the old man.
�It�ll cover it and then some,� muttered Ranma unhappily. �Ucchan, 
I�m so gonna get you for...What!�
�Just...� she wheezed, �You look so... cute grumbling like that!� Ranma's 
nostrils flared, and she seethed even more.
�Where�s the bathroom?� she demanded, when Ukyo fell to the floor 
guffawing uproariously.
 
-----
 
Chapter 6 � Curiosity Killed the Panda  
 
The night sky was dully lit by ubiquitous streetlamps. They hummed as 
though chanting in reverence to the uncommonly placid urban sprawl. A 
rare serene air had befallen the city of Xining. A calmness washed over 
the hushed streets, only sporadically populated now by the occasional 
foraging, nocturnal animal.
This tranquillity did not extend into a certain, dingy hotel room in 
the Chinese city. "Damnit, Pop!" groused a weary and now irate redhead, 
swiping at an thickly built martial artist with her thigh length braid, 
the wrist-thick stream whipping just above the crouching Saotome. "Stop 
tyrin' ta steal my soap!"
"You ungrateful boy!" growled the large man, aiming a haymaker at his 
diminutive, yet now alert opponent, who lithely evaded the blow. 
"Hoarding a cure to yourself like that! Have I thought you nothing of 
munificence?"
"Munica-what?" Clenching a fist, the girl blared, "I told ya, it ain't 
a cure!" her mind drifting back to the events of the past week.
o-o-o
"I don't feel any different, 'sides still bein' a girl that is," 
admitted Ranma as she stepped back into the restaurant's main room.
"Let's test it," suggested Ukyo (a little too eagerly in Ranma's opinion), 
looking meaningfully toward a nearby kettle. She'd been waiting anxiously 
to see if the soap would really work.
"Okay," nodded the shorter girl uncertainly. She turned to the 
restaurateur, with whom she was still angry, and ordered tersely, "Just 
you be ready with cold water if it don't work." She almost hoped it didn't.
"If you applied the soap thoroughly, it should work," commented the 
moustached man. Ranma frowned and huffed,
"What, ya think I dunno how to wash myself? Honestly!" she grumbled, 
rolling her eyes, until she noticed Ukyo snickering again. "Yeees?" 
she drawled grumpily. Ukyo didn't reply save biting her lip and looking 
Ranma up and down. Raising an eyebrow, Ranma glanced down at herself, 
and observed her hands, which were planted in little fists on her hips 
in the classic feminine stance of reproach. "Gaah!" she shrieked, pulling 
her hands away, and tightly folding her arms. She was beginning to really 
hope that the soap didn't work.
"Okay, here goes, Ranchan," Ukyo warned as she upended the kettle 
spilling its contents of her fianc�e, who cringed in macabre anticipation. 
"Woah, I guess..." the chef trailed off ominously.
"What is it, Ucchan?" came the concerned, high pitched reply. Ranma groaned 
as she looked forlornly down at her five-foot frame.
"I guess... I've got me a girlfriend for a while!" proclaimed the brunette 
with a giggle.
'At least she wasn't a guy when she said that', thanked the redhead.
o-o-o
The cursed pair left after purchasing some supplies from the restaurant, 
which they packed along with Ranma's special soap.
"I can't believe after everything, the old geezer charged us for supplies," 
grumbled the particularly cantankerous girl to the world.
"At least I got us a discount," placated Ukyo. She had experience in 
bargaining, after all, she couldn't trust Pops as far as she could throw 
him (which admittedly, was pretty far), when it came to dealing with 
cash and supplies back home.
It was the time after she had questioned him about some receipts he 
thought he'd hidden; when he had tried to convince her that he was working 
on an experimental new sake okonomiyaki, thathad pretty much eroded the 
last bit of confidence she had in the old man not put himself ahead of 
the business. They had done far better since she'd taken over those 
duties three years ago. Heck, if they weren't always on the move, she 
felt that they could make a killing with an abiding restaurant. But, 
for the time being she supposed, they'd have to make due with the yatai 
like they'd always done.
She wondered if it was being kept in good condition. Some friends of 
her family back in Tottori had agreed to look after it, but not 
being Kuonji's themselves she didn't feel like they'd take the care 
and time to do more than let it sit idle gathering dust. She supposed 
that that was better than they misusing it after all.
"Wish that's all we got," replied Ukyo's self-pitying companion. 
Sighing, the chef gained her fianc�e's attention.
"You know, I meant what I said back there, Ranchan," she said 
seriously. Ranma snorted,
"What? You mean the 'girlfriend' crack? That was reeeal funny, 
Ucchan," she commented caustically.
"It wasn't meant to be."
Ranma favoured her with a flat stare.
"Oh, so maybe it was, a little."
"Whatever," interrupted the redhead.
"But it was also true!"
Scowling, said redhead asked her 'what the hell she meant'. Ukyo 
grabbed the smaller girl by the shoulders, and looked directly at 
her. "You're going to be stuck like this for at least a month Ranchan. 
Full-time. That means you're going to have to start acting the part, at 
least as far as some areas go," she amended earnestly.
"Like what?" the petite martial artist asked cautiously. "If you think 
I'm gonna start runnin' around wearin stupid - "
"That's exactly what I mean, Ranchan! You were about to say dresses, 
weren't you?" She took Ranma's silence as confirmation. "Ranchan, 
school uniforms aside, when was the last time you saw me in a dress?"
Ranma's eyes widened behind her thick red bangs. She had been about 
to answer, when she realized that she couldn't recall Ukyo wearing a 
dress. When she wasn't wearing a gi, like now, of her okonomiyaki chef's 
outfit, she always preferred shirts and other guy clothes. Reflecting on it, 
Ranma noticed that she'd never truly considered it before. Sure, Ukyo did 
have to wear a uniform, but once that came off, it was straight into a gi, 
or t-shirt. 'But that meant... oh my', thought Ranma as something finally 
clicked in her mind.
She gulped and answered Ukyo honestly,
"I really don't remember, Ucchan," seemingly coddled. Ukyo nodded assuredly, 
asking,
"And does that make me any less a girl?"
Ranma contemplated the chef standing before her. She stared, quite tempted 
to punch herself. After all, how is a person supposed to explain that 
they'd only really realised that their best friend was a girl after she'd 
been cursed to turn into a man? Its not everyday one has an epiphany, 
and most people aren't exactly prepared to deal with them (noting 
that in this set of circumstances, some might consider Ranma's 
epiphany to be less an intuitive revelation, and more a discontinuation 
of stupidity. But one must digress).
Ranma had always (okay, almost always) at least intellectually known 
that his companion was a girl. Somehow, he'd never made the connection 
of Ukyo Kuonji technically being a girl to his best friend Ucchan being 
one.
Despite evidence to the contrary, Ranma did understand the 
significance of the commitment involved in being engaged. And 
like a winning streak in Tetris, more pieces were falling into 
place, and Ranma found she didn't exactly mind the picture they were 
forming.
'However,' she pondered evilly.
Realising that the time she made Ucchan wait for her answer would 
only flummox the brunette furthur, Ranma decided it was time to 
begin living up toher promises of revenge. She flashed the chef a 
dazzling smile. The effort of holding back her laughter reddening 
her features, she answered "No, Ucchan," smiling coyly. "No, it 
definitely doesn't."
Ukyo blink-blinked. She had been expecting that answer (even 
though Ranchan seemed to take her sweet time about it). She hadn't 
been expecting it to be accompanied with a slightly blushing Ranma 
sporting a secretive smile, as she stared at the ground. Still 
holding the redhead, Ukyo tapped her fingers giddily on Ranma's 
shoulder blades, and stuttered,
"Eh, t-thanks, Ranchan." Ranma, rolling her shoulders in response 
to the not unpleasant sensation , looked up and beamed back,
"You're welcome!" The chef was glad for the support of the younger 
Saotome's shoulders. "Ucchan, you okay?" The chef nodded shakily."Anyway, 
you were sayin' somethin' about 'acting the part'?" Shaking away her 
addled thoughts, Ukyo responded,
"L-like I was saying, Ranchan, you need to behave differently now 
that you're going to be like this," she indicated Ranma's chest, 
"for a while. For example," she trailed off.
"Uh huh?" prodded Ranma brightly. Ukyo didn't know what had caused 
Ranchan's sudden good humour and complacency (though she had a suspicion 
that she hoped was true), but she was thankful for it.
"You should consider wearing a t-shirt beneath your gi's jacket," she 
answered, pointedly glancing at the half-open white garment the redhead 
sported. "After all, it does tend to gape a bit when we spar."
Ranma shrugged nonchalantly.
"Oh, is that all?" she asked casually, but relieved. "Sure, I'll -"
"And a sports bra, too," added the taller of the pair. Ranma gagged.
"What? No way! That's for -"
"Girls?" she supplied.
"Yes!"
"Newsflash,"Ukyo replied flatly. "That what you are for the time being," 
she added at Ranma's disgruntled look. "Listen dummy, in a few weeks, 
you'll thank me. Training as hard as we do without support is not 
pleasant. Trust me," she finished levelly.
"But -"
"But nothing, Ranchan. Do you think these," she poked Ranma's 
breast, "don't make a difference? I've already seen you grimacing 
after training when you're a girl. You want that for who knows how 
long?" She looked down to realise that she was still jabbing Ranma's 
chest, who was blushing crimson. "Er..." she pulled away her hand and 
joined her fianc�e in reddening. "Okay?"
"Ucchan," began Ranman, her blush receding as her stubborn streak 
asserted itself, "if it's the discomfort,"
"Pain," corrected Ukyo carefully.
"Pain," rectified Ranma, "that you're worried about, it don't matter. 
I'm a martial artist. I can stand a little -" She didn't complete her 
sentence, interrupted as she was by Ukyo shaking her bodily.
"Listen, buster! We're not going to be out in the wilderness forever," 
she exclaimed waving a hand at their surroundings, "and do you plan to 
stop training when we hit the next town?"
"Course not!" replied Ranma appalled with the suggestion.
"And do you think I'm gonna let _my fianc�e_ bounce around and give any 
pervert nearby a free show!?" Shaking her head profusely, her long braid 
shaking about like wildfire, Ranma mumbled something incoherent. "Do you 
think so, Ranchan?" asked Ukyo again. Another mumble. "Speak up."
"...No," came the sullen reply.
"So, you'll wear a bra?"
"...Yes," she answered in a tiny voice. Ukyo nodded, satisfied.
"Good. I'll get you some when I'm buying your stockings."
"WHAT!?"
"Just kidding," winked the brunette at her fianc�e's explosion. Ranma 
growled back as only a five-foot redhead can.
o-o-o
"What'll we do about Pops, Sugar?" wondered Ukyo, as they ambled at a 
slow pace, giving them time to discuss the situation, still heading 
down the hill towards the camp. "He's going to ask questions. 
Especially when he sees you don't turn back into a guy. And what about 
this?" she asked indicating her own and Ranma's thigh-length tresses. 
"Pops isn't the most observant guy when it comes personal grooming, but 
even he'll notice how long our hair has gotten."
"I don't see why we didn't just cut it back'ta normal," groused her 
companion. Ukyo made a defensive gesture.
"No way. I love this hair!" she exclaimed sunnily, cradling its weighted 
length in her arms. "It's just a pity I have to keep this whisker tied 
into the braid," she mumbled, fingering the offending mythical potion.
"What about me?" came the complaint.
"Don't worry. I'll do your hair when we get back," grinned the chef. 
Ranma looked to the heavens.
"It is to laugh."Sighing,she asked,"Why didn't we just cut my hair shorter?"
"And me miss a chance to style such silky locks?" Ukyo replied in 
mock jealousy.
"Would you _please_ be serious?"
The brunette chortled as her short fianc�e grumbled in that cute manner
 she was becoming accustomed to.
"Seriously though, Ranchan. With our hair at this length, we'll be able
 to go at that spatula-braid style for real. Andthat will be fun," she
 smiled. Ranma's eyebrows rose as she grinned,
"Oh yeah. I guess I was just too ticked off before. I never thought 
about that. Good thinkn', Ucchan," she complimented.
"Plus, I still can't wait to do you hair," she snickered. Ranma groaned.
By the time they reached camp, they had decided on a strategy for 
dealing with the elder Saotome. If Genma asked about it, they'd be
truthful. Save revealing the seal of the Dragon's Whisker was in 
fact _another_ Whisker which Ukyo wore on her hair. Neither teenager 
had any doubt that the old man would have many misgivings about 
stealing the whisker for himself if he knew. Nonetheless, both 
planned to remain silent about the whole matter unless Genma brought 
it up first. The waterproof soap, they resolved, would have to be 
kept secret at all costs.
[Where'd you two go?] Signed the panda-fied Master of the Saotome 
School of Anything Goes Martial Arts, as the two hauled their packs 
closer. [And what do you have there?] He asked with an oddly suspicious 
glint in his surreally intelligent panda-eyes. Ukyo grunted as she 
opened her pack and retrieved the ingredients to the beef bowl they'd 
be having for dinner. The panda's reaction washed away any fear of his 
immediately noticing something amiss.
'At least until the food was gone', Ukyo amended mentally.
The again human Genma patted his belly contentedly, as he played with 
a toothpick in his other hand. "Ah, Ukyo, my boy. That was dee-lish," 
he cajoled. Ukyo frowned from where she was putting away her dish, 
and looked at herself curiously. Strange. She hadn't turned into a 
guy unnoticed to herself (which she conceded had happened a couple 
of times). She shrugged it off, and spoke quietly to her fianc�e, 
as she grabbed her twin spatulas,
"Ranma, you want to go and, y'know?" The redhead nodded, mouthing 
back 'sure', before speaking aloud.
"Pop, Ucchan n'me are gonna go ahead and train a little." Genma nodded 
approvingly, still in the afterglow of his meal. Knowing the answer, 
Ranma asked if he'd like to join them. After his negative reply, Ranma's 
eyes narrowed. "Don't even think about eating any of our supplies while 
we're gone."Genma took on an aghast mien of surprise at this questioning 
of his character, wailing
"Oh, my disrespectful son doesn't even trust his dear father! Who has 
sacrificed everything for him. Who has put all his blood and sweat into 
making him a suitable heir to the School. Oh, my thankless son!" Genma 
continued crying crocodile tears in this vein for another few minutes. 
Finding his tear ducts strained (he never could compare to Tendo), he 
pulled himself together and looked up, expecting his charges to have 
left so he could help himself to some supplies. Instead, he found an 
angrily glaring teenager. Her unsettling resemblance to another 
significant redhead in his life did nothing to hearten him, as she 
(somehow) seemed to tower above him.
"Are you quite done?" she asked condescendingly with folded arms. 
He nodded, fighting off the urge to say 'Yes, dear'. "Good. We'd 
better not find anything missing when we get back. If you're really 
still hungry, why don't'cha turn into a panda an' eat some shrubs 
or something?" He nodded again. "Anyway," she exhaled, "me and 
Ucchan are goin' on ahead." Suiting action to word, the two young 
martial artists headed off, Genma eyeing them warily.
Two hours later, the pair returned, a distinctly distaff glow about 
the two as they happily recalled the events of their sparring with 
one another. "Who'da thought my hair would have supported you like 
that?" Ranma wondered as she pondered a particularly enjoyable
sequence in their spar. The weights end of Ukyo's hair had somehow 
gotten tangled with the cap Ranma had placed at the end of her own 
hair for the fight during a swipe that Ukyo had deflected. This left 
the two tangled and varying from fighting back to back, to extreme 
close quarters with the battle spatulas. Due to superior reach and
experience with the spatula, Ukyo had been coming out the victor.
away off the ground in hopes of dislodging the tangled braids, but had 
instead sent her larger fianc�e spinning above her in a dizzying circle. 
Never one to allow a little disorientation to come in the way of sparring, 
Ukyo had continued to dual with her opponent matching spatula for spatula. 
The real fun began when Ukyo landed and sent Ranma skyward with a mighty 
heft of her own braid. This littlebout of tit- for-tat had gone on for 
several minutes. Until, suffering from severe cricks in their necks, and 
almost uncontrollable laughter, they decided to end their stalemate and 
declare the match a draw.
"I know," breathed back Ukyo whimsically; "Maybe I'll start calling you 
Rapunchan," she laughed at her own joke. Ranma quirked her lips in 
puzzlement, completely missing the reference. Ukyo rolled her eyes at 
this. "As in 'Rapunzel'." Ranma nodded, then frowned,
"No idea."
"She was a fairytale princess," winked Ukyo. Ranma shook her head.
"Pity _our_ tale resembles something H.P. Lovecraft would'a written 
while high."
o-o-o
They made good time across Qinghai, and would soon pass into the Gansu 
province. They had come from the south when they had traveled into 
Qinghai, so decided that leaving China via a different path was prudent.
There was no reason to aid Shampoo's tracking of the group.
They were two days the province's capital when Ukyo and Ranma left Genma 
to spar alone again. He hadn't commented on their hair length at all, 
and they had made sure not to draw any attention to it. He did grumble 
a few times about Ranma remaining a girl, but she explained it away by 
saying she needed to train to get used to her new body. This time 
however, Genma decided that he'd perhaps slacked off a little in his
 own training regime the past week, and decided to follow his two 
dedicated charges.
As he approached the two still unseen, he was taken aback. They were 
practicing that ridiculous style they'd developed together that utilized 
their hair as a weapon. Of course, Genma appreciated any style which 
advocated the use any part of the surroundings or body to one's maximum 
advantage � it was a core tenet of Anything Goes after all � yet somehow 
this particular style made the bald martial artist feel bitter for some 
incomprehensible reason. He stared at their braids as they snaked about 
like aerial vipers. Since when had his son's hair been... Hmm. This bore 
further investigation. He got as close as he could, still avoiding 
detection, and listened.
o-o-o
Damn it, did those twoonly ever talk about martial arts? He should be 
proud and all, but still, they were keeping a secret from him. He had 
an odd feeling that it might be of significance to him in some fashion, 
as he pictured his son's flowing locks twirling about at will during 
the spar. He woke with a start himself from the daydream, which had 
shifted to he himself sparring with a head full of long silky black 
hair. The two youths returned to camp. He was about to question them, 
when they wordlessly unrolled their sleeping bags and went promptly to 
sleep.
Grumbling, he decided to confront the two on the origins of Ranma's 
extra hair in the morning.
o-o-o
Dedication to the Art, Genma liked, dedication that led to Ukyo and 
Ranma tiring themselves out to the point where he was the first up and 
as such had to make breakfast, he most certainly did not. Grousing to 
himself as he heat up some water, and prepared the few ingredients that 
Ukyo (such an ungrateful child) hadalloted him, Genma decided that in 
addition to questioning him, he'd spar with the boy - the BOY - this 
morning. He poured some water from the heating pan over the fire into 
a bowl and moved to his boy's sleeping bag. Uncovering him, Genma 
grimaced at his female form, and quickly tossed the bowl's contents 
over him.
His son was immediately awake sputtering and complaining, and other 
than the fact that his son was still his daughter, Genma wasn't 
surprised. "Geez Pop, what'cha do that for?" _She_ wailed, as _she_ sat up. 
"You know how long it takes for that sleeping bag to get dry again?"
Genma blinked before fainting. He was a dead man.
o-o-o
Growling at his own foolishness, Genma tucked into his breakfast. 
Jumping to horrible conclusions and fainting, he would have been 
ashamed if his old buddy Tendo had been here to see it. The explanation 
Ranma and Ukyo had given him when he awoke and asked about Ranma's long 
hair had made a modicum of sense, but it seemed Ranma still hadn't 
realized that he'd been woken with a splash of hot water. Genma didn't 
mention it, hoping that maybe the whole thing had been a horrible dream. 
Yes, that was it: a horrible dream. He'd tell the boy to turn back, and 
then he'd be a man among men, and no katanas would become intimate with 
Genma's jugular in the near or far future. Liking this plan, Genma loudly 
declared over the cooking fire's remains,
"Boy, you've been a girl long enough. Change back so we can have a 
proper man to man spar."
Ranma glowered at him.
"Didn't ya hear anything we just said, Pop? If I change back, that 
dumb whisker's effects will make my hair grow 'til I'm bald. I may 
wanna carry on the school and all, but that don't mean I wanna look 
like ya. C'mon Ucchan," she said finishing her breakfast quickly, "let's 
go ahead and spar again." The pair promptly left Genma to the rest of 
his meal.
When they were far enough away, with no hills or inclines around, Ranma 
paused. "Ucchan, I think Pop knows I can't turn back."
"What do you mean?" she asked, worried.
"Well, this mornin', right before Pops fainted, he splashed me to 
wake me up."
"Ranchan,"she spoke reassuringly."I know. You've been complaining 
about that all morning." The apprehensive look in Ranma's eyes did 
not help her confidence that everything was okay. The shorter girl 
was shaking her head.
"Ucchan, I think he used _warm_ water. I was just so out of it that 
it didn't click that that was important, you know?"
"Do you think he knows about the soap?" Ranma shook her head again.
"I don't think so. I mean if we had a 'cure' in hand, do you think 
he'd waste a second in getting his paws on it?" Ukyo nodded. Ranma 
had a good point.
"So, what do we do in the meantime? If he suspects..."
Genma relaxed, letting loose one of the 'sealed' techniques. 
Decloaking himself from the Umi-senken, he moved away undetected. 
He had some soap to find.
o-o-o
"Yatta!"
"What the?" screeched Ranma as she and Ukyo were returned to camp 
to find Genma standing in a victory pose over Ranma's pack. Genma 
gulped when he noticed his furious son-turned-daughter.
"Now son, this isn't what it looks like..."
"Really," drawled Ranma, "cos to me it looks like someone's funeral!"
"Eep!"
o-o-o
Lying back in her bed in the hotel room, Ranma thanked Ukyo, who 
had clobbered Genma with her spatula before his latest attempt to 
steal the soap paid off.
"You're going to have to do something about this, Ranchan," mumbled 
Ukyo tiredly, "He'll just keep trying to steal it otherwise. Regardless 
of whether we tell him it isn't a cure or not. And you know Pops," she 
nodded at his prone, twitching form, "once he really wants something..." 
she trailed off when she saw the nascent smile illuminated by streetlight 
sneaking in through the half shuttered window, appear on her fianc�e's 
face. "You have something in mind, don't you?"
"Yep."
"Do share, 'girlfriend'," she snickered. The remark didn't dent Ranma's 
smile which had graduated from sly to sinister.
"I'm gonna let him have it," the redhead answered wickedly. Ranma 
explained, and the chef grew a smile as nasty as her fianc�e's.
"That is evil, Ranchan... Can I help?"
o-o-o
As good a tracker as Shampoo was, she was under no illusions. Her 
husband's head start was too great. It was unlikely she'd catch his 
group again until they reached their destination, which she knew was 
Japan. She also knew that Japan had a population several thousand times 
that of Joketsuzoku. Having some semblance of where in Japan her husband 
and the redheaded slattern were headed would be most useful. This is 
why she found it very fortunate when she happened across a heavily 
muscled boy who fit Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung's description of the group's 
erstwhile travelling companion, right down to the bandanna.
All she had to do was question the male, and find where in Japan her 
husband resided, go there, kill the baggage, woo her husband and bring 
him home, and accept her tribe's adulation for upholding the Laws of the 
Joketsuzoku. Simple...
But why did she feel that ominous shiver run down her spine?
 
-----
 
This story is also at www.fanfiction.net/~acea 

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