[Ranma][NGE][HPL][AMG][Fusion][Fanfic] Sic Semper Morituri Chapter 44 -
Sturm und Drang signifying . . . nothing Denouement

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I do not own any of the characters from Ranma 1 / 2, Neon Genesis
Evangelion, Ah My Goddess, or the Lovecraft Cycle involved in these
stories.

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Author's Note: You might want to check out John St. C Patrick's Fan-art
'NERV Publicity still from aboard Coral Sea' on my site
http://home.att.net/~danjess.gibson


Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains
Within the sound of silence.
The Sound of Silence - Paul Simon

Chapter 44 - Sturm und Drang signifying . . . nothing Denouement
Hear my words that I might teach you
July 28, 1947
     Nabiki withdrew her hand, listened for several moments to Jeff's
steady breathing.  She'd done it, made the invasion, gotten the information
she wanted and gotten out, all without waking him.  The technique worked.
Yesterday, or last week, she would have been shouting huzzahs and doing
handsprings, but somehow the victory seemed secondary.  Her initial probe
had been carried along by a current in his mind that was immensely stronger
than she could have believed, she'd allowed herself to get lost in it.
Loving wife and mother, world-class and rightly feared mover-and-shaker,
desired courtesan of a highly inventive lover, it was an intoxicating mix.
More so because the one she wanted, wanted it for her.  She wondered if
Ritsuko knew what she was missing.  ~Oh course she does you idiot!~ Nabiki
thought to herself, ~The question is why not take advantage of it?  The
answer: because it _is_ so powerful.  'Here's everything you ever wanted,
freely given.'  There _has_ to be a catch!~
     She resisted kissing or touching him, leaving the rest of the dream as
a gift.  She slipped out of his cabin.
----------------------------------------
     Ritsuko quietly watched Nabiki slip out and move discreetly to her own
cabin.  She heard no disturbance in Jeff's breathing and correctly guessed
he'd slept through whatever Nabiki had done.  She wondered at Nabiki's
wistful expression at the doorway, unaware or not caring that someone might
be watching.  She remembered smiling like that a few times in the dream,
she doubted Nabiki was doing _that_, especially since Jeff hadn't woken up.
It was a mystery she'd never solve unless she moved quickly, in a day or
two those two would talk it into knots.  She would see to it _they_ talked
about it, in Nabiki's case at least.  ~And what about you talking?~ she
squelched that thought instantly.
     ~Their tendencies to machinations involving everyone are rubbing off
on me,~ she thought, she could push them together as they pushed her to
Maya, and Shinji and Rei together, ~It would solve some of the problems,~
she thought, and smiled at her new idea.
----------------------------------------
     ~Yellow bird.~ Nabiki lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling.  Next to
her, the good doctor sat in a chair, waiting.  The dragon is only afraid of
the yellow bird, could the dream have been any more obvious?  She retained
few of the memories from her `alternate` existence, there were just too
many to classify and correlate.  But `Rit-chan` had all of those memories
and could recall them as if they were her own.
     ~Why is he afraid of me?  Or is he afraid of any lover?  What does he
think the yellow bird will do to him?~ she wondered.  He was a house
husband: raising the children, supporting her activities and publishing his
own books, so it couldn't be gender roles.
     She clearly remembered the fight they had had, she was lucky Rei made
her admission and intervened.  She'd finally gotten under all his reserve
and tapped into the fury that made him and the others unstoppable in
battle.  By any rational analysis he should have killed her that night.  He
had plenty of opportunities, injuring Ranma and Kaworu to get at her.  But
after he'd 'closed with the enemy', he hadn't 'destroyed' her, considering
what she had done in response, his self-control was more than admirable, it
had been unbelievable.  ~So it couldn't be that,~ she mental checked it off
her list.
     ~Something, I'm trying too hard, it's something that wouldn't be
obvious because it _was_ so obvious,~ she considered.  She rolled over and
closed her eyes to let her unconscious unravel the problem.  It would give
her the answer in the morning, when she woke again at a _decent_ hour.
     She reached out her hand and took Rit-chan's.  She deserved an
explanation.  ~She'll get one,~ Nabiki thought as she drifted off.
----------------------------------------
     The sun shown on the school yard, a warm breeze slipped among the
trees as the birds sang.
     Sari ran her beringed fingers through her silky, waist-length, auburn
hair.  Her gold-flecked violet eyes twinkled with humor as the newest pilot
looked down on her soon-to-be victims.  "Asuka will see who is the best
pilot, Ranma will see who is the world's greatest martial artist.  And with
that dishwater Rei and Nabiki out of the way, I can pick and choose which
boys I want.  Even Misato will lose Kaji to me."  Her laughter tinkled like
silver bells.
     Her head snapped back and then sideways, Ritsuko released the girl's
long tresses as she slid to the ground.  Ritsuko removed her slide rule
from its case on her belt, positioned it over the dying girl's heart and,
with a grim joy, hammered it through her victim's chest and into the ground
with a few strokes of her clipboard.
     She turned and looked at the thoroughly shocked Nabiki, who'd watched
the entire episode.
     "This is what you've been doing?  Sneaking into Jeff's room over the
last few nights?" Ritsuko asked.
     "Dream training."  Nabiki stared at the blood-spattered scientist,
"Control what you dream and other elements in it."
     "Like sneaking up on the world's stupidest martial artist, and
snapping her neck like a twig?" Ritsuko asked with a broad smile.  The
blood drops on her face making it particularly gruesome.
     Nabiki nodded numbly.  She couldn't do what Ritsuko had so easily
done.
     "Well, you did say it was all a dream.  I have been a little . . .
frustrated by recent events."  Ritsuko brushed her hands off.  "I just
remembered every stuck up `queen bee` of either gender I ever ran into in
school, especially at college."  She smiled, took a deep breath as she
leaned against a tree.  "I can't tell you how good that felt."
     A wide-eyed Nabiki only nodded again.
     "Well, well," the robed figure that suddenly appeared said, "Mother
and daughter chatting, how charming."
     Almost two dozen other brown-robed figures had materialized out of
nothing.
     "Oh Nabiki-chan!" Ritsuko said happily, "You shouldn't have!"
     Ritsuko wrapped her arms around the trunk and uprooted the tree she'd
been leaning on.  She swung the tree like a grand baseball bat.
     Nabiki dove under the trunk as it swept by.  The targets had no such
empty space as the crown of the tree crashed through them.  There were
screams of pain, shouts of someone trying to cast a spell, and cries for
mommy or mercy.  The tree descended on the entire group, again and again,
like a giant flyswatter.  When Ritsuko lifted the tree high and cast it
aside, the robed figures had all vanished.
     "That was fun," Ritsuko said as she smiled, "Anyone else?"
     Nabiki only shook her head.
----------------------------------------
Take my arms that I might reach you.
     Nabiki woke to the sounds and smells of breakfast, she remembered bits
and pieces of the dreams, an entire lifetime was too much to remember.  She
was desperately trying to blot out the dream of Ritsuko the Barbarian.  But
she did remember parts of both.  She blushed at the memory, of children, of
making love, of all the day to day trials of home and family.  She opened
her eyes and looked at the boy delivering her breakfast in bed, as a peace
offering.  ~He hasn't changed,~ she thought, ~He's still domestic.  And
food is forgiveness.~
     "Hi," she said, shyly, uncomfortable with the idea that anyone thought
about her like that: wife, mother and lover.  She understood more of the
problem between Rit-chan and him.  She could imagine feeling like this for
the rest of her life.  'It was nice, but embarrassing,' `mommy` had told
her.  ~Worse that you hadn't `earned it`,~ Nabiki added.
     "Good morning, Bess."
     She blushed more at his smile, considered how he was looking at her,
guiltily thought about Ranma.
     "Relax," he told her, "Our strongest dreams are about things we want
and know we can't have."
     Nabiki suddenly felt she'd been drenched with cold water.  "What?
What do you mean by that?"
     "In an ideal world, would I make a good husband and father?  I
certainly hope so, I could undoubtedly be better than my own parents.  I'm
a good match with your attitudes and opinions, and with Doctor Akagi's.
I'm flexible about the role of the breadwinner and rearing children.  So I
could be a good match to a woman who loves her career.  Do I want you
specifically, `that way` as Ranko put it?  No, well . . . not necessarily.
You're pretty and clever, and you have no problem doing what you want, and
I assume you'd have no problem telling me how you want to be treated.  You
certainly didn't last night."
     Nabiki blushed furiously at the reminder, she pulled the covers over
her head.  She could never imagine Ranma being so . . . ~Akane kept calling
Ranma a pervert,~ Nabiki thought, ~She's never met a gentleman.~
     "Dr. Akagi's the same.  There are worse things to base a permanent
relationship on."
     "I hear a `but`, a big one."  ~It's not fair,~ she thought.
     "For you, there's your feelings for Saotome, I'd have to be blind not
to see them.  Although you can't figure out if he likes you, or any girl,
for that matter.  For Dr. Akagi . . . I'm not sure how deep the feelings
go, how she really feels about the entire idea," he sighed sadly, "There
are also laws, across Europe and across the United States that make it
illegal, it's called miscegenation, mixing races.  Boston has those laws,
which would prevent Dr. Akagi from coming here, and which would prevent you
from going to Harvard, which I have been arranging, for after the war."
     "Thank you."  A college education, even one from Harvard was cold
comfort compared to what the dream had offered.  Despite watching Kasumi,
she'd never considered the nuts and bolts of home and family.  He'd offered
almost exactly what she wanted.  She wasn't strong enough to force them,
he'd done it automatically, for her.  Altered the dream to accommodate her.
~If one of the Nerimaniacs had done that, Ranma would have married her in a
heartbeat,~ she thought.
     But she couldn't have it.  "I can understand the _logic_ behind your
reticence," she said bitterly, "How noble you are to love chastely."  She
lay back, pulled the blankets up to her chin.
     "Oh I'm not that pure and noble, I have fantasies about Ranma not
deciding, so to get around it: I marry my old friend Langley, Ranma marries
you - after we all beat him into submission."
     Nabiki laughed at that, she suspected it would take that kind of
violent directed action to get Ranma to act.  Once he was married, he'd do
his best to be a good husband and father, but _getting_ him to that point
would take a major war, "And what?  A menage a qua?  All four of us?"
     "All _nine_, Rei-Shinji, Ranko, Ritsuko-Maya.  Menage a non," Jeff
said, "My French isn't up to that."
     She laughed, climbed out of bed, hugging him from behind.  "So, you do
love me," she teased.
     "Careful, that's how it started with Rit . . . Ritsuko," he said
quickly, "As a friend, with all my heart.  Right now, I need a friend.  I
haven't the faintest idea what to do."  He shook his head.  "I don't want
to hurt you or Rit-chan, but all my ideas won't work.  This isn't a battle,
or a technical question, or something I might have studied.  I . . . just
don't know.  Ridiculous, isn' it?  If you need a laugh, I can tell you some
of my ideas.  One was, let her simulate a loss of age to my age, isn't that
silly?  As if _that_ would solve anything."
     "So all we can be is friends," Nabiki pouted, only partially faking.
She wasn't used to this idea, someone caring for someone so much they'd put
their happiness aside for hers.  ~Even if it was, just a dream,~ she
thought.  The idea of being loved was a confusing one, she'd been feared,
respected, needed.  Kasumi and Soun had cared about her as part of the
family, she wondered if Akane loved anyone beyond her own image of herself,
hating that she didn't and might never measure up to it.
     ~But Ritsuko, Rei, `Raccoon` are all hard, cold people, harder and
colder than the Ice Queen of Furikan could ever hope to be,~ she thought
~And they loved me, in different ways, daughter, sister, lover/friend.~  It
was hard to accept, harder still to reciprocate, she kept expecting the
hurt of loss, or a betrayal.  But it never came.  She wasn't sure if that
was worse or better.
     "So, Asuka and Ritsuko are my rivals?" she teased, still holding on to
him.
     "Langley's been a friend a long time, in the Dreamlands," he
explained, "We've huddled together for warmth on the Plateaus of Leng,
we've agreed and fought and argued.  We've been friendly rivals and allies
longer than even Commander Fuyutsuki's been alive, but there's no romance
there.  Ranko's pretty, but there's more fun teaching her.  Letting her
grow into a confident, competent young woman.  When she realizes being a
'lady' doesn't mean being weak, the entire male population better watch
out.  My cousin Jenny is a real lady.  I wouldn't want to fight her, or
shoot against her.  I'd lose.  Rei . . . if Rei wasn't so smitten with
Shinji, _she_ might be a rival."
     Nabiki stood there, holding him, considering, ~Am I entertaining these
thoughts as a way of making Ranma jealous, or am I reacting to an open and
obvious declaration, and a safe alternative if Ranma never says or does
anything?~  Frankly, she wanted both of them, Ranma was better looking and
he was Japanese, but he was no challenge to her intellectually.  She liked
having someone around she had to really work at to beat, but who wasn't an
enemy.  She also suspected that she or Ranma would have to give up too much
to properly raise the children, to give them a home.  But that was
`Raccoon's` passion.  ~He's more like Kasumi than I am,~ she thought.  The
idea of homemaking didn't appeal to her, and she suspected Ranma would want
time to go on training trips to visit other dojos to learn new techniques,
that didn't match running a school or raising a family.  She didn't know
when the laws he mentioned would be repealed, if that would make a
difference.  She didn't know if Ritsuko and Jeff's relationship was based
on something she couldn't offer, or if it was just her being jealous.  She
did notice he hadn't answered that part of her question.
     Rei and Shinji had gravitated to each other almost as much as they
were pushed together.  ~A place they could hide from the rest of us,~ she
thought.  Maya and Ritsuko had been harder, but they were all working on
it.  ~But what about me?  Am I not fighting because I don't think I'm worth
it?~ she asked herself, ~Am I dithering with Ranma because I don't know for
sure he wants me?~  She was honest enough to discern that she wasn't used
to this and all her intellect . . . wasn't what her heart was, and what it
was telling her, and both mind and heart kept changing their opinions.  She
chuckled at that.
     "Something funny?" he asked.
     She hugged him closer, "Just thinking about Ranma, his harem and _his_
indecision.  I think I finally understand him, he finally had people who
seemed to care about him and wanted him to think well of them.  I also
think I understand you as well, you two are a lot alike, maybe too much.
He didn't decide because he didn't want _any_ of those relationships to
end.  Now _I'm_ doing the same thing."
     "For all his faults, Saotome will still be a friend if you choose
someone else, so will I.  We're much alike that way.  Besides," he reached
behind, putting his arms around her waist, "I enjoy your indecision.  We
don't have to decide, not yet, not any of us."
     She kissed his neck, "When we get home, I think I'm going to go climb
into Ranma's bed, just give him a shock."  She laughed as she walked away.
     "Kiss him," Jeff suggested.
     She enjoyed the warm feelings.  There were heavy costs to letting
people get close, Hiroko was one.  Feeling the pain that the others felt
from their losses hurt too, but it was better than it had been, isolated,
walled off, alone, and always wondering what anyone who approached her
wanted, their motives.  And it was never friendship, or romance.  ~Here,~
she smiled as she thought about it, ~Here, it is _so_ different.
Unfortunately it complicates rather than simplifies things.~
     "I don't think I can forgive you from what you've done," Nabiki
admitted, "But I think I understand _why_ you did it."
     "Really, then would you tell me?" Jeff asked, "And forgiveness isn't
for me, it's about you not carrying that weight on your soul.  It also
doesn't mean that you ignore what I did."
     "Do you have to turn _everything_ into a lecture, do you have any idea
how irritating that is?"
     "No."
     Nabiki frowned at the Rei-like tone and posture.  "Would you like a
free flight to Boston?  I think I can bounce you off the Liberty Bell.
Would that ring your chimes?"
     He remained silent, which Nabiki took as a good sign.  "I think you
subconsciously blocked out the possibility, you want a family so bad, that
you bypassed a likely consequence."
     "So that makes it all better, 'Fo'give this po' sinner, th' Devil made
me do it'," he said disgustedly.
     "No," Nabiki said fiercely, "I was explaining, not excusing.  The only
person who can forgive you is Rit-chan."
     He pulled away from her, stood a distance away.  The memories were
rapidly fading, but Nabiki easily recognized _that_ pose: 'Mulish
Martyrdom', better to suffer than trouble others.  Ranma sometimes got the
same way, it was childish and frustrating from either of them.  "You _know_
she won't turn away from you, you _know_ she won't reject you.  Hell, I bet
she'll know what you're going to say before you say it."
     "Then - "
     "Because it's important for her to _hear_ you say it and for you to
actually _listen_ to what she says in return," Nabiki cut him off, "Look,
if you want absolution, go see a priest, if you want forgiveness go see
Ritsuko.  If you want an explanation, and a warning, I just gave you one.
You're going to overreact when family is a subject on the table, and our
enemies seem to know that and they can use it against you."  She vaguely
remembered the dreams where 'little Nabiki' had played with and been with
Rit-chan.  She could easily imagine that loneliness in others.
     Everyone wondered where the `Ice Queen` came from.  The truth was, she
was always there.  Nabiki was always the outsider, even in her own family,
even when everything was `perfect` while mommy was alive.  She could
imagine someone using that against her in Nerima, it would have been the
only weapon that would have pierced her armor.  She didn't like how
schizophrenic she felt about all of this.  She wanted to hurt him for what
he'd done to Rit-chan, she rationalized that the only thing holding her
back was that it would be a relief for him.
     She also wanted that warm and safe feeling she'd had with him and
Ranma cuddled with her.  It was the first time in her life she'd felt that
special, that important, to anyone.  And it was to people who had no reason
to stay with her, to want her . . . company.  They'd repeatedly made
choices to keep her around, to stay together.  She didn't ask, didn't
threaten, they did it because _they_ wanted to, she'd heard them talk about
it.  The conversation usually went 'Nab-chan won't like it', 'We do
something else, right?' 'Yes.'
     She also wanted `mommy` to have that feeling family, but why Ritsuko
rather than Nabiki?  Because Ritsuko needed it more, because Nabiki didn't
deserve it, both, neither, something else too or instead?  It frustrated
her how she could figure out anyone or everyone else, except herself.  She
wondered if that was what drove the Nerimaniacs, that they didn't know
their own hearts, they pursued impossible things so ardently because the
pursuit was a way of avoiding the question of 'what do I do when I catch .
. . ?'  "Fill in the blank."
     "Okay," Jeff said, "You find me as handsome as Gable, as witty as
Mencken, as suave as Powell, and a military genius to rival either George.
And you're stuck deciding which feature to idolize first."
     "Let's not forget that you're also the modestest person in the entire
universe," Nabiki replied, "Actually I don't know any of the people you
were talking about.  I actually was wondering how to arrange for you and
Rit-chan to get together, or if I want you to keep my house and raise my
kids while Ranma and I travel the world and have grand adventures."
     "Don't forget Ranko, she'll want to go along too."
     Nabiki shook her head.  "Ranma _is_ Ranko."
     "They aren't the same person.  Do you think Ranma could _ever_ have
done that healing job, that first night?  He would have been petrified at
the thought of it.  No, Ranko had to do it."  He paused to consider.  "I
_have_ wondered why I've so rarely seen both of them at once.  You don't
think Ranko is avoiding Ranma?  I know she's got a crush on him, maybe even
loves him, but I doubt Ranma feels the same, he seems almost jealous of
Ranko."
     Nabiki felt a headache coming on.  It was like talking to Kuno or her
little sister.  Certain things transcended mere proof, it didn't help that
Jeff had _never_ seen the transformation.  "Do you have any idea what a
migraine I get every time you bring this up?"
     "You brought it up, not I.  I still don't know what you have against
Ranko.  She's vivacious and beautiful, she seems a little intimidated by
you, but then so does Ranma.  Hey!  Maybe she's trying to make you jealous.
Carrying on 'Look what I can do with someone else!'"
     "She's got you all wrapped up!" Nabiki shouted back, furious at her
lack of control over both her own emotions, and `Raccoon`.  ~Of course
`Ranko` does it so effortlessly,~ she thought angrily, ~There is _no_ way
Ranma could do that.~  She shook her head.  ~Now he's almost got me
convinced,~ she thought resentfully, she couldn't believe Ranma was beating
her at her best game.  But Raccoon seemed immune to most of _her_ efforts
and putty in Ran . . . ko's hands.
     ~The world hates me,~ she thought morosely, ~Either famine or feast.~
She considered her options, discarding all the unreasonable ideas, and was
still left with an insoluble problem.  Jeff's joke about a menage a non
remained the only `simple` solution, and it would yield an incredible
number of problems.
     "So, you're attracted to Rei, eh?"  Nabiki decided a spate of teasing
would be a more profitable line of inquiry.
     "And Langley, yes."
     "But not Misato?" she asked quirked an eyebrow at his sour expression,
"Definitely not Misato."
     "There's an exceptionally rude term: six pack, something you hand
around to your buddies for a good time and an interesting diversion during
halftime, but not worth missing the game over," Jeff said, "I've met only
one woman who so clearly meets those criteria."
     "Ouch," Nabiki said in mock sympathy for their commander.  She found
it amusing that none of the boy pilots was all that interested in the major
topic of the other junior high boys' fantasies.  Shinji was her caretaker,
Ranma couldn't be bothered, and Jeff hated her guts and the rest of her.
"So if she threw herself at you. . .?"
     "I'd still charge her a dollar for the opener," he replied, "I'd
rather curl up with a giant rattlesnake, at least we could talk recipes."
----------------------------------------
     Nabiki had been the only `senior` member of NERV who could act as a
spokesman.  She'd politely refused every request for an interview with
Stars and Stripes or dinner or anything social with any of the Captains or
Admirals.  'The aftermath of the Angel activity left some serious
repercussions among the pilots and senior staff who'd come in close contact
with the Great Old One', then she refused to explain further after assuring
everyone there was no danger of contamination and NERV had the situation
well under control.  It actually felt good lying through her teeth and
`massaging` the truth.  The fact the military censors approved
wholeheartedly, even encouraged her, was actually a bit of a
disappointment, but she was still `being a good girl` even when she'd
submerged herself totally in her old ways.  To the Admiral and his senior
staff she still dissembled, a bit.  The Angel had done something, to all
the pilots if NERV reports were to be believed.  Special weapons were used
and that was it, but those weapons weren't without significant
side-effects, hence their limited availability and the bizarre behavior
that followed.  'Maya wasn't fully cleared and look what happened to her.'
The shiver from all they veterans told Nabiki she'd done her best,
questions would be kept to a minimum, and they would go through her.
     No one was really satisfied with that and her former firearms
instructors had gotten a reminder about things they hadn't been willing to
do to train her, the embarrassing and painful things.  NERV couldn't afford
such scruples against and Angel.  Those men went away to speculate.
----------------------------------------
     Jeff spotted Ritsuko, sitting alone on one of the few undamaged
portions of Bennington's flight deck, just enjoying the wind in her hair.
He thought about how beautiful and happy she looked, serene even.  He hated
the thought of disrupting that, as he walked towards her.  Jeff didn't want
to fight with Ritsuko, but he didn't want to gloss over the things he and
Nabiki had seen on their mission to return Cthylla to her temple, and he
had to talk to her about something.  He suspected that Nabiki hadn't
noticed, she'd wanted out as quick as possible.  She also had no real
training as an engineer, except for the training she'd gotten from Major
ggreg.  She also hadn't gone out that time, he had.
     The damage to the buildings had been recent, the breaks in the
stonework in the temple were recent.
     "You knew what we'd find," he said, he took a tone that was not
accusatory.  It had been weird knowing how someone would react in nearly
any situation, but they didn't know you.  It was weirder knowing someone
would know exactly what _you_ would do, and you knew they knew, and they
knew that you knew, ad infinitum.  If you were married, it might be Heaven,
if you were trying to stay emotionally distant, it was Hell.
     "Maybe, what is your hypothesis?"  She wasn't trying to evade, she
wanted to know all he had figured out, what she would have to tell him,
what she'd have to correct.
     "The shoggoths told you they wanted freedom from their Deep One
masters but they still venerated Cthylla.  So Cthulhu's deepest secret was
revealed to you.  An Angel to study for a few days, they would launch their
attack while she was `safe` aboard a human aircraft carrier, guarded by two
pilots and an EVA.  Then you'd figure out a way to have us put it back.
That was an honor guard waiting for us, even Nabiki thinks so.  They
weren't chasing us.  They were escorting us."
     "You object?"  Ritsuko turned to face him.
     "What benefit did we gain?" he asked, sat down on the deck next to
her.
     "Are you saying that everything has to benefit NERV and the human
race?"
     "That city . . . ," he realized, "That was where your rebellion
started.  The Elder Things sank the city they'd taken from the Flying
Polyps to try and forestall the beginning of the rebellion.  Was it Concord
or Lexington?"
     She considered, "They didn't sink it, we did, when we took it from the
Flying Polyps, and it was . . . Fort Ticonderoga, a source of weapons for
our war," she suggested, her face screwed up, "I never realized I'd know
such things, my knowledge of American History used to be poor.  It was
important, maybe it doesn't do anything, but the Deep Ones are a bigger
threat than an isolated cult of Shoggoths way out in an isolated area.
There also is the idea that the pilots can be negotiated with, the
Shoggoths will explain it to Cthylla and she will feed the information back
to Cthulhu."
     "So we might have another Great Old One opting out?" Jeff asked, he
didn't disguise his admiration and understanding.  He hugged her carefully
and released her very quickly.  "Okay.  I do think you should tell Nabiki,
privately of course."
     "Of course," she agreed, smiled shyly, "It's tough, isn't it?"
     "Lusting after a beautiful woman I'm in love with?  What do you
think?"  He frowned.
     "I think you don't have it as bad as I do," she replied, "I've always
wanted to be able to trust someone.  I thought I could trust Rei, then I
couldn't.  Now I can again and . . . "  She sighed.
     "And you can't have that person either."
     She smiled at him.  "You heard Nabiki's plan?" she asked.
     "Thought of it myself, turn you into a teenager.  How would Gendo
react to that?"
     "Some problems can't be taken into account."
----------------------------------------
July 29, 1947
But my words like silent raindrops fell
     "Don't you understand?" Ritsuko asked as they stood, sat or paced,
each according to their temper, in the empty ordinance room, "That thing
that attacked you aboard the Coral Sea," she looked at the faces around
her, "That's what I am!"
     "There were two, I engaged one, it eventually died," Jeff said, "You
killed the other one, didn't you?  Who was it after?  Me and Shinji?
Saotome?  You tore it to pieces and disposed of the body."
     Ritsuko was mainly aware of the smiling girl hugging her tightly, and
Maya approaching her coyly, more embarrassed than horrified.  Her
demonstration hadn't created the raw and visceral horror it should have,
Maya had actually started looking for a bucket.
     "I'm not something safe," Ritsuko said desperately, "I _am_ a
shoggoth," she hissed, was shocked by the continued lack of reaction.
Nabiki had `called` this meeting to clear the air among them.
     "First, they don't know the history of what that is," Jeff said.
     "Wrong."  Nabiki moved to arms length, still holding Ritsuko's hands.
"I don't _care_.  When . . . when Hiroko . . . I remember the people who
held me.  Who let me cry like a baby or scream at the unfair world.  I
remember who made sure that I wasn't abandoned by the world.  After all the
weird stuff, that was more important."
     Ritsuko shook her head.
     "You seem to be the only one who doesn't understand that having two
human gamete donors doesn't automatically make you a fully paid-up member
of the human race," Jeff told her, "Doctor.  Ikari Gendo and Katsuragi
Misato are good examples.  Despite their origins, they are less 'human'
than you are."
     "I don't argue," Maya said, tears running down her cheeks, smiling
broadly.
     Ritsuko looked at the insane people around her, the _clearly_ insane
people around her, they plainly didn't understand what she was trying to
tell them.
     "The only one concerned about this - " Nabiki said, "Is you."
     "Not completely true, it will take some time to fully adjust," Jeff
said, "But after how you have put yourself forward, we're willing to extend
your tab.  We know _who_ you are, now we know better what you are, but
that's less important.  We do need a little time to absorb it, and get used
to it.  But we aren't going to abandon you."
     "So says my husband and the father of my children?" Ritsuko asked, "I
can't be that.  However much it would - simplify - things."
     "That isn't what I asked," Jeff replied, "I apologize for what
happened.  It has been pointed out . . . "  He glanced at Nabiki.  "That I
should make amends."
     "One loss and you're too rattled to make decisions?" Nabiki teased.
     "Nab-chan," Ritsuko said, "It isn't that simple."  She stared at
Nabiki.  "Having opportunity and motive is not the same as committing the
crime.  As your experience shows.  You had your chance, and did nothing.
Why, in your case?  Don't try to make up for that by pushing someone else."
     "Did you get that from him, or yourself?" Nabiki asked sourly.
     "Why - both," Ritsuko teased, ruffled Nabiki's hair.
     "The point is . . . "
     "The point is, I don't think punishment is appropriate.  More than
you've already done to yourself, and incidently, the rest of us."
     That set Jeff squirming as he stood there.
     "The rest of us?" Nabiki asked a trifle _too_ innocently.
     Ritsuko hadn't considered the effect that knowing approximately what
Nabiki was thinking and feeling would have on her opinion of the girl.  She
discerned that Nabiki was desperately trying to smooth things over, before
they became uncomfortable to her.  ~Read personal,~ Ritsuko thought,
~Especially tender and private.~.  She'd never considered fear was even
_part_ of Nabiki's make up, let alone a major motivator.  "We can't go back
to status quo ante, but we aren't going to walk around hating and fearing
each other for a mistake that was a mistake."
     "Unless it wasn't," Jeff said morosely.
     "You really like drawing out your martyr complex," Ritsuko complained.
     "Humility does strange things to people," Nabiki said.      "Why don't
you try it some time?" Jeff asked her.
     "Children!" Ritsuko shouted, preventing WW3, "You and I both know you
did the best with the information at hand.  I should have _never_ gone
alone into that room.  After you two collapsed I shouldn't . . . " She
wanted to tell them she shouldn't have gone in to negotiate their release.
That she should never have expected mercy or understanding.
     "Tears."  Nabiki touched her face.  "A human reaction.  A nonhuman
would have no need.  Someone asked you once.  'How close does a simulation
have to be, before it is _legally_ treated as real?'  What about
emotionally?"  Jeff's arms encircled her waist, and he rested his head on
her shoulder.  It wasn't the reaction of a lover, but a friend.  The others
joined in.  The feeling was warm, it _was_ what she'd really wanted.  ~Why
am I frightened?~ she wondered.  Ritsuko had Nabiki and Maya holding her
front, Jeff clinging to her side.  She couldn't understand it, she just
gave up and accepted it.
     "I do understand why you made your deal," Nabiki walked with her two
allies across the deck of the ordinance room, Ritsuko held among them.
     "But _we_ put it back," Nabiki hadn't left her side and had Ritsuko's
arm draped over her shoulders.  Jeff was also close, because Ritsuko had
her other arm across his shoulders, and occasionally around the two pilots'
throats, she wasn't sure if she wanted to thank or kill them sometimes.
     "I'll settle for both of you safe," she said quietly, looking up at
the gray metal and lights.  She couldn't imagine the power necessary to
change from hurricane to blue skies, the demonstration of dominance was
obvious from the highest Admiral to the lowliest Seaman Recruit.  The
severe but controlled damage to the ultimate expression of _human_ power,
when facing the capacities of an enraged Great Old One, chastened everyone.
     Maya stood away from 'mother and children' by a short distance.  When
Ritsuko glanced back at her, Maya looked absurdly pleased with the tableau.
Ritsuko wasn't sure what to think, but she thought her charges deserved to
know the truth and the parts especially important to her.  "I was . . . I
don't remember when I became aware, a long time ago.  I began to resent
being used as a slave."
     "You were part of the rebellion," Jeff added, for the others.
     "Yes, millions of years ago," Ritsuko said.
     "The war between the Elder Things and their created slaves, the
Shoggoths.  The Shoggoths lost."
     "Many were destroyed," Ritsuko told them, "They had a special penalty
for some of the leaders.  I was shattered, split into dozens or hundreds of
pieces of various sizes.  I wasn't aware of the passage of time, not like
humans are.  For a long time I spent much of my time dodging the other
pieces of myself who had been sent out to destroy me.  Unlike the others of
my kind, I couldn't absorb other pieces to grow larger, nor could I
reproduce by meiosis, that is budding.  That was a more disturbing penalty
than you can imagine.  It was a constant torture, that may be what enhanced
or exercised my intellect, but I knew I would never be one of my own kind,
not anymore," she chuckled, "Some of my `pieces` simply left, submerging
themselves in other identities," she sobered slightly, "One even became a
penguin."  She smiled at having tricked `Raccoon` so long.  ~I had to have
some way to look after Misato didn't I?~ she thought to herself.
     Nabiki reached over and poked Jeff.  "Now your little revelation about
hydroquinone and meiosis," she told him.
     "That sounds like fun," Ritsuko said.
----------------------------------------
     Nabiki sat in her cabin, in bed, staring at the ceiling.  ~I can't
believe I'm still in this mess.  I got them talking,~ she thought, ~Now I
need to get them together, _doing_ something that shows the other that they
_can_ be trusted, by me, by each other.  All that work and only a baby step
in the right direction, now Rit-chan is pushing _me_ and Raccoon together.~
She covered her face with her pillow.
     ~You also need to understand what _your_ feeling are,~ she reminded
herself.
     "I am going to find you," Nabiki told this helpful little voice in her
head, "And then . . . bwah ha ha!"
     Then the realization hit her, a pattern of behavior that had already
been put in place.  She'd been unable to control the events, because she
was the initiating element.  "You're right, I am an idiot," she said
quietly.
     ~You're welcome.  Great now I'm talking to myself!~ she thought.
     She did remember that the boy who cried wolf didn't get in trouble the
_first_ time.  She took a deep breath, and emitted the loudest, most
bloodcurdling scream she could.  She wrapped the blanket over her shoulders
and stared blankly.  She faced the door, waiting.
----------------------------------------
     Ritsuko heard the cries from Nabiki's cabin.  She'd rushed to the
room, this time, Jeff was close behind her.  Nabiki was awake and hugging
herself tightly and shivering.  She looked at the pair of them with those
eyes.  Jeff ignored the implied protest and sat on the edge of the bed,
speaking in low tones and stroking her hair.
     Ritsuko had a different mission.  ~I'll have to admit it,~ she thought
as she signaled the Marine Corporal of the guard, she needed another bed or
cot delivered to Nabiki's room.  The Marine didn't speculate, he simply
sent a man off to get one.  She returned quickly to Nabiki's cabin.  Nabiki
was talking quietly about her nightmare, how it _really_ wasn't a problem
while she hugged herself and shivered.  ~She's lying through her teeth,~
Ritsuko thought, ~I can almost _see_ the dark red 'conversation block'.~
That was another disturbing thing, suddenly `finding` herself with none of
the secondary and tertiary sense responses, it was like suddenly being
blinded, deafened, and given anosmia.  She'd been tempted to `rewire` her
sense organs to provide the additional information.  She'd decided against
it.  ~Although it will be a fascinating subject for study,~ she thought
idly as she watched Jeff with his hand on Nabiki's shoulder.  Now he
listened to her, speaking only to draw the girl out further.  Ritsuko kept
`remembering` her husband looking out for the kids, their kids.  The
monsters under the bed got a thrashing with the fire poker from daddy as he
climbed around there and hunted them.  But thunder, typhoon, and
earthquakes got the gentle words and stroking the hair and the shoulder,
usually while the child clung to mommy, until the child calmed and went
back to sleep.  If it was bad, the whole family decamped to mommy and
daddy's room to spend the night.
     She shook her head at the memory, but she had to admit, it worked and
was working.  Nabiki had slept without bad dreams when she and Jeff were in
the room.  Ritsuko wondered if she should simply move all four of them into
a single large room.  Maya too had bad dreams, and 'Sempai' being close
seemed to drive them away.
     The cot arrived, Ritsuko set it up and let Jeff settle in.  He still
held Nabiki's hand as she drifted off.  Ritsuko thanked the sailors who
brought the cot and sent them away, closing the door behind them.  She
sighed quietly, desperately glad she didn't really need sleep, because she
wouldn't have gotten much in the last few days.
----------------------------------------
     Ritsuko watched Nabiki and Jeffrey sleep.  She thought it would be
perfectly reasonable to climb into bed and snuggle up to her husband and
smother their daughter's fears.  She shook the thought away, because it
wasn't hers.  Worse than the temporary contamination, which had diminished
steadily as time passed, until almost nothing remained.  Her uncertainty
and confusion had begun the instant she woke naked, with Maya on her arm.
Then the rage at what Jeffrey had done to her, followed by how he'd
pacified her.  She saw the same apologetic expression, felt the same touch
she'd felt a thousand times before, reminding her that she was safe and
loved, even if he COULD BE SO _IRRITATING_!_  Then she realized those
memories and feelings weren't hers, they weren't truly even his, but part
of a dream.
     But they seemed so real.  Not events but feelings, emotions.  The
times they'd argued, even fought, the times she'd looked so awful, eight
months pregnant, circles under her eyes, hair by mixmaster, stinking of
sweat and soil, and through it all he still loved her, still looked after
her . . . his beloved wife.  Now she had all these emotions, all his
deepest emotions and spiritual secrets, the secret hopes and dreams, all
the good and bad times in his life.  All cataloged and at her fingertips.
     It was worse than reading his diary/journal because she knew how he
felt at each moment, less at the mundane times, mainly the peaks and
valleys of his life.  The dream was the worst, normally cool and collected,
during the dream his emotions ran riot, his feelings for his wife and
children ran red-hot, and raw with their loss.  Even the knowledge it was
an illusion failed to dim the vision, the strength of the feelings, or the
pain of loss.  Now she felt it all.  What had been an interesting and
humorous story, was as real to her as it was to him, and just as impossible
to ignore.  It would have been an immense boost to her ego, _knowing_ she
could be loved like that, so completely.  That someone tolerated all her
faults and still cared, saw her at her worst and stayed with her.  Would
suffer all sorts of indignity and embarrassment, and count it as balanced
that she was there with him at the end of the day.
     Also embarrassing and interesting, the memories of making love, her
dominant with him as the seducer, which he'd used when she wanted to rip
his head off for revealing her true form to Maya and Nabiki.  More
embarrassing still were the techniques and tactics she'd used in the dream
to seduce him.  She suddenly realized she'd been stroking his hair and
yanked her hand away.
     ~This is going to be troublesome,~ she thought.
----------------------------------------
And echoed in the wells of silence
July 30, 1947
     Nabiki abruptly sat up and slapped her head, remembering Raccoon's
photo album.  She saw Ritsuko's look of concern and felt Raccoon sitting up
next to her.  "I'm a dunce," she told them, the silence and the two
contemplative looks did nothing for her ego.  "Your photo album, everybody
you'd cared about has been lost."  Raccoon frowned and flopped back down,
turning away from her.  Nabiki turned to Ritsuko, "So _of_course_ he
doesn't want to get close to you.  He's afraid of losing you too."  Ritsuko
paled and nodded her head.  Nabiki shook her head.  "How stupid am I for
not remembering that?"
     "I'd prefer if you hadn't," Raccoon replied.
     Nabiki wanted to do something about his feelings, while she considered
the deeper question, ~How do I overcome that?~
     "Yesterday, we talked about a rebellion.  You were on the losing side,
and you were `designed` as an administrator, then you were probably an
instigator or even a leader."  She waited for Ritsuko to nod.  "You feel
you've betrayed your 'loyal followers'."
     Ritsuko confirmed Nabiki's suspicions by looking blank and turning
away.
     ~So she betrayed those she cared about her, even by just surviving . .
. ~ she thought.  "What - a - mess!" she said quietly as she dropped back
on her bunk.  ~Okay,~ she thought, ~How do I untangle this mess?!~  She
considered how to overcome the division between the pair.  ~Stupid Nabiki,
really stupid!  Kuno-stupid!  Mousse-stupid!  Why didn't I consider that?~
she asked herself.  It was a much harder problem to deal with.  If she
_had_ a solution, she had both people right here to work on it, but she
didn't have one.  Another opportunity lost, she hated that.
     ~In Nerima, even Ranma `betrayed` his allies without real concern,
such trickery was considered an effective tactic.  Here, people make
long-term alliances, the loss or betrayal of those arrangements would have
a more serious and long-lasting effect, no 'all is forgiven and forgotten'
that is a prerequisite for Neriman double-dealing.  They have to forgive
themselves, before they can `risk` betraying someone else.  Until they do
that, they will keep their distance to `protect` the other person.  The
person they care about.~  She sighed again at the mess she'd found herself
. . . and her friends, in.  It wasn't like their attempts to make Ranma
more comfortable with cats.  It wasn't as if she could get people used to
being trusted by others without bad things happening.
     "Although I _can_ point out that nothing bad has happened to you two
over the last few months," she told them.  ~Unlike me,~ she thought
bitterly.  "And Asuka has survived the years," she pointed out, "You both
keep you distance not because you don't care, but because you do."  She
suspected they both `knew`, but it was different if someone _else_ told
them out loud.  She almost wished for one of Shampoo's love potions.
Blindfold both of them, dose them, get out and lock the door behind her
before they could see.
     Neither her companions, nor the walls made any useful reply.
----------------------------------------
     "Doctor Akagi?!" Captain Casey said loudly, waking Ritsuko.  She
glanced around the room.
     "I do apologize," she said quickly.  She realized she was in the ward
room, right where she was supposed to be.
     "We haven't started the meeting yet," Casey said, "You must have dozed
off.".
     She nodded numbly.  She was stunned, she'd arrived some 20 minutes
early to relax and get her thoughts together.  She'd closed her eyes for a
moment, and found herself in a traditional dojo, confronting a black and
white striped saber-toothed tiger.  It reminded her of the stories she'd
heard after the weretigers had attacked.
     It had roared and charged.  She'd been so surprised that she hadn't
been able to prevent it from knocking her over.  When the expected rake
with claws or rend with teeth didn't come, she was even more confused.  No
claws at all and the tiger's head butts avoided striking her with its
fangs.  She'd gotten a firm grip on the tiger and tipped it over.
     The two of them wrestled, chased each other, seemingly for hours . . .
~Then I was back in the wardroom, ~ she thought, ~I had a dream.  I've
_never_ had a dream of my own!~  She composed herself to listen to the
ongoing repair efforts to the carrier.  The hull damage was the principal
worry.  She carefully pushed the idea of dreaming into the background.
     "NERV SAR has numerous divers qualified, and for external repairs, the
EVA can simulate most metal forming techniques and can keep up with the
carrier while it is underway," she suggested.  The Navy officers looked at
each other with a mix of amazement and horror.  The idea a 'repair vessel'
which could reach any part of the ship's hull and make repairs seemed an
idea none of them were comfortable with.
     "Uh," Admiral Adams said.  Ritsuko realized the mere presence of the
EVA and what they represented took the man out of his comfort zone.
     ~There are more things in Heaven and Earth, and aboard your ship, than
are dreamt of in your philosophy,~ she thought, she smirked at that.
     "We'll take that under advisement, but most of the damage is above the
waterline."
     "The EVA can help there too, if you need it.  I don't think you have
the people to spare to continue the shooting and martial arts lessons."
She knew she had made her point, and Adams wanted to stick to the strictly
conventional for a while.
     "Thank you, Doctor," Adams said oout of politeness, "I'd rather not
try to experiment while we're underway, however, please have the pilots
ready to assist if something goes seriously wrong."
     "Both pilots available are experienced in Search and Rescue, and will
be standing by," she said, and let the matter drop.
----------------------------------------
And the people bowed and prayed to the neon God they made.
July 31, 1947
     Jeff stood on the damaged flight deck, watching the city appear on the
horizon, their location clearer by the minute.  Nabiki had been watching
Ritsuko watching Jeff.  It was an odd and faintly irritating tableau.  She
felt a little like a voyeur, and she thought she should grab both of them
and lock them in a room together.  The age would be one thing holding them
apart, except they really weren't human, but they . . . it all ran around
her head until it gave her a headache.  With the weather clear, the
battlegroup had reassembled and were providing them an escort.  Despite
returning empty-handed.  Nabiki doubted that anyone who actually listened
to the reports would object to that.
     She was pleased about Ritsuko and Raccoon, she kept catching them
looking at each other when they thought no one else, especially the
recipient, was looking.  Or reaching out and suddenly catching themselves.
It was frustrating to watch, it was as painful to watch as the same antics
in Nerima were amusing.  But they were advancing, a thing the Nerimaniacs
never did.  What was torture was she wanted to _do_ something about it, but
even there she was frustrated.  She remembered the fathers' `plans` that
regularly ruined any progress Ranma and Akane made.  She wondered if her
impulse to do was subconsciously _to_ damage any progress made.  She didn't
know if she wanted then to get together as a couple, or if she wanted Jeff
and Ranma for herself, or if she wanted to toss Jeff off the front of the
carrier out of revulsion, or . . . or . . . or exactly what.  After the
dream she had begun to realize what it would be like to be stripped naked
like that, totally vulnerable.  Even if you _knew_ that the other person
would never use it, and was just as vulnerable to what you knew.  Her
invasion had given her more answers, which proceeded to thoroughly
complicate the question.
     The feeling of violation was the problem, for her as well.  That he'd
trained her _specifically_ to make such an intrusion didn't make her feel
better about it, it still felt like rape.  That `mommy` had been subtly
betrayed that way.  Then Raccoon forced Ritsuko to violate him made both of
them very leery of each other.  It made the whole thing touchier than
sweaty gelignite.
     ~Come _ON_!_~ she thought angrily, ~You're the expert!  You made all
Nerima dance to your tune, what's so different about these two?~
     ~They aren't stupid, they aren't crazy, and you actually want Ritsuko
and you to be happy.  Not merely entertained,~ her mind replied.  She
considered digging that oh-so helpful bit out with a spoon.  ~Thanks, now
give me something useful!~ she ordered.
----------------------------------------
     'Raccoon!'  Ritsuko started at Nabiki's call.  She looked around
guiltily, wondering if anyone else had caught her mooning after her
`husband`.  She watched Nabiki approach, she couldn't escape the image of
Kyoko, and her intense pride at her `daughter`, her first born.  Tall,
proud, resourceful.  ~That isn't any of it,~ Ritsuko wondered why she
hadn't gone mad, why `Raccoon` hadn't.  Also missing was the intense aura
of anger and betrayal that Nabiki had exhibited lately.
     "Are there any decent restaurants in that place?" Nabiki asked,
gesturing at Boston.
     Jeff nodded.  "Some very fine ones.  I can take you on a tour of them,
for as long as we're here."
     "Any good _Japanese_ restaurants?" Nabiki asked.  Ritsuko edged over
to where they were talking, something didn't feel right about the whole
conversation.
     "Not that I know of, some good Chinese restaurants, some even better
than the Cat Cafe."
     Ritsuko felt a chill as she remembered the quality of the place she'd
never been.  She could hardly believe it.  She also could walk into the
Dragon's Council Guildhall and give the correct password to be accepted as
a full member, or at least a welcome visitor.  She looked up, found herself
staring into those eyes.  Both she and Jeff looked away quickly as they
made an unwanted connection.
     ~Telling him it wasn't his fault won't help.  He knows, but he still
hurt someone he cares about, and I can't deny that it hurts,~ she thought,
~It hurts to look at him and it hurts to look away.  It hurts so much!  God
Almighty what a mess!~  She froze again.  She'd never had any truck with
the `superstitions` of the people around her.  Now she could feel the
comfort of believing in a higher power that wasn't hostile, uncaring,
treacherous, or was going to eat you.  She still regarded the existence of
any such thing as a fable . . . but. . . .
     She knew what she wanted to do, what nearly everybody had been
suggesting in pointed and not so pointed terms.  Things that were more real
and comfortable than some God of the humans.  But she couldn't do it, not
because it was wrong, which it was, or because it was inappropriate, which
it was, but because the basis was irrational, and it was manipulative of
someone weaker than she was.  She refused to start down Gendo's road of
seeing others like pieces to be moved around.
     "Rit-chan?" Nabiki's question drew her out of her thought chasing.
     "Yes, Bess?" she asked, enjoyed the momentary frown, swiftly hidden.
So serious.  So much like Kyoko.
     "When - we - dock - would you like to go to dinner with the three of
us?" Nabiki asked in a clear tone of voice.
     "Yes, of course," Ritsuko said, "You, me, Jeff and Maya?"
     "Of course," Jeff said eagerly, the first real enthusiasm for anything
since the . . . incident.
     ~And that for more people around to dilute things,~ she thought sadly,
~As well as potential rivals.~  She wasn't blind to `Nab-chan's` confusion,
which the girl transmuted into anger.  It seemed all four of them couldn't
make these kinds of decisions.  She was beginning to think Jeff's joking
comment about a menage a non was the simplest solution from an immediate
personal standpoint, but the most difficult one to live with.  ~Manage a
non,~ she thought archly.  She wished things could work out more easily,
for all of them.
----------------------------------------
     Jeff and Nabiki were playing pool.  Ritsuko and Maya watched from a
safe distance.  Ritsuko was glad the two pilots were acting out their
rivalry/strain in a more civilized fashion.  She was also glad most of the
sharks would `swim` close, realize how badly outclassed they were, and
flee.  With Nabiki's skill and Jeff's experience, they had to ricochet the
cue ball off at least two other objects before it hit its declared target.
Sinking a ball without doing that meant that Ritsuko or Maya would replace
the sunk ball and the cue ball wherever they wished.  It yielded some very
complicated shots, and Ritsuko hoped that Luigi's would open soon, before
the confrontation between the pair escalated.
     Nabiki got three shots in a row, which allowed her to run the table.
The last three games had gone that way, a stalemate until one or the other
got the rhythm, then they'd win.
     "You'll have to challenge Ranma when we get back," Jeff said.  Nabiki
didn't miss her shot, although not by much.
     "I'd get a few victories," Nabiki admitted, as she lined up her shot,
"Before he slipped into 'Ranma-cannot- lose' mode, and nobody'd ever beat
him again."
     Jeff waited for her to line up another shot then, "Langley would."
     The ball missed her intended target.  She glared at Jeff as Maya
placed the cue ball in a nearly impossible place.  Then both of them smiled
at him.
     "When does that place open for dinner?" Maya asked as she stepped away
and winked at Nabiki.
     "Six o'clock," Jeff told them as he studied how he was going to do
anything, "That early we don't have to dress for dinner."
     Ritsuko checked her watch.  "Then this is the last game," she said, "I
want to make sure we get a table."
     "We will," Jeff said as he made his shot, and accomplished nothing, "I
know the owner."
----------------------------------------
     Sergeant Malkowitz wasn't taken by surprise.  He often wondered how
someone supposedly so smart could have failed to notice the clues.  His
surveillance subject had never let on that he knew that he was being
observed.  Too many people could never see what was in front of them.  He'd
learned that on Guadalcanal, someone assured him that 'Japs don't bother
with landmines, and the engineers cleared all the boobytraps.'  Just before
the man stepped on a landmine that wasn't made in the U.S. of A.
     The bone fragments cost Malkowitz the use of his legs.  He was still
glad to serve his country.  The rifle he had might have made a difference
against a human.  Not against the mad thing he was confronting.  He'd still
emptied the clip into it, just to satisfy himself that it was useless.
     The blow hurled him against the wall.  He heard his bones break as
well as the wheelchair.  At times like this, he wished he knew a lot less
than he did.
     The next blow landed, and everything went dark.
----------------------------------------
     "Where'd you disappear to?" Nabiki asked Jeff as they entered the
restaurant.
     Ritsuko thought it wasn't as elegant as it could have been, ~But it's
kind of nice.~
     "Taking care of some details," Jeff answered he spoke to the maitre d'
in Italian.  From her knowledge of French, Ritsuko guessed he was
confirming they had a table and the owner was aware they were here.
     Ritsuko was looking forward to some good food.  She noted that neither
Nabiki, nor Maya, were as enthused as she and Jeff were.  She looked
around, expecting a special evening.  Jeff seemed extraordinary calm.  "You
must be homesick," she said.
     "Not really," he admitted, "I was the first couple months, but I got
over it."
     "Not going to admit it," Nabiki said cattily, everyone was now
speaking English.
     "Are you?"  He smiled at her.  "There's a simple solution."  She
smiled back nastily.
     Ritsuko wondered, he seemed to be waiting for something.  She doubted
anyone except her would have noticed.  The waiter came and took their
orders, then bustled away.  She didn't want to drink, or the others to
drink, but she wondered why the waiter hadn't offered a wine list.
     "Blue laws," Jeff explained to her unasked question, "No alcohol
unless you specifically ask for it, and none at all on Sunday."
     Ritsuko nodded.  She noted that Jeff's air of expectation grew, he was
carefully glancing around.  The waiter arrived with large trays, the
appetizers she figured.  Another man approached as well.  This seemed to be
what Jeff was expecting.  Ritsuko looked forward to seeing what surprises
he had prepared.
----------------------------------------
     Major ggreg heard the gun fire from where he was heading alone in the
Boston streets.  He pulled his Browning Hi-Power and ran towards the sound
of the guns, fewer now.
     He arrived at his original intended destination, to a scene from an
abattoir.  Soldiers slaughtered, the armored limo they had been guarding
was blazing merrily, a blistered hand halfway out of the door.  The stench
told him all he needed to know.  The girl with the long black hair staring
at the scene told him even more.  Especially that he'd been wasting his
time aboard the carrier when he should have been _here_.
     "Are you with them . . . or with him?" she asked.
     ggreg backed up a pace, then dove for cover behind a group of ashcans.
He wasn't sure what she was firing, but the ash cans fragmented, sending
coal ashes everywhere, disguising his retreat.
     He fired into the cloud, not waiting for the girl to come through.  He
switched clips and waited for her to emerge.  Some instinct caused him to
turn, it prevented her from flattening his head with the pipe she swung.
     Her next stroke went wide, ggreg dodged, counterattacked with fists
and gunfire.  A direct hit to the girl's head didn't faze her, a gunshot to
the same point staggered her slightly, but by the time he changed clips,
she was back.
     The blow knocked him flat and the gun skittered from his hand, it
stopped and moved back, until the girl held it in her hand.   There was no
madness in her eyes, she looked calm and poised as she took aim.  The look
of a soldier.
     The bar of almost pure white struck her, surrounding her with fire.
ggreg took to his heels, favoring his ribs as he ran.  The fire died down
quickly, but he had lost sight of her and he changed direction rapidly and
randomly.
     He found himself at the waterfront.  He took no chances and dove in,
he could swim to the Bennington from here.
----------------------------------------
     The men whisked away the metal covers from the plates they'd placed
before them.  In front of Jeff was an odd sandwich, but in front of Nabiki,
Maya and Ritsuko was a riceball and a bowl of miso soup.  Even the dried
seaweed was correct.  The maitre d' gave Jeff a salute and moved off.
     "Thanks Luigi," Jeff said.
     "How did . . . ?"  Then Nabiki was speechless.  Maya was more
practical.
     "Bean jam!" Maya said excitedly, showing the interior of the rice ball
her bite had exposed, to Nabiki.
     "Oh, a magician never reveals his tricks," Jeff said airily.
     "He probably sent a radio message ahead," Ritsuko said, sipped the
miso soup silently, Western-style.  It was excellent.
     "If you're going to reveal all my tricks . . ." Jeff grumped.
     "I _do_ appreciate it," Ritsuko said.  Maya's and Nabiki's mouths were
full.
     "I saw and heard all the comments about the bad food.  Luigi is the
best cook I've ever met.  But I had to challenge him, and did he meet your
expectations?"
     "Yes," Nabiki said, "I'm not ready to forgive you, but I have decided
not to kill you without Ritsuko's permission."
     "Nabiki-chan!" Maya chided.
     "Oh, I don't mind," Jeff said, "I didn't mean to erase . . . well, I
did want you to feel better."  He was the shy little boy again.  Ritsuko
wanted to hug him.  She knew that it wasn't appropriate in the instance or
the circumstances.  She knew what was acceptable in the situation.  "Thank
you," Ritsuko told him in French.  He nodded.  The tension among the four
reduced significantly for the rest of the evening.
----------------------------------------
     They walked home in the quiet.  The last vestiges of twilight
illuminating the people just arriving to dine and party.
     "Lost in thought?" Ritsuko asked her charges.
     "Just wondering . . . why?"  Nabiki stared at Jeff.
     "All the questions about homesickness, the gripes about pretty good
food.  I figured you could all use a taste of home.  I was getting one," he
replied.
     "Still looking after us?" Maya teased.
     "Well of course.  You and Brown Bess are too young to be let out on
your own," Jeff replied, then had to run ahead to avoid a poking/tickling
attack by Nabiki.
     "It's good to see them like this, Sempai," Maya said.
     "Thinking about a course of action of your own?" Ritsuko asked.
     "No, Sempai, I think the best course, is no course.  Any decision we
make here will have a different meaning when we return to NERV.  Major
Katsuragi would never allow it.  I . . .I don't know if Commander Ikari
would allow it either."
     "I don't think he would interfere," Ritsuko said as she picked up the
pace to pursue the two kids, who were yelling and carrying on like two
kids.
     ~At least he wouldn't with you and me,~ she thought.  "The rest . . .
I don't know," she admitted.
----------------------------------------
And the sign flashed out it's warning, in the words that it was forming.
Aug 1, 1947
     Boston P.D. was a professional, big-city department, no shortage of
war veterans meant most had seen quite a bit.  Lieutenant Sullivan was
Irish, which in Boston meant he was a cop, so the joke went.  He'd seen
action in the First World War, but even the WW2 vets hadn't seen this.
Some of the younger ones had lost their breakfasts down the hall.  Sullivan
was covering his mouth with his handkerchief.
     "Poor bastard," he said quietly of the victim.  Harvard wasn't the
place for a murder, especially one this gruesome.
     The NERV technician was looking at the body, he looked awfully young
to be so immured to death, especially one as violent as this.  "Death was
by blunt force trauma, all this - " He indicated the dead man's viscera
spread all over the room.  "Was done post mortem.  Someone was extremely
angry."
     "You want to sign the death certificate?" Sullivan asked, "Our coroner
took one look and went out to get some air."
     "No, the Commonwealth pays him, so he works for them.  Besides, I have
to tell NERV about this.  You know who Sergeant Malkowitz's roommate, until
this March, was?  One of the EVA pilots."
     "Christ Almighty!" Sullivan swore, it would cost him a Hail Mary or
three but it was appropriate, "Do they know?"
     "Unless you called them, no.  They're probably going to go a little
nuts when they learn about this.  Be ready for _lots_ of questions."  The
man walked out of the room, removed the little slippers he'd worn over his
shoes to walk across the blood soaked floor.  "And then be ready for the
fit to hit the shan."
     Sullivan nodded, there was something creepy about a guy who could look
at this, and not swear.
----------------------------------------
     Ritsuko charged up to the officer of the day.  Her expression would
have made a veteran cower, the poor, brand-new O1 looked like he wondered
if she'd let him make out his last will and testament.
     "What did the Sergeant of the Guard mean 'I can't find them.'  _Both_
pilots signed out, I would have expected a company of troops to have been
following them!" Ritsuko said as reasonably as she could manage.
     "We had no special orders regarding the pilots.  It was probably just
an oversight," the man managed.
     "Ensign," Ritsuko said calmly, mainly because being calm at times like
this scared people a lot more, "There are perhaps seven pilots in the
entire world, that we know of.  Major ggreg was hauled out of the harbor
after tangling with something he couldn't deal with.  He regularly dealt
with the entire Nazi Reich.  Now they aren't expecting him to live.  You
would think that should have triggered some restrictions on who gets on and
gets off this boat, wouldn't you?"
     "I didn't have any orders, ma'am."  The man nervously flipped through
the clipboard's contents.
     ~Probably hoping Nabiki and Jeff signed out _before_ they found
ggreg,~ Ritsuko thought.  "What has been done about a searching party?
There are 1800 Marines on this boat," Ritsuko asked pointedly.
     "I don't have that information."  The ensign looked like he wanted to
crawl under his desk, or volunteer for an immediate combat assignment.
Getting shot at looked like a healthier situation than the one he was in
right now.
     "Dismissed Ensign," Admiral Adams came up behind her.  The Ensign
tried to break the land speed record while saluting as he left the office.
Adams closed the door behind the boy.
     "There won't _be_ any search parties from this ship.  The Marines
aren't carrying the requisite firepower."  He handed her several manila
folders.  "The Army is preparing to look for Miss Tendo.  They've called up
an armored division, and we'll be putting back to sea with Unit 04 until
the crisis is resolved."
     Ritsuko stared at him, Adams didn't seem the kind to joke about things
like this.  As she read the contents of the folders, she felt a cold
seeping through her.  "Bastards," she whispered.
     "No need to be so polite," Adams agreed.
----------------------------------------
     Nabiki realized she'd made a mistake.  Raccoon's descriptions of
Boston last night made her want to walk around its streets.  So she'd
gotten a rare early start, and then just enjoyed walking and shopping.  The
people she'd met had been friendly, if a little distracted.  It reminded
her a little of Nerima, when the local populace realized a battle was in
the offing and had evacuation in the back of their minds, she couldn't
believe such an event was going to occur here.
     She'd let herself forget that Raccoon had been known here and also had
friends in many places.  He was also a WASP and male.  Outside that
protective shell, she was a 'Jap', they were rare in the U.S. East Coast,
and while they had been defeated, there was still a war going on in `their`
country.  This had been explained to her, usually at the top of somebodies'
lungs from a distance.  She was beginning to regret not having collected a
couple of escorts.  A couple of Marines would have been useful, both in
protecting her in the current circumstances, and preventing them from
occurring.
     She decided _not_ to point out that as heavy as the casualties at
Pearl Harbor were, they were easily dwarfed by the losses from the
firestorming of Tokyo, of Yokohama, of Nagasaki, of nearly every industrial
city in southern and central Japan, or by the starvation and disease that
swept every island that followed the collapse of the Japanese government
and way of life.  None of that was enough to offset the 'treacherous'
tactics which 'everyone knew about'.
     She thought Kuno or Ryoga would fit in perfectly, with their
prejudices.  She was heading back to the carrier at her best walking speed
when she realized that she'd strayed too far off the beaten track, and
somehow the crowd had gotten in front of her as well.
     ~This is going to be a problem,~ she thought, ~I don't want to abandon
what I bought.~  The money was unimportant, the time and effort of picking
out the gifts and souvenirs, that she resented losing.  She glanced at the
crowd in front.  ~Unless it is absolutely necessary, which is looking more
and more likely,~ she thought, ~If I was Ranma I'd fight my way out.  And
get reamed royally for doing it.~  She suspected that Akane's anti-Hentai
Horde techniques would work only until someone decided firearms were the
appropriate remedy.
     ~I hate retreating,~ she thought, ~But it's already my only option.~
     The car that pulled up, blocking her, brought the decision from
eventually to right now.  The tall, blonde woman climbed out of the sedan
and smoothly drew a pistol, fired into the air.   "You have homes to go
back to," she told them in a no-nonsense tone, holding a badge over her
head, "I suggest you all do that."  There was murmuring among the crowd,
but a good portion of it dispersed.  The hot heads didn't like the odds so
well now.
     "Get in Miss Tendo," the woman told her, pulling a different badge, a
NERV ID card, and showing it to her.  The picture was the typical
unflattering one, the name was Lauren S.
     "Thanks," Nabiki told Lauren, "I could have handled it, but I'm glad I
didn't have to."  She gratefully got into the car with her parcels.
     "Should I drop you at the carrier, or at Harvard?" Lauren asked,
winked at her.  She knew Jeff's parents were at Harvard.
     "The carrier I guess," Nabiki said, "I guess I shouldn't have eschewed
an escort.  I can't go wherever I want."
     "You might, in Frisco or Chicago, but not in the `civilized` East,"
she practically spat the word, "And especially not with what's been going
on.  I'm surprised they didn't have a squad of Marines following your every
step."
     "I didn't really tell anyone where I was going," Nabiki admitted.
     "Miss Tendo, with all due respect, that was incredibly stupid," she
said as they drove away, "My dad is old enough to remember the signs 'dogs,
Irish and Niggers need not apply' for jobs and housing.  The old Mayflower
crowd wants only the best, read WASPs, and Orientals are decidedly _not_
welcome.  They don't even like the Welsh.  So everybody has to have someone
to dump the shit they get, on someone else."
     "My mom had me baptized Presbyterian," Nabiki said, "Would that help?"
Nabiki hung on tightly, Lauren seemed to have gone to the Misato Katsuragi
school of offensive driving.
     "If it was stenciled on your forehead, maybe," Lauren told her, taking
turns with squealing tires.
     "Thanks for the save then, a friend told me certain areas should have
been safe."
     "The Irish and Italian areas I'll bet.  They aren't quite so rigid,
and I'll bet your friend expected to go with you," Lauren said, seemingly
unaffected by the angry horns and near collisions, she drove like an
unstoppable force of nature.  "Something's been stirring up things, mostly
at night, but everybody's on edge."
     "Since you already guessed who it was," Nabiki said, she didn't like
games, the woman seemed to be trying to scare her with the driving and her
lack of reaction to it.
     "I have an idea," Lauren said, "Tell him this is as bad as '45, and to
keep whoever he cares about under lock and key."  They pulled into the Navy
Yard, Lauren did stop at the guard shack, and showed her ID, then proceeded
at posted speeds.  Nabiki hadn't realized she was this close.
     "Well, here's your stop.  All a float who's going afloat," the woman
joked as Nabiki collected her parcels.  "Oh, and if you see your friend,
tell him I'll be in the last place he'd ever look.  I'm glad to have met
you, Miss Tendo.  I never met another girl with no shadow before."
     Before Nabiki could respond, the woman drove away.  Nabiki stood for a
moment, staring at the car, wondering if she should deliver the message or
not.
     "No shadow?" she asked, glanced at the sun over head, then straight
down.  "Oh KAMIS!" she shouted as she stormed onto the carrier.
----------------------------------------
     Ritsuko stared at the few technicians - ~Few _surviving_ technicians,~
she thought ruefully, ~The last ones cleared for the complete Chicago
project.  Somebody has killed all the bosses, the last one died last
night.~
     "It was never our intention to let it get this far," the Lead
technician, a nonentity called Jones, told her with a nervous laugh.
     The old man had arrived at Ritsuko's cabin, as she'd been preparing to
leave to confront NERV Mass. about what was in the files Adams had let her
read.  The man, a bird colonel chaplain, had given her a few more sheets to
read and keep.  'That's shocking fare, the boy might need to know this, but
I'll leave that to your judgement.'  What she'd read had horrified her.
     Just mentioning the codewords that classified the reports had been
enough to arrange this meeting.  Now she was confronting the NERV staff
survivors who were named in the reports.  She could understand why someone
had been killing them, she just wondered why it had taken so long.  Ritsuko
was sorely tempted to revert to her original form and tear these malignant
little men limb from limb, except she couldn't absorb their thoughts, and
she wanted answers far more than she wanted their blood.
     "The effect was never intended to be used this way," Jones admitted,
the others nodded their agreement and whispered among themselves about how
this or that might have gone wrong.  "We needed the weapons," Jones tried
to fill the stony silence Ritsuko was radiating.
     ~Once they're allowed to talk about it,~ she realized as she glared at
them, ~They're actually proud of what they've done.~  She wondered if Gendo
would be as disgusted as she was.
     "So how were the thirty chosen, or was it two hundred?" she asked
coldly.  She doubted Jeff had lied to her, with her memories it would have
been impossible, he was accurately reporting all he had found out.  The
fact that what he had discovered was all a tissue of lies wasn't his fault.
     "The total with the British and Commonwealth subjects it was closer to
800.  The U.S. was a larger area, allowing proper security."
     "So what, the Wyoming base was where you kept them all?  And what
happened to the others.  'Lost due to control issues' doesn't really
describe things now does it?  The British officially lost six to EVA Unit
03, the American only had three and there is no official word on
'Commonwealth' pilots."
     "As the report said, they mostly died in 1939.  There was a revolt.
The subjects were always uncooperative, pressing the limits, well most of
them were.  Some 30 stood against the revolt.  All but the last nine were
killed.  We were designing killing machines who feared nothing," Jones said
defensively, then wilted a bit under Ritsuko's stare, "Perhaps we should
have had more levels of control."
     ~Like Gendo has with Rei?~ Ritsuko thought, ~But she loves and
respects him.  Is that something he earned, or was it programmed into her?
Gendo, you think you're a bastard, you don't even make the first cut.~
     "They were good at it," Jones told his comrades, getting nods and
murmurs of agreement and approval, "But after killing all the other
`children` they'd grown up with, there were . . . well, behavioral
anomalies.  If they were human, we'd call it shell shock, simple
malingering some said.  So we erased their memories of the actual events."
He smiled.  "We gave each one an interesting childhood, and one traumatic
memory to focus all their free floating guilt on," he said cheerfully,
"Then we placed them with trustworthy relatives of project members."
     "Samuel?" Ritsuko couldn't say any more.  Her own borrowed memories of
the event were too close, too raw.
     "Made up out of whole cloth, I was particularly proud of the - subtle
- touches . . . "
     Her stare silenced the man.  "I assume Sharon Lauren had such a suite
of false memories."
     "Well, of course," Jones said defensively, "We needed a failsafe in
case . . . well there was a repetition of the event of 1939.  We also
established limiters to prevent that very occurrence."
     "And just _who_ provided you with the information on these `limiters`,
and did it ever occur to you that they might have provided you with
something that they could reverse or sabotage at a later time?" she asked,
barely restraining her temper.  ~I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that this is
the `Inspector's` work.  Give these ivory tower idiots something they
wouldn't care about the consequences, because they had `safeguards`!~ she
thought in a fury, ~Did Gendo get the same deal?  With Rei?  With Shinji?
Or did he realize the other pilots and their needs were the layer of
safeguards we needed for Rei?  Gendo, was that why you secretly lobbied for
Asuka and Jeff, and not Sharon and Anna?  The ones with the more deeply
buried flaws?  I owe you an apology Gendo, cold-blooded but not
cold-hearted.~  She glanced that the gossiping chickens around her.  ~And
definitely not stupid,~ she thought.
     "The limiters appear to have failed with Miss Lauren," Ritsuko said,
"How do we prevent a failure of Mister Davis's?" she asked coldly.
     They chuckled.  "I don't think there's any worry, after all, he hasn't
manifested an AT field outside an EVA or anything like that."  More general
nervous laughter, all the more nervous because Ritsuko stared stonefaced at
them.
     Ritsuko couldn't imagine how Gendo had managed to keep _that_ little
tidbit out of any reports back to these clowns.  "I don't find any of this
the least bit funny.  If you're through laughing at your cleverness, I need
information on what I can expect if our forces have to engage Sharon.  Will
conventional weapons suffice.  You certainly have to have had experience in
'39, you have to have considered it.  Will the EVA be necessary?"  She
noted how nervous and silent they all got.  "Two . . . _THREE_?_"
     The men turned to stare at each other, whispering anxiously.
     ~Oh by all the gods and kamis!~ she thought in terror.  "I'll have the
pilots man the EVA."
     "No!" a different technician piped up, "That - that may not be a good
idea."  He glanced around nervously before continuing, "It may be possible
for a subject without limiters to sync with an EVA . . . externally."
     Ritsuko felt the world slipping away.  It explained some of Jeff's odd
sync behavior.  ~If he doesn't need to be physically present in a cockpit
to control an EVA . . . we already know a 400% sync rate would bypass the
need for batteries and external power,~ she thought, ~The only protection
is that the pilot would dissolve into the EVA.  If a pilot would be able to
operate an independent EVA . . . I can barely imagine the disaster _that_
could become.~  She wondered if that ability could also be developed for
the other pilots, then discarded the idea.
     "What was the operation in Boston in '45?" Ritsuko asked, she had a
terrible feeling about this.  The technicians looked at each other.
     "There was some concern that the subjects were losing their aggressive
edge against their real enemies.  Since a minor one was here in Boston, a
test was arranged," Jones told her.
     ~So you lured or invited Gendo here, maybe even wanted to see if your
'subjects' were a match for Rei,~ she thought, ~I'll have to ask Rei if it
was Jeff, Sharon, or circumstances that killed her.~  "What would have
happened if they lost?" Ritsuko asked, and was shocked at the surprised
looks.
     "They wouldn't have," Jones said, "Either Davis or Lauren could have
taken it alone, together it would have been simplicity itself.  But we did
have a battleship standing by if we needed it."
     ~And that makes it all right?~ she wanted to scream, ~So that's what
the inquiry is all about.  If Misato knows anything about who helped her.
What would Jeff do if he realizes that it was all a test of him and his
allies?  What will they do if they realize Nyarlathotep was probably
pulling _everyone's_ strings?~  She didn't let any of her emotions show.
     "So, are you hoping Sharon and Jeff will destroy each other?" she
asked angrily and was horrified when no one denounced her statement
automatically.  ~That's what they want.  It would let them eliminate their
problems all at once.  One goes nuts and their last problem dies honorably
to save the world,~ she thought, ~They expect to bury the whole thing.
Except they don't know the facts.~
     "Unfortunately we don't have the pilots to spare.  How do we stop
her?" Ritsuko demanded.
     "We don't know," Jones admitted, "We thought the drugs we were giving
her would continue to prevent her from being a problem."
     Again Ritsuko decided reverting to her true form and consuming all
these idiots was a bad idea.  She might accidentally absorb some of their
stupidity.  ~So why am I wasting my time talking to you?~ she wondered.
"Well, I need to rescue an EVA pilot from an insane monster, and you can
only tell me nothing will work?"  No one answered her.  She turned and
left, wondering what had they been thinking.
----------------------------------------
And the signs said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway
walls
     Nabiki rushed through the carrier towards where the pilots and senior
staff were billeted.  Maya, Ritsuko and Jeff, nobody knew where they were.
She could only pray one of them was in their quarters, or nearby.  She
entered her cabin and found Belldandy waiting for her.
     "I am glad you are well," Belldandy told her and smiled.
     Nabiki considered asking her where she had been the last few days,
when she could have used someone to talk to, instead she had a more
important question.  "Then maybe you'd like to tell me where my shadow
went," Nabiki replied harshly.  Nabiki turned on the desk lamp, nothing
fell on the floor.  Nabiki also wanted to know what had prevented her and
seemingly everyone else from noticing.
     Belldandy paled, looked away.
     "So it _is_ true!" Nabiki said in shock, "What did you do to me?"
     "It wouldn't harm you," Belldandy told her, it clearly sounded lame to
her.
     "Harm me, so what change _did_ you do, and for what ends?" Nabiki
considered dragging the woman to her feet and pummeling her to get the
truth.  Akane wasn't the only Tendo who was capable of extreme violence
against the unresisting.
     "No normal human can encounter these creatures and remain sane,"
Belldandy told her sadly, bowed her head, "I do apologize."
     "What about the others?"  Nabiki couldn't imagine where her anger had
suddenly disappeared to.
     Belldandy only looked guiltily at the deck as she drywashed her hands.
     "What about Ranma?" Nabiki demanded, desperation and cold fear ruled
her now.
     "The neko-ken training gives him a level of resistance, his curse also
protects him.  The three personae he uses dilute the effects, but you have
no such defense, so you touch the world only lightly."
     Nabiki reeled back against the bulkhead.  'Touch the world only
lightly,' rang in her mind.  "Is that why Ranma reacts to me that way?"
     "When you . . . molest him?"  If she was going to lecture Nabiki, the
glare she was getting silenced her.
     "Yes, when I molest him," Nabiki said icily, her fury returned full
force.
     Belldandy shivered as if the cold were real.  "He, he doesn't . . .
doesn't connect with you as he does the others because . . . you . . . ."
Belldandy looked down at her active hands.  "I'm sorry, but it was
necessary for your survival.  And _your_ survival is necessary for his."
     Nabiki wondered if the closeness she enjoyed with the others, was due
to the fact she didn't have a full effect on them.  What she did really
didn't register, good and bad things.  She hated being taken lightly, but
clearly this was what was happening.  That it was done _to_her_ infuriated
her.  "So, you adjust your agent fighting these Angels to enhance her
survival?" Nabiki asked.  She remembered that Lauren had said 'Someone
else', someone else without a shadow.  ~Was she another of their agents?
Was the girl a _failed_ agent and Tendo Nabiki was her replacement, and
Belldandy was the replacement to whoever Lauren's handler was?~
     "She wanted to talk to Jeff, why?" Nabiki asked distantly.
     "Who?" Belldandy asked, glad the subject had changed.
     "Lauren S., a woman I met, one who pointed out my lack of shadow,"
Nabiki answered.
     "Nabiki-chan," Belldandy said worriedly, "Lauren was Sharon Lauren,
the other American pilot."
     Nabiki's mind raced.  ~She was the pilot, did what they do cause her
to go insane when she linked with the EVA, or did that make her nuts
instead of dissolving like Jason?  Why didn't I dissolve or go nuts?  Did
they get the process right or did the others condition the EVAs so they
didn't do anything permanent to me?~  She glanced at Belldandy staring at
her with a mix of hope and dread.  ~Did she know that might happen and they
didn't tell me . . . or did nobody tell _her_?_~
     She narrowed her eyes and approached the girl.  "You did all these
things so I wouldn't be hurt," Nabiki said sweetly, smiling the whole time,
at the same time restraining herself for grabbing the girl's fancy dress
and beating her against the bulkheads.
     "Yes," Belldandy said, relaxing at the less menacing atmosphere.
     "Well, guess what?" Nabiki smiled right in the girl's face.
     "What?"
     "You failed miserably," Nabiki said flatly, "Either you lied to me,
which is bad enough.  Or you used me as a guinea pig without my approval,
and maybe without yours.  So, after harming me worse than anything since
the death of my mother, which are you?  A liar, unfeeling, or incompetent?"
Nabiki asked sweetly, while the girl cringed, then burst into tears.
     A sobbing pretty girl would have the desired effect on Ranma, maybe
even on Raccoon, but the Ice Queen was back.  She wanted Raccoon in her
life, exactly as what was unimportant right now.  And Sharon Lauren would
probably kill him when she found him.  And _N_O_B_O_D_Y_ took anything away
Tendo Nabiki without her permission.  And _anyone_ who tried was asking to
pay a terrible price.  "You - _owe_ - me!" Nabiki said calmly, "I want to
know everything you know about what Sharon Lauren is, and what I'll need to
beat her, and if it will take Unit 04, I want to know that part right
_now_."
     The girl had been squirming and sobbing the entire time Nabiki had
been naming her conditions.
     "I can't tell you all that," she said weakly.
     "Then I'll think of something to permit you to make up for what you
owe," Nabiki said reasonably, "After you tell me
_ab_-_so_-_lute_-_ly_everything_ you can think of that will be of use.  And
if you are thinking of doing something foolish like erasing my memory . . .
you'd better do a _very_ complete job, and find all the places I've written
it down."
     She looked straight into Belldandy's eyes.  "Or I will be very, very,
very angry," with each word she dropped the pitch and the temperature.
     Belldandy visibly retreated into the chair from the smiling girl.
----------------------------------------
     Belldandy had been warned the girl was dangerous, likewise they had
explained that her avariciousness would be necessary to stave off a
disaster.  'Grab hold and hang on like a snapping turtle.'  She did agree
with Tendo Nabiki on one point, she wished someone, anyone would explain
why she had to do these things.  Especially the orders to come here, those
were the most frightening.  They hadn't come from Kami-Sama, but directly
from the One Above.  The Archangels had occasional contact with . . . but
never one of her low station.  The message had warned her that Tendo-san
would react exactly as she was reacting, with insults and threats, and
every intention of carrying them out.  And that regarding what information
to pass along, Belldandy was to 'use your best discretion'.  Her tears were
not entirely due to the hurtful things Nabiki was saying about her, but her
frustration over not knowing what to do at such a critical time.  So much
was in the balance.
     Nabiki was deciding which enemy to destroy, Belldandy desperately
hoped she wasn't to become that enemy.
     "There is nothing you can do to stop the girl, even with Unit 04.
Only Jeffrey can stop her, and he will," Belldandy said quietly, "Bringing
the EVA in, could be very dangerous."
     "Why?"  Nabiki was trying to hide her fear.  Belldandy only saw it
because her own fear mirrored Tendo-san's.
     "It may be possible for her to usurp control from an . . . "
Belldandy glanced at her.  "From an inexperienced pilot."
     Nabiki was clearly staggered by the possibility.  "Someone could
control an EVA without being inside it . . . I heard stories about Unit 01,
experienced it."  She shook her head and took a deep breath.  "That's a
long way from active control.  What about our enemies?" Nabiki asked,
retreating fully into the `Ice Queen` persona, to cover her horror and
dread.
     "The pilots are the only ones who can interface with the EVAs,"
Belldandy said miserably, "We think."
     "You don't _KNOW_?_!_  You work for _GOD_!_" Tendo-san shouted.
     "He doesn't tell us everything," she replied quietly.  ~Like why I
have to do this,~ she lamented silently.  "It has never come up," Belldandy
explained.
     "Very well," Nabiki said coldly, "What you did to me, and what did you
do to Ranma?"
     Belldandy sighed, she was tempted to tell Tendo-san everything she
knew and perhaps the two of them could make sense of it.
----------------------------------------
And tenement halls.
     Nabiki felt the cold fire of deep betrayal.  She'd been granted the
wish, supposedly, allowed to come here.  But unlike Ranma, she wasn't
really part of this world.  Little would change her as it changed the
others.  It would be easy for her to slip back `home` when she was done.
Abandon Ranma, Rit-chan, Raccoon, Asuka, etc. to their inhuman fate.
     ~Once the job is done,~ she considered coldly, ~I was never meant to
stay, I could look after him, but never marry him, have his children, grow
old with him.~  She made the sadness turn to anger.
     Her deal with Raccoon, about connecting her with Ranma, was so much
ash now.  She'd watched Ranko carry on and get closer to Raccoon.  If
things remained the way they were, those two would marry and raise kids,
and while Nabiki would definitely be welcome, in their home, in their
relationship, but she wouldn't really be a part of it.
     She decided, she didn't want to be an outsider.  Not anymore, not with
Ranma, raccoon, Rit-chan, not even Gendo and Admiral Simson.  Belldandy
would `arrange` things so Nabiki would stay, and the girl would find a way
that Nabiki wouldn't need the `outsideness` to protect her, and Nabiki did
not _care_ how.  The others had welcomed her in, as long as they were
willing to do that, not 'Touching the world lightly,' allowed her to
maintain and strengthen that connection.  But the connections would no
longer be so ephemeral, they wouldn't fade, the good and the bad things.
She would have to be on her best behavior for a while.
     She had to find Ritsuko, maybe together with Raccoon, they could deal
with Sharon.  She was headed for the gangway to get off the carrier.
     "Where is Doctor Akagi?" Nabiki asked the O.O.D., Officer of the Day,
a pale ensign who had suddenly grown a good deal paler.
     "Mmmmmmmiss Tendo, Iiiiii, I'm afffraid Iii caaaan't let you leave,"
the ensign told her, "We're caaaasting off,"
     Nabiki leaned closer, smiled.  "Where - is - Doc - tor - Akagi?"
Nabiki repeated her question.
     "NERV HQ, Cambridge," the ensign said, too terrified to be afraid.
     Nabiki turned away from the gangway she'd used to leave earlier.  The
Marines who fell in behind her were a liability now.  Her target was the
deck edge lift.  She wasn't Ranma, but she wasn't porcelain either.
     "Miss Tendo."  Chief Cole was running across the hanger towards her.
"Please step away, we're getting underway."
     "Follow when you can," she called back and leapt off the lift to the
concrete pier 10 to 15 meters below.  She stood stared at the amazed
Marines and sailors clustered on the lift.  She turned back and marched
off.
----------------------------------------
     "Is this the only way?" the voice asked, nearly scaring Jeff off the
rail car.
     He recognized the voice, but he wasn't going to deal with it: the same
thing he'd confronted outside Rei's apartment.  He steadfastly continued
his preparations.
     "If you care for her, this won't be necessary."
     "You prepare for what _may_ happen," Jeff replied as he climbed down
the ladder to the ground.  She was at the bottom of the ladder of course,
blocking his way.  "Don't you have someone else to pester, or am I
particularly entertaining?"  He stepped around her and began cranking the
pump.
     "I am here to help you.  We are not your enemy."
     "Pull the other one, it's got bells on, dandy thing too," he told her
as he cranked, examining the piled stones for any signs that might betray
what he was doing.
     "This is not the only way."
     "Look, you want to try the 'Peace, Love and Brown Rice' method, stick
around.  It'll be interesting watching you get your head handed to you."
     "She does not trust us."  The girl hung her head and turned away.  It
was an excellent attempt to engender sympathy, but Jeff knew a trick when
he saw one.
     "Huh," Jeff said, "Imagine that?  Maybe she's not as nuts as I
thought.  Or maybe if I kill her, either your lot or the other bunch will
have to deal with her." ~If we even _have_ souls,~ he added silently, he
could feel her, searching for him, her anger growing, ~Just like the Great
Old One Brown Bess encountered.  I wonder if I'll be in any condition to
scream when this is over, curse or not, not withstanding.~
----------------------------------------
     Maya was waiting for her beside an Army 6x6 truck outside NERV Mass.
Ritsuko marched for the truck, Maya pulled the cover off the back.  Inside
the bed were bazookas, heavy machine guns, and flamethrowers.  The rest of
the 2.5 ton load was ammunition.
     "You heard?" Ritsuko asked as Maya reclosed the cover.
     "I heard what Major ggreg described, and I've read Jeff journals," she
jogged for the cab, to open the door for her Sempai.  "The only thing she's
afraid of is fire."  In the cab were six double-barreled shotguns in a rack
between the driver and the passenger positions.  "Jeff's parents had these
prepared for him . . . in case it was Sharon."
     Ritsuko wanted to tell her the truth, but decided not to.  "You drive,
if I have to shoot.  I'll take shotgun."  Ritsuko slid over to the
passenger side.
     "Nabiki-chan left the carrier, told the Marines to follow when they
can.  Admiral Adams has ordered her arrest," Maya said as she climbed in.
     "He's just covering himself."  Ritsuko broke open one shotgun, removed
and shook the shells.  It seemed like such a pathetic thing to use against
something that might be as powerful as an Angel.  "And we can't use the EVA
against it."
     "What!?" Maya exclaimed as she drove on the correct side of the road.
     "Don't ask questions you really don't want the answers for."  She
glanced back into the truck bed.  "Does that radio work?"
     "Yes, Sempai."
     "Let's find `Brown Bess`, I hope you two won't have to prove your
training in fire arms."
     Maya only nodded and concentrated on the road.
----------------------------------------
     Jeff tossed the barrels of diesel fuel and the feed line aside.  He'd
emptied the dozen barrels into the two fertilizer filled hopper cars.  He
wished there was more, he wished that he could use something better than
gravity and time to mix the material.  He prayed she wouldn't spot the
dynamite, or the wires.  There was some time to get up to the water tank so
he checked that the three sticks of dynamite, the booster caps were all in
place, and the wires were all buried in the railroad roadbed, and that all
of them were hard to spot.  The barrels just looked like a fuel dump.  He
climbed the ladder to the water tower and waited.
     She would be able to feel him, she'd find him fairly soon.  His only
advantage, was that he'd know she was coming before she knew exactly where
he was.  Experience versus raw power.  He actually hoped the silly angel's
approach worked, Sharon would be a valuable asset, and could be a good
friend.  But he wasn't willing to stake millions of lives on an angel's
delusions.
     ~Besides,~ he thought morosely, ~She'd be angry if I didn't take her
seriously.  Is 30 to 40 tons of TNT equivalent serious enough?~
----------------------------------------
     Sharon advanced across the small switch yard for the farm products
warehouse.  She had tracked him here.  She scanned the railcars, he could
be hiding with a rifle or a bazooka behind any of them.  She actually
suspected the small switch engine at the end of a long empty section of
track would be his favored weapon.  If he really understood what she'd
become, that would be the minimum necessary to harm her.  But she saw no
smoke and heard only the distant traffic.  She still dashed across that
particular track.
     "I wanted to talk to you away from the others."
     She heard his voice and she headed in that direction.  "You always did
talk when you should have been fighting, that's why I'll beat you," she
shouted back.
     "I am curious, it is a failing at times."
     The voice, his voice, drew her forward.  She would catch him while he
blathered.  "You really don't understand what you and I are."  She kept
searching for the source.
     "I have an idea."  His voice was so infuriatingly calm, he always
thought he was in control.
     "You don't realize what they kept from us, what we are being used
for."
     "On the contrary, I know.  The EVAs and the pilots, they're the same."
     "Except they really didn't understand what we'd become.  They have
such plans," she said disdainfully.
----------------------------------------
And whisper'd in the sounds of silence
     "You can escape their plans."  Jeff covered his face as that ludicrous
angel he'd encountered outside Rei's apartment, stood atop the hopper cars
and spouted platitudes.
     Sharon sprinted, at high but human speed, across the distance and
sprang atop the hopper.
     "What are you?" Sharon asked as she peered closely at the angel, "You
aren't one of us, you aren't human!"  Sharon circled this girl-looking
angel.
     Jeff wanted to warn her, but he'd let her draw Sharon out.  Maybe
Sharon had gotten her vengeance and could be negotiated with.  Failing
that, she was exactly where Jeff needed her to be.
     "I serve the Lord," the girl laughed nervously.
     "A nun?!" Sharon laughed back, "Well run away little nun, this is not
for you."
     "I cannot abandon a lost soul.  What we did - "
     Sharon's laugh interrupted her.  Jeff shook his head, the angel didn't
seem to understand evil or insanity.
     "A lost soul, my soul never existed . . . you're one of them," she
added in horror, backing away from the girl, "You let them make us without
souls!  Your kind promised you could help me.  But when I needed you, where
were you?  Where was your precious God when they had me in a cell filling
me with drugs to test their new `restraint`?  Where were you while I
hallucinated my . . . ?" Sharon touched her never pregnant belly and fell
silent, stared at the girl.  "I know where you were, you'd already picked
out my replacement.  Nice girl, but she knows the truth, the truth about
you and your kind.  She knows now she isn't 'big picture', just a mushroom
like the rest of us.  Except I'm not your mushroom anymore.  I don't have
to worry about your God, your threats of damnation don't apply to me, only
Humans have souls."
     "All have souls," the girl tried to sound reasonable, "You haven't
lacked one, you've just gone astray we . . . "
     "Had to let them torture me, so I'd fall in line?  And they sent you
instead of the other one.  Why, so you could admit you lost me because of a
filing error?  If you're really from Heaven you'd have to be perfect, you
wouldn't lose files."  Sharon seemed on the verge of violence, the girl
seemed not to have noticed.  Then Sharon gathered herself in.  "I was
started out wrong.  I'm a monster, they wanted monsters.  The sin of Cain?
How about multiplied a hundred times?  We tore their beating hearts from
their bodies and reveled in the carnage!"  Sharon shouted at the girl.
"Now they want us to kill each other, the last two.  How's that for
parental love, for a reward for our patriotism?"  She turned to look
around.  "Are you there?  Too shocked to speak?"
     "He is here, he is listening," the girl responded, "He believes you
can be saved."
     Sharon smiled.  "Why would I want that?" she asked, stood with her
arms open wide, "Why don't you kill me if you can see me?  Why don't you
try?  Why don't you show yourself?  Are you shy?  Are you afraid of me?
Worried about how I might react after being separated for so long?"
     "I'm here, and I am listening," Jeff called, still concealing himself.
     "Maybe I should prove I'm serious!" Sharon called, faced the girl.
     ~Get out of there!~ Jeff silently urged, but he knew she either
couldn't or wouldn't listen.
     The girl never expected the blow, Sharon tore the girl's head from her
shoulders, preserving the look of surprise and disappointment on her face.
The body and head vanished before they hit the ground.
     "We're alone now," Sharon told the empty surroundings, "No more
gadflies, no more distractions!"
     "Why did you kill Malkowitz?  He couldn't have harmed you."
     "Why should I care?" Sharon answered, "He wouldn't tell me what I
asked.  Besides, he was working for them.  Didn't you know?"
     "Did it occur that he didn't know?" Jeff asked.
     "He knew, his job was to track your `progress`.  He was spying on you
for them, the doctors."  She paused.  "I'm not paranoid!  I made them tell
me.  Over and over it was the same story.  Do you know what they had in
mind for us?   For all of us?  We weren't to be forever, but we could have
been, and that scared them.  We could go on forever!  We threatened their
plans to move humanity to the next step, as if everything we've done in the
past half million years were nothing.  'No changes in 50,000 years', as if
evolution worked like that.  We weren't to be the next step, just a means,
a rung, to reach it.  I decided not to be part of that, even the gods would
marvel at what we could become."   "They've already achieved the next
step," Jeff replied, showing himself for the first time, "All your wishes
won't change that.  As for the gods, who needs their admiration?  We're
weapons, plain and simple.  There's nothing dishonorable or demeaning about
that.  We serve, do what's needed instead of what's ordered, and then we
get out of the way.  Humanity doesn't need us cluttering the stage either,
they'll have enough competition."
     "Ha.  You think I care.  This place is an anthill, a dung pile for
people like us.  We could soar above and beyond them until they'd never see
us again," Sharon shouted, spittle collecting at the corners of her mouth.
"But they couldn't allow that, couldn't have any more competitors, they
were to be the _only_ gods."
     "One God, the old dream of Babel, one race all under one goal.  We
were to clear the field for them.  So no, you aren't paranoid, but you are
wrong.  The doctors and the other humans weren't the ones who were driving
things.  Stepping aside isn't the same as dying.  There are places to go,
places - _people_ - like us would be welcome.  Places that would need
people like us.  We could fight - "
     "Nyarlathotep?" Sharon sneered, "That fool thought he could _control_
us through those idiots and their lies.  We'll break him too.  Antarctica
is the key.  None of the others dare go there.  So they ready their pawns.
But we would be like knights, go and do as we will."
     "The Elder Things city there has many secrets," Jeff admitted, he was
glad she seemed willing to remain atop the hopper cars.  ~Maybe it's the
height difference,~ he thought, ~Atop the hoppers, she's `taller` than me.~
"But the Crawling Chaos doesn't _give_ presents, unless they're poison.
For the body, mind, or soul.  Whatever he told you can't be trusted.  And
how does doing a little service for our creators harm us.  It buys time and
training to master what we are."
     "What I have - I _took_, I didn't bargain, negotiate or beg!  That's
_your_ way!" she told him disdainfully, "And I did check to make sure it is
all true.  What you do with the EVAs, I don't need them.  All those enemies
you've killed, I could kill without them.  I can take what I wish and none
dare resist me!"
     "Misquoting Tolkien, I guess you steal what you like," Jeff replied,
"Did it ever occur to you that we were meant for more than that?  That
there might be a higher purpose?"
     "What could be higher than apotheosis?" Sharon asked, "The angels
can't be trusted."
     "You're preaching to the choir on that one," Jeff replied, "But God
didn't create humans to be angels, and _we_ aren't supposed to be humans.
As for apotheosis, I don't relish becoming one of those oversexed parasites
in bed sheets.  No kings and no other gods before me."
     "Then maybe you'd like to know what your girl friend is doing, she's
working for them, maybe Ranma Saotome too.  It seems they want us to be
under their control too.  Fancy being their lapdog?  I was, and what did it
get me?  Betrayal, imprisonment, chemically-induced madness."
     "You killed all those scientists of your own free will," Jeff
countered, "If you're going to be a god, a little understanding of human
weakness - "
     "Such an attitude," she scoffed, "You'd never be a good soldier.  The
first thing you need is obedience, and to make your enemies fear you.
That's what a soldier needs."
     "A soldier needs to remember what he's defending, and not become the
enemy," Jeff replied calmly.
     "Those are the thoughts of a weakling," she told him, "Once you'd
tasted blood, I thought you would have grown up."
     "I did."  He shoved the plunger down, heard the whirl of the dynamo
inside.
----------------------------------------
     Nabiki stared out the windshield of the truck.  The column of smoke
was reaching up towards the doughnut-shaped annulus.  "Atom bomb," she
whispered in a horrified voice, the fear of that image had long been
drummed into her, and nearly every Japanese of her generation.  The idea
Jeff would even consider using one, would _need_ to use one against Sharon.
Or that Sharon had used one against Jeff, and didn't care about the
consequences . . . Nabiki didn't want to think about it.
     "No," Ritsuko said coldly as she drove the truck.  "Any sufficiently
large explosion will create that pattern."
     "Sempai," Maya asked from between them, "How large is 'sufficiently
large'?"
     "I don't know."
     Nabiki now worried that 'sufficiently large' might not be large
enough.  She dreaded the idea of facing the girl alone.  There were weapons
in the back of the truck, the truck itself was a formidable weapon.  ~But
would any of it be enough?~ she asked herself, ~Or did he succeed.  Carried
out the plan the others wanted, destroyed each other?~ That thought was
almost worse than the other two possibilities.


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