I enjoyed this:  a leisurely look at Sakura and friends
in the near future.  Most CCS fanfic I've seen tends to
go fast, and make abrupt changes to the way things were
left at the end of the series.  This seems much more
like the series itself, continued.

he had the nagging feeling that more sooner than later
something would happen

"more sooner than later"?  Suggest "sooner rather than
later"; the way you have it read awkwardly to me

"Not to much fun," Touya muttered

"too much"

"Yes, Sakura, you could," Touya whispered.

Nice foreshadowing.  I am a bit surprised that Sakura
doesn't have more idea than this of her own strength by
the 7th grade, though.  I'd have thought she'd have had
one or two occasions where she created an effect much
stronger than she was trying for.

"Wow! Meilin-chan, I wish I'd be able to protect
myself

Suggest "I wish I could protect myself...

she had an innocence about her that you just didn't
want to take away. It may be fun to spook her by
mentioning

Suggest "might be fun"

ghosts, yet talking about sex around her just seemed
to be a taboo.

Interesting detail.  It certainly keeps Sakura's
personality recognizable, but on the other hand, it'd
be interesting to see a more worldly Sakura.
Presumably you're using this point in your plot,
though; possibly, in conjunction with the 'doesn't know
her own strength' business, you're linking the two:
she doesn't know her own strength because her
innocence has prevented her from feeling strong negative
emotions.

Shaoran couldn't think of a bigger or better gift
than he could've

Suggest "that he could've"

no guy had yet to bite onto her charms

seems awkward.  Suggest "no guy had yet noticed her
charms", or "her charms had not yet hooked a decent
guy", depending on how much you want to keep the
fishing metaphor

The other three sister squeaked out in surprise.

"sisters squeaked in surprise"

You know mother with her 'need to know' nature

Suggest 'need to know' philosophy, or just 'need to
know'.  The alliteration you've used seems overboard to
me (probably just a matter of taste, thought)

jealousy still lurked deep within her. Truthfully,
Tomoyo couldn't understand Chiharu's problem with
Takashi

By the way, are we going to see Takashi in this story
(he asked hopefully)?  I love his 'explanations'.

completely. Sakura had been her closest friend since
forever as well, but if the opportunity had presented
itself, she would make wonderful love to her.

I like this.  Most authors working with CCS seem
compelled to resolve Tomoyo's feelings one way or the
other, or just deny that there's any real romantic
affection involved.  Your take seems to me closer to
what we actually see in the series.

jet lag had finally caught up to her

??? There's only one hour in time zone difference
between Tokyo and Hong Kong

if all there was to her was her power of magic

Suggest "strength in magic", I think; it seems to be
more precisely what you have in mind

and her mother's heart stopped

?? After reading this paragraph three times, I conclude
that you do NOT mean that Yelan's heart stopped
literally, in a medical sense.  Since that is the most
natural way to read the phrase, suggest "mother's heart
froze up" or some such.

"Those bridesmaid dresses you choose, your sisters
will not be pleased with them," Yelan stated evenly.

Here and below you're trying some odd things with
Yelan's tenses, presumably to underline that she can
read the future as well as see what happened in the
past.  I suggest you be clearer, though: "choose" is
present tense, and I think it would work better if
you stick firmly with either past or future.  Either
"dresses you chose" or "dresses you will choose",
depending on whether it has happened yet.

The image of the wedding in Yelan's mind snapped.

Suggest "abruptly shifted" or "abruptly changed"

Suddenly Sakura was amongst the bridesmaids and the
dresses were much improved. She wondered at the
changes, but then noted the girl's black-haired
friend sitting with the guests. "Yes, I think that
would be wise. Also, cancel the bridesmaid dresses.

This suggests that the dress order has already been
placed.

Give Meilin a picture of your gown and your sisters'
measurements."

Suggest "Send Meilin"; "Give" implied handing it to her
in person, after Meilin's return to Hong Kong, and how
does that get the info into Tomoyo's hands?

"Sakura's friend would do a much better job for the
bridesmaid dresses," Yelan informed.

Suggest "will do a much better job", adding "given the
chance".  Here you seem to be using the conditional to
underline that Yelan sees time in weird ways; I think
it would work better if you use more conventional
grammar, but make her utterly certain about future
consequences.

No longer does fate dictate her, but her dictating
fate.

Suggest "fate dictate to her; she dictates to fate" or
perhaps "she dictates her own fate".

Looking forward to more.

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