Abdiel wrote:

Hello again. Hmmm. More of this, it'd seem. So let's get things started.

$Woot!  More C&C!

 

On Tue, 08 Mar 2005 15:16:55 -0600, Nugar <nugar@tds.net> wrote:
 

The first of the new material I have to post.  Though, as the title
notes, this isn't all of chapter six, it's as big as a regular chapter,
so I'm going to go ahead and post it.  I'm working on part b of this
chapter now.  
   

Why not move the rest of the excess material of chapter six to chapter 7, and then redistribute?
 

$Two reasons.  One, chapter seven has already been written.  It's great, 
I had a blast writing it.  (These 'chapters' are really all standalone 
stories).  Two.  I'm an idiot, and I'm trying to force everything into 
the plan I developed when I started this, years ago.

I'm not entirely happy with it, but after having as much
 

of a good time with the already completed chapter seven as I did, oh
well.  They can't all be your favorites.
   

Trying to make chapters in the "fave chap" level ultimately delays the story and series anyway. You can't help it if you have to go through filler chapters.

 

$Heheh.  Every chapter of Aurora of Rainbow Fire is a filler chapter in 
a longer story.  I like filler chapters.  They're fun.  But this one was 
an experiment in first person POV, plus an experiment with things like 
spanking and other forms of kink I've never written about before.

Comments welcome!
   

Ask and you shall receive. Use what you can use, ignore the rest, take my comments with a grain of salt, blah blah blah. Let's go.

 

$Right behind you.

      The story arc Aurora of Rainbow Fire is part two of an
ongoing series called The Odd Man Out.

      This story is archived at
http://www.tmffa.com/member.html?id=420

      Visit http://www.livejournal.com/users/nugarwrites/ for
updates and new fics.

      Aurora of Rainbow Fire chapter six: Games of Power part a -
Ryoko.

      A Tenchi Muyo TV series lemon by Nugar.
   

The recent lack of Tenchi Muyo fanfics in FFML (at least I think there's a lack... I've been on and off in reading the latest submissions in FFML that I can't be sure) has been unfortunate, especially considering the fact that there Ranma chapters are being finished every six seconds. Nice to see a TM fanfic in the FFML nowadays.

 

$The popularity has waned since Cartoon Network isn't showing them anymore.

      "So this is what space travel looks like," Tenchi murmured
as he peeked over my shoulder.
   

You like to mix things up, eh. Cool. First person POV. 

 

$Just an experiment.  I'm trying to be more versitile.

      I was floating in my seat on Ryo-Ohki's bridge, plotting
our course when I heard him approach and speak.  I turned and
gave him a reassuring smile.  "Yep.  Not very much different from
insystem
   

Suggest: "in system" or "in-system"

 

$Kay.

      I expanded the star map and caused a pale, translucent
green skin to cover all of the area claimed by Jurai, which
promptly became labled with 'Empire of Jurai'.  It looked like an
amorphous green amoeba, swallowing any helpless star systems it
could catch.  A smaller red amoeba appeared beneath it, labeled
'Alliance of Re%blig'.
   

I'm not sure if this is a typo, formatting error, or you're just censuring the word. ^^; What's a Re%blig?

 

$Another thing I do is borrow from the international phonetic alphabet.  
I know that an exclaimation mark is a kind of click, and I think the % 
sign is a glottal stop.  Basically, it just means it's best said in an 
alien tongue.

Another amoeba appeared after that, a
 

huge yellow thing bigger than Jurai's and partially pressed
against it, but curiously pocked and spotted with black,
indicating areas they didn't really control.  It was the Republic
of Caucsa, and while big, they were generally outclassed.  Ryo-
Ohki also made a blob of translucent grey, with one rounded end
extending into Jurai's territory and the rest extending back to
another blob of nasty, swirling colors, which had a solid black
ball at the center.  None of these were labeled, but I knew what
   

(blinks) Wow. I have no idea what those blobs are for. Either they're ship/planet signals of some sort, or there's an explanation of it below. If not, then I suggest there should be. It seems to be all important and significant, but what do they really mean?

 

$Well, seeings how our countries are spread flat on the surface of the 
earth, our maps are flat.  In space, you have to worry about that pesky 
third dimension when you do a map.  The blobs are 3d representations of 
the area controlled by each empire.  I'll make that more clear.

      "_Things_," I replied, supressing
   

suppressing

 

$Will fix.

      "You expect me to wear this.  IN PUBLIC?!"  The 'this'
Ayeka was referring to was a loose, filmy wad of somewhat
translucent yellow gause.
   

gauze, unless you meant for some alien word I dunno or for the 'European' spelling of the word 'gauze'.

 

$Hmm.

When worn, it would have large, baggy
sleeves, loose pants, and just enough material left over to cover

>from the throat to just under the breasts.  In short, it was a

Hyrinian slave outfit, similar in design and function to Earth
harem clothes.  It was certainly not the kind of thing a princess
of Jurai would wear, unless she had been captured and forced to.

      Which, of course, was the effect I was going for.
   

Heh. Of course. 

 

$Though at this point in the overall story, Ayeka, Ryoko, and Tenchi are 
together, I haven't really resolved the love triangle as such as had 
them call a truce, and take turns being the victor.

      Ayeka's jaw snapped shut.  "Ah...  No thank you, Tenchi-
chan.  
   

(blinks) If memory serves me correctly, Ayeka calls Tenchi, 'Lord Tenchi' in the dubs, which leads me to conclude that she calls him 'Tenchi-sama' in the original Japanese anime. Buuut I could be wrong and Ayeka actually calls Tenchi, 'Tenchi-chan'... if not, then I'm going to presume that there's some unknown character development in the past chapters that I've not read. If that's still not the case, then I suggest revising this to Tenchi-sama or maybe 'Tenchi-kun'. (shrugs)

 

$Ehhhh...  Judgement call, really, considering their relationship now, 
but I think you're right.

      He gave me a level stare, indicating that his patience was
wearing thin.  "Better her than me."
   

Ah, isn't it "Better me than her", i.e. "Better me ('I wear the slave dress thing') than her"?
 

In the previous paragraph:

      I raised an eyebrow.  "Hey, that was actually a pretty neat idea.  
The first Princess walking around in public wearing a loincloth...  Hey, 
Tenchi, doesn't that shiver your timbers?"

Ryoko asked him if he'd like to see Ayeka wear the loincloth.  He agreed 
that he would, but only so he didn't have to wear it.

      Ouch.  Usually he was more willing.  I'd have to try hard
to make sure he had fun and enjoyed himself.  Forcing Ayeka into
it is one thing, Tenchi quite another.

      "You see?," Ayeka said.
   

You don't need the comma after the question mark.

 

$Right, will fix.  Strange I missed that.

      I smiled.  There had been a note of relief in his voice,
and from the promptness of his answer he had clearly been
thinking about that for a while.  And he did have a point.  All
this master-slave business was a bit tiring, but me and Ayeka had
aready
   

already

 

$Alright, that's it.  Spell check would have caught that.  I always 
spell check.  Hell, _I_ should have caught that.  I originally wrote 
this 3 years ago, and never posted it because I didn't like it all that 
much.  Apparently, thanks to a mistake on my part, I reverted to an 
earlier version before I added some scenes, then, apparently, thanks to 
another brain fart, I didn't spell check it.  Man, am I embarrassed.  
This chapter should have been as clean as the lemon.  >_<

      This was a tourist planet, and the reason Juraian tourists
came here was to be lightly mugged, swindled, served overpriced
liquor and exotic drugs, and infected with unusual venereal
diseases.  After years in the orderly Empire, a near-anarchy like
Mariposa was the most exotic place most of them could hope to go.
   

Makes sense.

 

$Kinda like Cancun for us Americans.  There's not much trouble you can 
get into down there that you can't buy your way out of.

animals.  They started at each hip and tapered down to the knees,
kind of like a really big bikini that didn't join between the
legs.  They also had holes in various places, simulating
primitive craftmanship
   

craftsmanship

 

$*sigh*  Another mistake I should have caught.  Will fix.  Used the rest 
of them, in fact.

      Watching Tenchi get dressed caused something to occur to

   

      Ayeka's eyes were drawn to it as soon as I picked it out,
but I didn't give her time to examine it.  Instead, I opened the
clip and slid it into the hair above her ear, bunching a little
more hair in and closing the clip so it would stay in place.
"Hey," I said as I stood back.  "I take care of my pets."

      Ayeka gave me a small smile.
   

Awwww...

 

$Ayeka gets her turn next part.  Really, in this case, it's best to go 
second, so you can get revenge on everything.

      The reason for all this seed business was, of course, the
fact that the Hardwood bar was a giant tree.
   

9_9
 

$It's as seedy as they come!

just above the door flashed 'Drinks!', 'Girls!', 'Guys!', and
'Other!' at regular intervals.  Every shag-barked inch was
   

A bar where 'trisexuality' is actually an option.

 

$I like to consider myself trisexual as it is.  I'll try anything.

      We paused in the entryway and I stepped to the front.  I
was wearing my battle outfit, both because it looked good on me
and that it showed that I was willing to fight if provoked.
Normally they wouldn't, but with Tenchi and Ayeka with me I
wasn't sure.  It was usually just friendly fire, anyway.
   

O_O

 

$You know Ryoko would hang out at a place like that.

      My pets peered over my shoulder at the wanted poster.  It
wasn't a real, sanctioned wanted poster, which usually say 'dead'
or 'alive'.  This was a private one, offering a fair amount of
money for information only.  The annoying thing was that it was a
particularly unflattering picture of me, with my shoulders
hunched up, my eyes squinched closed, my nostrils flared, and my
lips pursed in mid-sneeze.  I looked constipated.

      "You look constipated," Ayeka commented.  She shrank under
my glare.  "Well, you do!" she said defensively.
   

heh

 

$Ryoko can't get any respect.

      I turned to see the little pomeraniod swagger up with a
smug, toothy smile on her short muzzle.  I decided to ignore her
and see how she reacted.  "So, I guess I'm no longer in the top
slot, huh?"
   

Uh-oh. Heh. Looks like the point of interest has come to make things interesting.

 

$Another one shot.

      And sure enough, I was number two.  Boy was I pissed. 
   

Heh. I have a feeling something will happen, buuut... maybe something will happen, maybe something won't. (shrug) I dunno. The most I've read from you is a lemon, so I have no idea how this will pan out. (smiles) It's refreshing to try some new fics from time to time.

 

$This won't truly be resolved in this part.  That's why I have to finish 
the rest of it.

I'd
held the number one slot for the past six years and if I'd kept
it for another two I'd have had the all time record.

      The face corresponding to the number one slot was furry,
   

Yiff?

 

$No, no yiff.  Though she is your standard issue anthropomorphic 
pomeranian furry.  I've got no problem with furries, but man do I hate 
pomeranians.

      Zeke's eyes flashed with curiousity,
   

Ah sou. The alternative spelling. I'm guessing that gauze is spelled 'gause' for you too? (unsure)

 

$Nope, nope, just a standard spelling mistake.  When I get it right, I 
spell everything the american style.  I also use the simple spelling for 
japanese names and words.  Ryoko, not Ryouko.  Washu, not Washuu.  Ukyo, 
not Ukyou.  Really, I'm just lazy, and I get to use fewer letters that way.

      "The cheesy Princess Ayeka lookalike?"
   

Suggest: look-a-like

 

$Right.

the lapdog
 

interrupted.  "Big deal, every rich pervert in the galaxy has an
'Ayeka'.  So you stole one, so what."

      I just smiled as the air jumped and the walls swayed.
Everyone that could would be feeling the sense of barely
suppressed power coming from the girl behind me, and even the
great tree that made the bar was responding to its mistress,
which was probably a bit of a surprise to the Juraian expatriate
that actually owned it.
   

Hehehehehe. 
 

$She isn't a shrinking violet.

      You see?  You know, don't you?  See what I have caught!
See what I have on a short leash!

      Zeke could hardly believe his eyes.  "You...  You kidnapped
the First Princess?!"
   

Ah... the stuff that's so fun about TM in the first place. The infamous antics of Ryoko the pirate and the lovely but feisty First Princess Ayeka. Thanks for the reminder.
 

$All things considered, it's probably my favorite series, though I do 
other stuff, too.

      I immediately looked back at the laugh, and wasn't
surprised to see Ayeka turn and give him a glare that promised
grevious bodily harm. 
   

grievous

Oh, and I suggest on making use of a spellchecker. I understand that you have a decent handle on grammar and spelling, but a spellchecker is the spit and polish this fic needs to be, y'know, really shiny--er, okay.

 

$I know, I know.  I made a mistake here, this should have been the right 
version.  That's twice in recent memory I've screwed up a fic post and 
sent it out with a bunch of simple, simple mistakes.

      I slid off the stool and grabbed her chin in one hand,
catching her head in a firm grip.  Leaning very close, I
whispered, "Bad girls get tied up and tickled with feathers _all_
_over_ for _hours_ on end.  Good girls get used for pleasure by
barabarian slaves and happy Mistresses.  Be a good girl and I'll
work you all over with the love cream and baton until you scream
for _Mommy_."  Where the hell did that come from?
   

(chuckles) At the start of this fic, my regrettable lack of knowledge of the previous chapters had me at a loss, and my first impression was that this was a filler chapter, with nothing really 'major' happening.

$You would be correct.  But good filler throws in an interesting bit of 
character development or plot point every once in a while.

I still think that's the case, but this is also a fun chapter that delves with... points of interest that makes me want to read more. 

 

$Excellent.  You're welcome to read the beginning, too, though.  
Everything is on the TMFFA, and the link is at the beginning.

      I _must_ be masochistic.  Ayeka wasn't going to look on
this lightly.  Although, come to think of it, it gave the already
fun situation a sharp edge of spice and danger.  It felt good to,
not step over the line, but to jump across and do a rude little
dance on the other side, knowing the whole time I was going to
pay for it later.
   

I can almost imagine her doing it to. 

 

$Ryoko knows that once you cross the line, it doesn't really matter how 
far you go, you're still on the wrong side.  You might as well see 
what's over there.

      My name and picture were back in their proper places.  All
was again right with the world.
   

Awww... I was kind of expecting a little brawl, but this resolution is okay too.

 

$Everything in its own time.  Fights need foreplay, too.

      "Well, I suppose it _is_ an aqquired taste,"
   

acquired 

And that was sneaky. Maybe there's something about Juraian physiology that makes the drink okay for their palate but not to others.

 

$Could be.  I just couldn't imagine Ayeka submitting meekly to Ryoko, 
even in play, without doing her best to make her pay for it.  I like 
Ayeka in a dominant role.

      Zeke glanced at him in surprise.  It had been the first
time Tenchi had spoken since we entered.  Zeke, the ungrateful
bastard, threw back his head and whooped, then poured her a
drink, albeit a cheaper one than I had just had.
   

Suggest: ...albeit cheaper than the one I just had.

 

$Much better.

      Several free drinks came our way as I gasped in my near
coma, but it was Zeke who flipped me over and Tenchi who poured
another bottle of chaser down my raw throat.  Some time later,
when I could speak again in a hoarse croak, I confronted the
traitorous princess.
   

Suggest: treacherous princess

 

$Nod.

      I laughed and shook my head.  "Come on, don't be silly.
What would I do with thirty million goats?"

      "In cash!" Lady Fontain rejoined.

      Whoa.  A slow grin crawled onto my face.  I wonder how high
I could get them?  I noticed Tenchi's growing look of horror and
I patted him on the shoulder.  He ought to know I wouldn't
actually sell him.
   

Tenchi: o_o

Ryoko: No. Really.

Tenchi: o_O

Ryoko: I won't sell you.

Tenchi: O_O

Ryoko: Yeah, thanks for the vote of confidence!

 

$She wouldn't, but she'd be mighty tempted.

      "Forty million!" yelled a man, waving a holographic card
with only a single green leaf to proclaim its backer.
   

Tenchi: A man. O_O

Ryoko: (in stitches, laughing)

 

$Ryoko's got a valuable commodity, there.

close enough to see her sigh and reach into her clothes with one
hand.  It emerged and held aloft a cut yellow jewel the size of
an egg.  A cool blue fire danced within its depths, and everyone
fell silent.  "This for one night," she said cooly.
      Erk.  Renting him, on the other hand...  I glanced
helplessly at Tenchi and Ayeka.  Wordlessly, they both shook
their heads slowly.
   

You missed a line before 'Erk' Oh, and it's 'coolly'

 

$Formatting bugs.  Looked fine in word.  It probably used some sort of 
obscure formatting character only word recognises.  I miss office 98.

      "Sixty million for one night?" asked one skinny, nerdy
looking guy who'd gone unnoticed until now.  Someone backhanded
him casually.
   

Heh. That's a one-shot character that's actually funny instead of annoying.
 

$New characters are generally best when they don't become part of the 
main cast, though when done well there are exceptions.  Oh, and it was a 
different guy than the one with the card.

I'm really sorry, but
 

I'm afraid I don't want to rent him out for stud, either."  I
   

Genma: There's no problem renting him for the night. It'll make him into a real man. And if he really doesn't want it, you can always steal him back. Do what I'd do.

Ranma: -_-

 

$Genma would sell him in a heartbeat.

      She frowned and lowered the fabulous gem.  "You sadden me.
He looks like a wild ride in bed.  What about for six CC's of
semen?  Your method of collection, so long as it's viable."
   

LOL.

 

$Having done the plastic cup bit for an artificial insemination before, 
this struck me as something I'd like to see as well.  Everyone's always 
after that 'sample'.

      "DeaACK!" I cried and flew into the air before I could help
myself.  Ayeka had kicked me hard in the butt.
   

ROTFL

Tenchi: ;_;

 

      Uh oh.  She's done gone and done it now.  I could get away
with not retaliating for the fiasco with the wine, but this was
an outright attack on her mistress, in public no less.  She had
to be punished for this.

      Not to mention that she kicked me really _hard_.
   

Ryoko: We could have shared and gotten the six CC's, y'know.

Aeka: W-ell...

Tenchi: O_O

 

$Heh.  If the woman had bought it, that would have been the most 
expensive bukkake scene in history.

      My smile disappeared as Ayeka giggled behind her hand.
They were cheering for HER?  I turned on the crowd.  "Hey!  Just
a minute here!  Who's side are you on, anyway?!"
   

Heh.

 

$Fans are fickle.

      She stood up, impossibly regal in a slave outift, and
tossed her hair.  "You may have said you owned me, and in truth
you thought you did.  But no one ever truly owns a princess of
Jurai.  You caught me, but did you really think you could keep
me?"
   

Ah. So the tables have turned.

 

$They're spinning, for sure.

      Ayeka blushed bright red in anger and embarrassment.  A
real blush, unless I was mistaken, and she was definitely angry.
Her hands clenched into fists and her voice rose about two
   

Not sure, but suggest replacing 'rose' with 'raised'

 

$I couldn't conjugate the verb raise to save my life.

      Her eyes narrowed abruptly, and the air hummed with power.
"Only if you win, only if you win.  
   

I'm not sure if this was intentional or a mistake, but as it is it just looks... not so good. Suggest not making the repeat of the phrase.

 

$Aww, I liked it.

      Ayeka's temper, already frayed, snapped like a dry twig.
"I am a Princess of Jurai, and I demand the respect I am due!  If
you will not respect my station you will respect my power!"  
   

Ah, now there's the Princess Aeka I know and love. :)

 

$Temper temper! 

      I lowered her slowly to the floor, setting her more or less
on her feet.

      Much to my surprise she planted her feet and stood there
for a moment, breathing heavily with her head bowed and her hands
on her hips.  Then she straightened slightly, took one half-step,
fell on her side, and threw up noisily.  "Huuulllgggppp!"

      Oh, the crowd liked that one.
   

Fanservice, you might say.

 

$Nah, the outfit is fanservice.  The spanking is fanservice.  The ralph 
is just a punctuation.

      Whistles, hoots, and catcalls filled the bar at the sight.
I hesitated again.  Ayeka was not going to be happy about this.
This went way beyond simple games; this was humiliation of the
worst sort.      Unbidden, a recent memory of my second taste of
sweetwood wine rose in my mind.
   

I think you meant the 'Unbidden' part to be a separate paragraph, so get to it and separate it.

Oh, and nice setup to the punch line.

 

$Someone's been naughty.

      I raised my hand high, curling it into a fist with only my
index finger pointing straight.

      The crowd, knowing its cue, obediantly shouted, "ONE!"
   

obediently

Ahh. She did that to have the crowd call out one. Okay. 

 

$She's a showman.

      Oh, Ayeka, I'm sorry, I said to myself.  I'd gotten carried
away.  I wasn't sure how she would react, but I hoped she would
take it with some grace and dignity, the way I would in a similar
situation.
   

Problem is, she's the wrong person do this on... publicly. What Ryoko can tolerate, Ayeka will probably never forgive.
 

$Forgive?  Maybe.  Forget?  Never.  Revenge?  Oh, yeah.

      My heart skipped a beat as I saw tears on her face.
Dammit, I'd gone too far, and I knew it.
   

Tsk, tsk.

 

$It's the sort of incident that might cause reprisals down the line.  
Things have a tendancy to escalate.  Wars can start when things excalate 
too much, despite the best truces.

      "Please," I said, barely loud enough to be heard over the
crowd.

      One hesitant step led to another, and the rest of the
distance was covered almost in a run as she rushed into my arms
and buried her face under my chin, hugging me like I was her last
refuge from the universe.

      I stroked her hair and whispered soothing nothings into her
ear as I guided her gently back to the bar, where Tenchi was
waiting.
   

Awwww...

 

$No hot yuri luv luv, though.

      "Ayeka, I don't have any idea what you've got planned for
me tomorrow," I admitted, letting a note of both apprehension and
admiration enter my voice, "but I bet it's going to be one hell
of an experience."

      She gave me a small smile at that, a tiny quirk of the lips
that didn't reach her eyes, like she was glad I gave her a
compliment, but she was afraid I was going to hit her again.

      "Ryoko," she said hesitantly.

      "Yes?" I asked.

      "I don't really like these clothes."  It almost looked like
she was pouting.
   

Awwwww... One of those rare moments when rivals and enemies becomes friends and lovers. Well, maybe not lovers. At least, not now.

 

$Ayeka's willing to forgive for the moment, provided she gets treated 
nicely.

      Fifteen minutes passed to the dot, and in that time only
three people entered the bar.  None of them even glanced my way
as they made for various groups, so I ignored them.  It was the
fourth person to enter the bar that was the one I was looking
for.  She was tall, almost regal, as she stalked into the bar,
wearing a full-length cloak that hid her body and a hood pulled
over her head.  She was looking right at me, so I could see the
tattoos on her cheeks clearly as her eyes widened in recognition.
I leaped onto my stool and pointed one shaking finger at her.

      "YOU!" both Nagi and I cried together.

      In retrospect, I really should have seen that coming.
   

Heh. Cool fic you got here.

$Thanks.  Wish I knew how to make it better, or could put my finger on 
exactly what it is I'm not happy about, but eh.

Makes me wish I could have paid more attention and caught the previous chapters. Maybe if I have a time, I'll read the rest of this.

 

$By all means, and I hope you enjoy it.  Chapter five and chapter seven 
are my favorites, and chapter seven is the best thing I've ever 
written.  I'll post seven again after I finish posting the rest of six, 
if you'd rather wait, not that seven has anything to do with the actual 
story, its just another filler chapter.  This chapter actually does move 
the plot along, especially later on. 

      Tenchi stirred in bed and threw the covers back, groaning
and wincing along with Ryoko at my too-loud words.  Well it
serves him right for drinking himself into a stupor last night.
I have needs, too.
   

Aw. Ryoko went out and Tenchi was out, so poor Aeka was... frustrated, to say the least. Such a good girl having such bad thoughts should be spanked... Er, wait...

 

$Right.  I support kink; spanked girls should have bad thoughts.  Boys, 
too, but we don't have to go there in this chapter, unless people want 
me to.  I've got no shame.

      "The worm in the bottle," I noted, to which she nodded.
"Well, look on the bright side.  If you eat a live frog first
thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen all day."

      "To you or the frog?" Tenchi asked wryly, holding his head
as if he was afraid it might implode.

      I gave Ryoko a slow, evil smile that held the promise of
everything she'd given me and much, much more, as only befitting
the woman who'd cut out and ran last night.  "In this case...
The frog.  Very _definitely_ the frog."

      Ryoko blanched, and Tenchi looked ill.
   

Aw. That was juvenile and puerile.

$And hell, you haven't even seen the puns.

But I'm sure she can get creative. :)

 

$The question is, can I?

Anyway... revise the spellchecked words.

$Right.  -_-

Aaand... that's it. I dunno what more to add. It's a solid story, and I enjoyed it.

$And I'm quite glad.  Thank you for the comments, I enjoyed them immensely.

I hope my comments were of help to you. Cheers.

 

$Useful, and entertaining.  I'm glad I posted these in time for your C&C 
orgy.

Thanks for all the comments!

-Nugar





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