Since I already commented on the prologue separately, I'll skip directly 
to the story
proper.  Of course, since I haven't perused all the other C&C this story 
has received,
I'll probably duplicate some.

DB Sommer wrote:

�Nuh uh.� Genma the grunt was barely intelligible as a response.
 

"Genma's grunt" I think you want.

�Oh,� Kasumi said, turning to watch the men go. The movement caused her 
robe to fall open even more. Now she showed a bit of areola from her 
 

Isn't that "areole"?  (not that it's all that common a word)

�Of course, I told you I still suffer from the same problem, didn�t I? 
 

Suggest "Of course!  I told you..."

Normally I visit some of the lonely housewives in the neighborhood 
around this time of the month. It�s one of the advantages of not being a 
salaryman: I have a pick of unattended women.�
 

Ah, yes, all those lonely housewives within ten miles of my home who 
email me (and millions of
other people) about their loneliness and their needs...

�She�s still spoken of in awe there,� Soun confirmed. �All the girls 
know I�m her widower and treat me especially nice. I�m sure I can talk 
them into treating you as well.�
 

Second "treating" meaning "for free", I take it?

Genma slapped his hand affectionately across Soun�s shoulders. �That�s 
my Tendou. I should have known you�d have a plan. Lead on. I shall be 
close behind.�
 

Surprised Soun is willing to turn his back on Genma when he's in this 
condition...

As Ranma emerged from the bathroom and into the hall, Nabiki walked past 
at the exact same moment. She looked at him curiously. �I thought you 
would have already left.

Suggest less formality on Nab's part:  "I thought you'd already left."

Sayuri�s attitude became icy. �I am a vegetarian. I do not eat meat.�

�Not even if it�s charbroiled to perfection with barbeque sauce 
slathered on it?�
 

Heh.  Ranma's showing off his sensitivity here, I see.

�Just as I thought. You don�t get out much. Take it from someone that�s 
actually been out in nature, the only right animals are interested in is 
getting something to eat, and frequently that means eating another 
animal. Not only do I respect that right, but I follow their example. 
 

heh.  Nice comeback, actually, though I don't think it would actually 
work on a committed
vegetarian of the opposite sex.

Ranma sighed and began to tell her all about �Ranko�, wondering why the 
hell she was so interested in his alter ego anyway.
 

Ranma really does come across as a bit too slow here.  The Yuka and 
Sayuri Show is a
pretty good gag, but keeping it going too long may trying your readers' 
suspension of disbelief.
OTOH, having Ranma find out everything is uninteresting.  What to do, 
what to do...
How about a comic mixup which causes Ranma to replace his current set of 
misconceptions
with another set?  Say, somehow the hypnotic mushrooms cause Yuka, 
Sayuri, and perhaps
Akane to all swap roles around, at least their actions, loudly protested 
(which Ranma ignores);
the mushrooms wear off, but Ranma's new beliefs persist?  If it doesn't 
work, you can always
return Ranma to the current set after a chapter or two.

The attendant said, �Make� certain� you� visit� the� center� of� the� 
conservatory� where� the� master� awaits� you.�

Ranma asked, �Master?�

�Oh� did� I� say� master? I� meant� the� masterpiece� display. Yes� the� 
masterpiece� display� waits� for� you.�
 

Heh.

while not of supermodel proportions, would still make a man look twice 
as she walked past. Also of note where the two wooden sticks in her hand 
 

"Also of note were..."

Ranma couldn�t help but turn his full attention to Sayuri plight as the 
 

"Sayuri's plight"

The plants mouth suddenly began moving, uttering a series of bizarre noises.
 

"The plant's mouth"

Link translated, �The master says that your disbelief is typical of the 
racism against plants and highlights his purposed to coming to 
civilization.�
 

"highlights his purpose"

�He�s raping every thing that moves.�
 

"everything" (one word)

running way to hot. At least he had the consolation that his stamina was 
 

"running way too hot"

At first Ranma was afraid she had climax too hard, that the plant energy 
 

"climaxed too hard"

�Uh, I�m really not sure.� Ranma had this horrible feeling he was 
missing something.
 

Heh.

Ranma winced upon seeing the now altogether too familiar figure of 
Sheriff Heero T. Justice and his posse of deputies, looking upon the 
scene with his trademark mirrored sunglasses with disdain.
 

Suggest "looking upon the scene with disdain through his trademark 
mirrored sunglasses".


Another engaging chapter.  However, did you ever really explain why 
Ranma was able
to suck out the plant's energy, when nobody else could?  If you're 
keeping it a secret for
a while (inherited a condition from Genma, who got it from Happosai...), 
suggest making
it a slightly bigger deal:  "Ranma scratched his head, wondering.  Why 
was it the plant
reacted so much differently to him than to everybody else?  He wondered 
if he'd ever
find out."




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