DB Sommer wrote on 8/27/2004, 11:22 AM:

 >
 > Finally found some time to write. The second part of his is written, it's
 > just a quesition of finding the time to revise it. Hoping to do it either
 > today or tomorrow, but this should be enough for now.
 >
 > Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot
 > Chapter 10

    Woo Hoo!  Everyone else probably got their C&C in ahead of me, but why 
should I let *that* stop me?  Bwahahahaaa!

 > The offensive power came from the exo-frame embedded in the mesh that
 > increased the wearer's strength a five-fold. Its use was limited to about

    "*a* five-fold"?

 > five minutes before the frame ran out of power, but Dane knew that any
 > fight
 > against their current opponents would not last five minutes, win or lose.

    OpponentS.  Hah.  Someone wants Our Lovely Heroines (and possibly their 
Annoying Testosterone-Poisoned Sidekick) out of the way.  Unfortunately, 
that only narrows the suspect list down to about half the civilized galaxy.

 > There were a variety of pouches and a belt that held a number of smaller
 > items at different parts of the body. But they were nothing compared
 > to the
 > weapons pod that had replaced his right hand. A number of different
 > weapons,
 > from lasers to masers to projectiles, were concealed in the
 > extraordinarily
 > versatile attachment that cost more than a standard battle tank. About
 > the
 > only thing Dane couldn't do with it was scratch his nose.

    Not if wants to be able to smell his his next cup of coffee, at least.

 > Artus and his sibling, Harrison, were the next to exit, jumping down
 > to the
 > ground and landing at the exact same time and manner, their knees even
 > bent
 > at identical angles as their feet hit the duracrete. The albino and his
 > dark-skinned brother wore much bulkier exo-frames that were clearly
 > visible
 > to the naked eye and would provide far more raw strength for longer
 > length

    Lengths, plural, since you're talking about two frames.  Or maybe "for 
(a) longer duration(s)"

 > of time than Dane's could. This was augmented by golden bracer
 > attachments

    These.  Plural again.

 > that ran the lengths of the arms and legs, each with sharp edges that
 > would

    "their arms and legs"

 > make brushing against them a painful experience.
 >
 > About the only difference in their raiment were the items strapped to
 > their
 > backs. Slung across Harrison's were twin sledgehammers whose handles,
 > bristling with wiring and readouts, indicated they were no mundane
 > pieces of
 > wood and steel.

    Look, Maw!  It's John Henry!

 >Artus had a large powerback whose cables fed into a
 > special
 > jackport that was embedded in the back of his neck.

    That's it?  Huh.  Does he really use his head like an anvil?  I'm sure 
we'll see before long.

 > The last to exit was the only one who had less on than when he entered
 > the

    Sug:  "who was wearing less (now) than when he had boarded"

 > truck. Stegrax had discarded his trenchcoat, and now stood glistening
 > under
 > the noonday sun. His cybernetic body was in the shape of a bulky bipedal
 > dinosaur. The fierce-looking snout was that of a carnivorous beast, while
 > plates stood up on his back and a long spiked tail was attached to his
 > rear.
 > It appeared the tail should have dragged on the ground due to its length,
 > but sensors kept it poised no more than three millimeters above it,
 > preventing the extra appendage from causing unnecessary destruction.

    He's going to have to counter that weight by leaning forward, though. 
Like a kangaroo, or v-raptor.

The
 > cyborg's chassis massed at least two tons, and thumped loudly as he
 > plodded
 > toward the facility.

    Metric tons, or English?  (:)  I hope he's got big feet, or he's going 
to sink out of sight like a German tank in Russian mud.

 > One of the guards moved forward from the rest of the group, all of
 > whom had

    Sug:  "stepped forward"

 > tensed up at the appearance of the newcomers. While he wore the same
 > uniform
 > as the others, his was different from the rest by the rank on his
 > shoulders,
 > which indicated he was a sergeant.

    I'd trim this down to just:  "his (shoulder) rank insignia was that of 
a sergeant."

 > "Greetings," the sergeant said formally to Dane. His hand started to rise
 > up, intending on a handshake, when it stopped as he realized what he
 > would
 > be trying to shake. He recovered and settled for a deep bow.

    Nice recovery.

 > Dane didn't bow back. "You that Milon Sancrest guy?"
 >
 > The sergeant was irritated by the lack of gesture and curtness to Dane's

    Sug:  "the sergeant appeared irritatet by Dane's rudeness/lack of courtesy"

 > voice. "No, he's at the command center keeping a close watch on
 > things, in
 > case of attack. I'm to take you to him."
 >
 > "Then let's get going." Dane indicated the sergeant should lead the way.
 >
 > "I was informed there would be five of you," the sergeant mentioned.
 >
 > "There are," a quiet voice said in his ear.
 >
 > The sergeant jumped and nearly went for his side arm. He had never
 > heard the
 > woman called Whisper approach. She was dressed in a completely different

    We already know who Whisper is.  Maybe the "the woman" part?

 > manner from the others. A skin-tight outfit whose colors seemed to
 > shift to
 > blend into the background hugged her frame. While it wasn't a perfect
 > form
 > of camouflage, it made it difficult to see her from anything but straight
 > on, especially since she was so slender and unobtrusive. She wore a blue
 > visor over her eyes, with a set of wires leading from it to entry
 > ports in
 > her neck. A couple of small pistols and a bandoleer of shurikens were her
 > only form of obvious weaponry.

    I'd watch those wires -- too easy to snag.  But then, I'm a big fan of 
non-exposed wiring.

 > "We'd better get going," the sergeant seconded, wanting to put as much
 > distance between himself and the creepy newcomers as he could.
 >
 > The route through the base took time, with security outposts, at

    Extra comma

 >nearly
 > every corner. As they walked, Dane began interrogating their guide. "What
 > are the defenses like here?"
 >
 > The sergeant's mood improved and confidence entered his stride.
 > "Holcomb is
 > the most secure facility in YSC, outside of the bio center on Arema
 > and the
 > main headquarters on Danube. The facility is surrounded on all sides by a
 > ten meter high wall composed of titanium lined duracrete that can
 > withstand
 > a bulldozer plowing into it. Every millimeter of the area is watched

    Huh.  Standing up to a bulldozer is no big deal.  Might want a more 
dramatic metaphor.
    Sug:  "every square millimeter"

 > above
 > and below with overlapping sensors. There's a quarter kilometer of open
 > terrain between the inside of the walls and the main building, all of
 > that
 > watched as well. The building's outer wall is composed of meter thick

    meter-thick

 > duracrete with ferriman alloy sheets as well, which can resist small
 > explosives without being scratched. There are only five entryways into
 > the
 > facility, all of them with double the normal guard detail and watched as
 > well. The control center is deep underground in the base, and
 > impervious to
 > anything short of a small nuclear explosion. With the current crisis
 > on our
 > hands, our entire security staff is here, as well as others from
 > neighboring
 > facilities. We now have over 200 highly trained security personnel on
 > site,
 > all of them armed with at least high duty laser rifles. We also have
 > several
 > roving teams with heavier weaponry that operate in sets of four. We're as
 > secure as humanly possible."

    Which, when you think about it, isn't very.  But what can you do?

 > "About time I was given something decent to work with," Dane said.
 >
 > The rest of the journey progressed in silence. They were forced to go
 > through no less than three different 'checkpoints' where their identities
 > were reconfirmed. Each was a room lined with thick metal doors and
 > walls and
 > a host of deadly weapons that would be turned on them should they fail to
 > pass any of the inspections.
 >
 > Eventually they came to what the sergeant dubbed the 'inner sanctum' of
 > Holcomb. After a half dozen retina, voiceprint, and other nearly
 > impossible
 > to circumvent security measures, they arrived at the control center of
 > the
 > facility, where the man in charge of the installation was waiting for
 > them.
 > He was dressed in the same type of white and gold uniform as the rest
 > of the
 > security staff, though he had an ostentatious number of bars on his
 > shoulders. He appeared to be in his late thirties, and in superior
 > physical
 > shape.
 >
 > He rose to greet them, moving stiffly, yet with a cautious step. He
 > went to
 > shake Dane's hand until, like the sergeant before him, discovered the

    "Until he", or "him, he"

 > complications that entailed. He bowed, and introduced himself. "Colonel
 > Milon Sancrest, formerly of Cartasia and a member of his Imperial
 > Warlord's
 > Black Troops." His chest puffed out in pride.

    I can almost hear the British accent.

 > Dane scratched his head. "Cartasian Black Troops? That name sounds
 > familiar."

    Oh boy, here comes the big insult.

 > Harrison spoke up. "We killed about two dozen of them last year on
 > Thermagin."
 >
 > "Why don't I remember them?"
 >
 > "They were pretty easy to kill," Artus supplied.
 >
 > "That would explain it," Dane said in satisfaction, smiling at his fellow
 > member.

    Sug:  teammate.

 > The veins on Milon's forehead bulged in fury. Before he could bluster
 > out an
 > insult, Dane spoke, "We'll be taking control of the facility now. I'm
 > sure
 > you've been doing a... competent job, but the real professionals are

    Damn with faint praise, why don't you?
    "Dane spoke.  'We'll...'"

 > here.
 > You just keep operating things like you were while I look over the
 > specifics
 > and I'll tell you where you need to beef up things."
 >
 > "I assure you, this building is impenetrable," Milon said, barely
 > reigning
 > in his anger.
 >
 > "I doubt that. I can think of three different ways me and my crew could
 > crack this nut," Dane bragged.

    "bragged" seems a bit off here.  Dane seems more like the type who 
would make such a remark totally off-handed, almost bored... in order to 
*really* rub it in.

 > Whisper added, "Of course, if we were breaking into this place, people as
 > good as us wouldn't be waiting inside to deal with intruders, would it?"

    That would depend on who they hired-- oh, this is a "nobody's as  good 
as we are" joke, isn't it?

 > "Heh, there is that, and that's what'll make the difference when Big Z
 > comes
 > a knockin'," Dane said as began toying with his weapon's pod.

    Weapons pod.  No posessive.
    I kind of looking forward to seeing this crew get whittled down to size 
when Zeiram gets to them.

 > Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 >
 > Dalia Montenegro was fantasizing about what she was going to do on her
 > upcoming vacation. She and her ship, the 'Durango', had just entered
 > Terrakon 6's orbit, and all that remained was to land the beast of a
 > cargo
 > hauler at the spaceport and it was off for a whole week of unadulterated
 > fun. Skiing in the Yawew Mountains sounded like the best option. After
 > being
 > cooped up in a mining ship for the last three months, selling off the ore
 > into more manageable trade goods, and finding a buyer on Terrakon 6, she
 > needed fresh air, a landscape, and a real sky to gaze up at instead of
 > the
 > unlimited vastness of space. There was even a certain customs official
 > who
 > might be worth spending some time with, she could give a ring,. Hot

    "with, whom she..." or "give him a ring"
    Extra comma.

 > tubbing,
 > massages, and a handsome man were all Dalia was looking forward to.
 > And then the SOS came in.

    Oh, crap.

 > "Shit!" Dalia punched up the Durango's sensor array in an effort to
 > locate
 > the source of the distress signal. It was a ship not more than two light
 > minutes away.
 >
 > Even as she began reading the specifics of the message, Dalia hit the
 > intercom and shouted to one of her three fellow crewwomen, "Yo, Trace,

    ...crewwomen. "Yo..."

we
 > just picked up an SOS we're two minutes from."
 >
 > A whiny response came back, "Come on! We're fifteen minutes away from

    ...back.

 > landing, and we're not a rescue ship. Alert the authorities."
 >
 > It was times like this Dalia hated her fellow shipmates. By the end of
 > three
 > months of being exclusively in each other's company, all they wanted
 > was to
 > not be around one another at almost any cost. Experience had taught Dalia
 > that working only with women in a confined space was always a bad
 > thing. The
 > only thing worse would be working with only women and one guy. That had
 > happened once. Never again!

    Killgore:  hey, why's everyone looking at me?

 > Dalia's reply was curt and laden with an unspoken warning. "We can't.
 > He's
 > got a hull breach and venting oxy." She examined the sensor array that
 > confirmed that the ship was indeed leaking oxygen. "He might not have
 > five
 > minutes, depending on how fast he's pissing air. So suit up."
 >
 > "Right, right. Suit up, people! We're going to move out!"
 >
 > The intercom went dead.
 >
 > Dalia guided the Durango alongside the ship in question, another cargo
 > hauler, though of a different make and model. There were no visible

    That was quick.  Two light-minutes is quite a distance.  She must've 
jumped it, or used warp drive, or something.  Not that the plot really 
requires the author to bother describing this....

 > signs of
 > distress, save for the main hatchway being opened ever so slightly.

    SETUP!

 > Maybe it
 > was a systems failure. It didn't matter. The one great law of spacers was
 > that any SOS was always answered. Tracy and the others would board the

    Yeah, and it's bastards like this who put cracks in the absoluteness of 
that law.

 > ship,
 > find out what was wrong, secure the crew, then let the authorities
 > deal with
 > it. Dalia had already forwarded the distress call planetside, and they
 > had
 > assured her rescue units were on the way and would be there in less than
 > half an hour.
 >
 > Through the viewport Dalia watched as the Durango's connecting tube
 > affixed
 > itself to the ruptured hatch. That would halt the oxygen bleed and enable
 > Tracy and the others to board her.
 >
 > Tracy's voice came over the intercom from her space suit's transmitter.
 > "We're ready."
 >
 > Now that they were firmly connected, Dalia used the tube's overrides
 > to pop
 > open the other ship's hatch. There was a brief bust of static as she
 > heard
 > Tracy call out "Holy-" and then static.
 >
 > There was a moment were Dalia was caught off guard by the cry. It was

    "where"

 > probably nothing. Tracy was prone to histrionics, and made a big deal
 > out of
 > nothing. She once had the crew fumigate the entire ship on the basis

    She'd once...
 >of
 > finding one cockroach she herself had probably brought in on her
 > uniform or
 > something. "Trace, what is it?"
 >
 > There was no response.
 >
 > "Aimee, Shan, respond!"
 >
 > Again, nothing.
 >
 > Then she heard it. A noise that came from the inside of her ship. A low,
 > dull, thumping sound, as though someone was carrying a great weight, and
 > each ponderous step sent reverberations through the ship.
 >
 > Pirates? Could it have been some sort of hijacking? Impossible. No pirate
 > would be stupid enough to try to hijack a ship in planetary orbit. The
 > authorities would nail them before they made it to the nearest moon. What
 > could it be?

    Crap.

 > The thumping grew louder. Dalia reached under the console and drew the
 > laser
 > pistol she had concealed there. Whatever was coming, it would end up
 > with an
 > entire magazine's worth of holes in it. She wasn't a marksman, but
 > with only
 > two meters between her and the door to the bridge, she didn't have to be.
 > Once she had dealt with whoever was approaching, Dalia would go over
 > to the
 > other ship and find out what happened to her crew. And if anything had
 > happened to them, there would be hell to pay.

    Gutsy lady, but she should realize that anything that could take out 
three of her crew *that* fast isn't something she can deal with 
singlehandedly.  But people are funny that way.

 > The thumping stopped right outside the door. Dalia took a deep breath and
 > calmed herself as she held the pistol aimed right at the center of the
 > door.
 > It wasn't locked. There wasn't a need to. Holing up wasn't an option
 > since
 > she had to get out here and discover what had happened to her friends.

    ITYM "out there."  Or "out of here."

 >
 > The door slid open, revealing the cause of the disturbance.
 >
 > Dalia would have described herself as having nerves of steel. She had
 > flown
 > through asteroid belts while being shot at by an irate rival, dealt
 > with an
 > ejection into space when a ship of hers had exploded, and even outran an
 > energy wave from a star that had gone nova when her navigational computer
 > had made a near fatal miscalculation. But this, this was more than she

    Sug:  "near-fatal"

 > could
 > deal with. The gun faltered slightly as her hand lost its strength.

    Sug:  "as her grip faltered/loosened (from shock)"

 > It was then the white head in the brim of Zeiram's top raced out. That
 > snapped Dalia out of her stupor long enough to bring the gun back up. She
 > snapped off two shots, both missing the darting head, before it
 > clamped its
 > mouth on her neck and ripped her throat out.

    Damn.  Pretty much inevitable, but still... damn.

 > xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 >
 > "I still say we should have taken Killgore up on his offer and gotten
 > a ride
 > down with him," Yuri said as the wind from the open air jeep whipped
 > through
 > her hair.
 >
 > "No way! I'm not getting any nearer to that bastard than I have to, and I
 > don't trust him enough for him not to try something if we're trapped
 > on his
 > shuttle! The Kreeper V is perfectly capable of atmospheric landings."

    Wasn't it "Kreeper IV" before?  Or am I misremembering?

 > Iria
 > made a turn.
 >
 > "And having two ships on the surface is better than one," Kei added from
 > Yuri's side.
 >
 > "You're just laid back about him cause you got a little action in the
 > side,"
 > Yuri snapped testily.

    <choke>  Nice choice of words, Yuri.

 > Before Kei could reply, Iria increased the speed of the vehicle as it
 > hit a

    Sug:  Iria floored punched the accelerator as they hit the next turn, 
neraly rolling the jeep up onto two wheels.

 > turn, nearly causing the jeep to roll over. Kei and Yuri, sitting next to
 > one another in the backseat, were squished together as the vehicle
 > made the
 > turn.

    Oh, to be the filling in that sandwich...

 > The road turned into a straightaway again and the jeep settled down for a
 > smooth, fast, ride.
 >
 > While they were so close together, Kei whispered into Yuri's ear.

    Sug:  "as the untangled themselves from each other..."

 > "Perhaps
 > it would be best if we didn't mention the little fact I slept with
 > Mikael in
 > Iria's presence. She's a bit testy about it.

    Gee, you think?
    Missing end quote.
    And, ladies?  You know about these ancient pre-space inventions called 
"Seat belts"?

 > "Right," Yuri said warily as she wondered how they had made it this far.
 > Killgore had informed them that Terrakon 6 was the next place on
 > Zeiram and
 > Scorphius' hit list and was only a handful of days away. While he had
 > been
 > close mouthed about what Zeiram was after here, it was obvious from

    I *think* that's supposed to be "closed mouthed," or "close-mouthed" 
(closed-mouthed?), but I'm not certain.
the
 > women's perspective YSC had figured out Scorphius was after something
 > specific and this was the place to steal it.

    Or at least the next piece of it.  Obviously, he's attempting to 
assemble the scattered components of a doomsday weapon.  Or all the 
Hello Kitty dolls he needs to complete his collection.

 > Terrakon 6 was different from the other places Zeiram had hit. So far
 > Scorphius had been careful to only attack YSC facilities in isolated
 > spots
 > that couldn't do much to defend themselves against attacks. While in the
 > distant past Zeiram had threatened all of Myce, that had been only after
 > several days of preparation in creating an army of Zeirenoids. Now he

    Wouldn't that be "Zeiramoids," or "Zeiranoids"?

was
 > traveling light, and the possibility of such a huge assault seemed
 > slim with
 > how little of a head start Scorphius had after the Station Zionacht
 > fiasco.
 > Terrakon 6 was fully inhabited, and the Holcomb Complex was in the
 > middle of
 > a megalopolis of twenty-five million people. The armed forces on the
 > planet
 > were large, and a number of military installations could send warcraft to
 > the complex within a handful of minutes. Admittedly, it was unlikely they
 > could bring their full force to bear in the middle of their own city, but
 > they could take Zeiram down through sheer numbers if it came to that.

    One hopes.

 > Of course, YSC, in its desperation to not let the public know someone
 > with a
 > personal ax to grind was using Zeiram to systematically eliminate
 > everything
 > they owned, had not bothered alerting the local authorities that
 > Zeiram was
 > coming, and instead were relying on the use of private troops, and

    Since yo mention YSC as a singular (its) entity above, technically that 
should be "was relying"

 > mercenary
 > specialists like Killgore, to take Zeiram out. She doubted the planetside
 > authorities would be kept in the dark for long once the big green
 > destruction machine showed up. Zeiram had a way of making his presence

    Heh.  How poetic.

 > known
 > wherever he went. Sort of like herself and Kei, once Yuri thought
 > about it.
 > That made her frown. They weren't like Zeiram. He went around
 > intending to
 > cause trouble. For Yuri and Kei, it was just something that seemed to
 > happen
 > once they arrived.

    ....I'm not saying a word.

 > Since Kei had 'lost' the Lovely Angel's Bouncer, Killgore had offered to
 > escort the women planetside in his personal shuttle, since his ship
 > wasn't
 > designed for atmospheric landings. Yuri was looking forward to the
 > idea of
 > cozying up to Killgore, especially with Kei out of the running since
 > she had
 > hooked up with her 'little brother' (Yuri was *never* going to let her

    Heh heh heh.

 > live
 > that one down). However, Iria wouldn't hear of it, citing Killgore was
 > more
 > untrustworthy than ever since Yuri had discovered her mysterious
 > inability
 > to contact 3WA headquarters. Kei naturally sided with her former
 > guardian,
 > and Yuri couldn't really counter the argument, so she agreed to travel
 > down
 > to the planet in the Kreeper V, leaving Moogi and the battered Lovely
 > Angel

    Isn't that Mughi?  Not that it matters, I suppose.
    Hey, can M fly the LA to provide fire support in this version?  That'd 
be neat to see.  What?  I like fuzzy pets with high IQ and 
semi-opposable thumbs....

 > in orbit in case they needed backup.
 >
 > The landing went smoothly, though Iria had insisted on hiring a
 > private jeep
 > to drive to the YSC facility instead of using the vehicle the company had
 > provided to escort them there. In Yuri's opinion, Iria was being a touch
 > paranoid, but as long as she was paying for the rental, it was her
 > business.

    Given that YSC obviously has something to hide, I wouldn't trust them 
too far either.  Yuri's not paranoid *enough.*

 > Assuming the madwoman didn't crash them into a wall with the reckless way
 > she was driving.

    Pot, kettle, black?

 > The city itself was uninteresting. It looked like any other
 > megalopolis, jam
 > packed with people and buildings, where anything could be had if you knew
 > which section of town to head toward. Currently they were in a shopping
 > district. Yuri watched the large stores and their displays of wares,
 > including some nice-looking clothing. Maybe if they took care of Zeiram
 > quickly, she could do some shopping afterward before heading back and
 > informing headquarters of everything that had happened.

    That'll be a fun debriefing.  Not that I expect to see it for a while yet.

 > Eventually they departed the shopping district and ended up in a
 > manufacturing one. They traveled unerringly through the streets,
 > heading to
 > their destination thanks to the internal map that came with the jeep.

    Sug:  "navigation system"

 > They
 > took the quickest route through the city, and in less than fifteen
 > minutes,
 > arrived at the entryway of the Holcomb Building.
 >
 > Thanks to Iria's reign of terror through the streets, they had arrived
 > before Killgore. Now they were forced to wait for him to catch up, since
 > only he had permission, and the proper codes, to approach their

    "Their"?

 >facility.
 >
 > His vehicle arrived within minutes and he and his men exited the truck,
 > relaxed and calm. Yuri noted that he and the two dozen of the
 > mercenaries he
 > had brought along were already suited up, armed, and eager to go.
 >
 > "Told you they'd beat us," Cross said to Killgore. The effeminate man
 > held
 > his hand out expectedly.

    Expectantly.

 > "Here you go." Killgore handed over a wad of bills, which Cross
 > immediately

    <snerk>  I could almost get to like these guys.  Almost.

 > tucked into a pocket. Killgore walked over to the women, casual
 > despite the
 > light armor he wore and the ninety pounds of heavy plasma cannon slung
 > across his back. "You must have drove like a maniac to beat us here."

    Sug:  driven

He
 > stared pointedly at Iria.
 >
 > Kei defended her. "I felt more threatened by Zeiram than Iria's driving."


 > "Not by much," Yuri added, running a hand through her hair to make try to
 > make herself presentable. While now wasn't the proper place to flirt with
 > Killgore, there was never a time when it was acceptable to not look her
 > best.

    Like, right after destroying an entire inhabited solar system?

 > "Let's just get the hell inside," Iria snapped.
 >
 > Killgore's companions remained behind him as he walked up to the towering
 > guard post next to the main entrance to the facility. While there were
 > live
 > guards present, they remained behind the safety of the walls and observed
 > everything through monitors that lined the exterior of the facility.
 > Killgore walked up to a video monitor and stated his name and an eight
 > letter and number combination. A moment later, a panel slid back and

    Sug:  eight-digit alphanumeric code.

 > several
 > other scanning devices came into play. They pored over Killgore, who
 > appeared bored by the entire procedure.

    Right up until the electrical anal probe...

 > "Identity confirmed," came a voice from a speaker. The first set of gates
 > opened up to admit the truck and jeep inside.
 >
 > "Let Dane know I'm coming in," Killgore said, a hint of uncharacteristic
 > irritation in his voice. He turned toward the truck, not wanting to
 > walk the
 > distance to the facility. Just as he was about to enter the back of the
 > vehicle, a flashing light from high above caught his attention. "I wonder
 > what that is."

    Uh.  Oh.
    Zeiram's doing the "orbital paratrooper" thing, isn't he?  But with a 
ship, not a parachute.

 > Iria and the others stared upward. She dropped the goggles that rested on
 > her head over her eyes and activated their telescoping feature.
 >
 > "Uh oh," she said.

    Yeah.
    Telescopic.

 > xxxxxxxxxxxx
 >
 > In the central control room of the Holcomb Complex, one of the
 > communications personnel relayed a message to his new superior. "The
 > front
 > gate says Killgore and his people have arrived, Sir."
 >
 > "Great," Dane grumbled. That had broken the boredom the mercenary had
 > been
 > suffering from since arriving at the command center, and not in a good
 > way.
 > He supposed it had been an idle fantasy to expect the target to show up
 > before Killgore did. Having the idiot arrive after Dane had bagged Zeiram
 > would have been the ultimate victory. He would have bragged about pulling
 > one out from under Killgore's nose from one end of the galaxy to the
 > other,
 > smearing his rival's name in the dirt. The possibility still existed,
 > but it
 > was trickier with Killgore present. Dane would just have to put more
 > effort
 > into outmaneuvering his rival, while nailing Zeiram at the same time.

    Great.  A defense team divided against itself. Why don't you just 
invite Z in the front door, you moron?

 > At least by arriving first Dane had control of the facility, even if
 > Killgore was technically an independent and didn't have to take direct
 > orders from Dane. At least the oversized buffoon wasn't in charge of the
 > situation this time. Dane make Killgore stay out of the way once

    Uh?  Maybe Dane "planned to" make...

Zeiram
 > showed up, and he was certain that time was coming soon. His hunter's
 > instinct was telling him something big was coming, and it was rarely
 > wrong.

    That's just the Angels.

 > Maybe he'd get lucky, and Zeiram would knock off Killgore before Dane
 > finished the monster himself and earned the hefty bonus for successful
 > completion of the secondary objective. He handled the small cylinder
 > at his

    Wait -- Z is his *secondary* objective?  That's what that sentence 
construction makes it sound like.  Now I'm going to have to go back and 
re-read the last chapter again.

 > waist. Oh yes, he was going to receive a large injection of cash above
 > and
 > beyond the standard contract fee before this mission was over.
 >
 > Warning claxons blared in the control room. One of the technicians
 > manning
 > the exterior sensors reported to Dane, "A ship is approaching us from

    ...Dane.

 > orbit
 > at a high speed."
 >
 > "It's trying to land?" Dane asked.
 >
 > "No sir, it's coming way too fast for that, and it's heading right for
 > the
 > center of the facility."

    This is what we in the biz call a "lithobraking reentry."  Also the 
"big hole" landing.

 > "We don't have anything that can take it out!" another technician warned.

    Sug:  "...that can take out a spaceship (that size)!"
    Or at least, nothing that's kamikaziing.  A ship that tried *landing* 
inside their permiter would probably be dog meat.

 > Dane turned to Sancrest. "Impenetrable, huh?" He ducked under a
 > console and
 > waited for the inevitable.

    Cool under fire, I have to admit.

 > Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 >
 > "Get down!" Iria cried as she grabbed Kei and Yuri and ducked behind the
 > jeep, using its body for additional cover. There wasn't time to figure
 > out
 > the trajectory of the ship as it spiraled down toward the planet. If

    <pedant>  "spiral" isn't really the appropriate word here.  A ship 
re-entering hot will, by the time it hits visual range, look a lot like 
a fly ball does to an outfielder.
    Just bigger.  Lots bigger.  And brighter, and more firey.  But the 
trajectory will look pretty much the same.


 > large cargo hauler hit near them, it was over anyway, but if it struck
 > the
 > center of the facility or the far side, they would have a chance.

    Especially with the wall between them and the impact zone.  Frankly, 
the jeep won't do much at all to save them, but the wall definitely could.

 > Iria's hopes were realized as the breaking jets on the rectangular
 > spaceship
 > ignited, slowing its decent enough to, while not arrest its progress,
 > prevent it from striking so hard nothing would be left but a huge crater.
 > Instead the hauler landed straight as an arrow, front first in the

    Sug:  bow-first

 > middle of
 > the complex. The ship's velocity caused it to easily shatter the building
 > and destroyed a major portion of the interior as well as crumpling its
 > own
 > front, squeezing it down almost like a giant accordion as the weight

    Front->bow, again.  Or maybe prow.

 > and
 > inertia caused the front to buckle from the stress.
 >
 > There were no explosions, nor did the vehicle tip over. It rested
 > above the

    Wait a minute.  A spaceship crash in an anime and there aren't any 
*explosions*?  What is this, Project A-ko?

 > ruins of the center of the sprawling complex, like a compact tombstone
 > dedicated to its own demise.

    Nice metaphor.

 > xxxxxxxxx
 >
 > Dane poked his head from below the desk. He heard the impact, felt the
 > building tremble, and saw the lights in the control room flicker once.
 > Then
 > there was nothing else. Surprised, but in a pleasant way, he poked his
 > head
 > up and surveyed the room.

    I assume the control room is a respectable distance underground?

 > Others were in similar positions, having abandoned their posts and taking
 > shelter under their consoles in the hopes of surviving the impact. All
 > that
 > was save Stegrax, who hadn't moved the entire time. When it became
 > obvious
 > their impending destruction had been averted, an air of relief and cool
 > professionalism took over the staff as they returned to their jobs.
 >
 > The technician that had first observed the spacecraft heading toward them
 > pieced together what had happened. "The craft's decent was slowed at

    Descent.  There's nothing decent about Z.
 >the
 > last minute. It still hit hard, but not enough to crack the reinforced
 > bunkers on the lower levels or anything in the outer areas of the
 > complex."
 >
 > Another spoke up. "I'm getting responses from people in the outer
 > areas and
 > lower levels. Most of them seem okay. I'm getting nothing from the
 > center of
 > the complex, though."
 >
 > A third said, "Destruction's near total there. Damn, my cousin was
 > working
 > in one of the chem labs there." He pounded his fist on the console he
 > manned, then bit down on the fist in worry.
 >
 > By that time, Dane had fully recovered and assessed the situation,
 > coming to
 > the only possible conclusion. "Boys and girls, Zeiram has landed and
 > managed
 > to not only penetrate our much vaunted defenses," he shot Sancrest a
 > smirk.

    "...smirk,"

 > "but took out a major portion of the security forces here, as well as
 > causing so much chaos that if I wasn't paying attention, he'd probably
 > get
 > out of this without anyone firing a shot at him."

    You have to admit, this is something a little beyond anything a 
corporate security force might expect.  More like a decent-sized 
military force.

 > "He couldn't possibly have survived the crash," Sancrest claimed,
 > trying to
 > regain some standing in the eyes of anyone present.
 >
 > Dane shook his head. "He once survived atmospheric reentry without a
 > spaceship. He can survive that little crash, especially since he
 > slowed down
 > at the end. He probably didn't want to take a chance of destroying the
 > lower
 > levels and ruining what he's come here for." Dane turned to the
 > communication's technician. "Alert all security forces to gather into
 > their
 > units and patrol the facility in their pre-assigned routes until they
 > locate
 > Zeiram. He won't be hard to miss. He's big, green, has a head shaped
 > like a
 > giant mushroom, and will be trying to kill everything that comes into his
 > line of sight."

    Concise and proffessional.  Too bad he's a backstabbing murderous SOB 
who needs be die, badly.

 > "But sir, shouldn't we have people start with rescue efforts and try
 > to help
 > the injured first?" the man who had lost his cousin mentioned.
 >
 > Dane waved dismissively at the man. "Alert the city emergency systems, if
 > they haven't been already. Zeiram's continued presence here is more
 > dangerous." And Dane wouldn't get paid for wasting time saving easily
 > replaceable personnel anyway. Everyone in the entire complex could
 > die, for
 > all he cared. Only Zeiram mattered.

    Like I said.

 > Whisper was at his side in an instant. "What about that message we
 > received
 > right before the ship dropped into our lap?"

 > "Oh, yes." Dane had forgotten that little detail. Now that he
 > considered the
 > matter, he realized that the chaos might be providing him with a unique
 > opportunity. He gave an order to the communication technician. "Tell all
 > security forces to assume anyone going about armed, that is not one of
 > them
 > or a member of my crew, is hostile and shoot on sight. I'll take full

    Sug:  ...hostile and to be shot on sight.

 > responsibility." He shot the technician a warning glare.
 >
 > The technician picked up on the hint. "Yes, sir." He sent out the order.
 >
 > Dane turned to the rest of his partners and said with intentionally
 > melodramatic flair, "Now it's time for us to go out into this brave world
 > and see if we can't dispose of an annoying monster and some irritating
 > rivals." He turned to go, shouting over his back to the staff, "Let me
 > know
 > if Zeiram's spotted or if there's trouble."
 >
 > He waved good-bye to the room's occupants as he led the rest of his
 > people
 > deeper into the facility.
 >
 > Xxxxxxxx
 >
 > "That was no accident. It was Zeiram," Iria stated in cold terms as

    Sug:  stated coldy

 > she rose
 > from her position behind the jeep. It had served as sufficient protection
 > from the heat, wind, and debris kicked up by the crash. She hadn't

    But they're still outside the wall, right?  That should have protected 
them a lot more than the jeep would have.

 > suffered
 > a scratch, nor had Kei or Yuri as they also returned to their feet.
 >
 > Killgore and the other two dozen members of his staff exited the back
 > of the
 > truck and the protection its armored walls had provided, equally
 > unharmed.
 >
 > Some of the security personnel manning the front gate exited the guard
 > post,
 > watching in stunned disbelief at the crumpled ship as it stood up
 > embedded
 > in the facility, like an arrow driven into the body of an animal that had
 > died instantly and fallen on the spot.

    Or like a spear stapling someone to the ground.

 > Killgore took charge of the matter as he grabbed the leader of the men by

    Sug:  grabbed the most senior security guard by...

 > his collar. "Get us in there."
 >
 > That shook the man out of his stupor. He ran as fast as he could with the
 > others, heading directly for the main doors. The distance was covered in
 > just over a minute with how fast everyone ran, even under the burden of
 > their equipment.

    Awkward.  Sug:  They covered the distance in under a minute, despite 
the burden of their gear.

 > The security head tried opening the door, but the lights of the
 > scanner were
 > dark. "There's no power to the doors. I can't get them open."

    These are the doors of the central building, correct?

 > Killgore turned to two of his men. "Door opener."
 >
 > Everyone in the unit, save two men he had spoken to, moved to the side of
 > the wall along the doors. The two exceptions instead moved in front of
 > the
 > doors, then removed large blocks of some rectangular substance from their
 > packs. They peeled off a strip of paper from the back of the items, and
 > stuck them to the doors, where the rectangles affixed themselves. They
 > then
 > placed small pieces of metal with a digital readout on the top, onto the
 > items. The men pushed a few buttons, and several lights activated.
 >
 > Seeing the reactions from the rest of Killgore's crew, and recognizing
 > the
 > items as fusion blocks, Iria and the Lovely Angels moved alongside the
 > wall
 > as well.

    Yipe!  Better have that SPF-50000 sublock handy.  A "fusion" reaction 
at that range'll cook anyone's goose.

 > Within moments the two people that had set up the explosives joined the
 > other's sides. They pulled out remote detonators and set off the charges.
 > There was the sound of a small explosion, then nothing.
 >
 > Everyone removed themselves from the wall and saw that the barrier of

    Sug:  stepped away from the wall

 > metal
 > now had two holes large enough for two people to walk abreast in there.

    "in there"?  Sug:  to walk abreast through.

 > Point men from Killgore's team entered first, guns at the ready. After
 > determining the entryway was as deserted as it appeared, they signaled
 > the
 > rest of the team to follow.
 >
 > Once everyone (save the security guard who had chosen to rejoin his
 > men and
 > wait for new orders) had set up in the entryway, Killgore began to issue
 > instructions.
 >
 > "It looks like the long bout with boredom we feared was waiting for us
 > was
 > all for naught, boys and girls," he quipped. "Zeiram's crawling around
 > somewhere in this pit, and I want him dealt with once and for all. We're
 > going to separate into teams of four and prowl around until Zeiram is
 > located. Once you find him you will not confront him. Instead you will
 > alert
 > the other teams and then track his movements until we set up an ambush
 > point
 > to waste him. I don't want any heroics, so don't think you can take
 > him out
 > yourselves and get killed. Got it?"
 >
 > There was a collection of affirmatives and head nodding.

    Marked difference from Dane, here.  But then, K's got a better idea of 
what he's facing.

 > "Good. I'm in charge of team one. Cross is head of team two. Cha-where
 > are
 > you going?" he asked Iria as she grabbed Kei and Yuri by the arms and
 > made
 > to leave.
 >
 > "To kill Zeiram, so don't get in the way," she said.
 >
 > "It'd be safer for us to take him on with everyone around," Killgore
 > pointed
 > out.
 >
 > "It's safer not to rely on you or your scumbag partners," she said icily.
 >
 > The proclamation met with a host of angry glares from the men.

    Hmm.  Real scumbags wouldn't be offended, usually.  These guys have at 
least some sense of being the "good guys."

 > Yuri tried to placate any hard feelings, especially since she'd rather
 > not
 > have the men try to shoot her in the back for being offended. "What she
 > means is, you guys are used to working as a team, and we'd just get in
 > the
 > way. Besides, we work better on our own. I'll give you a ring if I spot
 > Zeiram," she assured them as she turned to catch up to her partner and
 > the
 > outer rim bounty hunter.
 >
 > Once they were out of earshot, Cross said, "You know, she's right
 > about them
 > being in the way."
 >
 > "Just find Zeiram. I'll take care of them later, when the time comes,"
 > Killgore assured him.

    Of course, that doesn't mean the Iria's wrong...

 > The team separated into groups of four and began a search of the
 > building.

    Hm.  With 25 men, K's got five teams of four and one of five (counting 
himself as the 25th man).

 > Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 >
 > "Have you ever considered a career as a diplomat?" Yuri inquired of
 > Iria's
 > back, since the bounty hunter had all but run down the corridors since
 > leaving the entryway behind, not giving Yuri a chance to catch up.
 >
 > "I'd be great at it, since everyone would know that whatever comes
 > from my
 > mouth must be the whole and honest truth," Iria said, though the retort

    You'd *think* that there would be a role for people like that in 
diplomacy.  Or, maybe not -- whenever you replaced them with someone 
else, everyone would *know* you were lying, instead of just suspecting it.

 > lacked any vigor. Her attention was solely for what lay in front of them.
 >
 > "All I'm saying is our lives might depend on one of Killgore's men at
 > some
 > point, and It would be a major pain if they decide not to do anything
 > since
 > they'd be happy if we were dead."
 >
 > "It's already coming," Iria assured her. "Keep your eyes open for it."

    Is it still paranoia when they really *are* out to get you?

 > "Whatever." Yuri officially gave up. With any luck, they'd finally kill
 > Zeiram and put all of events from the last week behind them. This was
 > possibly the worst chase in her life, largely because she didn't feel
 > like
 > she was gaining on her foe. If anything, the gap between them was
 > widening.
 > Not only had they not slowed Zeiram down, but it appeared he (or more
 > specifically, Anton Scorphius) was accomplishing everything he wanted to,
 > and running up a body count impressive even by Yuri's standards in the
 > process. It had to come to an end soon, one way or another.

    Can't be allowed to break the Angels' record, after all.

 > Her ponderings were interrupted as they came to a four way junction and
 > spotted a pair of security guards that had turned the corner at the
 > end of
 > the hallway in front of them. They appeared tense with their rifles
 > firmly
 > in their grip. Yuri decided to take charge, before Iria did something
 > to set
 > them off. She put her best smile on, thrust her chest out slightly, and
 > waved. Hey guys, how are you doing? We're trying to find Zeiram. I

    Missing opening quote.
    Now, *Yuri* has some idea of diplomacy.  At least, for dealing with 
guys.  That tactic might not work so well on women.  Well, straight 
ones, at least. 

don't
 > suppose you've seen him."
 >
 > The men stared at each other. Then their reflexes kicked in as they said,
 > "Intruders!" and leveled their guns at the trio of women.
 >
 > Yuri was caught off guard. "No, we were let in by-"
 >
 > Kei tackled Yuri out of the way as a laser nearly parted her hair. They
 > ducked behind one of corners of the junction, while Iria went for the
 > other.
 >
 > "Have you ever considered a career as a diplomat?" Iria said as several
 > other bolts streaked down the corridor they had just been walking down.
 >
 > "All I said was 'Hi'," Yuri snarled as she drew her pistol.

    Obviously those guards are gay.  Have to be.

 > "It's not that big a deal. We're used to complete strangers shooting
 > at us,"
 > Kei said.
 >
 > "Usually it's preceded by, 'Look! It's the Dirty Pair!' though. These
 > guys
 > had no idea who we were. They just decided to shoot first and not bother
 > with the whole questions part." Making certain she was still under

    She's got a point.

 > cover,
 > Yuri shouted to the men, "Hey, we're on your side! We were hired to
 > help you
 > in case the place was attacked, which it has been."
 >
 > One of the guards shouted back. "Like we'd fall for that! We know you're
 > part of the bad guys, just like we were told!" Several more shots were
 > fired
 > in Yuri's direction.

    That's kind of awkward.  I'd suggest chopping off the "we know" part 
entirely.

 > "Looks like we're really on our own." Iria pulled a small disc, shaped
 > like
 > a hockey puck, from one of her pouches. "Close your eyes and cover your
 > ears," she warned, as she once again slipped her goggles over her eyes
 > and
 > pulled the sides down to cover her ears.
 >
 > Yuri and Kei had to satisfy themselves with closing their eyes and
 > covering
 > their ears with their hands.
 >
 > Iria poked her hand far enough around the corner to slide the disc
 > along the
 > floor. When it hit the far wall next to the men, it went off. Even
 > with her
 > protective gear, the flash and noise was powerful enough to make her eyes
 > water and ears pop.
 >
 > The bounty hunter poked her head around the corner, pistol at the ready.
 > Both men lay on the floor. One was unconscious from the stun bomb,
 > while a
 > low moan issued from the other, who was curled up in a fetal position
 > on the
 > floor.

    Harsh, but better than the alternative.

 > Iria pulled out a small tube from her belt and pressed it against the
 > back
 > of the man's neck. She hit the plunger and a small white pad stuck
 > itself to
 > his neck. Within seconds he went limp.
 >
 > As she did the same thing to the second man, Kei and Yuri, who had judged
 > whatever it was Iria had done was over, approached.
 >
 > "What are you doing?" Kei asked.
 >
 > "Administering a sedative that will keep them out for the next ten hours.
 > I'm not taking any chances on them recovering and attacking us from
 > behind,
 > and it's more humane than
 > shooting them."
 >
 > "What kind of sedative?" Kei asked.
 >
 > "Obifrol-108."
 >
 > Kei grimaced. "I got hit with that once. It leaves you with a hangover to
 > remember."
 >
 > "I did say 'humane' not 'pleasant.' It's the least they deserve for
 > shooting
 > at me."
 >
 > "And from what he said, I have a feeling the rest of the guards will be
 > trying to treat us the same way." Yuri sighed in resignation. "Great,
 > instead of having a small army helping us hunt Zeiram, we have a small
 > army
 > trying to hunt us and Zeiram. It's never the easy way, is it?"
 >
 > Kei and Iria  merely nodded their heads sadly.

    Okay, this is where I had to stop and just snicker for a while.

 > Iria's communicator beeped. "Yes?"
 >
 > "Problem, Sunshine," came Killgore's voice. "Someone seems to have
 > told the
 > security forces here that any intruders, meaning us, are to be considered
 > hostile and shot on sight."
 >
 > "We've already encountered that little problem." Iria nudged one of the
 > unconscious men with her boot.
 >
 > "It's all that bastard, Dane's fault. He knew we were coming, and
 > decided to
 > try to take out a little competition using these guys in the
 > confusion. He'd
 > better pray Zeiram finds him before I do. He'll only get devoured and
 > turned
 > into a Zeirenoid. What I'll do to him will be much, much worse."
 >
 > "I see," Iria said. "Well, marrying him seems a bit extreme, but I
 > have to
 > agree, it'd be worse than running into Zeiram." She turned off the

    *Geez!*  Like, MEOWRRR!

 > communicator before he could respond.
 >
 > "That has got to be one of the nastiest divorces ever," Yuri whispered to
 > her partner. Kei could only nod in response.

    ROTFL!




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