Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma][Spammish] The Island of Death's Doctor
From: Gary Kleppe
Date: 6/26/2004, 9:31 AM
To: "Elisteran N/A" <elisteran@hotmail.com>
CC: ffml@anifics.com


Before we start, a general announcement: I'll be out of town and mostly
away from my email from tomorrow until about the middle of July. Please
make sure that any admin requests get sent to ffml-admins@anifics.com,
where one of the other admins can handle them, not to me directly.
(Using the -admins address for admin business is a good idea even when
I'm not gone, BTW.) Thanks.

"Elisteran N/A" <elisteran@hotmail.com> wrote:

The storm blew angry winds across the frigid sea, producing large dips
and swells, sliding ships across the sea's surface like bugs clinging
to a table cloth being yanked off a table.  Those ships that were able
were making their way to port, or heading further out to sea... the
authorities were warning that this was going to be one of the worst
storms in years.

HIROSHI & DAISUKE: o/~ The weath-er start-ed getting rough... o/~

But of course, the ships the authorities were warning had radios. The
fish didn't get the benefit of mankind's meteorological prowess -- any
more than the two humans swimming in the ocean. It was actually

Suggest: than the two humans swimming in the ocean did.
(for clarity)

Some hours later, the waves pushed the two ashore a beach on a small
island. The rosy-fingered dawn breaking over the ocean illuminated the
scene, showing a wide expanse of sea and no other land in sight. On
the beach, a stout man lay unconscious next to a small boy, about 6

Suggest: about six

"Ranma! Wake up!" The man slapped him several times; the boy's skin
looked a little gray in the early light, and felt a bit chill from the
spray of water lapping against the beach. The man felt a bit panicked,
but his hard-earned survival skills came to the fore. "All right,
Ranma, I'll just move you over here underneath the shade, and you can
sleep for a while longer." The man's voice had softened as he spoke;
he was gentle moving his sleeping son off the coral sanded beach, and

coral-sanded

But when he made his way back to his sleeping son, Genma found that
the meal might have to wait. The only sign of the sleeping body were
some bent grasses, and the occasional footprint on the forest
floor. "I'll save you, Ranma -- nobody's taking you from me that
easily!"

Of course, he didn't see the abductor anywhere close, and if a fight
lay ahead, it was important that he prepare for it. So it was with a
heavy heart that he forced himself to go back to the beach and prepare
a fire to cook the shark.

I like the balanced treatment of Genma in this.

"Oh, Betty! What a surprise to see you here!" Tofu's gaze lost focus,
and he began blindly hacking away at his involuntary
patient. Batteries of chemical containers quickly vanished from his
workbench. "Not that I'm surprised, of course, why wouldn't you be
here? Let me just clean up the lab a bit , ha ha." He plugged an

bit,
(spurious space)

"Oh, Tofu, you're silly. I just came to tell you that dinner is
ready. And,... be sure to wear something *extra* nice for our date."
The salacious wink that accompanied this wasn't visible behind the
door, but was very audible.

So Betty has eyelids now? :)

This fic is an attempt at integrating scenes into the prose (without
explicit scene demarcation), and I'd particularly like to know
peoples' opinions of that. Comments on anything else are also welcome.
I'd like to know what works *and* what *doesn't* work.

I'd have liked to get a better idea of what we can expect from the
transformed Ranma. We know he's got gray skin, but if we had a hint as
to how he's going to behave differently from now on it'd give a better
idea of what to expect.

Other than that, it's pretty good for a teaser -- hopefully there'll be
more to come.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html

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