Subject: [FFML] [R.5/OMG] Getting Home Wednesday - Fit the Fourth
From: "Jerry Levine || patchmonkey" <patchmonkey@patchmonkey.net>
Date: 4/4/2004, 6:13 PM
To:


Note: Originally, I was never going to ever go back to writing this, or any
other fan-fiction. However, I have been unable to work on another project,
and I think the fact that this is unfinished is the reason. Hence, I shall
complete the entirety of GHW, and then I shall retire again.

Previous Chapters are available under the fanfiction section at
www.patchmonkey.net.

************************
Getting Home Wednesday

Fit the Fourth: Anathema
************************


"Okay, so maybe she did know what she was talking about with the whole
'bath' idea, Ranma," remarked Ukyo, as she soaped up her body before passing
the soap and a washcloth to Ranma.

"It's strange, though. I thought I'd mind turning into a girl more than I
do, you know? You have it easy - you just go from a B to a C. I get a whole
different outlook on life. But it doesn't feel wrong - it just doesn't feel
like I would think it would. Y'know?" remarked Ranma, sidestepping Ukyo's
question. "But yes, a bath was a good idea."

The two of them sat in the tub for a short while, not saying anything,
enjoying the feel of the water and relaxing, when Ranma suddenly leaned
forward and looked around.

"What's wrong, Ranchan?"

"I'm not sure, Ucchan. I thought I heard somethin', but it was nothin', I
guess. What do you think that Akane girl meant by all boys being jerks? I
mean, am I a jerk? Pops might be a putz, but he's not a jerk. And Ryoga
might get lost all the time, but he's a pretty good guy. And..."

"Calm down, Ranma. Probably she just got dumped or some boy won't leave her
alone or something. You're too worried...wait...you don't like her, do you?
You don't even know her!" exclaimed Ukyo.

Ranma blanched. "No, no! I'm just wonderin'. You know me, always trying to
figure out something new. Speakin' of something new," Ranma said, as he
reached his hand into the air, suddenly grasping a small metal ball out of
nowhere, "May I present the Ranma Hot Tub Experience Mark IV!"

Ukyo blinked. "Didn't the last one of those explode and just cause us to
have to take a bath elsewhere?"

"Yeah, but I refined it this time. The old one ran on uranium. This one just
uses regular old AA batteries. It shouldn't explode or cause disasters or
anything this time."

------

Genma and Soun were still kneeling in the dining room, discussing their
families. 

"Soun, my friend. Your daughters seem lovely, even though only one of them
has chosen to carry on the School. Surely she'll make a perfect choice. And
I'm sure Nodoka will be thrilled to visit," said Genma.

Soun stared at Genma for a moment. "I thought you had planned to take Ranma
away to avoid her influence?"

"Ah, well, you know how I told you the boy is strange? Well, no matter where
we went, Nodoka was able to keep in touch with us. I think it might have
actually been for the better, now. He's got...a spark in him. And it wasn't
so bad for me either. I have my own reasons for wanting to see her again,
old friend, if you know what I mean."

"Ah, ha ha ha! Genma, you sly dog! Your son not only is a master of the art,
but he managed to make sure you never fell out of love! If it were only that
my wife were still around, we could...yes...well...we could have a lovely
dinner sometime," remarked Soun. "Still, it will be nice to see Nodoka
again, and I'm sure you are looking forward to it, my friend."

"Yes, yes..." began Genma, before Kasumi's voice filtered into the dining
room.

"Akane, would you please wash yourself off before dinner? Ranma and Ukyo are
bathing, I'm sure they won't mind if you join them."

Genma looked at Soun. 

Soun looked at Genma. 

They both looked at the stairs leading up to the second story.

And then they both covered their ears as the screaming began.

------

"There's a pervert in the bathroom!" screamed Akane, her face flushed and
full of anger. "And Ukyo, I can't believe you wear a push-up bra! I'm gonna
kill him! Ukyo, I can't believe you'd take a bath with a boy!"

"Um, really, Akane, it's okay, don't scream," Ukyo pleaded, to no avail. 

Akane ignored her, focusing on the boy. "How dare you intrude into my house
and then take a bath with poor innocent Ukyo here! I'm gonna smite you!"

"Akane, please! It's just Ranma!"

Akane looked at Ukyo. "Oh, no! He's brainwashed you! Ukyo, Ranma's a girl,
that's a boy. You should be able to tell that, you know. Girls have..."

"I know what girls have, Akane. Please...put down the towel rack. No! Don't
hit..." Ukyo paused in midsentence. "Ah, I guess you already did hit him.
Well, give me a towel, I'm going to have to cover him up and wake him up." 

Ukyo looked for Akane, but she had already left the room. From the outside,
Ukyo could still here remarks about perverted boys and push-up bras coming
from the youngest Tendo girl.

"Now, now, Ranchan, we really should get you dressed. I'm sure dinn..." Ukyo
never finished her sentence as Ranma's clothing reappeared on his body, and
he stood up, handing her the towel.

Then he fell down. "Oh, look at all the pretty little ducks..."

-----

The lights were low in Tanira's Talisman as Urd spoke on the telephone. The
phone had started ringing as the kid left, but she had been too busy trying
to figure out how to explain the situation. And drinking. It sort of made it
easier once she got on the phone.

"So, Bell, it turns out that the kid, Ranma, doesn't even know what happened
to him. But divinity rolls right off him. He's really powerful, sis, but he
limits himself - if you didn't know any better, you'd think he was just a
really good martial artist. I don't even think he knows what he is. His
father thinks that it's his training that makes him so good, his friend Ukyo
thinks that he just doesn't want to be like his father, and he just thinks,
well, nothing. He doesn't have a clue. Here's the catch, though..." Urd
paused, as if considering the implications.

"Yes, Urd? What is it?" asked Belldandy over the telephone.

"Well, he's got three power signatures."

"Three?"

"Yeah, three. One matches a human - a really powerful human, but a human.
The other two are divine. The first matches us...well, more specifically,
Skuld. Which makes sense, since she made the promise to Ranma's mother. The
second matches me...well, half of me, at least."

"But you never granted the wish to Nodoka Saotome, did you?"

"No. But if it matches me, only one other person could have done it.
Marller. You know how those demons work, copying us sometimes? Well, my
guess is that she heard that Ranma's mother was getting a wish, so to
balance things out, she gave Ranma's father a wish."

"So if Skuld's promise was that he'd be above all other men, the Ultimate
Force interpreted it to make him a god. But we know that he also possesses
demonic divinity as well, so a similar wish must have been presented by his
father to Marller, correct?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, we'll just have to come over and explain the situation to Ranma. You
did say that his life thus far has not entirely been natural, correct?"

Urd sighed. "I suppose you're right. If Keiichi, Skuld and you want, they've
headed to the Tendo dojo. We might be able to explain things before
something else happens. But I might keep this restaurant, I like the
neighborhood, and it's pretty close to both the satellite campus and the
local high school..."

------

"Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane...this is my old friend, Genma Saotome, and his son,
Ranma, and Ranma's bond-sister, Ukyo Kuonji. They've recently returned from
a long training trip and a harrowing experience," spoke Soun, his voice
strong and sure.

"Father, how can that be Ranma? And what happened to the girl from earlier?"
queried Kasumi. She had a sneaking suspicion about the answer, but that was
impossible.

"Yeah, daddy. How can that be Ranma?" seconded Nabiki.

"Pervert."

Soun ignored his youngest daughter and spoke again. "In China, the three
happened upon the Legendary Training Grounds of Jusenkyo, passed down
through Time as being Cursed and a Generally Bad Place to go. In fact, it is
said that no one in their right minds would ever proceed to such a place,
much less fight there."

"Mr. Tendo, how did you know that?" asked Ranma.

Soun held up the tour book Genma had picked up upon their arrival to China.
"Well, son, it says so on the page describing Jusenkyo. See? 'Cursed
training ground. Be careful, if you fall in a pool, you will take the shape
of whatever drowned there. Not recommended for beginners or anyone who
doesn't like shifting shapes."

"Ukyo..."

"Yes, Ranchan?"

"How did we miss that?"

"I don't know. It's not so bad, though, I'm much more attractive now!"

Ranma looked at his father and then Soun. "Yes, we went to Jusenkyo. My
father," he said, upending a glass of cold water onto Genma, "turns into a
panda." 

He lifted the glass again, and poured it over his own head. "I turn into a
girl, but I'm still a guy. I'm just...not quite so much a guy. And Ukyo," he
said, pouring the last of the over her head, "Just gets a bit more curvy.
Out of all of us, she's the most thrilled. The curse is also the reason I
invented an The Ranma Mark I Automatic Water Heating Container!"

Nabiki whistled. "Of course, but how did you change back?"

"Well," began Ukyo, "Hot water reverses the change and makes it go away. I'm
fairly happy with mine though."

Nabiki whistled again. "You know, if we could bottle that water and lock the
change, we'd be rich doing 'plastic surgery.' Imagine, a girl walks in, pays
up, and we give her a much nicer body!" Nabiki's eyes lit up as visions of
riches danced through her head.

"I said that to Ranchan right after we fell in, but he didn't like the idea.
He said it was 'too dangerous' and that we shouldn't. But maybe someday
soon," Ukyo said, agreeing with Nabiki's proposal. "We should talk about it
- maybe it's a good way to keep finances up!"

Soun smiled. "Well, this isn't so bad. Genma didn't want me to mention this,
but there's an ancient pact to unite the schools mrphh mrphh unf!"

Unfortunately for Soun, a panda had shoved its fist into his mouth. "Growf
growf, it needn't be that hot, Kasumi," he remarked, as the young woman
poured a pot of hot water over his head. "What my dear friend means is that
the Saotome School and the Tendo schools are complimentary, and our heirs
should know both schools to be the greatest in the world! It's not an
ancient and holy pledge to marry my son with one of Soun's daughters.
Nothing of the sort."

He paused, looking at the assembled group. Kasumi looked thoughtful, as
though she was considering the news. Nabiki looked somewhat predatory,
shifting her gaze to look over Ranma. Akane was visibly unhappy, almost red
with anger at the thought. Ukyo looked as if she was going to cry, and Ranma
was glowing black again.

Ranma was the first to speak. "I knew you were up to something! Uniting the
schools, you want to marry me off!"

Ukyo sniffled. "But that's not fair! I'm supposed to be Ranchan's fianc�e!"

The room got strangely quiet as everyone turned to look at Ukyo. 

"What?" asked Ranma.

"What did you do, Genma?" queried Soun.

"Darn," said Nabiki and Kasumi together.

"Pervert. And your father's a jerk too!" added Akane.

"You mean you knew? You weren't supposed to ever know!" exclaimed Genma.

"Wait...you mean I actually am engaged to him? I just made that up because I
thought it would be amusing," remarked Ukyo, whose sniffling had now been
replaced with a confused look.

"Um...that is...ah..heh..." was all Genma was able to say before Ranma
zapped him with that black lightning again.

-----

Genma lay on the table, charred and still smoking as Ranma turned towards
Soun, his face ashen at his show of power. He quickly put it out of his mind
as he began to ask some questions. After all, questions and research were
the way to greater knowledge!

"Okay. Let me see if I have this straight, then. When you and pops were
training together, you made a vow to unite the schools."

"Correct," replied Soun.

"And uniting the schools means marriage, in your view?" asked Ukyo.

"Well...sure!" answered Soun.

"But couldn't it mean that we just share our secrets of each school? I mean,
I don't know if any of your daughters really wants to marry me yet. We're
still young, y'know."

"But the schools must be united. Honor demands it!" Soun stood and ran
quickly to a desk in the next room, grabbed a sheet of paper, and returned.
"I even have the paper we signed in agreement!"

Ranma and Ukyo both grabbed for the paper, placing it on the table for all
to read. "I, Genma Saotome, and I, Soun Tendo, do hereby swear to merge our
schools of martial arts in order to create a grand unified school," read
Ukyo aloud.

Nabiki spoke up. "Well, that doesn't say we have to get married. But you are
pretty cute, Ranma, I wouldn't mind."

Kasumi blinked. "Oh, you're being so forward, Nabiki. Our guests obviously
don't want to get married yet. But perhaps he likes older women?"

Akane glanced at her two sisters, and then back at Ranma, who was looking at
her, mouth agape. "Don't look at me, Mr. Pervert. I don't like boys. At all.
At least, not now." She spat out the last word as she rose. "I think I'm
going to my room. Good night, everyone."

Ukyo and Ranma both looked at her as she walked up the stairs. Ranma finally
turned to the other two sisters and asked them the question that was on his
mind. "So, she's a lesbian?"

"No," answered Kasumi. "She's just a little bit upset about the fact that
all these boys at the school are trying to beat her up in order to date her.
I think she just wants someone to like her for who she is, not because they
can defeat her in combat."

It was then that the doorbell rang, and Kasumi stood up to get it, and the
problems were about to multiply.

-----

"What's taking them so long? I'm cold," murmured Skuld, standing in front of
her sisters.

Urd pointed to the huge cone of ice cream disappearing into Skuld's mouth.
"Well, you shouldn't have eaten all that ice cream, squirt."

"But I like ice cream."

"Urd, Skuld, please. We're not at home, please don't try to scare our
guests. I hear someone coming to the door," said Belldandy, a frown
frittering across her features for a brief moment. 

The door opened, and Belldandy turned to face the person who answered the
door. "Yes, can I help you, miss?"

"Good evening. My name is Belldandy, and these are my sisters Skuld and Urd,
and my boyfriend, Keiichi. We're looking for a Ranma Saotome? Urd said that
she spoke to him earlier and they were headed here."

"Ah, yes. He's here, they're seated in the dining room. Would you like to
come in?"

"Thank you, Miss..." remarked Belldandy.

"Kasumi, please, Miss Belldandy." said Kasumi, in reply. "They're right this
way, if you'd follow me?"

-----

Genma was up and alert by this point, taking turns between glaring at his
sun, staring at Ukyo, and looking at Soun. "I told you not to mention it,
old friend. But it is a matter of honor, and thus, the boy will have to
follow through."

Ukyo stood up. "But you just said I'm his fianc�e!"

"I did. But the Tendo claim is older! And you're kind of like a sister,
aren't you, girl?"

"Ukyo, calm down. It will all work out, I'm sure. Fine. It's a matter of
honor, then, Pops?" asked Ranma.

"Yes, it is."

"Very well. I, Ranma Saotome, inventor and martial artist extraordinaire,
do..."

-----

Ranma's voice became louder as he spoke those words, carrying throughout the
house, towards the front where the newcomers had only barely been able to
take off their shoes.

"Oh, no," said Belldandy.

"Oh, crap," concurred Urd.

"Well, this sucks," agreed Skuld.

Keiichi turned to Kasumi, who was looking quizzically at the group of people
who had just entered the Tendo home. 

----- 

"Solemnly swear..."

----- 

"Kasumi," Keiichi began, "did you know that when someone with Ranma's powers
makes a promise, it is binding?"

Urd, Belldandy, and Skuld began to run towards the other room.

-----

"And promise to uphold..."

-----

"What do you mean, Keiichi? Ranma's just a martial artist. And a bit of an
inventory, but he's pretty much human."

-----

"The terms of the agreement..."

-----

"Don't finish!" shouted Skuld, diving first into the room. "You can't make
promises lightly!"

-----

"Between the Saotome and Tendo families." Ranma turned to face the newcomer,
even as he finished his statement.

The three goddesses entered the room as the promise was completed, waiting
for the sign of a god, goddess, or demon making a promise. The only sound
was a tiny little binking noise. 

"Well, that was anti-climatic, big sister. No fanfare, nothing!" said Skuld,
looking at Belldandy.

"Yes, that was not the normal occurrence," agreed Belldandy.

Ranma looked towards the ceiling and sighed. "What exactly is going on
here?"

-----

At the table in the dining room, the peace of the household was finally
restored. Well, what little peace there could be after the events of the
evening. The group at the table had now grown much larger as the day went
on, and it was starting to make Soun's head hurt. 

Not to mention that everyone was quite confused.

Soun looked at the four newcomers. "Now, please, tell us who you are? It's
not very often that we have visitors who yell at our guests about promises."

Keiichi bowed slightly, and began to speak. "My name is Keiichi Morisato,
and this is my girlfriend, Belldandy, and her two sisters, Urd and Skuld.
Urd told us that she had met the Saotomes and Ukyo earlier, and that she had
invited them to stay at our temple. We have plenty of room...ouch!" yelled
Keiichi, being elbowed by Urd. "Well, that is, Ranma and Ukyo may stay. Not
their father."

Ranma looked over the group of four. The guy wasn't much, but he could feel
the power rolling off the three girls. "Okay, yeah, well, I'm Ranma Saotome.
This apparently is my friend and now fianc�e Ukyo," he added, as Ukyo smiled
brilliantly.

"And I am Soun Tendo, and these are my daughters, Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane.
Is there a reason for your visit, other than the yelling?"

Belldandy was the first to speak. "Yes, Mr. Tendo. We came to talk to Ranma.
You see, Ranma isn't all human anymore, and he has not been for quite some
time..."

----------------

(End Fit the Fourth)




.. Jerry Levine .................       
.. jerry@jerrylevine.com ........       www.jerrylevine.com [work] 
.. jlevine@terpalum.umd.edu .....       www.gaijeans.com [portfolio]
.. patchmonkey@patchmonkey.net ..       www.patchmonkey.net [personal]
........The best way to predict the future is to invent it............






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