Been, a while, yes. Still trying to snag myself a
job, bleargh.

Don't worry about a few million folks (including
myself) are in the same boat :)

************************************************
  An Oddzilla Productions fanfic, by Andrew Huang.
  Guard the Future, chapter 9.
  Based on Fujishima Kosuke's "Aa! Megami-sama!"
************************************************

  Even as I stumbled forward, reeling from the hit,
I snapped my wings out
and summoned Heaven's Knuckle to my hand. I quickly
twisted around and
dropped to a partial crouch, hammer behind me in one
hand, free hand
placed on the ground for balance, struggling against
the dizziness. My
eyes flickered around, looking for whoever had just
struck me.

Hmm might want to try 'I shook my head slightly trying
to relieve my dizziness; At the same time searching
for a glimpse at my attacker.'

  "You hit me!" I blurted out.

  He paused. "Er...yes, that I did."

  For some reason I just couldn't stop myself. "I
mean, you just walked up
behind me and slugged me in the head! What the hell
kind of a bastard does
that? I can understand a stab in the back, or an
attack spell, or shooting
someone like that, but a punch? Come on, I mean,
really! Argh." I winced,
shook my head, felt my brain stabilize and the
throbbing pain that had
been radiating out from the back of my head go away.

might just need to add 'shook my head again, felt my
brain finally stabilize' if you make the first change
I recommended
 

  "Are you quite done?" my attacker said, sounding
just a shade uncertain.

  "Yeah, sorry abou...screw that, I'm not
apologizing to you." I glared up
at him. "So who exactly are you, demon?"

  "Ah, right." He sounded more sure of himself now.
"Someone who'd like to
thank you for ruining our carefully orchestrated
plans this afternoon. Do
you have any idea how many things we had to pull to
get that organ
transplant sidetracked?" He sighed, shook his head.
"All that work for
nothing."

  Numerous bursts of demonic energy, Belldandy had
said. I grinned. "So
sorry to have gotten in your way." I shifted my
weight slowly as the demon
drew near; I was finally able to make out his
face--classically handsome,
in a rather cold way. And his demon markings, two
wavy lines in the same
place where Mara's were.

  I could also now see the sword he wore on his
back, and noted the way
the light shone off its black hilt and handle, done
in a medieval European
style. He reached back to draw it, and the alarm
bells in my head
heightened. That was a nasty piece of work. The
blade looked...thirsty.

try 'I could also note the sword he wore on his back
and the ominous way the light bent around its black
hilt and handle,'

  I swung with Heaven's Knuckle, which he deflected.
But he looked
surprised, just for a moment. "Well, not bad, though
not near good enough,
either." He shoved my hammer aside and landed
another shallow, briefly
paralyzing cut on my side. I winced, and then took a
quick blow to the
side of the head from the flat of his sword. Again,
I stumbled backward,
trying to gain some distance to reorient myself.

How about this 'I swung Heaven's Knuckle hard, aiming
for his midsection, which he quickly blocked locking
his blade with my hammer.'

"Well, it felt a lot different this time around. I
should have asked you to trigger it as a test so I
would know how it felt after it got changed down."

'toned down' sounds better

"That doesn't matter!" I almost shouted. "I can't
protect Skuld like this, new or not!"

A bit more description here would go a long way.  For
example: '"That doesn't matter!" I punctuated by
slamming my palm down on the table as I stood up to
look both Urd and Belldandy in the eyes. "I can't
protect Skuld like this, new or not!"'

All and all a nice installment.  I noticed though that
you tend to skip a bit on the detail here and there. 
For instance when Andrew is at the Temple with the
others after the fight you don't describe where he and
the other characters are in relation to one another. 
This might seem trivial and may seem to make your work
longer than intended but the benefits for the reader
and yourself are to get a better mental image of the
scene.  Also the amount of description doesn't have to
be length, three or four sentences at most can provide
a good description of the background.  If the reader
can picture it in their head of where the characters
are and how they communicate nonverbally (with body
motions such as a sweep of the arms) they get more
enjoyment from the scene.  Remember Anime is itself a
highly visual medium to convey it all into this
written form is difficult but not impossible; all it
takes is a few descriptions to fuel that mental TV in
your head.  Other than that your work is very great! 
Good luck with finding a job and may your muse inspire you.

=====
Signed,

Farzad Mansouri

-Pinky are you pondering what I'm pondering?
-I think so Brain but this time you wear the Tutu

__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Get better spam protection with Yahoo! Mail.
http://antispam.yahoo.com/tools

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'