Subject: [FFML] Re: [fic][Original][R.5/SM/AMG]TOD: B1C7: Twists, Turns and Other Convolutions
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 2/20/2004, 11:49 AM
To: "L.S McGill" <lsmcgill@hotmail.com>
CC: <ffml@anifics.com>


and another:



Now, if she had everything right, one of her problems would be walking
into
the door of the restaurant she was in any moment ....

It was a rundown little place on a main highway running from this
realities

reality's



The Japanese man bowed.  "Hai!  GPS not work.

Got that right




"Just tell me one thing, Ranma."  The boy started calmly, then screamed
"Why
did you run out on our fight?!!"

one exclamation point will do.


Like an oversized shuriken, the umbrella whizzed at Ranma, who dodged it
by
inches.  It curved in flight like a boomerang and caught several students
as
it whizzed back past Ranma to be caught by Ryouga.

along with the students?


"No matter what it takes, Ranma, I shall destroy your happiness!"

"My Happiness?

happiness

stroll a couple of months ago that had ended him in a small valley that
had
been filled with cursed pools like the ones near the village he'd grown up
in.  It had taken him three days to figure out that hot water would change
him back from a smilodon,

odd choice.

and he'd had to get completely new IDs and credit
cards.  He'd decided then that taking a waterproof pack he could drag with
his teeth was a good idea.

Still, as curses went, being a saber-toothed tiger had it's

its


Back out in the main room, he dressed in a smart black suit and repacked
his
bag with clean clothes.  Looking in the mirror, he checked himself.
_Looking good_, he thought to himself.  He picked up the Glock 9mm and
checked it before putting it in his shoulder holster and buttoning his
coat
over it.  He smiled, the Hibiki family fangs showing in his grin.  _Not
bad
at all for twenty_.  He  nodded.  He was ready to meet this mistress of
finance who'd out maneuvered him in his latest deal, this ... Nabiki
Tendo.

She's buying property? That's pretty out there.



Nabiki caught the double reference as her heart beat a little faster.  He
was making a pass at her?  A _man_ who could buy any woman he wanted.

I'm assuming Nabiki does not include herself in the 'any' bit.

Tao-Ching laughed.  "You must of hit the bottom of the pool with your
head
when you fell in.  I would have thought you'd have been afraid I would
have
eaten you, though given the view then and now, I'm tempted."

And after getting all excited over Nabiki. Shame on him.



He dodged Zhu Shu's umbrella.  "Now, now.  An umbrella isn't a sword,
completely different moves are called for."

Zhu kicked him in the groin.

"That's a different move," he squeaked out before crumpling to the ground.


Zhu Shu grounded the umbrella and glared.  "I don't like being made fun of
sir.  You obviously know I've been cursed, but I don't recall having ever
met you before."

Tao-Ching smiled.  "Ok.

Okay

"A piglet?!?"  Tao-Ching convulsed in laughter.  "Oh how I wish I could
have
been there to see that!"

"You left five minutes too early." Zhu Shu observed sourly.

Tao-Ching straightened.  "Anyway, I must apologize for my cousins

cousin's

Several days later, Nabiki and Zhu Shu were about to leave for school when
they found a smilodon on the doorstep.

"Tao-Ching?  What do you want?"  Zhu Shu asked in Mandarin.  "You need hot
water?  Or did you come to insult me some more?"

The big cat shook it's

its


Zhu Shu shook her head in disbelief, then groaned at the pain that washed
through her head.  He always knew exactly the wrong thing to say.  The
more
stressful the situation, the worse it was.


Like most people.



She stared in shock at Ranma.  The girl sat looking at Akane with a hurt
look,

overuse of 'look'

    surrounded by a swirling mass of red hair.  Ranma looked away, the
motion causing the shredded shirt to fall off his shoulders.

Nobody knew where she got the mallet she used to hit Ryouga with, but they
all agreed it was very, very large.

Bit cliches, and inappropriate for this sort of fic. Too lampoonish.




Mara leaped into the air to hover just before Urd.  "You don't recall?"
Liquid nitrogen dripped from her whisper

overuse of 'nitrogen'

by the hair and yanked her head back.  Tears welled up in the corners of
Urd's eyes.  "Friends don't try to kill friends."

Depends on the nature of the friendship.

      She trailed her
fingernail across Urds

Urd's

         throat, then whispered in her ear.  "But don't
worry,
Urd my love.

Urd, my

 I shan't kill you.  Oh no.  I have much better plans than
that.  I'm going to break you."  Her nail trailed down to rest over Urd's
heart.  "I'm going to break you ... And make you mine!  What you tried to
do
to me, instead, I shall do to you.  Her mouth dropped down to Urd'd

Urd's



A sobbing Urd collapsed in Belldandys arms.


Belldandy's
                       "It's alright.  I'm sure
she'll
get over it.  She's just angry."  Belldandy said

angry,"

              soothingly.

Terror filled eyes met her worried ones.  "No.  Bell, you didn't her
what

hear


* * * * *
beside him, looking at the still form of Zhu Shu in his arms.  "Is she
ok               ?"

should spell 'okay' out.

she asked finally.



Emotions rolled and boiled

excessive. Only use one descriptor there.

 > The Ranma who had never refused a challenge -- who's

whose

 pride was that he
never
refused a challenge.

of course, pride is considered a sin, so that means she admires a bad trait.
:)



The silence in the room was deafening.


I can barely hear myself think. :)

Akane sat quietly as Tofu came out to say that Zhu Shu was okay, and she
waited as Ranma was taken back to have his back treated.  Thoughts roiled

and you already mentioned that once, no need to do it again.


Akane rubbed the tears away from one eye.  "Oh jeez.  It's not that."  She
sat for another second as more tears flowed.  "This is so embarrassing,
but
it just won't stop."

But Tofu couldn't hear, he was too busy laughing at her.

^_^


Doctor Tofu might not have been a psychologist,

Tofu: Heck, I'm not even a doctor. That diploma is fake.


Akane looked at him as the tears flowed freely, then buried her head
against
his chest as she sobbed. "Oh Doctor ...."

Oh, Doctor


Soun to monitor the afternoon training session Zhu Shu usually led for the
Juuban girls.  Even Zhu Shu had to admit that at their present level, Soun
could teach them an enormous amount.  It may not be Sword Dance, but the
basics were the basics.

tense sounds off.

Akane gave him a weird look.  "Are you feeling ok?

spell out


"Maybe even apologize for belt because think how much grieve if Akane
hurt?"

Ranma was too miserable to even nod.  Zhu Shu had always been able to see
him too well.

I agree.



At the Tendo Dojo, Nabiki was introducing the Voodoo priest to Soun and
Genma, telling them she'd hired him for room and board to make needed
repairs around the Dojo.

And performed magic rituals as needed. Nabiki was looking forward to having
some zombie helpers around.

Soun had nodded at the need and Nabiki left the
three to talk before dinner.  It wasn't long before the sake had
lubricated
tongues.

"Ya, Mon!  You want a body raised, I can't help you,

you.


Ke Lun nodded.  "It said 'My daughter speaks the truth'."  She thought it
politic not to add the "for once."

cute


Ke Lun nodded.  "I see.  May I be permitted to know what that wish was?"


Urd: The perfect Bloody Mary. Do you know how hard it is to make one just
right?

"That her relationship with Ranma be resolved happily for everyone
concerned."  Urd nodded at the raised eyebrow Ke Lun gave her.  "She has
no
idea how convoluted that wish actually is."

Shampoo: But I not the one having to work to make it come true, so it no
matter.


"Indeed.  Well that shouldn't be a problem.  Shan Pu can just kill her and
all will be properly taken care of."

Urd: But dead people aren't happy, and that was one of the stipulations of
the wish.

Cologne; Bugger.



She looked into her heart, where her crush on Doctor Tofu had been, and
wondered why she felt no loss at it's absence.

its


smaller redhead.  "You ...  have ... been ..."  She placed a hand on
either
side of  Ranma's shoulders as her bathrobe parted.  "Getting Zhu Shu to
cut
your hair."

Ranma couldn't help but look.

"Actually, we were feeling each other up. That was what I was going to
explain."



"That's my hair."

hair,


Akane smiled.  "Ok."

spell out


 > "It had better not be."  Akane gripped her sword tighter.

A crack of lightning illuminated the garden, showing them a silhouette of
a
figure with a large pack jumping through the air.

"It... It is a burglar!  With a pack for stolen good!"

goods

Kasumi whispered.

and if she's whispering, don't use exclamation points.


Akane was pissed.  Someone had dared to break into her home to steal?!!!

one exclamation point will do.

knelt
and smiled at the piglet.  "Are you ok?


spell out

taken care of."  She clasped him to her chest and wrapped her shawl around
him.  "There.  That'll keep you warm.  I'll send Ranma to find your things
when he gets back."

She met Zhu Shu coming back from the Dojo at the base of the stairs.

"He no in Dojo.  Hope Panda man not see.  Last time try to cook"  Zhu Shu
said as she came in, looking in the garden as she walked up to Kasumi.

"Mr. Saotome tried to cook such a darling looking piglet?!  How could
he?!"

It's called bacon, dearie. You eat it all the time.


"Hey Kasumi?

Hey, Kasumi

I couldn't-  Oh!  There he is." Akane said as she entered
the
kitchen after searching the downstairs.  "Why were you jumping around the
garden at 2:30 in the morning?!  You scared us half to death thinking you
were a burglar!"

The piglet looked from girl to girl and looked properly ashamed of
himself.

"Waitaminute!  How do all of you know that that piglet is Ryouga!"

Ryouga?



"Yeah, even he wouldn't do it on purpose."

purpose

 Akane chimed in.

"Hey!"  Ranma stopped at three feminine stares.  "Oh, Alright.  Ryouga.
I'm
sorry I knocked you in the pool of drowned pig."  he

He



"What did I do now." he

now?

FInally got to this. Hope it helps.

DB Sommer



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