Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] Let the Curtain Fall, chapter six (draft)
From: Zorknot
Date: 2/12/2004, 8:09 PM
To: Michael Noakes <>, ffml <>

Great introduction, and the Akuji Ranma fight was
masterfully described, but I didn't appreciate the
DBZ-esque ending. And really there are only so many
times I can read about Ranma letting go and going all
out for real with everything he has and then getting
trounced only to get up and *really* let go this time.
It's sort of a "boy who cried wolf" thing. 

The entire chapter after the intro was about Ranma's
battle, and while as I said, it was very well
described and I could really see what was going on and
things, there was too much of it. You break it up a
little by going back to Ranma laying in bedroom with
the mirrors, but that gets old pretty quick too. Maybe
if you cut to the other Tendos wondering what is
happening or maybe another character from one of the
organizations, that would be cool. 

I'm being more negative than this deserves probably,
its just that you set it up so well in the beginning
and I was hoping for a resounding conclusion, but then
all I got was a "to be continued"

May time stop briefly for you in a moment of clarity
when you need it most,


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