Okay.

Lancer takes a turn doing C&C.

Why?

Because I love A-ko, B-ko and C-ko... if Ranma wasn't so many years earlier,
I'd have added them to Tears...

First off...

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU

(btw did I mention I love Project A-ko?)

*** major commentary***

(in text modifications.)

       A Taste of Chalk

With a groan I flop the book over, setting it page-down on the pillow
as I think about the implications of what I just read.

***realize this is a short fic, but you're missing a good chance her to add
a little flavor to the story with some background detail.  a short
description of the room might be nice, at the very least let us know if our
hero is lying on a bed, louging on a couch etc.  As a huge fan of the scene
where B-ko is setting in her enormous bath contemplating C-ko... well,
atmosphere is nice.***

I'd taken C-ko's friendship to be a prize to be won, but hadn't
pursued it as such.  Instead I went after it like it was an object to be
captured, a zero-sum problem.

*** Which is exactly how B-ko goes after everything.  She is a lot like
Dexter that way.***

How was I to know when I first met C-ko that she had been raised by
weird people, that she'd react that badly to Mariko-chan?  Even A-ko knows
frogs are cute.  So when C-ko reacted like that I didn't know what to do,
except blame A-ko for turning her against me.  A-ko isn't to blame, and

I'd

have C-ko as a friend now if I hadn't alienated A-ko.

She is often ready to reconcile, so I shall see what is to be gained
in the morning.  With that (needs a comma here, as it's a pause)

 I turn out the light, move the book to a safer

spot, mark my place with a bit of paper, (and) go to sleep.

 *** I would put  a bit more of B-ko's thoughts here.  something like a
thought about "hopeing she'll be willing to forgive me after all I've done."
That sort of thing***

I stand ready as I have every school day for the last six weeks since
they came back into my life, still in my uniform this morning.  I don't

know

if this is the best course of action, in fact I fear it may be one of the
worst, but. . .

***Again, dramatic tension is a be-atch, but a good story requires it.  This
is just a bit short for my taste.  B-ko is about to take a step that could
change her life forever, or ruin it.  She's got to have butterflies the size
of clydesdales.  Make us feel it***

There she is.  Walking up to the gate, laughing at something C-ko
said.  That alway has made me jealous.  She spots me, sends C-ko off to

one

side, out of the expected path of battle to stand with my henchpersons.

She

walks up cautiously, ready for an attack.

*** And what goes through B-Ko's mind when she looking at A-Ko?  Just what
is she thinking when she's looking at this girl she's learned to realize
she's in love with?  Not too much, or you lose the impact of the following
scene, but maybe:

*****
There she is.

She's walking up to the gate, her red hair glowing in the sunlight as she
laughs at something C-ko said.  I smile grimly.  Normally, I'd say it made
me jealous.  I'd say everything she did made me jealous, from the time she
spent with C-Ko, to the fabulous way she always looks, to the way her eyes
sparkle when she laughs...

She spots me, and sends C-Ko off to one side, out of the expected battle.
As C-Ko joins my hench-people, she walks up to me cautiously, ready for an
attack.

*****

``B-ko, what is it this morning?  I do need to get an education.''

(needs paragraph break here.  A-Ko isn't the one thinking in the paragraph,
so including her question in the paragraph is confusing)

She
is always so angry with me of late.  Not that I can really blame her, what
with the fact that I have been attacking her every morning just about

since

she arrived in town.  She's so pretty when her eyes flash like that

Before I can reconsider (,)  I act, flinging myself into motion as soon as
she is close enough that getting to her before she can move out of the way
will not rip my uniform off.  No sense wasting the things, as they are a

bit

of a pain to replace.

***I would reword this.  It took me three reads to figure out what the
action was.  That's twice too many.***

She doesn't react fast enough to dodge (,) for once, apparently she wasn't
as ready as she seemed.  Most likely she was waiting for me to shed the
uniform before my attack, as I usually do.

*** I'd move "for once" to the first part of the sentance.***

I am inside her guard, one hand around her back, the other across the
back of her head, my fingers twined about ("about" should be "in" her

short red hair (remove the comma) , before she

starts to clue in (clue in is too slangy for B-Ko.  I'd put: "before she

starts to realize what I'm doing.)  Instants later I pull her unresisting
head down to mine, (and)

press my lips to hers.  She shifts, like she almost wants to fight me off,
then starts to respond to the kiss, her lips spreading against mine.

With a sudden gasp she tears herself away, making me quite glad I
didn't have a firm grip on her hair, for she pulled away fiercely enough

that

she would have ripped it out, or perhaps broken my fingers.  I really

almost

wish I had the suit on.  No, make that `It would have been nice to have
thought to design a set of modifications to the suit such that I could

have it

half-on' since the fields would have kept my ribs from cracking like that.
Deities but that hurts.

***without getting into a theology debate, I think "Gods but that hurt."
flows better.***

``B-ko!''  A-ko's voice sounds from just in front of where I have my
face pressed to the asphault, indicating she has dropped to her knees, and

is

probably hovering with her hands just off me.  I force myself to sit up,
brushing my back across her hands as I do so.  Good, it seems only a

couple

ribs are damaged.  ``Are you OK?''

***Need to clarify here.  I can guess from the text that B-ko must of ended
up flying when A-Ko pushed her away, but if so, exactly how did she end up
face first on the road, instead of flat on her back?***

``I didn't have my suit on, what do you think?'' I snap, then
reconsider.  ``Pretty good, only a couple ribs cracked.  The suit doesn't
provide much protection when the fields are off, though.''  She looks

pained.

***Humm.  Try:
*****

"I didn't have my suit turned on!  What do you think?" I snap, then
reconsider and give her a weak smile.  "Pretty good I guess."  I feel about
my chest.  "Only a couple of ribs cracked.  The suit doesn't really provide
much protection when the feilds aren't active."

She looked pained.  I give her another smile, a shy one, as I murmur, "It
was worth it."

She hears me.  She blinks at me for a second before reaching out her hand
tenetively.

*****

``I didn't think, sorry.  Let me help you up.'' (paragraph break again.

Keep anyones's quotes but B-Ko's in a seperate paragraph.)

I nod, let her help me

to the infirmary, sure that I would enjoy this a whole lot more if my ribs
weren't aching like they are.  Even so it is nicer (drop the er ) to feel

her hands with a

bit less force behind them than usual.  They feel so nice, so strong and
caring, instead of just strong.  I wish. . .

``A-ko!  Careful!  I need to be able to breathe when you are done!'' I
almost squeek, as her careful, if inexpert, hands tape my ribs.  Do I want

her

hands to roam just a bit higher?  I think so, but can I tell her that?

Not

now.  We're not in public, though.  Better wait 'til she's done taping, I
think.

***I'd probably put a paragraph break between "Not now." and "We're not in
public though."  B-Ko's reconsidering her previous thought.***

``Un, that's true.  You can't kiss me if you can't breathe.'' (break)

  She

looks utterly appalled by that last sentance, a kind of `how could I have

said

that!  she'll be angry with me' look.  I smile back, with a look that I

hope

is reasuring. (reassuring)

She kisses me quickly on the forehead, blushes, runs quickly out of
the room, leaving me to put my armor and uniform top back on by myself.

She

did a good job on my ribs, and I can manage without too much trouble.  It
would still be far easier with her to help.  (couple of tense shifts here.

try to keep the tense consistant.)

***

I knod to Ayumi-sensei as I walk into class, take my seat before going
back to my thoughts of the day before.  How could I have done that to

myself?

Even more importantly why had it taken so long for me to straighten it out

in

my head?  I know how easy it is to turn lust for something into something
else, but how did I turn (it into a) jealousy so intense that it left me

weak in the

knees, that it (delete it)  made me come up with dozens of evil plots to

get her out of the

picture some final way, so that she knows that she is suffering for taking

my

friend away from me, into the all-consuming lust (use a different word

here.  I think hatred would be the best choice) of the last few weeks?  Was

it that I was convinced that A-ko wanted it that way?  Or that I felt sure

I

couldn't win her, and set out to sabotage the relationship before it could
even begin?  Sadly the later course seems most likely.

``A-ko chan, would you come for a walk with me after school?  I feel
that I need to talk to you about this morning.   B-ko.''  Not the best

note

I've ever written, unless one is going on how much must be infered for it

to

make any sense, which isn't a good measure.

``I think we should too.  I have a feeling that this is really
important.  A-ko''  The little note comes back to me, and I notice the way
that she is still stroking mine, watching me read while attempting to look
like she is paying attention to Ayumi-sensei.  She doesn't succeed as well

as

she might have, getting a face full of chalk dust and duster.  That is

such a

strange term for chalkboard eraser that I like to use it a lot.  I hide my
face in my hand, thinking about lunch for the first time today, realize

that I

had two bentou packed this morning, and I hadn't even noticed.

***I'd rephrase the bit about the eraser.  While in Japan they may be called
dusters, B-Ko really isn't going to think it's a strange term***

``Daitoukuji-san!''  I look up, duck the flying duster as it almost
hits where it was aimed.  Blessed, but she's in a bad mood; generally she

just

bouces it off the top of my head.  Calling my name so that I'll look up

and

have it hit me in the face is something she reserves for when things

really

turn out wrong.  I guess she's still upset about Kei.  How weird, that

went

`poof' in this bout of self-examination, too.

I look back at A-ko, catch her looking at me, look forward and begin
writing.  `A-ko, would you like to eat lunch with me? I seem to have

packed

two bentou this morning.  B-ko'  Having seen just what C-ko's cooking will

do

to a person, I don't expect her to refuse.  I fold the note carefully,

pass it

back.  She reads it, knods, flinches, and I duck, the duster bouncing off

my

head yet again.

``Daitoukuji-san!  What is it with you this morning?''  Ayumi-sensei
asks for the first time in several weeks.  I think for a moment about the
proper answer.  Should I be smart, which will likely get me sent to stand

in

the hall, and out of having to listen to her drone on about US history, a
subject that I have already covered in adequate depth, thank you very

much, or

should I tell her the truth in some form or another.

The truth.  Can't hurt too much.  ``I just remembered how cute
Magami-san is, sensei.  Isn't she cuter than Kei-kun?''  I smile at her,

glad

that I have cameras in the room to catch A-ko's reaction, for as expected
Ayumi looks like a beached fish, her mouth flopping and no sound coming

out as

she points to the hall, finally getting under control enough to

emphatically

order me out of the classroom. (paragraph break to denote an interval of

time)

I lean back against the wall, lost in

incoherent contemplation of A-ko, somehow keeping the ecchi thoughts that

keep

popping up from taking over my mind, probably because it would be quite
embarassing to have someone see my expression.  Hun, I probably could keep

my

face neutral . . .

There is a thump from the room behind me before I can go any further
on that thought, and Ayumi-sensei's voice demanding an explanation from

A-ko.

She makes an encouraging reply, one that echos mine, but with my name

instead

of hers.  Ayumi manages to order her from the room faster than she could

me,

so I think she may have been expecting it.

A-ko leans back against the wall next to me, pulls a pen from one of
her pockets, writes quickly on the notebook she brought from class with

her,

hands it to me.

`B-ko, did you mean that back in class just a bit ago?  I was a little
surprised to hear it.  I'm quite flattered, though.'

I reply by the same means, `Yep.(Yes. remember, B-Ko is wealthy upper

class.  keep the slang to a minimum)  I was reading last night when I

realized that I wasn't going to get C-ko by the methods that I had been

using,

that, in fact, the method that I had been using _could not_ work.  I think
that broke some of the barriers that I had been using to keep from

thinking

about things, for I had two Bentou packed this morning, not three.  I

didn't

think I was going to kiss you this morning until after I started moving
towards you.'  (paragraph break again.)

I watch her as she reads it, looks up, presses careful fingers

to my face, steps in close to me, and bends forward.  I close my eyes at

the

feel of her lips on mine, press myself against her as firmly as I can

before

my ribs start screaming at me, slide my hands over the fabric of her

blouse as

her tounge presses against my own.

*Briiiiing* the moment is shattered by the bell, and we break apart as
a torrent of students flows from the room, I hear a bit of giggling, but

think

nothing of it until I look at A-ko's face.  I wasn't wearing lipstick, or

at

least none that hadn't rubbed off of her face (drop face), and her's was a

bit smudged.

Red lipstick just doesn't go well with my hair, I fear.

***Somewhere in here, you may want to note that A-Ko wasn't wearing lipstick
earlier.***

We walk back into class as Ayumi-sensei leaves, pausing to glare at us
on the way out the door, and I smile sweetly back before I remember that

I've

still got A-ko's lipstick on my face.  I glance up at A-ko and elbow her

so

she'll remember to smile at Ayumi-sensei.  After a quick glance at me she

does,

and Ayumi-sensei whirls and runs to her next class.  I sit down at my desk

and

glare at the girl who normally sits next to me, my hand lightly on A-ko's

arm.

She takes the hint remarkably well, fleeing to a vacant desk and taking

her

stuff with her.

``That wasn't terribly nice, you know.''  A-ko glares at me as she
takes her seat.

``I originally bribed her to take that seat, so it shouldn't bother her
too much.  Now bring your stuff over here.  Please?''  I try to smile my
brightest smile, which I'm not so sure is very bright, but she comes over

and

pecks me carefully on the cheek, assuredly leaving a bright red lip mark.

I

pull out a mirror but make no attempt to wipe it off, offer the mirror

silently

to A-ko.  She takes it and fixes her lipstick, something I'd not seen her

wear

before, at least not so far as I could remember.

My next period teacher looks more than a little shell-shocked at the
sight of us sitting together, and she blinks several times when she takes

in

the lipstick distribution.  I smile at her and she sways, looking quite

like

she was going to faint.  She doesn't, though, and gets on with the english
lesson.  I rather dislike English, and this time I have something far

better to

occupy my mind.  The english teacher is much more slack with throwing the
duster about, for which I am quite grateful.  Chalk dust just doesn't go

with

lipstick.  I manage to avoid making a fool of myself for the next couple
periods, or at least any more of a fool than normal.  The last several

weeks,

of course, don't count as normal.

``B-ko, what is with you today?  I've never seen you get in this much
trouble before.''

***Humm.  a quote from thin air?  This is totally without a reference.  I
assume from futher down this is C-Ko, but we need to know this.***

``I've not been plotting today.  I hope that I've caught what I wanted
all along.  Have I, A-ko?''

***I'd add :  "what I wanted all along."  I give A-Ko a sidelong glance.
"Have I, A-Ko?"***

``You've caught me, if that's what you mean.'' (emphasize "me")

``OK,'' C-ko says, an utterly cute irate whine in her voice, ``That is
quite enough of that!''

``What?''  I ask, smiling.

``A-ko is mine!''

``Oh?'' I ask.

``I'm your best friend,'' A-ko starts, a little confused.

C-ko's face just melts.  I wince, and tears start to trail quietly
down her face, ``No.  No.  No. You're supposed to be my girlfriend.  You

do

everything you're supposed to, except ask me on dates,'' C-ko sniffles,

``If

you don't want to be my girlfriend, you should have told me a long time

ago.''

C-ko turns away.

A-ko looks at me helplessly.  I look back, then reach out, and place a
hand on C-ko's shoulder, ``Two girlfriends might be better than one,`' I

tell

her softly, ``even if one of them doesn't like toads, frogs, snakes, or

other

cute things.''

``Toads aren't cute!'' C-ko spins around, and glares at me.

I give her my best surprised look, ``Are too.''

``Are not!''

``Why?''

C-ko looks a little bit stumped by that, ``Be--'' and the duster hits
her upside the head.

C-ko spends the rest of the day alternating between glaring at me and
giving us contemplative looks.

A-ko. (replace . with ?)  A-ko just looks stunned.

After class, C-ko steps up to us, ``Y'all (wince... C-Ko is not a southern

belle.  "You" is just fine)  will take me on a date.  No

toads this time.  Maybe next, OK?''  She clasps her hands together in

front of

her, and smiles.

A-ko gibbers a little.  (I'd use blinks myself.)

I manage to limit myself to a single blink, ``OK.  What would you like
for dinner?''

She frowns, just a little.

I wrap an arm about each of them, and start from the room, ``You don't
have to answer right away,' I tell C-ko.

     Fin
   Probably

***You do of course realize you've robbed me of an entire evening of working
on artwork to reply to you.... Thank you.***

Now, you had a rough start, but once you got to the classroom, you started
to roll beautifully.  It's (mostly) perfectly characterized, and I can just
picture this as I'm reading it.

Actually... I'm going to get some A-Ko reference material now.  and if I
have your permission... I may... Just may... Illustrate this story.  (no
promises... I've just got a few very vivid pitures in my head demanding that
I draw them.)

And this is the eventual end the series just has to come to... it's just
waaaaaaaaaaay to in character.

(as I always describe this story, C-Ko (the long lost princess of an entire
race of females... so she's a natural born lesbian.) loves A-Ko (The
daughter of Superman and Wonder Woman), who is too clueless to realize it.
B-Ko (a technological supergenius with no end of money) loves C-Ko, and is
too fixated to realize she's just as obsessed with A-Ko.  Pure Yuri from the
word go.)

and once more.... Thank You.  It was a lovely read.

LSMcGill

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