Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Sat, 20 Dec 2003 13:36:12 +1300 R E <ranma_e@hotmail.com> wrote:

Damaged equipment lay strewn around the various labs.  A number of
electrical fires burned in various parts of the sub.  With the
scattered remains of the crew utterly unable to fight them and a vast
majority of the Spring's automated systems down they continued to burn,
consuming precious oxygen, belching toxic smoke.

Unless the control center is very well protected, I'd expect a fight
there which would result in loss of depth control.  That would cause the
sub to drift toward the surface or the bottom depending on the trim when
the fracus started.

I would expect them to dive as soon as possible after receiving Ranma's
helicopter, but I don't recall a mention of it happening.

However, the bays had never been used.  The submersibles remained
secured on their loading cranes, the docking facilities remained
unmanned.  The whole area was isolated - connected to the rest of the
sub by only a single {elevator : passage : trunk} - and beside the
occasional security patrol {: and routine maintenance}, the entire
docking area remained untouched.

A small, black vessel rose from the depths, silently parting the
water's surface as it emerged into the dock.  The camera's motion
tracking software latched onto the movement and smoothly {swiveled :
swivelled} the camera, automatically adjusting its focus to pull the
newly-arrived vessel into sharp relief.

"But you don't know how to fly a chopper," Yoiko pointed out.

Ryoga's smile cracked.  His sister, ever the pragmatist.  "We'll cross
that bridge when we come to it."

He'll certainly have plenty of incentive to learn quickly.

"I have to, {sis : Sis}," Ryoga replied.  Distasteful as it was,
another gun could mean the difference between life and death for both
of them.  As he looked more closely at the weapon, he shook his head in
dismay.  The holster was not even unclipped - the poor girl had never
even had a chance to defend herself.  He glanced at her face once more.
She had been a pretty girl, that much was obvious even beneath the
blood that had dried upon her skin.

She coughed and rolled over, clutching her stomach.  Something caught
her eye then; something that made her sit bolt upright despite the
pain.  A Hidari clone sat in the corner of the elevator platform facing
her, both hands clutching at the handrail behind it.  It stared at her
with wide eyes, glancing between her and the elevator door.  Its body
trembled as it opened its mouth.

"Please don't kill me."

That's an odd Hidari.  If he's the perfect Ranma, what criteria is the
Phoenix organization using to decide?  Ranma wouldn't be a perfect Ranma.

"Better?" she asked, tearing her gaze away from those eyes to look down
at the metal grille that covered the elevator platform.  Behind her,
noticed neither by her or {Nine : the Hidari}, a small cloud of white
feathers melted out of her robe and floated gently to the floor.

Akane and he have not worked out that name for him yet.  See below.

"That is what the others would call me," he replied, glancing away from
her.  "I do not want their name."

"Okay," Akane replied thoughtfully.  "How about just Nine?"

--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.


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