We'll warm up watching 'Turboneko' DDR AMV and review.

Jorge Pratt Blanno wrote;

Author's note: Well, since the manga is now available over here, maybe a
few
more readers have gotten the chance to know "Azumanga Daioh!"

It's so cool. Azumanga is great.

      An ordinary calico cat was happily licking its paws on the hood of
a small blue sedan, savoring the lingering taste of its most recent
meal.

Grits. It was a Kansai cat, and everyone knew that only hicks lived out
there

Its peace was interrupted, though,

recommend dropping 'though'. Superfalous (sp?)

when a sudden, excited shriek

tore through the scene and shook windows up to miles away

would reword as 'up to a mile away' or 'windows miles away.'

.. Terrified, it

leapt onto the ground and ran as far away as its nine lives would take
it.
      "Woo-hooo! School's out, it's chow time!"
      Minamo Kurosawa winced as her friend shrieked to the top of her
lungs again. Ahead of her, Yukari Tanizaki effectively danced in joy and
impatience as they neared the parking lot.

Typical Yukari.

      "Honestly, you're making so much racket for su

ch a little thing!"

the blue-haired gym teacher chided.

Nah. don't even bother with the hair color thing here. It parses off.

      "So I pleaded for the help of my friend to keep my precious crab
in the safety of her locked car!"
      "You dragged me out of gym class to give you my key-- Huh?"
      Yukari shrugged, oblivious to how her friend had paused in
mid-stride. "Tomatos, tomatoes.

Intentionally spelling it both ways?

Hey, you think ketchup goes well with

crab?" There was no answer, not even a glib comment. Turning around, she
called, "Hey, Nyamo--"
      But Nyamo

While I use 'But' to lead off sentences all the time, it doesn't feel right
here. I'd drop it or add something before it.

was standing stock-still, her face locked in a rictus of

horror and her shoulders shaking not unlike jello on a paint mixer.

'not unlike' seems wordy. I'd just say 'like'

 She

only

drop 'only'

 lifted a trembling hand to point ahead, towards her car. Puzzled,

Yukari turned forward again and stared.
      "Agh!" Yukari exclaimed, grasping at her hair with her hands.
      "AAAH! AAAH! AAAAAH!" Nyamo's trademark freak-out started
full-blast. There was a gaping hole smashed through her car's rear left
window. A small piece of glass from the upper edge swung gently, then
dropped with a *tinkle*.
      "MY CAR!" she finally yelled.
      "MY CRAB!" Yukari cried, pushing Nyamo aside as tears streamed
down her cheeks.

Like I said, typical Yukari.

 She raced towards the battered vehicle, hoping against

hope that her precious delicacy had escaped unscathed from the ravages
of suburban crime. Nyamo just floated in dismay towards her poor, poor
sedan.

I think 'poor, brutalized' (or something similar) would sound better.

       As the two teachers bawled over their horrible loss, a trio of

students chatted obliviously as they walked past the parking lot. The
shortest one, though, was quick to notice the adults' distress and
asked, "Yukari-sensei?"
      Yukari dimmed her sobbing just enough to face her and moan,
"Chiyo-chaan... My crab's gone..."
      "A!" the long-haired one blinked, "Yukari-sensei had crabs?"

Among other diseases, I'm sure.

      "Baka Osaka!" the girl with short hair groaned. "It's seafood!
Yukari-chan told us she got some at noon, remember?"

I'd drop 'at noon' since it sounds like that's when she received them,
unless that's what you meant.

      "Aa..." Osaka drifted off, then turned to her friend, "Yomi-chan
had crabs once... Have you had crabs, Tomo-chan?"

Tomo: Yep. In fact, I got them from her.

Yomi: Don't say it like that, people will get the wrong idea!

      Tomo winced, "Geh-- what's that supposed to mean?!"
      "What happened, sensei?" Chiyo asked, leaving her friends to
squabble. "Who did that to your car?"
      "Wish I knew," Nyamo

knew.

 composed herself, already thinking about

repair shops that fell within her budget.

I thought she was insured against it, since you mention that before.

      "Crime scene?" Tomo frowned quizzically.
      "Crime scene."
      Osaka proceeded to cage a few other cars within her perimeter.
Yukari, seizing the chance to snap at someone, bellowed, "Damn right
this is a crime scene! And I demand justice!"
      "Shh!" Osaka silenced her and pressed an ear against Nyamo's car.
"The evidence is talking to me." And indeed the car emitted a brief beep
as Nyamo used her key ring to turn the alarm off. "A! It did talk!"

Heh

Osaka exclaimed, stepping away from it.
      Then her face took a quizzical look as she took notice of the
smashed glass and ruined window. "Aa, as I thought..." she said
astutely. "Looks like the perpetrator's window of opportunity."
      Before any of the others could groan at her statement, an American
rock song suddenly started blasting out of nowhere. All eyes turned to
glare at the newly-arrived interloper.
      "Uh, sorry," Kagura said, turning down her radio. "Don't like The
Who, huh?"

which song was it? :)

      "Hm? What happened here?" Yomi asked as she approached the
sealed-off crime scene. Sakaki followed closely, her mind still absorbed
by that adorable little calico she had spotted earlier in the day. It
was a shame that it had scratched at her finger and run away before she
could cuddle it.
      "Ah, Yomi, Sakaki!" Kagura came forward to meet them while Osaka
and the others examined Nyamo's car. "Hurry over, Osaka says she needs
help here."
      Yomi frowned, catching a glimpse of the vehicle's broken window.
"What's going on?"
      "Ah, someone broke into Nyamo-sensei's car," Kagura explained.

lots of 'Ah'.s you might want to drop some

 >       "But that doesn't explain where the crab went," Yomi contested.

      Kagura grimaced. "Uh, Yukari-sensei kinda got mad at the guards
and scared them away. They, um, they won't come back because they're
afraid of her."

heh

      Yomi snorted in annoyance. "Huh. Figures they'd weasel out just
before a long weekend. Anyway, we'll need some equipment if we're really
going to help figure out who stole that crab." Standing up, she ran the
necessary items through her mind and continued, "Sakaki, Kagura, take
this branch back inside to one of the storerooms, see what you can find
on it. I'll get Chiyo-chan to come with me so they let us use it for a
day or two."
      "What are you gonna find in that branch?" Tomo clucked. "It's just
a hunk of wood, right?"
      "Someone must have pulled it out and placed it here,"

and burned it, if they pulled it out.

      "My craaab... my craaab..." Yukari, her face a mask of absolute
despair, whimpered as she suckled on one of the leftover plastic
wrappings from the box. She was convinced there was still a little taste
of Hokkaido left in it.
      "Yukari, that's... disgusting," Nyamo shuddered.
      Osaka pouted slightly. "Aa, sensei, please don't eat my evidence."

heh

      Tomo had little luck with the passerby, though. Also, aside from a
thick carpet of leaves and cherry petals, the parking lot was devoid of
any unusual bits and pieces that wouldn't be found at a public high
school anyway. And since the janitor had emptied out the trash cans some
time after the rain, all she could come up with was a Hello Kitty

'Hello Kitty' (I think)

      "S-shut up!" the gym teacher screeched. "That's completely wrong!
I haven't even dated anyone in about two-- Er... I mean..." She tried
valiantly to regain her composure and cleared her throat. "Right. So,
have fun with your mystery, everyone. At least my repairs will end up
cheaper than Yukari's crab."

Heh

      "He hurt himself on the way out," she deduced. With a frown, she
concentrated on the dried blood spots, her sight zooming onto them. "He
stole sensei's crabby fish after it rained, too."
      She heard Chiyo call out for her just as the others entered the
school building. Osaka wobbled a bit as she stood up, stared at the
blood for a second more, and called back, "I'm coming, Chiyo-chan! Wait
for me!"

Oh? You didn't mark this as 'Part 1.' It threw me. Might want to do that in
the future.

DB Sommer




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