For any who care, no, I haven't given up on C&Cing through "Countdown to
Matrimony." This post, however, was handy when I was at work yesterday
without much to do.

Ronny Hedin <thark@mangakai.org> wrote:

And now for something completely different...

HAPPOSAI: It's...

Ranma sighed, glad to have been able to put a symbolic end to
the sparring without having to lay hand upon the sweet yet

Suggest: to lay a hand
(I think this is the usual expression)

"Say, Akane," he asked, "do you have any... boy you're
interested in right now?" He smiled innocently, and - without
quite realizing it - looked at her with pleading eyes.

Just as a general comment, you've shifted into an omniscient POV here,
where it seems to me you could probably tell the entire scene from
Ranma's POV. Maybe he realizes belatedly how he must look, or something.

Not many young girls would have noticed that look from another
girl, but it wasn't lost on Akane. She felt intense frustration
over not even being able to lay hand on Ranma's lithe female

to lay a hand

Despite his many complexities, however, Ranma was at heart a
simple boy, who rarely stopped to consider tomorrow and beyond.

Again, this breaks Ranma's POV, and seems like an explicit explanation
of the story to the readers that's probably unnecessary.

Ranma turned around and felt blood rush to his nose as Akane
rapidly removed her clothes, soon standing there the way God had

suggest: the gods had
(I rather doubt that Ranma is a Judeo-Christian)

"Oh, come on," Akane entreated. "You can take another, it's not
going to waste any extra water, and you must be sweaty after
that... even if you didn't have to try to hard..."

to -> too

If Akane barely hid her blush, Ranma hid his not at all, his
whole face going quite beet red. "Uhh, Akane, I wish you
wouldn't to that..."

to -> do

Later, Genma sat alone in his room and pondered where he had
went wrong. He pondered the problem again and the gain, from
every angle, but just couldn't find a solution... That final
game of Go with So�n seemed hopeless.

Heh. Nice fake. :)

"Well then! What are you thinking? You can't marry one of
Tend�'s daughter and support me - I mean, fulfill your filial

The accented "o" there is a non-ASCII character that might show up as
something completely different on other platforms. Suggest using a
regular "o" or an "ou" for the long vowel sound.

"Oh yes you do," his fathers gruff voice butted in. "We've made

father's

all the preparations to enroll you at the highschool Akane and

"High school" is generally written as two words.

"You can't make the poor girl wear a BOY's uniform! She'd never
be able to bear the shame!"

UKYO: That's right! No self-respecting female would ever... um, never
mind.

She soon returned, bearing another heap of clothes, this one
more colorful. "Here, Ranma, this is my old spare uniform, I'm
sure it will fit you reasonable well. Try it on!"

reasonably well.

Akane surveyed them in the moment of calm before the storm.
"This is every boy in school," she observed. "Just what the hell
is wrong with you people? Are you that desperate to be beaten
up, you sick bastards?"

HIROSHI: I don't know about the rest of them, but Daisuke and I are
just here to watch. Don't mind us.

AKANE: Some things never change even in an alt-universe.

DAISUKE: Hey, if it ain't broke....

Kun� paid him no heed. "Akane Tend�! Pig-tailed girl! Alas, my
sweet ones, I fear we must part for I while. I have reflected on

for a while.

Undaunted, he continued. "I thus announce, I shall be leaving
forthwith on a mission of training and personal growth, and
return when satisfied as a greater, stronger man. A man worthy
and able of sharing equally the love of you both; capable of
embracing one of you without slighting the other.

[five seconds later]

KUNO: I have returned!

"Hmph." Uky� looked down on him over her raised nose. "Ranma
Saotome, none of your name could be worthy of the company of

RANMA: Oh, please? Not even the first syllable?

(Suggest: no one of your name could)

Genma snorted. "The heir to the Saotome school will answer any
challenge! And besides..." Hastily, he grabbed his tea-mug and
splashed it's content at Ranma.

its

She froze. Not a sound in the room, except for Genma's steading

steading -> steady

The idea that a character who screams "I hate boys!" is actually a
lesbian strikes me as too easy and obvious. But here it's used to good
comic effect and generates some strong conflicts, so I really can't
complain. Though her motivations were maybe a little thin as shown,
Nabiki's frustration of Genma's efforts to expose Ranma were also quite
amusing.

Looking forward to reading more,



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