"Vampyr 666" <vampyr3@wanadoo.fr> writes:

---
Cursed Gift
---
" " are speaking
' ' are quotes
< > are thoughts
{ } are telepathic communications
* * are sounds
### are flashbacks

In contrast with The Eternal Lost Lurker (and almost everybody else
from the last time this thread came up), I think a quick table of
symbols is a useful thing for writing. It shouldn't be required
reading, but it's nice for drawing a distinction between different
alternative methods of communicating. And a short table should not
significantly delay the start of a fic at all. That said, I'd suggest
it's best if the table doesn't actually include conventions that
aren't used (e.g., no sounds appear in this chapter); and writing out
sounds usually looks silly in print, anyway. 

You don't seem to have a disclaimer; even focusing just on some very
pragmatic reasons to include one, you may want to reconsider
this. Some people may not read a fic that lacks a disclaimer, and
disclaimers have the additional benefit of giving people who grow
interested in the characters some search terms to track down the
source material. (For example, it might help indicate which X-men
continuty this is in).

---
Prologue : realisation
---

Once again, Ranma's day was a disaster. Some things never change, 
and so his fiancees all went down on him, all at the same time while

Oh my. 
 

To learn the 'Hiryu Shoten Ha' without knowing the last move was a 
thing, but to revise a technique that powerful in the middle of a 
fight and master it on the first try? His fight with Herb was the 
first time when it began to 'click' in Ranma's mind and he then 
slowly started to open his eyes to the truth.

His gift to adapt to his opponent was way too much developed, it was 
unreal. But he didn't want... no, he COULD'T believe it, for it'd 
mean that in all his fights, he had 'cheat' thanks to his gift.

Uhm, ok. It's worth pointing out that Ranma has had various unreal
advantages over other people in his world, and he hasn't ever shown
this sort of introspection before. There are possible explanations for
this qualitative difference in behavior, of course, but they deserve
some explication. Otherwise, to this resident of this world, a
superhuman worried that he's even more superhuman than the other
superhumans around him doesn't make for a particularly sympathetic
character ;-)
  

{Exactly. I'm the owner of a school that is specially made for 
people like us,

The tone seems off in this sentence. 'Made' seems the wrong
connotation (a curriculum is designed, the physical
facilities are made), and it seems like the telepath is dissociating
hirself from having made the school (which seems wrong if the telepath
is, in fact, Professor X).
 

"Ah... someone who's not out for my blood? That'd be a first... I'll 
come to get you guys, I just need to... hide back my wings and I'll 
be there." Told them before jumping down the dojo's roof to go meet 
the ones who could become his first true friends

*cough* *cough* Wow, that's very dismissive of, well, everybody. 

This prologue was pretty short, and it didn't break any real new
ground. But then again, it's the rare prologue that forges into
absolutely new territory, and most X-men/Ranma fics I see don't make
it past the introductory elements, probably because there isn't much
of a plan other than 'Ranma joins the X-men'. If you could get into
Ranma's actual interaction with the X-men, and arc it into a story,
there'd be some interesting areas to explore.


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