Subject: [FFML] Re: LoveHina/Dark/The Death of Inn Hinata
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 9/8/2003, 12:25 PM
To:


Got to agree with Lurk, here. This story felt incredibly pointless. The
grammar itself was solid, which surprised me, but it seemed like a lazy
version of 'Let's see if I can whack all the characters in fairly gruesome
ways' and that was all there was to it. No real suspence, no tension, no
build up, no explanations, and subsequently not much interest in the story.
As I said, the prose itself was okay, it was just the execution of the idea
that didn't work in the slightest. If you wanted to redo it, at first glance
my suggestion would be to expand upon things, have the characters interact,
have some build up to the scenes, have some veiled hints as to the true
force behind the possessing force. As it stands now, even bad slasher movies
have better execution (pardon the pun) than this.

DB Sommer



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