Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma][Continuation] Ill, Chapter 1
From: "P. A. Stonnell" <hlisobel@shaw.ca>
Date: 8/29/2003, 2:19 PM
To: Lavender Gaia , ffml@anifics.com


At 02:49 PM 24/08/03 -0700, Lavender Gaia wrote:

He glanced down and gasped at the site. Nabiki crossed her own arms and
smirked. "Ranma, you have the chicken pox."


Just a few comments:

1.  Watch out for those sneaky homonyms ie 'site' is a place, it should be
'sight' as something seen.

2.  When did Mabiki get her medical degree?  Wouldn't it be more likely
that Kasumi would be the one to recognize what is wrong with Ramna?

3.  Ramna is old enough that what are often considered 'simple' childhood
illnesses could have very serious consequences. It would probably hit him a
lot harder than this.

I look forward to seeing where you are headed with this.  It is an
interesting premise.

Peggy


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