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DISCLAIMERS, APOLOGIES, and RAMBLING

The following is a highly contrived piece of shite.

The following highly contrived piece of shite is based on characters from
Ranma 1/2 and other series.

Appropriate disclaimers will be posted at the beginning of each chapter.

Extreme suspension of disbelief is recommended for reading this story, as
many facets of reality are being disregarded in favour of the highly
contrived plot.

Feedback is encouraged. Flames are pointless, as the author is a flaming
retard.

...wait a minute, that isn't right. o.O;;

Ranma 1/2 is the property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan, Viz, and other
corporate entities who are not me.

Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha,
Toei, and other corporate entities who are not me.

No infringement is intended, no profit is being made, and I make no claims
of ownership to anything here except my own original characters.

=================================================

Five teenage girls and two cats gathered around a low table in a Shinto
shrine in an upper-middle-class district of TOkyo.

"So...all five of you got these...brochures?" the white cat asked.

"Yeah, looks that way," the tallest of the girls, a brunette, said.

"This is very, very strange," the black cat said, standing and stretching.

"You aren't suggesting this is some kind of new enemy, are you Luna?" asked
a girl with long blonde hair done up in twin buns and long ponytails.

"How could this be an enemy?" the brunette asked. "I mean, so yeah, it's
pretty weird, and it's an odd coincidence that all five of us got these--"

"That part isn't a coincidence," spoke up a girl with short turquoise hair.
"It said in the brochure that they're being sent to every eligible unmarried
girl under the age of twenty-five in Japan."

"That's right. Naru-chan got one too."

"And how often has Naru-chan been right in the center of an enemy attack,
hmm?"

"You have a point."

Luna sighed. "I'm not suggesting anything. I don't feel anything unusual,
and this, while strange, seems to be perfectly legitimate and harmless."

"And the guy's CUTE," the other blond at the table put in.

"He is, isn't he?" the brunette gushed.

"So are you two going for it?" the blond with the long ponytails asked.

"OF COURSE!" the other two chorused.

The white cat chuckled. "How about the rest of you?"

The ponytailed blond shook her head. "Mom and Dad suggested it to me, but
I've got Mamo-chan. I'm happy."

"My father called. He wants me to do it," groused the only girl who hadn't
spoken up yet, a girl with long raven hair.

"Why so glum? I mean...it's not all THAT bad a thought, is it? Getting
married to a gorgeous, disgustingly wealthy--did I mention he's a total
hunk?"

The dark-haired girl sighed. "Yeah, I know. It..." She smiled slightly. "It
wouldn't be *too* bad, I guess."

"That's the spirit, Rei-chan!"

The rest of them then turned to the blue-haired girl, who looked up from the
brochure, startled. "What?"

"Well?" the others asked in unison.

"Well...what?" she stammered, a sweatdrop forming on her head.

"Are you in?" the brunette asked.

The blue-haired girl flushed. "I...ah...I just don't know...it's not..."

The other four LOOMED over her. "We all need to be in this together,
Ami-chan! Squallid artery!" the girl with long blond hair and a red bow
said.

The others blinked at her, sweatdropping.

"Ano...Usagi-chan isn't--"

"Because I'm spoken for. Unless you've been making time with Ryo-kun when
none of us were looking?"

Ami blushed deeper. "Well, I, that is, uh..."

"Oh, come on, Ami-chan!" the brunette wheedled. "It'll be fun! We can
compare notes! With the four of us on the case, one of us is bound to score
the jackpot!"

"You really care about the money that much, Mako-chan?" Luna asked.

"Money? I'm talking about the *boy*," the girl identified as Mako-chan said,
a predatory gleam in her eye.

Everybody sweatdropped except the blond with the red bow, who patted her arm
in a gesture of understanding. "A true warrior of love," she said solemnly.

"So, are you in, Ami-chan?" Usagi asked.

Ami looked around at the other girls, and sighed. "I guess. Maybe."

"Hooray!"

The blond with the bow shot up suddenly, raising a fist dramatically. "Mark
my words," she declared. "I, Aino Minako, Sailor Venus, Goddess of Love,
hereby declare that ONE of us is going to marry Saotome Ranma! EH, EH, OH!"

"EEH, EEH, OOOOOH!" Mako-chan and Rei cried, standing and joining Minako.

Ami sighed and dropped her head to the table. "eh, eh, oh," she mumbled
resignedly.

=================================================

R A N M A D A T E

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CHAPTER ONE:

GIRL IS A VENUS, BOY HAS A VAGINA

=================================================

Three weeks went by in a daze for Saotome Ranma.

Predictably, the news of his inheritance and the fiancee search spread like
wildfire. Within four days of the visit from the five suits, Ranma had
gotten into several fights with friends, fiancees, and rivals. Happousai was
treating him like some sort of hero now, while Cologne had taken to
following him around bitching at him about caving in to the Japanese
government's demands so easily.

"Is money that much more important than the future of the Amazons,
son-in-law?" she asked.

"I ain't never cared about no goddamn Amazons, y' ghoul!" Ranma retorted,
leaping three rooftops in rapid succession in a futile attempt to lose the
withered old matriarch.

Shampoo and Mousse were no better. Ranma had no clue why Mousse was on his
case over the whole thing, but for some reason he'd taken to helping Shampoo
hunt him down and attack him all over town. For her part, Shampoo was taking
full advantage of the blind boy's sudden eagerness to help, and there were
days when Ranma barely came home alive for the two of them ambushing him
from opposite sides.

Kunou, for his part, had started on his usual "foul sorcerer" rant...then
seemed to get inspired by the 'Ranmadate' project, as the government had
termed it, and disappeared into his estate, presumably to organise some sort
of 'Kunoudate' campaign.

Then, there was Akane.

At first, she had been angry with him. Then, sympathetic. Then, she'd locked
herself in her room for two days straight crying. Then, she'd come out and
beaten him to within an inch of his life. Then she'd started crying again,
and stammered an apology.

Now, she was locked in her room again.

Precisely eight days after the nightmare began, a large black limousine
arrived at the Tendou estate. Ranma, who had been sparring with his father,
had blinked; he'd seen the cars in magazines and on television, of course,
but he'd never actually seen one up close.

"What's this?" Genma asked.

A well-tanned gaijin in a chauffeur's uniform with a glossy black cap
perched atop his permed hair stepped out of the car and walked down the
side, opening a door. Kuroboshi stepped out, looking much less battered than
the last time they'd seen him. He smiled at Ranma. "Ah, Saotome-san!
Excellent."

"Yo...Kuroboshi, wasn't it?" Ranma said. "Whatcha doin' here? What's with
the limo?"

"Why, I'm here to escort you to your new home, of course," Kuroboshi said.

Ranma blinked. "My new...home?"

"Yes. We've been keeping tabs on you, and we've seen the sort of
difficulties you're having here. We don't want our young heir too battered
and tired to date thirty lucky young women, do we? So we've arranged for you
to move into the Fuusha manor immediately."

Ranma gaped at him. "The manor...you want me to leave the Tendous an' move
inta some big fancy mansion?"

"Exactly."

"I..."

The compound wall suddenly exploded. Shampoo and Mousse came charging at the
two Saotomes, with Cologne hopping onto the less damaged portion of the wall
to watch. Ukyou came flying over the wall as well, spatula raised. A
resounding cackle heralded the arrival of Kunou Kodachi, and the opposite
side of the wall crumbled to dust, revealing Hibiki Ryouga, who was
bellowing like an angry boar.

Unnoticed, the chauffeur raised his wrist to his face and spoke into his
watch. A short series of electronic beeps sounded, much like a car alarm
being disarmed.

There was a sudden bright *FLASH*. Ranma covered his eyes and winced. When
he dared to open them again, everyone in the yard except Kuroboshi and
himself was unconscious.

"What th' hell?!"

Kuroboshi smiled. "So, Saotome-san, shall we adjourn to your manor?"

Ranma looked around at the stupefied forms of several top-notch martial
artists, then back at Kuroboshi.

"Sure, let's roll."

=================================================

Ranma had seen pictures of the insides of limousines, so he knew that
something was a bit odd about this one. "Wow, it looks really high-tech in
here!"

"It is," Kuroboshi smiled. "Oh, I should introduce you to a member of your
staff, Saotome-san. This is Michaels--he's your personal chauffeur. And
bodyguard," he added.

"Hey, I don't need no bodyguard," Ranma protested. "Err--but just outta
curiosity, that--whatever back there, was that you?"

Michaels turned in his seat and smiled. "That was me. Well, actually, that
was my partner." He patted the dashboard fondly. "Ranma--do you mind if I
call you Ranma?"

"Hell naw," Ranma said, grinning.

"Well Ranma, say hi to LIMO-Z."

"LIMO-Z?" Ranma asked.

"Logical Intelligent Mobile Operations Zed," a voice spoke from the
dashboard. "Or, LIMO-Z for short. Hello, Ranma. It's a pleasure to meet
you."

Ranma stared. "Th'--th' car *talks*?"

"Yes, indeed I do," LIMO-Z replied. "I also drive myself, wash my own
windows, speak fifty-seven languages, communicate with a global satellite
network, browse the Internet, play DVDs, provide tactical analysis in
defence situations, neurally paralyse hostile forces with an effective range
of seventy-five metres, and come with a fully stocked wet bar." He paused.
"I can also tap-dance. Would you care to see?"

"Err..."

"He's only joking about that last part," Michaels added hastily.

"LIMO-Z was a prototype for a government security car," Kuroboshi explained.
"The government declined to sign a contract to manufacture a fleet of them,
because they're a bit cost-prohibitive, so Fuusha-sama retained LIMO-Z for
his own personal use."

"And now, I'll be *your* personal car, Ranma," LIMO-Z said. "Of course, I'd
much rather you let Michaels or myself do the driving. No offence."

Ranma just stared. "Whoa."

"Was that a command to decrease speed?" LIMO-Z asked.

"I don't think so, buddy," Michaels replied with a chuckle. "Any sign of
trouble on the way to the manor?"

"Negative. We've got a clear road ahead. ETA twenty-seven minutes."

"Good. Keep your scanners peeled."

"Always, Michaels."

=================================================

They arrived at the manor, which was a sprawling, multi-building affair with
the biggest lawn Ranma had ever seen, a massive decorative fountain ("Don't
suppose we can get rid o' that, huh?"), a garage full of expensive sports
cars, luxury cars, and limousines (LIMO-Z refused to park with the other
cars, feeling they were beneath his notice, so he had his own private
parking facility on the second floor of the garage), more rooms than Ranma
could think of uses for, and just about everything anyone could think of to
do (and a few things Ranma had never even thought--or heard--of.)

After a half hour tour of the manor, Ranma quipped to the butler, "It's got
everything but the Batcave."

The butler arched an eyebrow, walked over to an antique grandfather clock,
and pressed a hidden switch. A door opened; there was a staircase behind it.
He motioned Ranma through; curious, the pigtailed boy descended the narrow
stone steps.

Ten minutes later, he came back up, looking distinctly rattled. He faced
Kuroboshi, eyes wide, and said softly, "It has a Batcave."

"Master Onara had it built as a bit of a joke," a cultured voice called from
the opposite side of the foyer. "Though I assure you, he most certainly did
not go swinging through the streets of Tokyo in long underwear and a cape.
At least, I don't think he did."

Ranma turned to look at the man who had just entered. He was tall,
middle-aged, with thinning, neatly parted black hair, a slightly elongated
nose, a pencil-thin moustache, and sharp, dark eyes set in a narrow,
slightly lined face. He wore an impeccable black suit with a bowtie; his
demeanor and the manner in which he carried himself identified him as a
butler, but Ranma sensed there was something more to the man than that.

"Saotome-san," Kuroboshi said, "Meet Kuromaki. He's the head of staff here
at the manor, and will be your personal aide."

Kuromaki bowed. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Master Ranma. Master
Onara thought quite highly of you--he followed every news clipping and wild
rumour involving you he could find."

"Errr...hi," Ranma replied.

"I trust Master Ranma has been given the short tour of the manor already?"
Kuromaki asked. At the affirmative nod from the butler, he inclined his head
to Ranma. "Then if you will follow me, Master Ranma, I will show you to your
private chambers and give you a brief orientation on whatever the staff may
have overlooked."

=================================================

And so, Ranma spent the next two weeks getting accustomed to the life of a
wealthy playboy industrialist.

Now, it was the day of the first date. Ranma frowned at the clothes which
the maid had set out for him. "What's wrong with my usual stuff?" he asked.

"You want to make a good impression on the young lady, don't you?" the maid
said. "Now, hurry and dress--we've still got to do something about your
hair."

"Hey! Don't mess with my hair," Ranma groused. "It's just--I gotta have
somethin' I can fight in."

The maid looked aghast. "Really, Saotome-sama! You're going out on a date,
not a karate match!"

Ranma shrugged. "It always ends up that way anyhow. Ah well."

Twenty minutes later, Ranma walked down to the foyer, dressed in a black
silk button-down shirt, black slacks, and expensive black leather shoes. He
had to admit the outfit looked good on him, although he'd had to argue with
the maid over his pigtail for a good ten minutes.

Kuromaki was waiting for him, as was Kuroboshi, who Ranma had not seen for
several days. "Good morning, Master Ranma," Kuromaki said.

"Mornin', Kuromaki. Yo, Kuroboshi."

"Good morning, Saotome-san." Kuroboshi smiled. "I see you're adjusting to
the good life well."

Ranma shrugged. "It ain't too bad, I guess." He sipped the tea a maid had
just handed him without even noticing he was holding it; he'd become
accustomed to being handed a cup of tea upon walking downstairs each
morning. "So, today's th' day, huh?"

"Indeed it is. We completed the list last week, and the first prospective
bride is scheduled to arrive in fifteen minutes."

"Okay. So...uh...what d'we do?"

"Each prospective bride of the thirty selected candidates has been given the
option of filing an itinerary for your date. If a candidate does not submit
one, then the choice is yours--though, of course, it's only gentlemanly to
ask the lady what she would like to do."

"Alright. So th' first one, what's she got planned?"

"There's no itinerary for today, I'm afraid," Kuromaki spoke up. "The young
lady wrote something vague about an arcade..."

Ranma shrugged. "Well, whatever."

The doorbell rang. A butler emerged from a room off the side of the foyer to
answer it. Ranma had been a bit surprised to learn that there was a butler
on staff whose only duty was to answer the door--he had his own rooms off
the side of the foyer, and only emerged from them at mealtime and when the
doorbell rang. He'd asked about that, but Kuromaki had given him the look
that he'd learned meant "it's a rich people thing--so it's something rich
people don't need to worry about."

Not that Ranma was rich--yet.

Now, the butler stepped forward, escorting a young woman around Ranma's age,
with long, flowing blond hair topped with a red bow and bright, sparkling
blue eyes. She wore a sky-blue dress that hung to just above the knee and
had a buttoned white collar, with matching high heels and a small blue
purse. *Well, she ain't too bad-lookin',* Ranma thought to himself.

"Miss Aino Minako, sir," the butler said, before retreating back to his
rooms.

"Hello," the girl said, blushing slightly.

Ranma smiled. "Yo. Nice dress," he said.

"Thank you. You look very handsome," she replied sunnily.

"Thanks. So...um...whatcha wanna do today?"

Minako smiled. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me, Saotome-san."

Ranma grimaced. "Just call me Ranma."

The blond giggled. "Okay. Then you can call me Mina."

"Okay, Mina. Hmm...how 'bout we go for a walk?" He gestured around him. "Got
a lotta space for that."

Mina giggled again. "Alright."

Ranma offered her his arm (as he had been instructed to do by one of the
maids, who was acting as an etiquette coach), and they set off towards the
rear of the foyer, beyond which lay the gardens.

=================================================

"So, where ya from, Mina?" Ranma asked as they walked along the garden path.
The gardens were, of course, beautiful, and full of every manner of flower
that would grow there. The center of the garden was entirely devoted to four
large sakura trees, surrounded by a square of rosebushes. A small, manmade
spring burbled happily in one corner of the lot, feeding a narrow stream
which ran the perimeter of the lawn.

"Juuban district," Minako replied. "Minato ward."

Ranma nodded. "So right in the middle of Tokyo, huh?"

"That's right. You lived in Nerima, right?"

"Yeah, for a couple'a years. Fuurinkan district."

"I heard it gets pretty crazy there."

"I heard the same about Juuban. Ain't that where those Sailor girls are
supposed t'be?"

"Yup," Minako chirped. "What do you think about the Sailor Senshi?"

Ranma shrugged. "I only heard a couple things about 'em. They sound alright,
though the outfits they were are a little silly."

"Is that so?" Minako asked, her left eye twitching.

"Yeah. I wouldn't be caught dead in a skirt that short." He paused.
"Errr..."

Minako giggled. "That'd look pretty silly, yeah."

Ranma chuckled. "So, what kinda stuff do you like t'do?"

"Oh...the usual stuff. Shopping, hanging out with my friends. We spend a lot
of time at this one arcade." She paused. "And I really like volleyball."

"No kiddin'? You any good?"

"The best," Minako replied, smiling. "I have a killer serve."

"I'll bet."

"And you? I know you're a martial artist..."

"That's pretty much all I do," Ranma replied. "I fight, I eat, I sleep, I
fight some more. That's all I've known since I was little. This whole
thing--" he gestured around them-- "is really new t' me. I guess I'm gettin'
use'ta it, but it's pretty heavy, y'know?"

"I can imagine."

"You do a little martial arts yourself, right?"

Minako looked surprised. "I studied a little bit, yeah. Though mostly just
basic self-defence. You could tell?"

"Yeah, you've got the walk of someone who knows how t' carry herself in a
fight."

Minako blushed. "Well, I guess I've been in a few scrapes."

"Heh." He was about to say something else, when he was unexpectedly jostled
by the gardener, who had just emerged from a gap in the hedges along the
walk. "Ack!" he yelped, pinwheeling on the edge of the pavement, perilously
close to losing his balance and falling in the stream.

"Saotome-sama! I'm sorry!" The gardener looked mortified. "Let me help
you--"

"No, it's okaaAAAAAAY!"

*SPLASH.*

"Oh, I'm DREADFULLY sorry, Saotome-sama!" The gardener rushed off, perhaps
in fear of being terminated--in either sense of the word.

Minako, for her part, was gaping openly at Ranma as he--she?--pushed herself
up on her elbows in the stream.

"Dammit," Ranma growled.

"Wha--wha--wha--WHA--?"

Ranma stood, wringing out her fiery red hair and the shirt which now clung
rather dangerously to certain attributes, and sighed. "I guess they didn't
put that part in the brochures, huh?"

"Wha--wha--wha--wha--"

"I kinda turn inta girl when I get wet," Ranma said with a sheepish smile.

"Wha--huh--HOW?!"

"It all started when my idiot pop took me to China..."

=================================================

"Wow. That's...wow."

They'd walked back into the foyer, and immediately encountered Kuromaki, who
was already holding a kettle in one hand and a towel draped over his arm.
"Your hot water, Master Ranma," the older man said, pouring it over the
redhead and offering up the towel.

"Thanks, Kuromaki," Ranma said as she changed back into a man.

Minako boggled. "Wow."

Ranma sighed. "Listen, I gotta go get dried off an' changed. I'm really
sorry about this." He turned to Kuromaki. "Take care'a Mina for a bit,
wouldja?"

"Of course, sir." Kuromaki bowed, and led Minako off into one of the
entertainment lounges, leaving Ranma to head back upstairs and get dressed
again.

=================================================

Half an hour later, Ranma found Minako watching television. He smiled.
"Ready t' try it again?" he asked.

She nodded. "If you are."

The outfit Ranma now wore was virtually identical to the one he'd gotten
wet, save for the fact that it was a deep royal blue. "So, you wanna go
somewhere or somethin'?"

Minako smiled. "That'd be nice."

"Okay. Got anywhere in mind? I'm okay with pretty much anything."

"I know *just* the place," Minako said without hesitation, beaming sunnily
at Ranma and grasping his arm in hers.

Bemused, Ranma chuckled. "Lead the way then," he said with a grin.

=================================================

A short while later, Michaels had dropped them off in front of Crown Game
Center in the heart of Juuban. Ranma had been given a cellular phone, and
Michaels reminded him that if he needed a quick pick-up, he should press the
blue button on the phone, and he'd be there as soon as possible.

"That's a really cool car," Minako enthused.

"Yeah, I like it too," Ranma grinned. "So, this is the place, huh?"

Minako nodded. "Me and my friends hang out here all the time. They have the
newest games, and the snack bar upstairs has really good parfaits."

"Cool."

They entered the arcade. The noise of dozens of arcade machines and lots of
people chatting, laughing, squealing, yelling, and otherwise enjoying
themselves filled the air. Minako took hold of Ranma's arm and led him up a
set of stairs to the second level, which was not nearly so noisy, and lined
on either side with tables and padded benches. At the top, they met a tall
blonde man with laughing eyes. He smiled and waved at them. "Oi, Mina-chan!"

"Ah! Hi, Motoki-kun!" Minako beamed. She gestured at Ranma. "Motoki-kun,
this is Saotome Ranma! Ranma, this is Furuhata Motoki, he's been working
here since I first came to Juuban."

"Yo," Ranma said, nodding.

Motoki grinned. "So this is the guy I've been hearing so much about."

"Eh?"

The blonde man smirked. "Most of the customers here are teenage girls.
You've been a hot topic of conversation the last few weeks."

Ranma flushed. "Oh. Heh."

Motoki nodded to them. "Go on and have a seat, I'll send the waitress
straight up."

"Thanks, Motoki-kun!"

They sat down at an empty booth. "Nice place," Ranma commented.

"Yeah, it's really popular around here."

Ranma glanced around. A few of the booths were occupied by small groups of
girls; some of them had couples engaged in deep conversation, while a few
had lone occupants, usually with open books in front of them.

A pretty girl in a waitress' outfit walked up the table. "What can I get you
two?" she asked.

"I'll have the fruit parfait," Minako said cheerfully.

The waitress nodded. "And you, sir?"

Ranma shrugged and looked at Minako. "Make it two fruit parfaits, I guess."

"Okay. One second."

As the waitress wandered off, Minako took a quick glance around. "Hmm."

"Something wrong, Mina-chan?"

"Eh? Oh...no, just seeing if my friends are hanging around today."

"Oh."

Minako blushed. "I mean, not that I--I mean--"

Ranma grinned. "I understand."

A moment later, the waitress returned with two large glasses of fruit
parfait. They spent a long, quiet moment sampling their treats. "Wow, this
IS good," Ranma said.

Minako grinned. "Toldja."

Another moment passed in companionable silence. Ranma then asked, "So, tell
me more about yourself."

Minako frowned. "What would you like to know?"


Ranma shrugged, toying with his spoon. "Anything."

"Hmm." Minako spooned a bit more parfait into her mouth. At length, she
said, "Well...I go to Juuban High, I get good marks in English because I
lived in England for a while--"

"No kiddin'? What was that like?"

Minako frowned thoughtfully. "Wet," she said.

"Heh."

"What else--I spend a lot of time with my best friends, shopping and
studying and just hanging out."

"I gathered that," Ranma said, grinning. Minako flushed.

Ranma motioned to the waitress and ordered another parfait. "So, what else?"
he asked Minako.

"What else what?"

"You lived in England, you go to Juuban High, you've got a bunch of friends
you hang out with, you play volleyball, you do a little martial arts, you
like to shop--anything else?"

Minako thought for a moment. "Well, I like stuffed animals," she said. "Oh,
and I have a cat. His name is Artemis."

Ranma froze. "A c-cat?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah. He's a bit silly--what's wrong, Ranma?"

"N-nothing," Ranma said, clearing his throat.

"You have a problem with cats?" Minako asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Kinda," Ranma admitted, flushing. "It's cuz'a somethin' really stupid my
pop did t' me when I was a kid."

Minako sighed. "Ah well. So what about you?"

"Hm?"

"What do you like to do besides fighting and eating and sleeping?"

Ranma shrugged. "That's really pretty much it. I ain't had time for nothin'
else. Like I said, my pop took me off trainin' when I was little, an' I've
been on th' road with him pretty much my entire life. Even after we settled
down in Nerima, I didn't have much time for nothin' but school an' trainin'.
'Course, there really wasn't much else I thought about doin'. Like I said,
fightin's my life."

Minako nodded. "You must be really good, then."

Ranma grinned cockily. "Th' best."

=================================================

"So, whatcha wanna do now?" Ranma asked as they left the arcade a short
while later.

"Hmm," Minako made a show of looking thoughtful. "You think of something."

"Err...okay...uhh--"

"SAOTOME RANMA! PREPARE TO *DIE*!"

A shadow suddenly descended onto the pavement in front of them. Ranma
grabbed Minako around the waist and leapt away with her. Minako blushed as
Ranma set her down--then stared at the enormous crater in the sidewalk. As
the dust cleared, she saw a young man crouched in the hole, wearing
battered, road-worn clothes and a spotted bandana. He was glaring at Ranma
murderously, teeth bared.

"Ah shit, Ryouga, d'you gotta start this with me now?"

"SHUT UP!" Hibiki Ryouga growled. "How DARE you--do you realise what you've
done to Akane--"

"Hey. I ain't done *nothin'* to Akane," Ranma said in a low voice. "Anyway,
I thought you'd be happy, havin' me outta your way."

Ryouga stood, head bowed, fists clenched. "I--Akane--all I want is for her
to be happy--" He unlimbered a bamboo umbrella from his backpack and
levelled it threateningly at Ranma. "AKANE WILL NEVER KNOW HAPPINESS AGAIN,
AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! *DIE!*"

Ranma sighed, and dropped into a combat stance. "Sorry about this, Mina. Be
with you in a sec."

Minako didn't reply, for she was no longer there.

=================================================

Minako stood in an alleyway, heart racing. That--whatever he was--he
couldn't possibly be human! And he wanted to kill Ranma...

She scowled fiercely. Ranma couldn't possibly be a match for a monster like
that, no matter how good a martial artist he was. And she wasn't about to
let a nice guy--a really cute guy--get hurt, or worse, while she could do
something about it.

"VENUS CRYSTAL POWER...MAKE-UP!"

=================================================

Ranma grabbed hold of a streetlight and swung around it, using his momentum
to fling himself at Ryouga with enough force to topple the lost boy. Ryouga
grunted, but stood up immediately. "That the best you can do, Ranma?" he
asked snidely.

"No, this is. KACHUU TENSHIN AMAGURUKEN REVISED--MANHOLE COVER ASSAULT!"

Ryouga's eyes widened as Ranma belted him across the face and torso with a
manhole cover several hundred times in a matter of seconds. He let out of a
whuff of pain as he was sent flying, sliding along the street on his back.

Ranma grinned, tossing aside the manhole cover. "C'mon, piggy," he said. "I
know you can still get up after that."

Ryouga did exactly that, immediately launching a flurry of whirling
bandannas at Ranma; the pigtailed boy dodged these easily, landing crouched
upon a parked car. He quickly jumped across the street again as Ryouga's
umbrella demolished the car, sending several jets of fluid shooting out of
its engine.

"HEY! Watch the collateral damage, pal! Dontcha know somebody's gotta pay
for all the stuff you break?"

"I don't care!" Ryouga snarled. "All I care about is breaking YOU!"

"HOLD IT!" a female voice rang out, startling the two boys, who looked
around. Ryouga gaped.

A beautiful young blond woman in a stylised seifuku consisting of a
tight-fitting white leotard with orange collar flap, an extremely short
orange miniskirt with a yellow bow at the back, elbow-length white gloves
with orange trim, otange high-heeled sandals, a bright blue bow with a
heart-shaped orange jewel, an orange choker with a gold star in the center,
and a golden tiara stood perched on a post box near the totalled car. "You
who interrupt the stirrings of love between two young people--Sailor Venus
cannot forgive you! In the name of Venus, I will punish you!" Her speech was
punctuated by a number of rather silly hand gestures.

A trickle of blood seeped down Ryouga's nose. Ranma smirked; the lost boy's
inability to cope with female flesh was almost as legendary as his inability
to read a map, and the girl's skirt showed off her legs to full effect.

"Private duel, lady," Ranma called out. "I got 'im, don't worry about it."

"It is the duty of the Sailor Senshi to protect the innocent from evil
creatures who despise love," Venus said. "I cannot stand idly by while this
demon continues to ruin--"

"D'you always make these silly speeches?" Ranma asked, chuckling. He then
ducked as Ryouga's fist plowed through the space where his head had been a
split second earlier. "Wow, that was a quick recovery," he remarked.

"Nothing will stop me from destroying you this day, Ranma!" Ryouga snarled,
sweeping Ranma's legs, then using his umbrella like a golf club to knock the
pigtailed boy down the street.

"Oof. You're gettin' faster," Ranma commented, clutching at his side as he
rose to his knees. "I gotta be more careful."

More bandannas were now flying through the air toward him. Just as he
prepared to dodge--

"CRESCENT BEAM SHOWER!"

A spray of golden beams of light erupted over his head, reducing the
spinning cloth blades to drifting ashes. Sailor Venus then appeared directly
in front of Ranma; from his vantage point, he could see right up her skirt,
and almost felt a nosebleed of his own coming on.

"Hiding behind a woman, Ranma?" Ryouga taunted. "Come on out and fight me
like a man!"

"Why, you--"

"SAILOR V KICK!" Venus shouted suddenly, flying at Ryouga, a foot extended.
The lost boy stood, transfixed, his nose bleeding again. As a result, he
completely failed to block or dodge, and was sent flying.

"VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!" Venus called out, spinning in place. A chain of
glowing golden hearts swirled around her, then snaked out and wrapped itself
around Ryouga's ankle. She gave a mighty yank on the chain, and the lost boy
rose jerkily from where he'd landed. Venus leapt high in the air and began
spinning in place. The chain, as well as the trapped martial artist,
followed the path of her spin, becoming a blur as she spun faster and
faster. As she reached the apex of her jump, she released the chain; Ryouga
went sailing over the surrounding buildings, quickly disappearing over the
horizon.

Venus landed, panting. "Whoof! He was a heavy one." She turned to Ranma,
posing with a hand on her hip, and winked at him. "You alright?"

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, I'm alright." He smirked. "Thanks, Mina."

=================================================

Venus stared wide-eyed at Ranma. *How? How does he know?* Fighting to keep
her cool, she affected a puzzled look. "Mina? You have me confused with
someone else. I'm the pretty sailor-suited soldier for love and justice,
Sailor Venus."

"Yeah, and you're also Aino Minako," Ranma said. "Cuz you move just like
Aino Minako, an' you sound just like Aino Minako, an' you got the same red
bow in your hair as Aino Minako. So you're Mina."

Venus stared at him, opened her mouth to protest--then sighed. "Wait right
here," she said. She leapt onto a nearby rooftop.

Ranma stood calmly in the street, waiting. A few moments later, Minako
emerged from an alleyway. "So you're one of th' Sailor girls," he said in a
low voice as she approached him again.

Minako nodded, looking warily around. "Okay, yeah, I am. But don't tell
anyone, okay? It's kind of a secret."

"No problem," Ranma said, nodding. "Only one thing--why'd ya get involved in
th' fight?"

Minako stared at him incredulously. "I was trying to save your life!
That--whatever that was--was seriously dangerous!"

Ranma shrugged. "Nah. Me an' Ryouga fight all the time. He's pretty much my
best friend, even though he comes around tryin' t' kill me all the time."

Minako stared. "He tries to kill you all the time, and you say he's your
best friend?!"

"It's complicated," Ranma said. "But--" He shuffled his feet. "I guess it
kinda looked worse than it was, huh? So...err...thanks."

The blond smiled. "Anytime, Ranma-kun." She looked around. "Let's get out of
here."

Ranma nodded, offered her his arm, and led her away.

As they turned down another street, Ranma said, "By the way, Mina?"

"Yeah?"

"Nice legs," the pigtailed boy said with a smirk.

Minako flushed scarlet.

=================================================

The rest of the day passed uneventfully; after a quick dinner at a beefbowl
joint, Ranma bid Minako farewell at her front door.

"I had a really good time today, Ranma-kun," the blond said, making a show
of casting her eyes downward demurely.

"Me too," Ranma said, hands behind his head. "So listen--I ain't promisin'
nothin' yet, but--I kinda hope we can keep in touch. As friends, y'know? If
I don't choose you, I mean."

Minako looked up into Ranma's blue-grey eyes and smiled. "I'd like that."
She leaned forward and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll see you
around, Ranma-kun."

"Bye, Mina."

As Minako headed up the walk to her house and Ranma turned and walked over
to where Michaels and LIMO-Z were waiting to take him back the manor, he
reflected that perhaps--if the next twenty-nine days were anything like
today--this whole thing might not be so bad after all.

=================================================

RATE THIS DATE!

Your participation determines the outcome of the Ranmadate project! Vote for
the bridal candidate you like best!

Below is a date rating form. Fill it out and send it to
lurker@lurkerdrome.com; results will be tallied during the course of the
Ranmadate project. The individual date-rating forms and the final voting
form at the end of the thirty days will be used to determine the outcome,
and Ranma's future bride.

IMPORTANT NOTE: PLEASE make sure the subject line of your e-mail reads
"Ranmadate Voting Form", and that you specify which candidate the voting
form refers to. Also, please DO NOT post voting responses to the FFML! Also
refrain from posting them to my LiveJournal. If you do not comply with the
above, I'll ignore your vote.

0. BRIDAL CANDIDATE NAME: ______________________

1. COMPATIBILITY

On a scale of one to ten, rate this candidate's compatibility with Ranma.
(1-worst, 10-best)

2. SUCCESS OF DATE

On a scale of one to ten, judge how successful this date was for both
parties. (1-worst, 10-best)

3. SURVIVAL CHANCES

On a scale of one to ten, rate how likely:

--Ranma is to survive this candidate. (1-worst, 10-best)

--This candidate is to survive Ranma. (1-worst, 10-best)

--Ranma is to survive becoming part of this candidate's life. (1-worst,
10-best)

--This candidate is to survive becoming part of Ranma's life. (1-worst,
10-best)

4. OPINION POLL

Would you like to see Ranma marry this candidate?

(yes or no)

Votes will be collected until the end of the Ranmadate project. Thanks for
reading!

=================================================

END OF DAY 1 -- RANMADATE

=================================================


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