Mister Dursley to your table please...thank you." Dumbledore paused
as
Dudley waddled
I love that word. But it automatically triggers "Waddle Waddle, Quack
Quack... " running through my head....
Shampoo: "If it look like duck and quack like duck and waddle like duck, it
probably fuck like duck too."
*smiles sleepily* How come Kero knows so much about Hogwarts? Did
Clow tell him? I asusme he wasn't there when Clow WENT.
It'll be explained in time. ^_^
I do have an issue with this. Hogwarts has hundreds of students and
only FOUR to Gryffindor...?
The way I look at it, every year has to have its thin groups. Plus, the
numbers don't exactly stack up to the commonly given impression of Hogwarts'
population. We've seen that some of the year groups are indeed very, very
small. In any event, it's entirely possible that one year's new batch of
students just won't spawn many new members of a particular house.
English flavor. Um... you ARE going into who the other non-native
English student is, aren't you?
In time. In time. ^_^
The young Japanese girl blinked, then gave a wide, happy smile.
"Itadakimasu!" she cried before reaching for the nearest serving
dish.
Ginny blinked. "Eat a what?"
^^;; Gotta love it.
^_^
"Well, so much for the diet," Harry chuckled.
That's rotten, evil and wicked line.
:D
"Oh yeah, you said something about that before," Ron said. "They
just see a
pile of rubbish what used to be a castle, right?"
This sentence doesn't read right.
It does if you read it with an English accent.
Dudley looked a little frightened at the thought of having been
ensorcelled.
Hermione, for her part, looked miffed that ROn had thought of
something she
hadn't.
Typo.
They happen to all of us.
Hmmm.. doesn't sound real apt, according to the books. There were a
lot of chubby wizards.
*shrug* Maybe they're on the weak side?
"Tacos are Mexican, aren't they?" Ginny blinked.
This is gonna get old if you make it a running gag, the
misunderstandings. I'd save them for really GOOD moments.
Heh. I just like having Ginny be obtuse for a change. Gives her a little
character.
"What's haggis?" Sakura asked.
You don't wanna know. I personally think hot dogs are in serious need
of questioning.
There's a huge difference between processed pig and chicken by-products with
preservative fillers wrapped in the ass-skin of a hog and a sheep's stomach
stuffed with diced hearts, livers, lungs, and ground oatmeal.
...okay, maybe not THAT much difference. @_@ *stays away from hot dogs for a
while*
"Good thing Snape's off doing--other stuff," Ron said. "There's no
telling
how he'd react to Dudley."
By turning HIM into the bouncing ferret.
That would be one over-large ferret.
"Hoeee," Sakura uttered.
Why horror?
Never been to a karaoke bar, have you?
The twins finished last, warbling the final note as a duet while
hanging
about each others' shoulders. When they were done, DUmbledore
smiled
broadly. "And now, I bid you all goodnight. Prefects, if you will?"
Typo.
Blame the Skrewts.
Tabitha shook her head. "Strangest magical pet I've ever seen."
Sakura could
only giggle at that.
Pure blood, then.
Half, and a cookie to anyone who spots the reference (REFERENCE, not
crossover :P)
Six four-poster beds stood in the room at the top of the tower.
Three of the
occupants looked slightly put-out, and were shooting odd glances at
the
large boy who was apparently to be their dorm mate for a while.
Okay... Ron, Harry... and...?
Actually, that's Seamus, Neville, and Dean. They didn't actually MEET Dudley
in the Great Hall, after all...
Dean snorted. "I can see that. An owl, carrying a telly."
Dean. Seamus is too nice??? I can see Neville, but Seamus?
Dean's the one most likely to make the comment, as he's muggle-born. Seamus
is halfblood...might be too wizard to think of it.
*sleepy smile* Good job, though I think the reason you're
dissatisfied is this took the route of many fics - it's a rewrite of
Harry's first year, mix in Sakura...
Yeah. Unfortunately, it's kinda hard to avoid that entirely.
A suggestion might be to take advantage of Kero and Dudley more -
they are the wildcards, and they can make the dinner DIFFERENT than
it's ever been before. Rather than a sedate one, liven it up.
Heh.
You'll need to start taking advantage of the newer elements, or else
it's "Harry Potter with a guest character getting used to Harry's
World." Play with Sakura's magic a bit, and you have Dudley there, so
make sure we see why Muggles and Magic don't mix, until you integrate
him (as is obviously your intention).
Well, there's plenty more coming up with Sakura and Dudley. I just needed to
get them through the first night so I could start getting into the good
stuff. Still, I will probably go back and fine-tune this chapter later. It
is nowhere close to perfect.
Thanks for commenting. ^_^
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com
"Feel your inner pig!"
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'