"thermopyle" <thermopyle@tds.net> writes:
Eh. I'm mostly posting this as kind of a status update: I'm still writing.
I'm redoing some of my more horrible stuff, and hopfully it will be along
before much more time has passed. For now, though, here are some small
scenes I came up with, just for fun. ^_^
A few comments (on the ranma ones, mostly, as that's the series I'm
most familiar with). They mostly revolve around a plea for more
details, which is unfair if these are actually just scenes, but a bit
more justified if you're planning on working with them any more :-)
Scenes
By Thermopyle (thermopyle@tds.net)
http://thermopyle.anifics.com/
#####
Sneak Fu:
Akane turned and fled from the dojo, sobbing, and Nabiki sighed. This
wasn't supposed to happen. Her father and Mr. Saotome wailed about the
end of their world, and Kasumi stood by eagerly, a feather duster in
hand. Little Miss Housekeeper had never cleaned up after a dead body
before.
The corpse was in the center of the room and its leaking blood soaked
into the varnished floor. A tanto protruded from its messy intestines;
the weapon had been swirled around in energetic circles. A pigtail
jutted off from the boy's head at an unnatural angle. The mouth hung
open, and the front teeth looked strange. Near one hand was a note,
written in Ranma's messy scrawl, which read "I can't take it
anymore!!!!" Nabiki hadn't thought things were that bad for her
sister's fianc�.
Other items in the room included a massive backpack and umbrella, a
stapler, and a metal file. "Ranma" wore a tiger-striped bandanna and
the only clothes Nabiki had ever seen Ryouga dressed in. Suspicious.
Maybe she should say something.
Naa.
What's the reason for never describing the body itself? Whether this
is Nabiki's perception, or an omniscient view of the room, I'd expect
at least some mention of the actual features. You're probably setting
this up for the reader to guess what happened, so there's intended
mystery, but not describing relevant details (like, for instance, the
sex of the corpse) isn't quite fair ;-) (And it looks like you've got
the dental records taken care of, but what about fingerprints?)
If you really don't want to describe the body, I'd shift this to, say,
someone like Kasumi going to a detective and describing what they
saw... dialogue lets you get away with a lot vaguer descriptions. (And
I'm having visions of Cologne filling in as Jessica Fletcher in
_Murder, She Wrote 1/2_)
I think this one was suggested by Freelance...
Wondering Why:
My name is Ranma, and I am a victim of abuse. For as long as I can
remember, my father has beat me. I wake to his punches and kicks, or to
find myself breathing water after being flung into a pond. Each day is
filled with pain. His mouth flaps and his face goes angry red, but
I've no idea what he's mad about. He hurts me anyway. Afterwards he
stomps his feet in rage and frustration. Not a clue.
When I was younger I lived with my mom. She taught me the signs, which
my father ignores. During that time he was always gone. Mom told me he
was training with his master. One day when I was six, he came into my
room at night, picked me up, and left the house with me over his
shoulder. We haven't gone back. I wonder how she is, sometimes, but
even if I escape from my father, I don't know where Mom lives. So I
stay.
One day I'll figure out why my father is so angry. I'll figure out why
he dragged me from my mother so long ago. I'll figure out why he does
all that weird posturing. I'll figure out why he hates me.
My name is Ranma, and I am deaf.
Somewhat horrifying. I'm assuming Genma figured out rapidly enough
that Ranma was deaf, and is just getting frustrated with being unable
to train him effectively? Or is Genma here just that foolish?
(hmm... perhaps that shouldn't be answered :-)
#####
Saved by a Dozen:
Mousse ducked under the swung staff, and Cologne sighed.
"Hurry up, part-timer. There's much to be done before we return to the
village."
Yes. Ranma had revealed himself as being unsuitable for marriage, so
they were returning to the village. Imagine, that the transsexual would
do a thing like that. What a disgusting pervert.
Shampoo was heartbroken, of course, but he was sure she'd recover.
Mousse would wait, and she would realize his love, and that she returned
it. After he had rescued her from Ranma's womanizing ways, how could
she not? It was just a matter of time, now.
Still, it was surprising that the solution had been so simple. He'd
found out about Ranma's "wedding" to the duck-Akane, delayed the real
girl's appearance until after the marriage had taken place, and then
done what was necessary before the embarrassed group could get an
annulment the next morning. Shampoo was moping about her Airen, but
she'd get over it. Ranma was a husband now, and expecting. By the time
Saotome got out of the hospital, he would be a loving, responsible
father.
Mousse was happy. Who would have thought that his Jusenkyou curse would
come in handy after all?
Amusing. Of course, this has similarities to a wedding where someone
knocks out the bride, dresses up in the clothes, and isn't revealed
until the veil is thrown up at the end of the wedding. I'm sure that
there's some sort of relevant case law about how to deal with things
like that.
While normally keeping things non-specific is good for spam, I
think you leave out some important details here (like exactly what
happened ;). I gleaned several facts from the story:
1. Ranma is a husband now.
2. Ranma is expecting. (Does this mean he's pregnant, or that his wife
is pregnant? Expecting can be used in either case, from what I've
seen, although it's more common with the mother)
3. Ranma married a duck. (Is it Mousse, or a real duck?)
4. Sometime the night of the wedding, Mousse did 'what was
necessary'.
5. Ranma is considered a pervert by the Amazons.
6. Ranma is, or will be, hospitalized. (From the pregnancy, probably?)
7. Mousse is going back to China with the Amazons.
8. Mousse's cursed form was useful.
Here's three situations that I think could satisfy the above, which I
keep bouncing around as the most likely intended:
1. Ranma married duck-'Akane'; Ranma was then impregnated by Mousse.
(Who presumably took the place of the duck in the newlyweds room)
Afterwards, Ranma marries somebody (possibly aided because Soun feels
the Tendos owe a debt to him, as they pressured him to marry a duck).
Problems: Mousse would probably be in legal trouble (both Japanese
and Amazon) for rape, the marriage between Ranma and duck-Akane
could still be annulled, and it wouldn't necessarily reflect any
perversion by Ranma. There might be obligations from the Amazon
society on a father, however; and wouldn't some of that perversion
label rub off on him?
1a: Ranma married duck-'Akane', and Mousse took advantage of Ranma
without anyone (including Ranma) knowing what had happened. (With
the help of roofies or other drugs?).
Problems: Well, I guess the duck marriage could be annulled the
next day, and then Ranma marry Akane or Ukyo or somebody; he
probably wouldn't know at that point that he was pregnant. But
Mousse is a fairly obvious suspect, and if he thinks Ranma wouldn't
go after him after being raped, ...
2. Ranma married duck-Mousse, and was then impregnated by Mousse.
Presumably Mousse somehow snuck himself in replacing duck-Akane
before the ceremony, and the others, lacking much experience with
ducks, were fooled.
Problems: This might handle the Japanese rape issue, since I don't
believe Japan recognizes marital rape. (But the marriage license
would have said Akane Tendo). Would the Amazons consider him married
to Ranma? (Possibly not, in which case he's still available for
Shampoo; but he is a father, so there might be Amazonian law about
child support). And who is Ranma a husband to? (Perhaps a Japanese
divorce, and then marriage to a Tendo?)
This has in some ways the most potential angst/future involved; a
'Family Honor'-type situation where honor forces Ranma to keep to a
painful situation, and not pursue vengeance.
3. Ranma married duck-'Akane'; Mousse splashed Ranma with water from
the Spring of Drowned Duck. Ranma impregnates the duck (well, I
guess fertilizes duck gametes, but I thankfully don't remember much
about avian reproduction). Ranma is then beat upon unmercifully by
Mousse/Akane/Genma/everybody and ends up in the hospital.
Problems: Why would Ranma get it on with a duck? (Passion spice,
possibly?) Would he know how to? Would his curse be replaced with
the duck curse, or would he become a female duck? (In that case,
maybe the duck could impregnate/fertilize him, although that brings
up even more compatibility issues with the curse (heh... Ranma's
giving birth to a baby Saffron)).
3a: Ranma married duck-'Akane'. Sometime during the night, Mousse
seduces/rapes duck-Akane, and nobody believes Ranma's protestations
that he couldn't have done it (well, maybe Nabiki is smart enough
to know that mammals and birds aren't compatible, but Ranma can't
afford her services, and she stays mum). He gets put in the
hospital by Akane/Genma/everybody.
I'm rarely accused of being the sharpest tool in the shed, so I
probably missed something obvious. Hints?
#####
The Miracle of Life:
The sat in the waiting room, picking chairs as far away from the
other
They sat