----- Original Message -----
From: "elisteran" <elisteran@hotmail.com>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Monday, February 17, 2003 2:44 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: Scenes [Various Anime]

"thermopyle" <thermopyle@tds.net> writes:

Eh.  I'm mostly posting this as kind of a status update: I'm still

writing.

I'm redoing some of my more horrible stuff, and hopfully it will be

along

before much more time has passed.  For now, though, here are some small
scenes I came up with, just for fun.  ^_^

A few comments (on the ranma ones, mostly, as that's the series I'm
most familiar with). They mostly revolve around a plea for more
details, which is unfair if these are actually just scenes, but a bit
more justified if you're planning on working with them any more :-)

Er.  All of these are complete in themselves.  They're more spamfics than
anything, but none were long enough to post individually.  They're just
small, spammish scenes that I've wanted to write for a while and would never
be able to put in a normal story.  :)

What's the reason for never describing the body itself? Whether this
is Nabiki's perception, or an omniscient view of the room, I'd expect
at least some mention of the actual features. You're probably setting
this up for the reader to guess what happened, so there's intended
mystery, but not describing relevant details (like, for instance, the
sex of the corpse) isn't quite fair ;-) (And it looks like you've got
the dental records taken care of, but what about fingerprints?)

If you really don't want to describe the body, I'd shift this to, say,
someone like Kasumi going to a detective and describing what they
saw... dialogue lets you get away with a lot vaguer descriptions. (And
I'm having visions of Cologne filling in as Jessica Fletcher in
_Murder, She Wrote 1/2_)

Um.  The corpse is Ryouga's.  Ranma filed down Ryouga's fangs and tacked a
pigtail on the back of Ryouga's head, and left the "suicide note" to make ev
erybody think Ranma killed himself.  Everybody except for Nabiki was stupid
enough to believe it, even with all of the obvious clues in the room and the
clothes "Ranma" was wearing.  Well, except for Kasumi.  She's too excited to
even pay attention, or care.  ^_^;

Somewhat horrifying. I'm assuming Genma figured out rapidly enough
that Ranma was deaf, and is just getting frustrated with being unable
to train him effectively? Or is Genma here just that foolish?
(hmm... perhaps that shouldn't be answered :-)

He's really that foolish.  Ranma here has no idea that he's supposed to be
learning anything.  ^_^;

Amusing. Of course, this has similarities to a wedding where someone
knocks out the bride, dresses up in the clothes, and isn't revealed
until the veil is thrown up at the end of the wedding. I'm sure that
there's some sort of relevant case law about how to deal with things
like that.

While normally keeping things non-specific is good for spam, I
think you leave out some important details here (like exactly what
happened ;). I gleaned several facts from the story:

   3a: Ranma married duck-'Akane'. Sometime during the night, Mousse
   seduces/rapes duck-Akane, and nobody believes Ranma's protestations
   that he couldn't have done it (well, maybe Nabiki is smart enough
   to know that mammals and birds aren't compatible, but Ranma can't
   afford her services, and she stays mum). He gets put in the
   hospital by Akane/Genma/everybody.

I really thought this was pretty clear.  At one point during the manga,
Ranma thinks that Akane was turned into a duck by the Jusenkyou water that
Mousse tried to splash him with.  Ranma, in his feelings of guilt, allows
himself to be pushed into a marriage with "Akane."  During the ceremony, the
real Akane shows up and brings everything to a halt.

In this story, Mousse delays Akane's return, and the wedding is completed.
Before they can get an annullment the next morning, Mousse has his way with
the duck that Ranma married.  The duck gets pregnant (I have no idea how
they could tell; it's supposed to be a spamfic, so don't think about it) and
so the marriage can't be annulled.  Ranma's bestiality is revealed, he's
pounded by his fiancees and everybody, and the Amazons go home in disgust.

The Miracle of Life:

The sat in the waiting room, picking chairs as far away from the
other

They sat

Yup, thanks.  And thanks for the comments.  ^_^


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