Picking up where I left off, now that Allyn's back from hiatus... I've
been out with some version of the flu lately, which may be why you won't
find very many quips in this one. :)

Allyn Yonge <allynyonge0000@netscape.net> wrote:

     "What part of _watch_ _only_, was not clear to you?"

Drop the comma.

     "Don't try to think, you're not equipped for it." Cool

think; you're

     "Drink this." the proffered glass was accepted by a

The

     "You don't want to know," a brief examination

know." A

showed the patients gums and nail-beds were pale. "you're

patient's

(I'm not sure what this description's supposed to mean. Why does this
guy have a bed of nails?)

"You're

     "Ahhhh," clever fingers examined a battered breast-

"Ahhhh." Clever

     "If the bleeding doesn't stop, she may yet succeed."
Another check of gums and nail-bed. "If it hasn't stopped in
another quarter-hour, we go to the embassy. I don't have the
resources here, to help you."

here to
(comma doesn't belong there)

     "The elders,"  pillows were fluffed to make the patient
more comfortable. " won't have to tell your mother that they

elders." Pillows

"Won't

(or)

elders," (s)he said, fluffing pillows
comfortable, "won't

(Don't break dialog in the middle of a sentence unless you use a "said"
or similar verb.)

     "You are not an idiot Japanese to do such a thing," A

thing."

     After two days in the Hospital, Akane had only been

the hospital,
(capitalize only if you're giving the name of a specific one, e.g.
Nerima General Hospital)

     "Don't be silly," Nabiki was rapidly losing patience.

silly." Nabiki

     "I don't need either of you," the heavily bandaged
figure in the middle of Akane's bed snapped. She might have
been more believable if her arms and upper chest hadn't been
encased in heavy bandages. Another, lighter set, wound
around her eyes. Here and there, exposed patches of skin
were marred by angry red blotches of inflamed tissue. "so just

"So

     "We don't need your help." Nabiki began, starting to

help," Nabiki

     "You're sister doesn't trust me," Ranko grinned at

"Your
(you're = "you are")

me." Ranko

Nabiki, "she think's I have designs on your virtue."

Nabiki. "She thinks

(Use apostrophes for possessives and contractions only; never for simple
plurals.)

     "She's afraid that if she leaves me alone with you, the
site of all this exposed flesh," Ranko's finger traced the air

sight
("site" is a location)

flesh."

over a particularly irritated splotch, red, scaly with some burst
pustules leaking clear fluid. "and seductive lingerie, Ranko

"And

lingerie."

rubbed a fold of Akane's comfortable, but old and ratty
sweats between two fingers, "will drive me mad with lust."

fingers. "Will

     "Oh, be quiet and let Nabiki-san fix your damn
breakfast!" Ranko snapped, pulling out of Nabiki's grip.
"maybe a nice bowl of ground glass and barbed-wire will keep

"Maybe

     "Back in a minute," Ranko turned and walked out the

minute." Ranko

     "Fixing breakfast," she set a pot of water to boiling.

breakfast." She

"Where do you keep the - -" opening the refrigerator Ranko

Opening

refrigerator,

     "Akane doesn't like nori for breakfast,"Nabiki said

                                              ^^
Need a space here.

     "Good flavor on the miso," Ranko dipped a finger into

miso."

     Nabiki shook off her stupor and took an angry step
toward the little redhead. "Look," she tried to use her

"Look." She

superior height to intimidate the other girl. "you can't just

"You

waltz in here and take over . Why do _you_ want to take care

over.

     "There's a practice exam today," Ranko grinned, "but

today."

grinned. "But

     Rule fourteen;*Never tell a lie, boy* Genma beat into

fourteen: *Never

     "You've found me out," Ranko started a salmon steak

out."

grilling, checking on the rice at the same time. "This is all a
plot, so that I can steal this," she waved an expansive hand,

this," she said, waving an

"magnificent castle and all your land and wealth."she pulled

wealth." She

pickles, spinach and eggs from the refrigerator.  "And it all
started the day Ranma arrived." She flipped the salmon on the
grill and seasoned it lightly. "and ended with those guys the

"And

     "Did I ask for your opinion," Ranko plopped down

opinion?"
(Could conceivably use a period if it isn't intoned as a question. The
comma isn't appropriate unless there's a "said" or similar verb that
directly tells us that the dialog is being spoken. It was not the words
"Did I ask for your opinion" that Ranma "plopped." It's understandable
to miss these things when you're in the heat of writing and have bigger
things to worry about them, but if you go back and do a separate edit
where you're specifically looking for such things, there's no reason you
shouldn't be able to catch most of them.)

beside Akane on the bed. "Open up," she grabbed some rice

up." She

     "Tough!" Ranko snapped. "Taking care of you is my
ticket out of a practice test. So you're going to eat this if I
have to suff it in your ear."

stuff

     "Well, I like it," Ranko countered, "And since I'm
cooking, you eat what I like. Now, shut up and chew so I can
go eat my own breakfast." She grabbed a bit of salmon and
held it in front of Akane's mouth. "Open," the salmon went

"Open." The

     "Akane likes hot peppers." Ranko replied, rinsing a

peppers,"

     "There weren't any peppers in this." Nabiki replied,

this,"

     "I really hate to ask you to do this," Kasumi fretted as
Ranko helped her on with her coat, three days later "But

later.

     "No problem." Ranko assured her, handing Kasumi

problem,"

     "We've had this talk before," Ranko interrupted,
wrinkling her nose in the disarmingly-adorable way she'd
perfected in front of a mirror over the last several weeks.
"you're letting me stay here while my father is gone. So the

"You're

     "GO!" Laughingly Ranko pushed Kasumi out the door

Laughingly, Ranko
(or)
Laughing, Ranko

(IMO, I'd use the latter; "laughingly" just sounds like a goofy word to
me. ^_^)

and locked it behind her.  As soon as the lock clicked in place
her open laughing countenance disappeared like water down
the drain, leaving a more calculating expression in it's place.

its

     Things were going even better than Ranma dared
hope. Ranko had access to a mostly female household that
Ranma could never have hoped for. Kasumi trusted Ranko
completely, Nabiki was coming around and Akane . . . Ranko

around, and

     Blind and almost helpless Akane was slowly, almost

helpless, Akane

     *Blindfold him,* Ranko recalled Genma saying, while
she examined the bandages wound around Akane's head *and

head, *and

the  meanest  junkyard dog will become docile and
submissive.*

This Genma obviously knows nothing about dogs. ^_^;;;

GENMA: Also, it helps to smear yourself with beef gravy. Dogs will then
think you're a wild bull and thus avoid you.

      "owieeee." she whimpered, sliding down the wall.

"Owieeee," she

     "I like okonomoyaki best of all, Pop." Ranko

Pop,"

     "You shouldn't sneak up on a martial artist  like that."

that,"

     "Not me, you." Ranko said faintly, wrinkling her nose

you," Ranko

     "You need to learn to be more careful around Martial
Artists. If I hadn't pulled my blow," Akane slowly shuffled

martial artists.

blow." Akane

toward the bathroom under Ranko's direction. " you could

"You

     *Dammit Pop,* Ranko thought, laying limply in

*Dammit, Pop,*

     "I feel a lot better," Akane said from the side of the
furro, "you ought to soak for a while too. You'll feel like a

of the bathtub. "You

     "If you're sure." Akane sighed, sinking deeper into the
steaming depths of the furro.

Again, you've misspelled "bathtub." (This isn't even the correct
Japanese spelling.)

     Unfortunately, she missed and plunged her arm into
the steaming water past the elbow, triggering the change back
to male. "Gaaa!" Bug-eyed he stared at his now masculine

Bug-eyed, he stared at
(or)
He stared bug-eyed at

     Ranma shook off his paralysis as Akane's blind
groping  just brushed his transformed arm and made a leap for

arm, and

the washing stand. "I just - - " Ranma's baritone changed
abruptly "I thought I heard something," to soprano under a
spray of cold water.

Suggest:

Ranma's baritone changed abruptly to soprano under a spray of cold
water. "I thought I heard something. I'll be right back."

(Mixing dialog and action is okay, but don't break an action in the
middle of a sentence.)

     Dashing out of the bath-room Ranko took a

bathroom, Ranko

     Suiting thought to deed she changed direction toward
the kitchen. "Scuse me," Ranko nodded politely to the pimply

me."

     *Ahhhh, geez.  I _just_ cleaned in here!* Ranko bent
to pick up a broken bag of flour as the three lunged for her.
Their heads met with a sound like ripe melons and they
collapsed, groaning. *Now where . . .* she rummaged

She

     "They heard us chief!" Pimply-faced stuttered.

us, chief!"

     "Akane can't see and this one's no fighter." The

fighter," the

     Carefully measuring out the coffee, she filled the now
slightly dented pot, set it on the stove and started to clean up
the mess. Ranko'd just found the broom, where it had been
thrown in a corner, when suddenly the kitchen was filled with
a horde of pinstripe-suited thug-wannabe's.

wannabes.

(Never use ' if all you want to do is make a plural. It always indicates
either (1) missing letters, or (2) a "belongs to" relationship.)

     Moving the blinded boy toward a chair Ranko, quite

chair, Ranko,

     "I'm so sorry," Ranko apologized to a green faced

green-faced

boy who'd broken her fall with his groin. "Are you alright?"
Pulling herself up by grabbing the edge of the table, she
inadvertently tipped the table and it's contents onto the

its

      Ranko watched a trickle of water run down the deep
cleft made by massive pectoral muscles and well formed, if
modest, breasts then divide and join several times as it wound

breasts, then

     Akane shrugged irritably. The movement tore the boy
lose from his hold and flung him across the room, where an
intervening wall introduced him to the concept of
conservation-of-angular-momentum, with a sound like a very

Don't need the hyphens here, and I think you mean conservation of
momentum? Angular momentum has to do with bodies that rotate around a
fixed center.

     "I think they wanted to surprise you by cleaning up,"
the pimply-faced boy nodded vigorously, "and restocking the

up." The

vigorously. "And

     "C'mon" Ranko took Akane by the arm and lead her
toward the bathroom. " back in the furo before you get a

"Back in the bathtub before

     "Oh?" Blinking, even in the dim light of the doujou,
she looked around at her sisters, whom she hadn't seen in
over a week. "what kind of surprise?"

"What

     "Just wait right here," Ranko grinned, "I've got to run

here." Ranko grinned. "I've

some errands and take care of things at home," Ranko said,

Suggest: she said,
(we already know who's speaking)

trotting toward the main gate. "so I'll see you later."

gate. "So
(or)
gate, "so

     "You took your time getting here." They heard Ranko

here," they

     "Oh dear, you're all wet." Kasumi exclaimed, reaching

wet," Kasumi
(or)
wet!" Kasumi

for a towel.

KASUMI: And you're wearing Ranko's clothes!

     "Yeah," Ranma accepted the towel with a brief word
of thanks and started rubbing his head vigorously. "Some ol'
lady was washin' down her sidewalk an' I got splashed." He
tossed the towel in the corner and turned to Akane, missing
Kasumi's slight moue of displeasure at his carelessness. "I've

What's a moue?

been tryin' to track down that crazy monk," he answered
Nabiki. "and I didn't want him showin' up around here.

Nabiki. "And
(or)
Nabiki, "and

     "I got careless," She admitted. "I'd have been in real

careless," she

     "Nah," Ranma circled her, making a close

"Nah."

     Ranma looked at her blankly for a second, then
backpedaled as understanding dawned. "No, no. I didn' mean
nuthin like - - " he stopped abruptly as he saw the twinkle in

nuthin'

He stopped

     "Oh, please, 'neesama!" Akane turned pleading eyes
on her older sister. She slapped her stomach with a sound like
hitting an oak barrel. "I'm starting to get soft with all this
laying around."

lying around."

     "Why do want to work out with Akane now," Nabiki

now?"

     "Well," Ranma tilted his head to one side. "She's

"Well."

     "Not full power," Ranma chided as he slid away from
the blow "You're liable to hurt yourself while you're still

blow.

     Akane's lips thinned, and she glared at Ranma in
aggravation, then relaxed.. "Just a tap." she agreed as her

tap," she

     "Not bad," he kept up a running commentary as he

bad." He

moved her like a puppet, "but you're not gettin' full power,"

puppet. "But

power."

he slid her trailing foot back a fraction, "an' you're a little

He

fraction. "An'

     "Good," Ranma nodded in satisfaction. "you were

"Good."

"You

too . . ." he searched for the right word, "stable, before."

He

word. "...stable

     "I . . .I knew I was . . .slow," Akane wiped her face

slow." Akane

with a towel Nabiki threw her, "but I never . . . knew how

her. "But

slow."

     "Ya . . .ya didn' . . .thanks," he smiled at Kasumi as

thanks." He

she handed him a cup of water, "didn' do too . . .bad." He

water. "Didn'

     Akane eyed the fifty-kilo garment and her face twisted
in a sour smile. "Not _too_ bad? If . . .if you had . . . hadn't
had . . .handicap . . ." She puffed for a moment, trying to get
her breath. No one had  worn her out in a long time. "If you
hadn't been carrying that weight . . ." she spread her hands,

She

     "You just need to retrain your muscles," Ranma
replied, recovering more quickly than his opponent. "your

"Your

bulk is slowin' you down. You need to work on your
technique, stop bein' so sloppy.  And . . ." he jerked a thumb

He

     *Piece o' cake,* he thought, smugly. "by th' time Pop

"By

     "Former wife of Saotome Genma? Mother of Saotome
Ranma?" The questioner persisted, reaching to pull the

the (no caps)

     "What's going on here?" Nabetoyo Saburo, owner
and manager of 'Autumn Flower ' restaurant bustled into the

Flower'

back, flabby cheeks suffused with anger. "Get back to work!"
He snapped at his floor scrubber. "The honorable foreigner

he (no caps)

would be more comfortable in another establishment,
perhaps." He suggested without even a pretense of apology.

perhaps," he

     "The honorable customer," a slender hand emerged

>from long flowing sleeves, "wishes not to be disturbed by the

grunting of pigs," and gestured.

Again, don't drop dialog into the middle of a descriptive sentence. I'm
not dead against mixing dialog and action the way some people are ^_^,
but this is too much, IMO. Shuffle something around, or make it multiple
sentences.

     "Uhuh," he smothered a yawn with the back of his

"Uhuh." He

hand, "I figure if I stick around you long enough, I'll run into

hand. "I

     Nabiki  shook herself, like a dog coming out of the
water. "Akane could have been killed, Kasumi was hurt, our
house trashed and father . . .father's not feeling well." Or that

Father
(capitalize when used as a name)

was as good an excuse as any, since no one had seen him in
days. "So, yeah, I'd give them both to you, or to the monk or

monk, or

I'd just toss them in the recycling-bin. 'Cause they're not

recycling bin.

     "You have me confused with my sister," Nabiki

sister." Nabiki

shifted her bag to her off hand, furthest away from Ukyou so
she could get a good swing if she decided to smack him,

him.

"Akane's the one still living in the middle-ages."

middle ages."

     "Yeah, I hear you're a very modern girl. Pachinko and
slot machines, a little book-making, some vending
machines - -" Ukyou looked thoughtful. "So, how much for
you to sell out the Saotomes?"

     There was a pile of broken concrete lying next to the
drainage ditch and Nabiki wondered briefly how Ukyou
would look wearing one of the larger chunks.

NABIKI: I already offered to give them to you free, fool!

     "Here," she came out of her daydream to see him

"Here." She

     "You wanted to brain me with it, didn't you? No?" He
tossed the lump into the air. At it's apex there was a flash of

its

     "You must be a riot at parties," Nabiki groused, mildly
impressed in spite of herself. "can you do card tricks?"

"Can

     "Don't underestimate me, just because you got lucky,
once." The rounded the corner of a building, almost perfectly

lucky once." They

in step, and saw the clock-tower of Furinkan High School in

clock tower

     "You look like hell," Ukyou broke away from Nabiki

hell." Ukyou

and trotted up alongside the two, with Ranko on the far side,
nearest the fence that ran alongside the drainage canal, leaving
Akane sandwiched in the middle. "what happened?"

"What

     "None of your business," Nabiki smacked him on the

business."

     "Looks like the Tendou watch-bitch is toothless right
now," Ukyou ran a finger along the bandages that swaddled

now." Ukyou

Akane's left arm. "what would you do if you had to fight

"What

     "Well, you two have fun," She called over her

she

     "What was that for," Ukyou groused, rubbing his

for?"

     "Well, it's not good for much else. Look stupid,

Look, stupid,

     "Oh, come on. No one would - - " his voice trailed off

His

     Ukyou shook his head, blankly and Nabiki resisted the
urge to smack him again. "How do you expect to beat Genma
and Ranma if you miss simple stuff like that?  Akane could
see you move, and you'd lose time trying to find her, if you
attacked. That gave her a big advantage." Nabiki suddenly
thought of something that had been bothering her. "How
come you haven't been arrested for . . . that?" she jerked a

She

     "Well, aren't you the clever little boy," she was

boy." She

pleased to see Ukyou flush at her tone, "now, here's a little

tone." Now

     Ukyou followed her pointing finger, to see a roasted
sweet-potato vendor, set-up just outside the gates to

set up

     "Yakuza?" The tattoo's were an almost certain

tattoos

     "They wouldn't," Nabiki answered candidly. "But his
grandmother," Nabiki explained, "went to school with my
grandmother . . .and his mother went to school with my
mother," Ukyou was beginning to look a trifle uneasy. "So,

mother."

     "Hi Nabiki!" Kimiko came running up, braids flying in

"Hi, Nabiki!"

     The sweet-potato vendor watched Nabiki with cold
eyes until she was out of sight. Lifting his cap he scratched
vigorously where his wig was itching as he pondered his next
move.

VENDOR: Let's see... I'll... sell sweet potatoes! That's it! Oh, what a
brilliant plan!

     "How was that?" Akane stepped back from the heavy
bag, wiping the sweat from her brow with the back of her
sleeve. "My high kicks have always been weaker than I would
like, but . . ." she slapped her knee brace lightly, then

She

     "Ummmm . . ." Ranma,  watching silently from the
sidelines  while Akane went through her repitoir of attacks,

repertoire

unfolded from the floor with cat-like grace. "Well . . .it's
kinda hard to say. Ya see, we've got different styles." He
moved to stand in front of the bag, automatically settling into
a relaxed Black-Tiger stance. "I like speed," his arms blurred

speed." His

into action, hitting the tough canvas so quickly that it sounded
like a continuous dull rumble, until the seam burst open and
sand spilled onto the floor, "an' technique. You," he walked

floor. "An'

You..." He

back to Akane, who he noted was staring at the ruined bag
with gratifying admiration, "like brute-force an' meanness."

admiration. "...like

     Akane tore her gaze from the hole in the bag and
looked at Ranma. "Hey, my technique's pretty good. I've
won - - " her voice trailed off under Ranma's steady gaze.

Her

     "A'right," Ranma ticked points off on the fingers of

"A'right." Ranma

his right hand, "you're overextending when you punch or

hand. "You're

     "I don't need your fancy stuff." the muscles in her jaw

The

     "Alright," Ranma shrugged, turning toward the door.
"why don't we see what's in the kitchen for dinner." He

"Why

     "Maybe . . .maybe I do have a few problems. Would
you," Akane struggled to get the words past the noose that

you..."

was suddenly strangling her, "please give me some . . . help."

her. "...please

     She stacked her papers neatly and dropped them in her
book-bag, frowning as she had to shove a small package

book bag,

          Working quickly the monk wrapped her limp body in

quickly, the

     Suddenly sober she tried to jerk away from the voice,

sober, she

but the soft bonds held fast.

     "Where is Saotome Genma?" The bed sagged as the
figure settled beside her. "Where is his son Ranma?"

     "I . . .who are you." Her voice broke and she closed
her eyes, hoping this was all a nightmare. Things like this just
didn't happen to people in real life.

MONK: Maybe not, but this is a Yonge fanfic. Nya ha ha!

     Anonymous in the beehive hat and shapeless kimono

kimono,

the figure was inhuman, and frightening. The large double
row of pom-pom's running down the front of his kimono and

pom-poms

     "I don't know." Kasumi whispered, frightened at

know,

     "Once there was a man," the madman's voice took on

man." The

the cadence of a story-teller. "named Hibiki. He wasn't rich or

"Names

     " - - salvaging precious metals from discarded
computers. They were going to get rich mining garbage
dumps for gold and silver and platinum. But the man's friend
vanished, and his life's savings with him. So the man lost his
home, his honor and all hope, until . . ." the voice grated to a

The

      "His wife went to live with relatives and his son . . .
his son went into the mountains of Iga and learned things.
Wonderful things," He place a hand under Kasumi's chin and

things."

tilted her head back until all she could see was the smooth
blank surface of his beehive-hat. "Terrible things."

beehive hat.

     "I don't know, Please." Tears welled up in her eyes

know. Please."

     The scarf continued it's maddening, endless journey,

its

     "But _pleasure_," he switched tactics, trailing the very

_pleasure_." He

     "Within an hour you will tell me everything you know
about Genma and Ranma. Within two . . ." he stopped his

He

     Kasumi gasped as he pressed a Ki meridian, flooding

ki
(not the name of something specific, so don't capitalize)

     "Of course, repeated treatments will leave you a
mindless zombie, so let us hope you find Genma quickly."
Manipulating Ki points the monk watched Kasumi's eyes turn

ki points, the

     "For God, Kasumi-sama and St. George!" Kodachi

"For God, Kasumi-sama, and

     Twisting away, Kodachi felt a tug as the razor-sharp
steel ripped through her doublet. Shortening her grip on the
flambard, for better close-quarter work, she whirled her cape
around her left arm to use as a cape-main-gauche or sword-
tangler.  Stepping back she let the point of her sword almost

back, she

touch the ground, just behind her leading left foot in a
modified Fools-Guard, deliberately presenting herself as a

Fool's Guard,

     The monk took the bait and Kodachi demonstrated
why it was called Fools-Guard, snapping her cape like a whip

Fool's Guard,

     With a shout the monk spun right, moving away from
her blade while yanking hard on the entangling cape, trying to
turn her move against her. But Kodachi had learned from a
master of Medieval Fence, who believed that blood and pain

medieval fencing,

MONK: What exactly did you learn?

KODACHI: That they didn't have chain links back then.

     More cautiously now the monk circled slowly to

now, the

     "What sorcery is this?" Kodachi gasped,  sword
wavering as she stared at the monks opaque, film covered

monk's

eyes. "Thou 'rt blind!"

     "The price of my art," the monk grated, grasping his
rosary and focusing his power. "The light of this world for
sight in the next."  The air shimmered as if from the heat of a
great fire as he hurtled his rosary at Kodachi shouting a word

Kodachi, shouting

(presumably it's the monk who was shouting, not Kodachi as the original
syntax would suggest)

     "Know that your foul magiks have no effect against a
Knight of Christendom." Beneath her smoldering doublet
could be seen the shattered remains of a mail shirt, a red-
enameled sterling-silver Templar's cross now visible, hanging

Does "hanging" refer to the whole shirt, or just the cross? If the
latter, remove the last comma.

     Kodachi shrugged and the ruined mail fell to the
ground with a thud. "I fear not your satanic master, for he can
give me no hurt." Cracked ribs protested as she straightened
up and she bit back a moan of pain. "He can give me no
_significant_ hurt." she corrected, incurably truthful as all

hurt," she

      Grasping the amulet about her neck, that held within

Suggest: Grasping about her neck the amulet that held within

     "I am Kunou Kodachi, daughter and grand-daughter
of Samurai," her eyes began to glow as her body swelled with

Samurai." Her

power. "Knight protector of the Lady Kasumi, last of the
Temple Knights," her teeth bared in a snarl, "and your

Knights." Her

snarl. "And

     The monk barely had time to bring his staff to high-
guard position before Kodachi was upon him, great-sword

MONK: I suppose during all of those long speeches, I might have been
working on a defense, or a counter-attack, or something. But oh well.

moving as if it were a willow-wand, not seven pounds of
steel. The warrior-monk's first counter was nearly his last as
the flame-like ripples of her blade set up a fierce vibration in
his staff that nearly wrenched it from his hands. Letting the
blade slide down her gauntleted hands Kodachi spun it like a

hands, Kodachi

     With lightning speed the monk rolled aside, his spear
stabbing upward like a striking snake. Spinning left Kodachi

left, Kodachi

     Settling on the bed with a groan, she examined  the
long, shallow cut along her side. Calling on her Templar
training she forced back the pain, slowing the flow of blood to

training, she

a sluggish trickle as her body began to heal itself with
astounding quickness. Raising Kasumi from the bed Kodachi

bed, Kodachi

     "Kodachi!" Kasumi seemed determined to refute the
assumption that two bodies couldn't occupy the same space
at the same time. Kodachi's ribs protested and she found it
hard to breath, as her face was pressed firmly between

breathe,
("breath" is the noun. If you can't breathe, you're out of breath.)

Some random thoughts:

-Kuno is still too inept for me to take seriously as an adversary. He
seems to get his butt kicked pretty much instantly every time he shows
up.

-Ranma's attempts to seduce Akane into trusting him continue to be the
most interesting part of the series.

-Ryoga-monk, while demonstrating the basic competence that Kuno and
company lack, seems in terms of personality to be pretty much the same
as your other villains. Obsessed with getting what he wants, having
absolutely no compunctions about kidnapping and threatening a completely
innocent person who probably doesn't know anything of use anyway, and
willing to go as low as it takes to get what he wants. I know I've
harped on this before, but a little more variety in this would go a long
way.

Anyway. Until next time....



Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html

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