Subject: [FFML] [C&C][Fanfic][2nd draft][Fusion][SM/Spiderman]The Amazing Spiderwoman: Chapter Two
From: Michael A Chase
Date: 1/12/2003, 9:47 PM
To: ffml@anifics.com, Kyhdin@aol.com


Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Sun, 12 Jan 2003 20:05:50 EST Kyhdin@aol.com wrote:

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is the creation of {Nako Takecuchi : Naoko Takeuchi}, The concepts of
Spiderman are the property of Marvel {inc : Inc}. No money is being made from this
and no such intent should be inferred.

C&C{,, : ,} public or private is welcome. I respond to all
C&C....eventually

"You know, at 72 pixels and in capital letters,
fish looks like its {mispelled : misspelled}."

"Yep." Usagi sounded thoughtful. "She keeps {this : them} safe in the bathroom, you
know. Under the sink. Last place anyone would look, you know? Anyway, she
looked at the pictures and then dashed into the bathroom to put the pictures
away where no one else could see them. She must have stubbed her toe or
something though, cause when we listened at the door, we heard her moaning. I
guess she wanted you there to kiss it and make it better, cause she kept
calling out your name."

"Thank you, Miss {Okasa : Osaka}," Usagi replied. "One of my more inspired bits, I
felt."

Without any effort whatsoever, Flash came to a stop and faced the line,
looking almost like a drill sergeant and her eyes were cold as they swept
over the group. "Listen up," she snarled. "With Shidou out sick, I'm team
captain, which makes teaching you lot the fine art of hockey my
responsibility. She pushed backwards a bit and gestured for them to look
around. "See this? This room, this whole building. All of it is a separate
world. In here, you are part of a team and any feelings you may have towards
your teammates, hostile or otherwise don't exist {here :}. In here, we are one
living, breathing entity with one purpose. {Kick : To kick} some ass." She moved back to
her original position. "Now even though you are backup for us regulars, you
still need to be able to play just as we do. But since I doubt most of you
have even been on ice skates before, we'll start with the basics." She
reached into the box and took out a black plastic disc. "This is the puck,
your enemy and your friend." She skated forward and handed a puck to each
girl. "I say your friend, because putting {: it} into the other team's goal is our
goal. It's also your enemy because keeping it out of our goal is our
purpose." She let the box fall to the floor. "So, let's see what you got. Do
laps around the ice until I tell you to stop. Go as fast as you feel
comfortable. Use your stick to guide the puck as you do."

After practice, the {qaurtet : quartet} went to Ami's house so that she could drop off
her gear before they would, in Usagi's words "Descend on the Crown Cafe for
an afternoon of frozen goodness orgies."

"Cool," Usagi said and dug in her pocket. "I wanna see if he'll buy these
pictures of Sailor Moon." She held up a floppy disk in a plastic case.

It's been a long time since I had anything to do with Spidey, but
didn't Jameson, in the comics, think all that Spiderman stuff was a
hoax?  I seem to recall that Peter was forever bringing in pictures
and having them rejected because Spiderman doesn't exist.  I imagine
the same reasoning would apply to Sailor Moon or Spiderwoman.

"There's no need for this 'Sir' business, my boy. The name's {Jameson.--J. : Jameson -- J.}
Jonah Jameson." He spoke Japanese with a heavy accent.

"Ami, why don't you, {Tuskino : Tsukino}, and {Okasa : Osaka} go and put away that bag you're
carrying." He looked at Shinohara. "Sit down, {boy : Boy}." The words were those of
an invitation, but the tone had all the crispness of an order."

Ami sighed. Grandfather Jameson had been with the American Navy during the
Korean War. After {a medical : an} injury had sidelined him, he had gone into
{Journalism : journalism}. His first wife had left him soon after the birth of their son,
unable to deal with his obsession with journalistic integrity. Heartsick, he
had gone to Japan on assignment, and fallen into the arms of a pretty
secretary at the Tokyo Bugle. Jameson chose to stay in Tokyo with his new
bride and went to work for the Bugle. He was loud, brash, indomitable,
scrupulously honest and unforgiving of screw-ups. The Japanese people loved
him and his weekly editorials were one of the most frequently read. Even
after Ami's father had been born, Jameson continued in his ways, speaking his
mind on politics and society, his foreign birth allowing him to get away with
saying things that many thought, but didn't want to speak.

"What?" Ami hid it well, but she had a temper that would scare all but the
bravest souls. Gendo's words had stirred {into a : from its} restless sleep.

Gendo, unfortunately, had had two hours to work up a fine head of steam and
it broke lose. "What human being? She constantly teases you, flings insults,
thumbs her nose at authority, and pays no attention to her grades. Then hides
behind her name. She's worse then a {Bukaramin : burakumin}! They, at least know their
place."

'The tallest building in Tokyo and it's on the other side of the city from
Juuban!' her inner voice shouted. 'I just ran all the way across {freakin : freaking : freakin'}
Tokyo!' With that realization came a memory of her crawling up the side of
the tower. Her hands and feet clinging to the glass and steel like velcro. 'I
really am a freak,' she thought to herself.' Already her breathing was normal
and her heartbeat was slowing to its normal pace. 'More proof that I was
right to keep this curse a secret.' She looked around the roof and sighed.
There was no sign of roof access to the inside of the building and with {a : another}
sigh, she began to crawl down the side of the tower, hoping no one saw her.

****
It was rare for Usagi to see someone {mad :} spitting mad and even rarer for that
anger to be not directed at her. It was therefore, with some amusement, that
she and Naru sat side by side on the couch sharing a bag of candied nuts and
watching as Mister Jameson screamed into his phone.

"She's one of the Miracles?" The officer asked, obviously astonished. The
Okinawa Air Collision was {one of :} the worst {: air} disaster in the history of Japan.
Equipment failure, sloppy traffic control and bad weather had caused five
aircraft, three Marine Transports and two passenger liners to collide over
Okinawa Marine Base. Only seven people had survived, most of them children.
More then a thousand people dead in the air and twenty more on the ground
during both rescue efforts and when bits of the planes {and : had} flown every which
way upon landing, destroying buildings and incinerating an entire stretch of
tarmac. The so called "Miracle Seven" had become minor celebrities, each one
bearing the number in the order they had been pulled from the {wreck : wreckage}. "I
thought her name seemed familiar." Ami Mizuno had been number seven, the last
living being they found.

"I suppose I should me moving along as well," Jameson said. "Miki will be
starting to wonder." He paused. "Mai, are you sure it's a good idea? The
slumber party? I've heard stories about Tsukino and {Okasa : Osaka}."

"I wasn't sure either," Mai replied. "But Ami trusts her, and Usagi has never
once failed to be there for her when she needs a friend." From upstairs came
a shriek of laughter and {Naru : Naru's} shouted voice declaring a pillow fight. "And
Ami needs friends tonight."

{It was at : At} that point, the phone rang.

"This is the journal of Ami Mizuno, to be published in the event of her
death. I have been more then a month in the preparation for my purpose. For
my atonement for the act of cowardice that cost Gendo Shinohara his life.
Whether by accident or design, I have power. I could have stopped that
creature, but instead I fled, and someone I loved died. Someone who only
wanted to be a police officer, to protect his fellow citizens. He can no
longer do that.

I noticed the change from "my death" to "her death" that is in line
with her considering her primary identity to be Spiderwoman instead
of Ami.

{I'm Spiderwoman : I am *Spiderwoman*}."

Corrected spelling, {grammer : grammar}, though with my luck, probably missed a few.
Tinkered with the last scene, hopefully it makes a bit more sense.

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