Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sun, 29 Dec 2002 21:15:41 +1100 David Eddy <dje@progress.com> wrote:
The ever-present sound of {Cicadas : cicadas} stilled, and there
was a creak as the gate in the surrounding fence was
opened. A large, misshapen figure slipped through the
gate and closed it before proceeding to the tatami-matted
meeting area.
I'm trying to figure out why Ranma bothered to untie Genma.
Nodoka smiled, and the cloaked figure reached up and
pulled back the cowl of the cloak. It was Ranma, and
quickly he bowed deeply from seiza, hands flat on the mat
in front of him and forehead almost touching it. "Good
evening, {mother : Mother}. It is a pleasure to see you again," he
said.
Ranma grimaced, and Nodoka reminded herself that she
would have to give the boy more training in schooling his
expression. "I have been well, {mother : Mother}, but..."
Nodoka felt her heart sink. If Ranma was correct in
his assessment, it may mean that her only son would be
forced to commit seppuku... as well as her husband,
worthless waste of flesh that he was, and herself.
Steeling herself, she said, "What is it that has
happened, Son?"
Such a serious consequense should require that she bring her father into
the discussion before any decision is made.
Reaching out of his enveloping cloak, Ranma drew a
teacup full of cold water from the bucket near the
brazier and, with a flick of his wrist, tossed it onto
his unconscious father's head. After a brief moment,
Genma was replaced by an absolutely enormous example of a
Giant Panda.
I guess that explains why he was untied.
Without a sound, Nodoka fainted.
I think she took that rather well.
"I've gotta tell you, {old man : Old Man}, this looks like a
pretty nice place. Looks like pretty easy training,
too." He grinned. "I wouldn't've thought you had it in
ya, {old man : Old Man}. You must be getting soft in your old age."
"What did he say, {boy : Boy}?" asked Genma after a glance at
Ranma to confirm that he had come over.
Genma snorted. "Of course it's dangerous. I
wouldn't have brought you here otherwise, {boy : Boy}. We're not
here for a rest holiday you know."
"Yes, well, we'll spice it up a little by fighting
each other as we go, {boy : Boy}!" Genma smirked. "That water
looks cold."
The {Guide : guide} came puffing up. "I Junsenkyou Guide, this
very dangerous place!" he said in broken Japanese.
"What are you jabbering on about, {boy : Boy}?" interrupted
Genma.
It's fairly obvious who's the responsible member of the pair.
He was right, the springs were numbingly cold. Odd
that his balls hadn't painfully retracted into his... Oh
boy.
Somehow 'Oh boy' doesn't seem quite right... :}b
Ranma blanched as she fell towards the Nanniichuan.
She had a baaaaaad feeling about this. Seeing that she
was going to land in the water with a pole safely out of
reach, she closed her eyes and mentally cursed herself
for her impetuousness.
And she had started out so well, actually stopping and asking the guide
about a cure instead of charging after Genma.
Cresting the pass, the small party - the {Guide : guide}, in
his Maoist uniform, and Ranma, in a ratty gi tied with a
black belt leading on a leash a massive Giant Panda which
had its forepaws securely tied with rope - saw that in
the valley below there was a village.
Definitely a smarter Ranma.
'Hmm, woman righteousness tribe,' thought Ranma to
himself as he looked down at the scene below. Frowning,
he noticed that there was a large crowd in the {centre} of
the village surrounding a suspended log of some kind.
Where I've noticed, you seemed to be using US spellings earlier.
Which is your preference?
"<Oh. Well, let's get moving.>" he said. Suiting
action to word, Ranma stepped forward, yanking sternly on
the leash. Switching to Japanese, he said, "Let's get
moving, {old man : Old Man}. You better hope this ain't permanent,
or I'm gonna be wearin' a panda skin coat pretty soon."
With a start, Ranma realised that she'd been slipping
back into her old habit of road talk, following her old
man's example. She shook her head, mentally switching
her speech into 'proper' style and pronunciation, and
furthermore reminding herself to speak in the feminine
mode. "I'm sorry, {mother : Mother}."
"Yes, {mother : Mother}, you're correct. Elder Cologne was
right - to anyone who casually encounters me, unless I'm
naked then I'm a girl. If I go around insisting I'm a
guy, they look at me like I'm some kind of weirdo... or
they pity me. I'm not sure which is worse, to tell you
the truth.
"This is all your fault, old man. Tell me why I
shouldn't just kill you now," snarled Ranma as she moved
into a stance. Nodoka followed the rapid and almost
unnoticeable tensing and relaxing of Ranma's muscles,
even her buttocks and back, readying for she knew not
what but {certainly for : it certainly included} fast, hard violence.
"Even assuming you could - which you can't, {boy : Boy},
you're too weak and girly for that - you couldn't touch
me in a million years in a *serious* fight. *Boy.*"
In his study, Saotome Hayao blanched as he read the
secret report of his chief enforcer, Shibito. It was
still only eleven at night, and he decided that he had at
most twelve hours to make his decision before his
daughter contacted him and asked for a determination.
In the prologue you used the opposite name ordering once for Hayao.
Then a thought occurred to him, and he grinned
nastily as he realised how to ensure that Genma had
passed absolutely everything on to his son.
That sounds nasty. And probably exactly what Genma deserves.
Nodoka was there, using a brush to scrub her back.
"Good morning, {mother : Mother}," said Ranma with a smile as she
put down her bathing things and moved to her mother's
back. "Let me do that for you."
Ranma took Nodoka's washcloth and took over scrubbing
her mother's back. "That was something else, what you
did with that sword last night, {mother : Mother}," she said as the
ran her hands over Nodoka's back. "I've got some
questions...?"
"I had in mind 'beautiful child'," said Nodoka with a
small moue. "Still, I suppose the final decision will
really be up to {father : Father}."
"Arrangements have been commenced for you to adopt a
female identity. I agree with your mother that Ranma is
not a suitable name for a girl, and she related to me the
difficulty encountered in selecting a new name to you.
Therefore I have chosen your female name for you. You
have been registered as Saotome Kanomi."
Next time, Ranma returns to a more normal plot as he
travels to Nerima to attend high school in the company of
his would-be fiancee.
Whichever Tendou daughter you settle on is likely to have her own thoughts
on the matter. It should be interesting.