More spamfic size than anything else.

Lady Blue - A death by lemon

A Death By Lemon

It was getting quite dark outside, Kinue waved to Sanae as she left.

"Huhn. It's getting kinda spooky in here. Even with the lights on."
She looked at the closing door. "Wonder where Kimie is?" Sanae
whistled a tune as she opened the locker. Not that she felt happy or
anything, but there was a sort of unease that hung in the air of the
locker room.

Sort of like some sex demon getting ready to devour you. :)

Sanae looked up from her locker when she heard a bucket tipp

tip

over

somewhere.

somewhere is a bit vague. I think you can expand on that to help set the
mood.

 "Kimie is that you?" She strained her ears, but there was

no responce.

response

Not even a pindrop.

Why would Kimie respond by dropping a pin? :)

She looked down at her wrist. "Where is she? It's not like her to be
this late." Sanae stopped halfway to the light-switch. She could feel
it in her stomach. Something was there with her.

Probably her lunch, since it had no where else to go other than her stomach.

I'd change to 'was in the room with her.'

"Hello? Anyone here?" She looked back and forth between the lockers.
"I'm just checking because I'm going to turn off the lights. Don't
want anyone to be left in the dark now. Hehe." She swallowed uneasily.
"Don't play any games now?"

now."

But there was no one there. "Get a grip girl." She rubbed her palm
against her face. "You're getting stressed up

out (not up)

about nothing. Kimie

would be rolling around on the floor if she saw me now." She frowned.
"So would Hiro-kun come to think of it." Sanae sighed heavily. "I
better stop this. Talking to myself is a bad habit. People might think
I was crazy." She giggled. "It's bad enough with my grades being in
the toilet. I don't need mom and dad to think I've lost my sanity as
well."

As she continued speaking out loud. :)

Sanae smiled as she flicked the switch. "At least I do well enough on
track. Not quite olympic material yet but I'm getting there. It's
funny how easy it is to push when it's fun."

She stood by the door, musing over the medals she might get.

win (instead of get. It's a competition, they aren't merely given)

Then she

shook her head. "Kimie should be here by now." She pushed the door
open and was about to step out when something snaked around her
midsection, just beneath her breasts.

Beneath her breasts? Why, it's engaging in foreplay. How sweet. :)

No stop! She cried under the gagg.

gag

 But the hand continued unhindered.

Sanae cried tears of frustration over her unability

inability

 to fight her

attacker. Someone kissed her neck and she gave a muffled cry. The
second kiss, on the other side sent

side, sent

 small waves of calm through her.

She tried shaking her head to get rid of the fogg

fog (Lots of extra g's for some reason)

 that was building,

but it was no use. Whatever was wrapped around her head held on too
firmly to allow her any movement.

Slowly, heat began building in her neather

nether

regions. Her panties were

getting moist. She tried to think of cold showers and the track.

and her favorite vibrator, but the last thing didn't help calm her down at
all.

But

thinking of cold just made her nipples stiffen and the track had so
many hot boys around for her to look at.

Heh

Another hand crawled in

drop 'in'

Without thinking about it, she let herself drift down to the floor.
The hands started getting more bold. One snaked down to her panties,
pushing them back to allow access.

them down (pushing them back isn't going to help a whole lot.)

"Unh." The pleasure was getting more intense. She felt the need to get
out of her shirt, to help the hands. But her arms were still tied by
hair.

A wet aslmost

almost

Suddenly something snapped. The hand by her breast squeezed hard and
she cried out. Then, then there was nothing. She felt her body cool
down as she left it. An ugly old crone sat between her legs. It was
hard to move anywhere, but she was drawn into the thing.

Ah. I remember this scene now. Forgot it until you mentioned the old woman
thing. Interesting scene to focus on, especially since the victims are
rarely dealt with in anything other than the most cursory sense. Mind you,
it's necessary for this and other genres, due to space and timing, but it's
interesting to see someone expand on this.

Her hair darkened until it was back to it's

its

She started unbuttoning Kimies shirt, button by button. The bra came
off easily. The skirt and panties as well. Her other hand found it's

its

way between Kimies legs and she slid it up and down her friends slit.
Kimie gasped again and again as pleasure began to build.

By now, her slit was moist and ready. "That's so good!" She cried out.
Fumaro smiled at her friend. "I'll give you even more pleasure." She
bit down on Kimies breast wich

which

So I wrote this in the hopes that my demons would leave me alone for a
bit. It worked and yet, it didn't. I don't feel like writing this
anymore, wich is good. But it still won't leave my head.

Ah. Writing as therapy. I recommend a heaping helping of Bible Black to
remove nasty things from your mind. :)

The whole scene is actually from the first episode of Lady Blue, the
sequel to La blue girl. (Or Tv-series or something) Two of Miko Midos
friends (aquaintances) are attacked by what looks like the 'demon of
the week' except that this one is probably going to last the entire
season.

Well, storyarc, which was four episodes.

(I added a whole lot)

Yep. You did.

Anyway. If you like it, tell me. If you didn't, tell me why.

No. it was good. It focused on a teritary character and gave some depth to
her (brief though her appearance was). Not much further you could go with
it, but it worked. Some spelling errors throughout, but decent enough
writing.

D.B. Sommer

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'