Aaron E Nowack wrote:
Here we go, with another chapter. Didn't take that long, did it?
Hopefully Chapter 13 will be even faster to arrive, but I always say
that.
And my C&C gets through ever more of the backlog!
Anyways, please read, C&C of any sort or length is vastly appreciated,
and previous chapters are available at my website or fanfiction.net .
"I liked it much better than Cats. I am going to see it, again and again."
Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.geocities.com/anowack/
Shades of Gray
A Sailor Moon Fanfic
By: Aaron Nowack
Chapter 12: Betrayal of Trust
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself
does not become a monster... when you gaze long into the abyss,
the abyss also gazes into you."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
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Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi, whose creative
talents far exceed my most humble own. Distribution and other rights to
Sailor Moon belong to lots of different companies that I do not own. I
make or imply no claim to ownership of Sailor Moon or its characters.
However, the text of this fanfic and all original characters presented
within are mine, and should not be used without permission. Thank you.
***********************************************************************
"But..." Michiru's plea was cut off by the Professor's angry
shout.
But..." -- But-"
Less her trailing off, and more her being interupted.
Her lover clenched her hand tightly and continued for her.
"Tamori was the Champion of Saturn. He is dead, too."
her. "Tamori -- her, "Tamori
A wordless growl in her throat, Haruka shook herself from
Michiru's grasp and leapt forward, picking Setsuna up in one hand. "Is
that all you have to say?"
Picking her up by what, exactly? Her hair? Her throat?
"From the void to the void." The reply was ragged, and more
than one of the Champions began to shed tears.
Haven't seen him yet, but I'll pass on their reguards when he passed by. ;)
Motoki frowned. "Only for that, if at all." He paused, as his
friends turned to look at him. "We all heard what Meno said last time.
That wasn't really Iris that died today. Nobody was avenged." It was
Uji's turn to frown, but after a moment he nodded and dropped his gaze
to the floor. Motoki continued, "It was just some young girl, a girl
who had nothing to do with Juno..."
Ah-hah!
Juno..." -- Juno...." -or- Juno-"
As he's being interrupted. ;)
In an instant the attention of those present had switched focus
again. "She knew his name. She said it just before..." Meno grimaced,
shaking his head. "She said it yesterday. I think I know who she is...
was."
before..." Meno -- before...." Meno
Meno continued. "I also got readings on everyone else in the
house. There were unusual energy patterns about, but I thought it was
just Tamori..." He shook his head. "That's not important right now.
What is... is this." He punched a command into his computer, then
turned it around so all could see the images on the screen.
Tamori..." He -- Tamori...." He
Ikawa realized that everyone was looking at him. "I..." he
paused for a moment, his voice faltering, then he continued. "I think I
know who Sailor Mars is."
Hmm. Too much advantage to the Champions. They're hosed, methinks.
Jadeite dreams. It is ages in the past, long before his birth,
a time he knows only in legends. Serenity the Dark plunges her awesome
empire, which the Silver Millenium will never rival, into despair,
barbarity, and war. Whole civilizations are wiped from existence, as
though they never were. Planet-wide cities are razed to their very
foundations. On Pluto, refugees, rebels, and fools plot in vain to
overcome the Queen's dark magics and her fallen warriors.
You a fan of Niel Gaimon?
Jadeite dreams, and knows he will not remember the dreams upon
waking.
This scene was brilliant.
After a moment, Sailor Pluto turned and left, and the Gates of
Time shut themselves behind her.
Well. That was reassuring, in that, "No, you won't die in the battle
tomorrow. It's the one after that gets ya," sort of way.
They had tried to hold a meeting last night, but little had been
accomplished. Usagi had barely been able to say a sentence without
breaking into tears, and the rest of the Senshi had been little better.
Rei shook her head. She still couldn't quite believe that Hotaru was...
gone, that she would never see her or one of her rare smiles or...
or... -- or....
"Of course," Rei replied. What could possibly... "I'm not
going anywhere today."
possibly... "I'm -- possibly.... "I'm
Preserving your printing-press perfect spacing forumla. ;)
Meno nodded and left. Ikawa stared at the door afterwards, and
thought of the long distant past.
Hmm. A one-on-one confrontation?
Sachiko nodded. "I hardly knew him... I hardly know any of them
in this lifetime, but..."
When a elipses terminates a sentence, it should contain four periods.
I'll stop harping on that one for this chapter, now. ;)
Uji chuckled half-heartedly. "It's as much my world as hers."
He sighed for a moment. "It's been a long time since I've been on
Pluto. Not since..." Since he and Chronus had tried to eliminate the
Senshi of Time on the eve of the rebellion. That failure still irked
him. It was the first time in his long existence that someone he had
marked for death had survived his attentions. And had she fallen, who
knew how the rest of the war might have gone? Without the need for half
the fleet to keep her bottled up in Castle Charon...
I'm concerned that Setsuna is going to try and take up Hotaru's position,
as well. This is what we in the business like to call a "Bad Thing".
"How should I know? I doubt I've even seen the girl. Well,
unless Ikawa is right, of course." Sachiko sighed. "We're taking a
terrible risk. If she isn't the one, and she finds out who we are..."
Sachiko let her voice trail off.
course." Sachiko -- course," Sachiko
Sachiko nodded, then frowned. "Where are Glad... Motoki and
Unazuki?"
This elipses does not terminate a sentence, and so does not need to be
edited.
When the other two Senshi nodded, Pluto left, and soon the three
met once again. Sailor Neptune glanced at the intricate mural carved on
a slightly raised pedestal in the center of the courtyard. "What is
that?" she asked.
I think of it as more of a dais than a pedestal.
Ten thousand years ago...
Phoebe sighed as she entered the chambers she had inherited from
her predecessor. She could never quite see them as hers, even though
she had lived in them for decades. Even her tiny cell in Castle Charon
had been more comfortable to her than this lush suite. She supposed she
could have modified the rooms for her comfort, but the furnishings had
belonged to the Senshi Mars for generations, some pieces allegedly going
back to the dawn of the Silver Millenium.
Why the extra newline? I guess I can see it as a sort of sub-chapter
heading... don't mind me. :)
"But we have a older bond, do we not, ahabal?" The nomad word
for lover made Phoebe wince, and she backed away from Deinas.
If it's being used in the place of a proper name, it should be
capitalized. ;)
That was then...
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...and this is now.
Still like those transitions.
Ikawa waiting a moment, then began to sing. It was not
Japanese, but instead an ancient language that had had not been heard
for nearly eighteen thousand years. The words were those the nomads of
the ancient Martian desert had sang as they rode to hunt... beasts or
men. It had a haunting beauty, and the words could be heard throughout
the Hikawa Shrine's grounds. Unseen, six people tensed, preparing for
battle themselves.
waiting a moment -- waited a moment
And at their destination, five waited for their arrival.
Five? Weren't there six a while back?
As the Senshi reeled under the mental assault, Zeus and the
other Champions emerged from behind the trees at the top of the
stairway. His blade became a bar of lightning, flickering and jumping
in his hand as he pointed it at the Senshi. "Thunder Bolt!" The arc
of electricity hit Sailor Venus, causing the Senshi to spasm as her
muscles involuntarily contracted.
Senshi. "Thunder -- Senshi. "Thunder (Extra space)
The other Senshi were likewise discomfited by other attacks, but
Sailor Mercury quickly managed to rise and summon a Shabon Spray to give
them some cover. Zeus's eyes narrowed. "Scatter!" he yelled, and his
wisdom was proven as a barrage of magical attacks strafed the Champions'
general vicinity.
Except for the fact that they weren't really a group -- they were
scattered about. So 'general vicinity' would be a radius around the
senshi, wouldn't it?
suggest:
general vicinity -- former locations (Though I think if you do that, you
remove the possesive from "Champions'".)
As though to answer the question, the Shrine's front wall burst
open, and Ares flew out of the new hole and into the ground.
Hmm. Interesting.
The wind roared, and Ares stumbled under the sudden force.
Distracted, he was unable to avoid Uranus's next blow, and he fell to
the roof, trying to ignore the line of pain down his leg. "That's the
way you want to play, Cyrene?" he asked, as he forced himself to his
feet, leaning on his blade. With a grunt he forced the blade into the
roof.
Where's all this wind coming from?
Ukia Shun: "Eh... sorry, just having a little fun!"
As his allies too forced their way out of their own battles and
assembled with him, Zeus cursed. "Where the hell is Ares?" he growled
as he noticed the once again missing Champion.
Toast, I imagine.
Ares rose from the pile of burning rubble, flaming sword in
hand. His eyes swept the rubble, searching for the form he knew had to
be there. When he found it, he kicked aside the burning beam that lay
atop Uranus, ignoring it as it landed and the flames spread.
Repetition, 'rubble'.
"Yes, you should have," Ares replied. "And I should have killed
you when I had the chance." Pain filled his eyes for a moment. "Maybe
Tamori would still be alive if I have."
I have." -- I had."
"At the Palace of Light," Uranus said suddenly, "after I left,
did the defenders...did they surrender or..."
defenders...did -- defenders... did (this is not, technically required.
However, should be, and you have earlier used elipses trailed with a space.)
Uranus opened her mouth, then shut it, indecision in her eyes.
After a moment, she spoke. "Then the Senshi will fight you." Her hands
were clenched white around the hilt of her sheathed blade. She did
not... could not trust Pluto, not after she had let Hotaru die, and it
was tempting to agree with the Champion, but she knew that Ares would
not settle for anything less than Pluto's death. Uranus would not allow
herself to become like she once was, willing to sacrifice others. She
would not be like Pluto.
That explains it. Quite nicely, in fact.
Ares nodded, as though he had expected no less. The sirens were
now directly outside the shrine, and it was obvious that the other
combatants were long ago fled. "Then we will finish this another day,
Haruka. I look forward to it."
Nicely written paragraph.
And in his chambers above, the former General stirred, his
dreams fading away with the pain in his shoulder. And as he rose and
opened his door, his Generals were waiting for him, with urgent news of
Scalae's assault. By the end of the day, Jadeite had marched south,
with all the troops he could gather. Scalae must have been behind the
magical surge, he was sure, and now she sought to force him to submit.
But he would bow to no one.
gather. Scalae -- gather. Scalae (Extra space -- just do global search
for three spaces and replace it with two. Repeat as neccessary. ;)
Aaugh....
You know, the saddest part is, so far in this story, I find Jadeite the
most sympathetic character.
That's kinda messed up on my part, but then, I'm wierd like that. :/
To the south, Scalae's forces marched to meet him, sure that
they would succeed where Mordrangar failed. After all, had their
mistress not sent Mordrangar fleeing north in the last war? That they
had fled south had been long forgotten. And at their head, Scalae
worried a nameless worry she could not allow herself to identify, for to
know it would be love it and worship it with all her being as she once
had before. And she would not allow herself to be bound again.
Why, oh WHY do I see her and Jadite uniting, when the Senshi and
Champions WON'T lay aside their differences? *sigh*
1) And... another one bites the dust. I'm hoping that Chapter 13 should
follow this in the near future, and 14 by the end of the year. (I
previously hoped to finish the story by then, but that seems a trifle
optimistic, barring an extremely productive winter break.)
2) As always, I offer praise and glory to my prereaders: Angus MacSpon,
Rebecca Nowack, and Chaeotica.
Thanks for additional helpful comments goes to: [Your name could be
here!]
And someday, it might!
3) As always, C&C, positive or negative, is deeply appreciated.
4) Previous chapters can be found at my website
(http://www.geocities.com/anowack/) or Fanfiction.Net (though the prior
is basically just direct links to the later at the moment).
All in all, either I was more deeply pulled in, or this chapter was
shorter than the last. I like it, and things are getting steadily worse,
but unmistakably coming to a head. I'm curious to see what happens next.