Subject: [FFML] [Ranma] [Lime/Lemon] Failed Experiments in Lemon Fiction
From: "Gary Ee" <garyee@mbox4.singnet.com.sg>
Date: 10/18/2002, 1:13 PM
To: "FFML" <ffml@anifics.com>
CC: "FFML 2" <ffml2@listbot.com>


Ranma 1/2 owned by Takahashi-sama and all those she leased the rights to. No
infringement is intended.

Based off the work of DB Sommers and the recent spate of Magical Girl Fics.


Failed Experiments in Lemon Fiction: A Ranma/Magical Girl Fic

Zantza was depressed. Well, it is rather difficult to be cheerful when one's
abode is the lake of molten fire where the Damned wailed endlessly so it
might be more accurately to say that he was more depressed than usual.

Zantza was a Demon of Lust and was well endowed for his duties. In his
Seducer form, he was a devastatingly gorgeous bishonen but it was his
Violator form that he was extremely proud of. Over eight feet of heavily
muscled flesh was topped with a phallus the length of a baseball bat and as
thick as a basketball. It made running rather difficult and jumping
downright dangerous but one could hardly please the ladies without the right
equipment. Foreplay was more than adequately served by numerous tentacles
and a prehensile tongue, the kind that could wrap twice around a woman's
waist before delving into her orifices. At the moment, this lean, mean rape
machine was engaged in an age-old ritual that was ubiquitous to Heaven, Hell
and all places in between.

Whining to his mother.

"But Mom, I don't *want* to travel to the mortal world to rape, violate and
ravage human females! I want to find a nice girl, settle down and raise a
brood of little demonlings."

Rosier sighed as she tried to talk some sense into her wayward child. "Yes
dear, we've had this argument before. You have to violate at least one woman
in order to qualify for your Demon License. No decent demoness would marry
someone without a license in *something*."

Rosier tuned out her son's rebuttal. It was always the same old thing.
Where, oh where did she go wrong? Instead of a ravenous sex-machine, her son
liked painting, star-gazing and writing love sonnets for some of the more
comely succubi. Some of them thought that it was sweet, a quality that you
rarely found in Hell, but all agreed that Zantza was not all right in the
head.

".........I want a tender, loving relationship before I commit the deed,"
rattled on Zantza.

Rosier decided that after nearly two hundreds of his waffling, she had
enough. It was inconceivable that she had given birth to such a *prude*.

"And you expect to do that how? Women tend to run screaming from your
Violator form and melt into puddles of ooze when confronted with your
Seducer form. You've been procrastinating forever and I've had enough! Go
out there and earn your license before I get your aunts to have their way
with you."

Zantza tried to suppress a shudder. His mother was bad enough but his aunts
were pure shrews. That and the thought of having copulation within the
family made his sick to his stomach.

Rosier's face softened a bit. "What would your dear, departed father say if
he could see you now?"

"Father's dead only because you tried to break the sex marathon record,"
muttered Zantza.

Before he knew it, he was being kicked out of a portal into the mortal world
with the fading words of his mother. "And don't come back until you get
some!" Hell has not fury like a woman scorned but a frustrated one comes
pretty darned close.

*****

Assuming his Seducer form to walk among mortals, Zantza was struck by the
difference between the mortal world and his home in Hell. The blue skies and
glorious sunsets spoke to the poet in him and the stars seemed to go on
forever. Kicking a can in sheer exasperation, Zantza once again bemoaned the
fate of a romantic soul born as a Lust Demon. Still he had to try, to make
his mother happy if nothing else. That or she'd club him over the head and
educate him herself. Some sick puppies out there might fantasize about doing
their own mothers but Zantza would rather not, thank you very much. Luck
seemed to be on his side when a cute girl jogged past him clad only in a
sweaty, clingy shirt and shorts.

Akane Tendo was quite nonplussed when a demon suddenly leapt in front of
her. It was easy to deal with perverts but when a demon turns up and
entangles you with his tentacles there was only one thing to do.

Zantza grinned sheepishly as the girl stopped struggling. "I'm sorry but I
have to violate you now."

Akane seethed for a second time before calling out, "Pervert Smashing Power!
Make Up!"

Zantza blinked and blinked again as the girl in his tentacles seemed to
undergo a sudden growth spurt. That and her transformation sequence left
little to the imagination. This had the effect of making him blush which
embarrassed him, making him blush even more.

"I must say, that cape is very fetching but shouldn't it reach at least to
your mid-back?"

<WHAM!> Magical Girl Skullcrusher wasted no time in living up to her name by
introducing her sledgehammer to the demon's cranium.

"Is it customary for mortal women to walk around heavily armed?"

<WHAM!>

"I seem to be developing something of a headache."

<WHAM!>

"Why is the world spinning?"

<WHAM!>

"What pretty stars."

<WHAM!>

"I.....think.........I.........need...........a...............nap...........
..."

With a ground-shaking thud, Zantza's comatose form fell to the ground
sporting a new array of interesting lumps and bruises.

*****

Nursing a ringing in his ears that he was sure would last for the next few
decades, Zantza decided for a less dangerous partner this time. He laid in
wait until he saw a suitable girl. Her half-lidded eyes made her look
nonchalant but Zantza was sure that she had repressed sexual desires just
lurking under her ice queen exterior.

Walking up to her in his human form, he started to exude animal magnetism.
Zantza was sure that the standard approach did not work for him. That whole
"jump on the woman and have your way while she screams" thing was just
against his sensibilities.

Nabiki's eyes widened a little as the bishonen slinked up to her and
suppressed a giggle. Instead of appearing sexy, he looked as if he were
suffering from spinal problems. "You're a Lust Demon aren't you," Nabiki
drawled tonelessly.

"How did you know?" Zantza was rather upset that she saw through his act so
quickly. He was proud of his thespian skills, granted that he was more of a
dramatic actor but to fare so poorly stung his pride.

"I've fought a few before." Nabiki shrugged, "there was this one last month
with the strangest green stripes on his, well, you know."

Zantza's eyes widened. "So that's what happened to Cousin Vinny! What did
you do to him?"

Nabiki seemed to get a slightly disturbing glint in her eyes. "I cut off his
sausage and stuffed it up his drainpipe."

Zantza was distraught, "Cousin Vinny wouldn't hurt a fly! He was just trying
to get by!" Well, usually he would be hesitant but family honor was a stake
here. No wonder Cousin Vinny jumped into the lava pits.

Nabiki remained unfazed as Zantza burst out of his skin and grew almost
three feet into his Violator form. Waving her hand dismissively Nabiki said,
"Queen Bitch Power, make up!"

Zantza was treated to another titillating transformation sequence. If
nothing, this trip was improving his knowledge of anatomy. He cringed as
Magical Princess Death Dominatrix swung her tire iron at his head. "I've
just met this madwoman with a sledgehammer that used my head for a baseball.
I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from hitting me in the skull."

"You've met my sister I see."

"She's your sister? There's not very much in way of family resemblance,
you're much prettier than she is."

"Thank you," Death Dominatrix said dryly and then clocked the Zantza under
the chin with her trusty tire iron. It was so convenient for her when he
just stood there when he talked.

Zantza found himself staring at the sky after another explosion of pain and
thought it better to remain on his back. Maybe the violent woman would go
away if he played dead. Then he heard the revving of a powerful engine.

Looking up from his prone position, he saw Death Dominatrix seated on a huge
bike that matched her seven-foot frame with spiked, flaming wheels. He only
had time to whimper before Nabiki ran him over with Satan's Harley.

*****

Perhaps if he went for the sweet, innocent kind he would be able to
accomplish his mission with far less trouble and bodily trauma. After all,
Zantza reasoned, there could hardly be more Magical Girls running around.
>From his understanding, they were supposedly a rare breed so it was just his
misfortune to run into two of them in a row. A cute little thing dressed in
lace and frills skated past him and Zantza decided to make his move.

He never even got to use his tentacles before he viewed the by-now familiar
transformation sequence. Visibly relieved that this one did not appear to be
armed, Zantza opened his mouth to reason with her a moment before she cried
out her attack phrase.

"Ultrakawaii Sugar Shock!"

Zantza screamed as the entire season of "Magical Girl Pretty Sammy"
compressed into a thirty second montage flashed through his brain. Little
wisps of smoke began pouring out of his ears as his higher functions melted
into mush. Seeing her enemy was down and had nothing cute on him at all,
Pretty Skater Azusa pouted and whizzed away in her search of all things
Kawaii.

*****

This time an athletic redhead was in his grasp. Zantza was so busy
apologizing that he missed out most of his victim's protests.

"I'm a guy idiot!"

Except that one.

"A man you say?" Zantza's tentacles tightened over her generous breasts
causing Ranma to gasp and stiffen suddenly. "What about these?"

"Ever heard of Jusenkyo?"

"The cursed springs? You mean you really are a man? I think I'm going to be
sick."

"Not on me you jerk!" Ranma shouted while he kicked the demon in the family
jewels. The fact that they were the size of footballs only made them better
targets.

Huddled in a simpering ball, Zantza reflected that the women here were just
like those back home. Except more vicious.

*****

Ukyo Kuonji had thought that had seen it all until a demon jumped down from
her awning. She also thought she had seen everything until the demon landed
on his copious genitalia. Cursing and swearing most uncouthly, Zantza rolled
on the floor and promised himself no more jumping in Violator form.

Ukyo looked down at the prone demon quizzically. She had read about such
things but this was new to her since she always thought that the people who
wrote those articles were probably just the victims of too much bad
okonomiyaki before bedtime.

"Does it hurt?"

"Abominably."

"What did you want with me?"

"Well, I thought that maybe I ought to just return to basics and er, would
you mind very much if I ravage you?"

"YES!"

"How about if I do it gently?"

"How do you ravage gently?"

"Good point but I think I could pull it off. So how about it?"

"No!"

"Pretty please?"

*CLANG**CLANG**CLANG**CLANG**CLANG**CLANG**CLANG**CLANG*

It must be noted that while Ukyo lacked Akane's raw power, she more than
made up for it with her skill in the spatula.

*****

The dejected Zantza sat in front of an S&M club holding up a little placard
that read "genuine demon of lust will rape and ravage for your pleasure". He
figured that if he had to ravish a woman, it might as well be someone who
wanted to be ravished. Still, all he got were giggles and a few compliments
for his "costume". Zantza hung his head low in resignation.

"Ara, ara," came a sweet voice.

His eyes nearly bugged out of his skull. Belldandy? Here?! He turned and
looked up and UP at a woman who might have been Belldandy.........if she had
been genetically crossed with Thor.

"Why do you look so sad Mr Demon?"

There was that sweet voice again. Although she was dressed indecently, had
muscles on her muscles and had a wickedly spiked tetsubo strapped across her
back, he could tell that she had a gentle soul underneath.

"You don't have any relatives by the name of Belldandy do you?"

"No, I'm Magical Girl Megadeath."

"You aren't going to kill me are you?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Well when you call yourself 'Megadeath' and walk around with a weapon
capable of inflicting grievous bodily harm, people presume that you have a
violent personality."

"Oh my, this is just a sideline for me. I'm really just a housewife."

And this was the start of a beautiful friendship.............






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