Oh, before we begin:
http://www.darwinawards.com/  <== The Darwin awards. ^_^

And I really REALLY wish I knew what happened to Mark Doherty.  I've sent him
an email or two praising his work, "I'm Here to Help," but he hasn't
responded.  I want to know how it ends, damnit! ^_^

Hmm. A few months and a bit of work brings us the third
part of a theoretical 4-5 part series.

You're doing better than I.  Then again, I've been creating websites
recently, and most of my free time has been going to that...and that evil
fusion of a game known as "Kingdom Hearts."  One should not have Donald Duck
in your Final Fantasy type party kicking ass...but it's so cool! ^_^

Only because people said they wanted it continued was
it continued... And this is the result.

^_^

	Funky mists swirled in the secret hideout of the Witches Won
and the Wizards Too. Doctor Dementoe plunked away on the horribly

%*Dead puppies aren't much fun...*%

That man had some really wacked songs on his show.

paleolithic Tandy 1 computer while listening to blues music with
some headphones while Professor Kalypsoe crashed on the ratted-up
sofa. The only Witch of the mercenary crew talked on the phone with
their boss.

	"WHADDAYAHMEANYADONWANTAUSEDAJADEMONKEY?!!?!?!" Subcomandante
Chidisyte screamed into the Deathbusters' telephone, nearly crushing
the reinforced carbon fiber receiver in her hand. "We went ta AWL
THAT trubble, n' NOW you sez you wanted da Holy Grail-Moon Chalice-
thingamahjiggar!"

<Dementoe> Ve shall have zat book Dr. Jones!

	Doctor Dementoe laughed quietly to himself as he examined the
data on the yellowing computer in front of him. He glanced at the
sixteen-year-old woman with pink hair that was his commander, then
noticed an odd buzzing in his head. "Zhee faeries are bak, it
zheems." He turned to the long-haired man lying on the couch. "Iz it
nut zho?"

<Soldier> They killed Fritz!  Those lousy stinking yellow faeries killed
Fritz!  Take that! *blam, blam*

	"Yeah, stupid fairies," Professor Kalypsoe groaned and turned
over, still trying to catch a few zees after not having slept a wink
in the past couple weeks. "Never let me get any rest." He held his
head. "@#$^#@ buzzing and your @^@#$^& Swiss accent..."

Surprsing he even hears anything if he hasn't slept that long.

	"Eet'z FRENCH!" Dementoe protested, his eyes aflame behind his
goggles.

	"Yeah, whatever. Pardon MY French, too, buddy."

Heheheheheh.  Reminds me of the Cleric in Neverwinter, "Oh, Pardon my
Elven."

	"I mean," Professor Tomoe replied on the fuzzy line, "that the
Jade Monkey does not have the right type or amount of energy that we
need to properly conduct Pharaoh Ninety to this world." He drew a
long breath. "Please try to understand, Chidisyte," he added in a
reasurring tone, "none of us knew that it wouldn't work. You and your
men did a wonderful job on getting us the Jade Monkey-"

	"Dern straightly!" Chidisyte agreed in her gruffly girly voice.
"We were up 'gainst a buncha animal-bred farces in some dumpy enemy
pizza-fact'ry! 'Lypsie nearly quit right then n' there!"

	Kalypsoe sneezed. Dementoe handed him a tissue. "Yehabddrah..."

	"So, you can appreciate our dire situation." Tomoe added with
a sigh. "Chidisyte, we need you and your men. If you can complete
just another couple missions for us, I can arrange to have a few
daimons created to place under your command for support in battle."

It's bad when you have to contract out to get Evil done.  ^^

	"Daymans?!" Chidisye screeched, bits of the phone falling out
from between her fingers. "Aye don't need none a' dat hokey-pokey
funky voo-doo junk! Me n' mah guyz can handle wotevah you wants us ta
due, right, boyz!?" She turned toward her companions.

	Kalypsoe snored while Dementoe shrugged.

A less than enthusistic response, but silence implies concent. ^-^

	The Subcomandante frowned, then turned her attention back to
the phone. "Well, we gotcha yah STUPID Jade Monkey, diddin'we?!"

	Professor Tomoe chuckled lightly. "That's the spirit, girl!"

	"So tell me wot'chew wants done, Doc!" Chidisyte blared,
enthusiastically munching on a chilled carrot stick. "We c'n take
it!"

Yeah!  That's who they need to contract out to!  Bugs Bunny!  Though...even if
he decides to help the bad guys, there's no telling what horrible fate will
befall them in the accomplishment of their goals.

Worst part about it is, they'll still be alive after the fact.

	"I want you to find those of pure heart to bring in so we can
drain their lifeforce, thereby allowing us to spawn daimons."

	"Wot issit wit'chew n' yer daymans anyway, Doc?"

	"We will need them to search for the Talismans and thereby
enable us to summon the Chalice."

	"N' then let us call that Egyptian-dress-weirdo, Pharaoh
Nightie," Chidisyte completed the professor's thought. "Yeah, I
got'cha." She ran her fingers through her short, wavy hair. "So,
like, do we get paid on cummisshun 'er somethin' like that?"

	"If you can get me someone with a pure heart, I will gladly see
to it that you are paid well. Very well indeed! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
Tomoe laughed again, long and hard. "BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

	Chidisyte frowned and held the phone away at arm's length while
her current employer continued to chuckly evilly and maniacally.
After eight seconds of this, she raised an eyebrow.

20.  Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in
maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected
developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

	"Hey, could you tell that jerk to shut up?!" Professor Kalypsoe
shouted, grabbing the girl's arm and pushing the phone away from his
ear.

	Chidisyte hung up the cracked receiver and turned to her
companions. "Hey! I got some good news fer us awl! We're gonna get
anudder pay check from Tomoe if we c'n get SOME-one wit'a pure heart
that we can drag in and have 'em drain."

	"Exzelendt!" Doctor Dementoe exclaimed, adjusting his dark
goggles.

	Kalypsoe turned his head. "Hmmm. Coolness." He snatched a
blanket and twirled it around his face.

Bill and Ted? ^_^

	Chidistyte jumped up and kicked over the couch, sending it
and the professor flying across the metal-strewn room. Kalypsoe
slammed up against the opposite wall, upside-down with his arms
and legs splayed, screaming in surprise, "WHOOOOOAAA!!!"

	Chidisyte grabbed her drowsy subordinate as he slid to the
floor and lifted him up by the back of his collar before tossing him
in front of the lockers. "C'mon, 'Lypsie! This ain't the time ta be
fallin' asleep! We got work ta do!"

	Whistling calmly, Doctor Dementoe saved his data, waited a
couple of minutes for the little light to go off on the 8-inch
floppy drive, then switched off his computer. He hobbled over to

Oh man.  Those are some bad memories.  Like the 5 Meg Harddrives bigger than
modern computers AND their monitors.  What's worse is I seem to recall those
were still IDE standard. ^^  You could probably connect one to a modern
computer.

grab his eight-million-volt cattle prod, yanking the cord out of
its high-yield socket.

	Chidisyte cartwheeled over to her locker, disabled the blinking
security device, and turned the dial. "Six, thurtein, fortie-too."

Not really secure if you keep yelling out the combo though. ^^

	*Click!* The metal door swung open and the girl put away her
white labcoat, showing off her bright red spandex outfit underneath,
then grabbed one of her ultra-high-caliber gatling guns. She paused
in thought for a little while, then snatched a couple chains of
special, non-lethal rubber ammunition before closing the large
storage unit. "Yeah, the Doc wants 'em alive."

They ever heard of tranqulizers? ^^

	"Jhow mennie do vhee needt tu capdture?" Dementoe asked.

	"Eh," Chidisyte shrugged, "he just wanted someone with a pure
heart. Do we know anyone like that?"

	The three Deathbusters looked at each other for a while.

	"Like, Madonna?" Kalypsoe suggested.

	Dementoe scratched his head. "Zherrie Lewiss?"

Weird Al!

	"Naaaaah," Subcomandante Chidisyte said, dismissing the others'
suggestions with a wave of her hand, "wot we need is someone with,
like, a -really- pure heart."

Brittney Spears? ^_-

	"I met this nice girl in Elementary School," Kalypsoe
whispered, looking up and putting a hand to his chin, "I thought she
was kind of pure."

	"Do jhuu rrrrremember vhere she lives?" Dementoe asked.

	"All I remember is the name I called her," Kalypsoe admitted,
brushing a lock of hair out of his eyes, "which was Chibi-Susa.
She had an attitude and a grip like no one else."

	Dementoe looked at Chidisyte. "Iz not your name truly Azusa,
Subcomandante? Did you not also attendt zhee elementarie zchool
vhith zhis mhan?"

	"Heh," Professor Kalypsoe laughed while nodding. "Yeah, she
shure did. I was in sixth n' she was in first. She had, like, this
MAJOR crush on me."

	*PANG!* Subcomandante Chidisyte clocked him up the side of
the head with her chain of copper casings, sending him reeling
backward against a huge stack of LPs. "Did not, now quit sayin' I wuz
pure!" she yelled, her eyes welded shut with the hint of a blush

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAH!!!

appearing in her cheeks while trying her best to repress a smile.
"I wuz not!"

	"Dudette... Like, I stand corrected," Kalypsoe muttered.

	The young woman with pink hair casually slung her ammo back
over her shoulder and asked, "So really, who's it gonna be that we
try to take in fer Tomoe?"

	Kalypsoe and Dementoe looked at each other, then faced the
pink-haired young woman. "Keiichi Morisato?" they asked in unison.

	Subcomandante Chidisyte folded her arms and nodded. "Yeah!
We'z gonna go over to his place, blast those chicks he's got hangin'
around n' raid that temple he's got. Then we'll bring 'em in fer sum
lab x'periments. Sound like fun to y'all?"

I would pay a candy bar or two to see them try that. ^_^  Though I imagine
the idea of Skuld working on the Daimon maker, and my mind just does a "Awe
Hell nah!  No way we're even GOING there," on me.

	"Yeh," Kalypsoe agreed.

	"Vhat are vhee vaiting fhor?" Dementoe asked, motioning toward
the door. "Vhee've gut bills to pay!"

	"Ain't dat da truth?" Chidisyte laughed.

	Professor Kalypsoe yawned and slumped back onto the overturned
couch. Moments later he was asleep again.

	Chidisyte slapped her forehead. "Hey! Wake up, Lypsie!" She
walked over and picked him up by the shirt with one hand and started
to shake him around violently. "HEY! Darkylocks! Get'cher hiney in
gear n' get up here right now!" She shook him around some more. "Quit
countin' sheep, maaan! Way-kuuuup!"

	*KERACK!* Suddenly, one of Professor Kalypsoe's shoulders popped
out of its socket from the force of the girl's hold.

Ack!

o_O

	"Please wake up, Chibiusa-chan," the elementary school teacher
whispered, gently shaking the quietly snoozing girl.

	"Huh? Whaaaat?" the little girl with a puffy pink cotton-candy
hairstyle asked sleepily, glancing around, her head still resting on
her arms on the top of the small desk.

Heh, hope no else falls asleep near her and has dreams of going to the fair.
^_^

<Chibi> uhh...what...gah!  Quit eating my hair!
<sleeping Kid> Mmmm...yummy strawberry...

	The little boys and girls around her giggled mockingly.

	The teacher sighed sadly at the student. Falling asleep in the
middle of her explanation was very bad form indeed. She didn't want
to be mean, but as a good instructor, she should at least try to
teach the new girl a little lesson about paying attention in class.
"Tsukino-san, I was asking you to solve a problem for the class."

	Chibiusa blinked. "You were?" She paused, rubbing her eyes.
"Uhh, I was listening. Just resting my eyes. Really."

	"Really?"

	"Well, no. Actually, I conked out. Don't ask me why. I like how
you're teaching--I don't know what happened. But I was paying
attention to everything else."

	The teacher nodded and started to scribble a few things on the
board. Calling upon the courses required for her teaching degree and
certification, she wrote up a moderately difficult calculus problem.
"If you were listening, you should be able to solve this and explain
how."

	"Oooooooh!" The class collectively grinned at the plight of the
transfer student.

	Chibiusa stood, straightening out her yellow tee-shirt and
orange bib-overall-dress, and swaggered confidently over to the
chalkboard. She stretched out her arms, grabbed a piece of chalk and
started going through all the steps.

	Four minutes and half a chalkboard of scribbling later, the
girl smiled and nodded to herself. "The answer is," she breathed.

	"Yes?" the teacher asked.

	"Is..."

	"Umm-hmm?"

	"Fourty-two!" Chibiusa finished dramatically, drawing a box
around her answer with four quick strokes. She turned around to
fold her arms and grin at the class.

But what was the question? ^_-

	"Oooh, very impressive," the teacher complimented the girl's
work, lightly patting her on the back, "but you've forgotten
something very important."

	Chibiusa frowned and looked back at the chalkboard, examining
her work in detail. "Integrate with respect to ex under a closed
interval... one to seven... ex squared over six... adding it all
up... Integrating with respect to why... adding all that in..." She
looked back up at the teacher. "Yup! It's fourty-two."

And no one asked how a six or seven-year-old was able to solve a moderately
difficult calculus eqation. ^^

	"Think harder," the teacher urged. "It's right under your nose."

	Chibiusa hunkered down, deep in thought.

	"Waaaaait," the girl finally said, narrowing her eyes as she
suddenly recognized the paradox. "This isn't a math class! It's a
SCULPTING class!!!"

It's always the obvious stuff.

	The teacher politely applauded and smiled. "So glad you've
noticed." She laughed pleasantly to herself at the girl's expense.
"Are you ready to pay attention now?"

	The whole room burst into laughter.

	The girl bowed her head and grabbed her forehead as if someone
had just shouted at her. "Uhhh, yeah, sure..." She stumbled back over
to her desk, beet red with embarrassment.

^_^

	"I can't believe you signed us up for this #$^@#^ sculpting
class!" Jason screamed at Ben in annoyance as he floated along in
Chibiusa's mental ether. "We're @$^#$&#$ SUPPOSED to be finding a
way outta here, REMEMBER?!"

	"Hey!" Ben replied. "I gotta broaden my horizons, don't I?"

	"Heh. Why don't you @^&@%@$!!$@#?@#$^@^@^n&% go 'broaden your
horizons' looking for the exit function or maybe those @#$^@#^!@%$
Otakufic features you were bragging to me about?!"

	"I wasn't bragging. And that's no fun. That'd be cheating!"

	"I WANT those features, Ben!!!"

<Ben> Alright, press Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start.
<Jason> Hey!  Thanks!
<Ben> Wonder when he'll figure it out.

	"Cheating takes the flavor out of things."

	"So?! Give 'em to me! Now!!!"

	Something suddenly occurred to Ben. "Wait a second, weren't
you that one guy who spent ten thousand dollars on an ICE hardware
debugger to hack the latest Unreal Online Tournament to give yourself
unlimited ammo?"

Unlimited ammo!  Because reloading takes too long!

	"No," Jason replied, "but whoever he was, he sure had the
right idea! We're gonna need a lot more firepower than this kid's
dinky 'Pink Sugar' thingy. A whole @#!%!@# of a ton more!"

You can never have enough boom-booms. ^_^

	"Jason, aren't we supposed to be having fun with this?"

	"Are YOU having fun yet???"

	"Well, I, ummm..."

	Chibiusa listened with chagrin to the inner conversation.

	"There, now you go dig those @#$^!#!$>!!<!%* up."

those should probably be 'that' when using such explitives.  As in "now you
go dig that fucking shit up!" unless he said something else like "those
fucking features."  *sigh* There is just something odd about describing the
proper usage of explitives when, as they are expletives, don't even have
proper verbage. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

	"All right, all right, I'll look it up and try to remember."

	Jason chuckled in anticipation. "What kind of stuff could we
get?"

	"Well," Ben replied silently, grabbing a hunk of clay and
beginning to mold it to his chosen form. "It had an invincibility

God Mode. ^_^

option, a users' choice of controllable Jusenkyou curses;
shapeshifting and another option to power up any character to
their maximum level: give 'em any training and all the magical

A Super Saiyan (or Ultra Human in this case I think would be more
appropriate) Chibi Usa kinda scares me.

or technological upgrades they could possibly get."

	"Hey, that could've been helpful. What else?"

	"It was supposed to have this way to amplify any character's
strength and power up to a hundred times on top of their maxed-out
status. Then there was this thing that they had in alpha testing for
copying attacks from other series just by calling out its name."

The anime "Bastard" has some seriously kick ass spells. ^_^

	"You mean, like, casting the Dragon Slave just by saying it?"

	"Yyyyyeah, probably. That's what it said."

	"So what's the catch? It'd be great! I even know the words."

	"I didn't see the part that told how to enable the cheat
functions."

<Jason> *hitting his head on a wall* *thunk, thunk, thunk*!

	"But you can find out, right, Ben?"

	"Umm..."

	"RIGHT, -BEN-?!"

	"I doubt it. The documentation's on my computer back home. I
only glanced through it once."

	"..." Jason didn't respond at first, but instead seemed to be
suppressing a long string of obscenities. "!@#%@%@!%#@#%@%@%#@#!!!
Okay... Okaaaaay. I guess I've gotten used to that from you. But try
to figure out how to get all that, okay?!"

	"I'll do all I can," Ben started to agree, then paused in
thought, putting Chibiusa's fists on the girl's hips. "Hey, whose
trip is this anyway?"

	"Mine."

	"Since when?!"

	"I'm taking command, as of last week."

	"But!"

	"Would you two please be quiet?!" the disembodied Chibiusa
cried. "I'm enjoying this! I like sculpting." She would have sighed
if she were in control. "I just wish Hotaru-chan could have come."

	"She goes to Mugen Gakuen," Ben noted in thought as the clay
began to take shape under Chibiusa's fingers. It was starting to look
a bit like a charicature of a seal. "She's too busy to take these
sorts of things on the side."

Just out of curiosity, where did you find out the name of the school she
goes to?  I don't recall any mention of the exact name anywhere.  Then
again, if they did mention it in the anime I probably wasn't paying very
much attention to that. ^^

	"Maybe we can go see her later," Chibiusa suggested. "I like
her. She's nice."

	"Me too. Ben, we're going to see Hotaru afterwards!"

	"Waiwai!" exclaimed Chibiusa.

Gah!  ^_^

	"How about after going 'home' and having lunch?" Ben asked, as
Chibiusa's tummy rumbled. "The spore's getting hungry."

	"Who're you calling a spore?!" Chibiusa whined.

	"It's a term of endearment," Jason flatly lied. "Like, oh, what
a cute little spore!"

	"Or," Ben added enthusiastically, "there's a pink spore at the
door. Should we let her in, or leave her to sprout on the mat?"

There's been more Chibi Usa bashing in this fic than I've seen just about
anywhere, both subtle and blatent.  It probably deserves some sort of
reward, but then I think bashing Usa is a reward in and of itself. ^_-

	"Oh, okay, I get it now," Chibiusa replied with a high level of
feigned comprehension.

I wonder what she'd do if she knew the prevailing opinion (at least the
opinions I've heard anyway) of the fandom at large, concerning her. ^^

<snip>

	"That's Usagi, taking a bath or whatever it is Japanese
people do in the tub or furo or whatever," Ben noted. "Chibiusa
takes baths with her on a regular basis."

	Jason shot Chibiusa's eyes open. "What?!"

Either way, there isn't much to look at...though what you did see might make
looking upon Cthulhu merciful. Heh.

	"What?!" Chibiusa sputtered as her consciousness came into
focus, then took decisive action.

	*BZZRT!* The girl took over, and instantly got red-faced.
"Um, you guys? I can't have you hang around while we take our
baths!"

	"I'm doomed," Jason moaned as the horror of the situation
settled in. "Some things I don't want to have to see..."

	"We could do the mental equivalent of rolling our eyes and
try to block out all sensory perception," Ben suggested.

	"Why couldn't you have gotten me into Ryouga?!" Jason lamented.
"I could've been in bed with Akane right about now!"

I'm more of an Ukyou fan myself.  It's the long hair and the times when she
doesn't bind her breasts to her body.  She's not overly developed, but damn
if she's not built like a brick shit-house...with not one brick out of
place. ^_^

	Chibiusa did a mental double-take and blinked several times
while her groggy body adjusted to the idea of being awake again.
"Wha...?"

	*BZZRT!* Jason took control again. "All right, then, there's
only one thing to do." He rolled out of bed, took a deep breath,
stumbled from the headrush, and trudged toward the door. He turned
aside, and...

	*WHAM!!!* With Chibiusa's head imbedded deeply into the wall,
Jason lost consciousness, leaving Ben in control.

AWESOME! ^_^

	"YOW!" Ben yelped. He yanked the child's face out of the
impression and sat down, panting heavily. "Now that you mention it,"
he said after a moment, "that's not such a bad idea!"

	Chibiusa realized what was going on. "No, don't--"

	*THWACK!!!* This time, the girl's head broke through the
sheet rock and hit hard against the supports beneath.

	"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Chibiusa cried as she slipped back into
control of her body. "That hurt, you two!"

	The lack of response inside her cranium alerted her to the
fact that she was, for the moment, alone.

	"Hey," Chibiusa whispered, "that worked!"

	Usagi walked in, wearing a bathrobe. Her jaw dropped at the
scene before her. "Umm, Chibiusa? Why is your head stuck in the
wall?!"

	"I, uh, tripped?" The little girl tried to pull her head out,
but did not succeed. "Can you help me please, Usagi?"

And DB was right...this would work on her. ^^

~/Recap

	"We get to bash her head in every single morning!" Jason said.
"What could be better than that?"

He's got a point.  That's gotta rank up there in the list of things to do in
the Sailor Moon anime. ^_^

	"You guys had better be joking," Chibiusa muttered.

And he was right here too.  At this point you almost feel sorry for
Chibiusa.

Almost. ^_^

	"Maybe a meditation technique would be less painful for the
poor girl?" Ben suggested while he scraped some additional details
into his clay creation. Michiru walked in from the painting studio
next door and started to wash out a small plastic water tub at the
sink in the back.

	Ben smiled with Chibiusa's little mouth and waved at the aqua-
haired woman in the light-blue dress. "Hi, Michiru!"

I recall this dress.  She looked quite lovely in it.

	Almost startled, Michiru turned her head around to look at
the tri-minded individual. "Ah, hello, Chibiusa-chan," she said
calmly, but cautiously, then continued working on her task. She
glanced back suspiciously several times before walking out.

	"Ben, she doesn't know that we know that she's Sailor Neptune,"
Jason warned. "Let's keep it that way for now. We need every
advantage we can get. Especially since I let them know that we know
where the talismans are."

	"Well," Ben replied silently, "we've already got a pretty big
advantage. We -do- know just about everything that's going to happen
in this series, barring any major changes we're about to inflict."

Heh, and no telling what that sort of interference might cause.

	"Oh yeah, you know everything that's going to happen, don't
you?" Chibiusa said. After a moment's thought she urgently added,
"Nothing's gonna happen to Hotaru-chan, is it?"

	"No," Jason replied, "not if I've got anything to say about
it." He paused. "Heh, not if BEN quits making all these detours along
the way."

	"It was Chibiusa's idea," Ben replied, examining the clay he'd
been molding. "Ah," he said aloud, tilting up the tray so he could
get a better view, "an ArbyFish!"

What would really scar the kids for life is if it came to life and they
started talking with it in the heavily accented English the Arby talks in.

	"That's very good," a nine-year-old boy standing next to them
commented. Ben faced him.

	Chibiusa noticed that the boy had dark brown hair and wore
jeans and a white shirt. "Oooh! He's cute!"

I seem to recall at this point Michiru getting the evil eye from Usa here
for 'hitting on her man' or something of that nature, but then they already
drove Michiru off.

	"Shh," Ben replied quietly, then to the boy he added in a
cockney accent, "'Ello. 'Ow are you?"

For example. ^_^

	"What is it supposed to be?" the boy asked, then snapped his
fingers in realization. "I know! A seal, right?"

	*BZZRRRT!* Chibiusa suddenly took control. Smiling dreamily,
she replied aloud, "Yeah, that's right. I'm Chibiusa. What's your
name?"

Yet instead she attracts the interest of an ancient Pegasus called Ellios.
And six fully developed, EXCEEDINGLY hot women go boyfriendless.  There is
no justice in Sailor Moon.

Then again, like I said before, there was a rather unsatisfying explanation
of this in Stars as voiced by Rei.  Or perhaps not unsatisfying, but
certainly fucked up in the extremest sense of the phrase.

	"Tsuzuki Masanori," the boy replied with a slight bow.

	"Hey!" Ben protested. "It's not a seal, Chibiusa! It's an
ArbyFish!"

	"Shh!" Chibiusa said under her breath.

	"Heh," Jason chuckled, "she sure told you off."

	If Ben could have found an image of Jason, he would have glared
at it. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

Ah, but think of the ways they can bombard each other with images of one
choking the other. ^_^

	Masanori looked at the seal-like creature in the tray. "You
know, if it's a seal, then its snout could use a little more clay
here," he modified the sculpture's nose, "and its flippers would be
a lot better like this," he further modified the clay creation.

	"Hey!" Ben nearly shouted. "He messed it up!"

	Blushing slightly, Chibiusa watched the boy work.

	"There," Masanori said, taking a step back, "now it looks more
like a cute little seal."

<Seal> Kill me.

^_-

	"You're right!" Chibiusa exclaimed. "You're great, Masanori-
kun!"

	The boy laughed nervously with a hand behind his head. "Oh, it
was nothing."

	"Yeeech!" Ben mentally spat. "Arby's turning over in his
'shroom-infested grave, he is!"

Or he would be if he wasn't congeled.  Or alive again in this case. Heh.

	Jason chuckled malevolently. "Well, you can at least take
comfort in the fact that he's gonna be the Deathbusters' next
victim."

	Ben examined Masanori's appearance and recalled the episode
in question. "Hey, yeah, he is. The clay-whiz-guy that gets his
pure heart ripped out..."

This magical girl anime is too optimistic.  The amount of people the various
enemies
find to rip their pure whatever's out is far too high.

	*BZZRT!* Ben took control and said, "So why wait?" He reached
up in an attempt to grab Masanori by the neck with both tiny hands.
"He must pay..."

It's too bad people like this don't exist in such animes. Aside from the
comic potential, there are times when it would be really satisfying to see
this happening.

	"Hey! Stop that!" the disembodied Chibiusa shouted.

	*BZZRT!* Jason took control and said to Masanori, "Yeah, that's
good, but we're trying to improve -my- work, not yours. Thanks for
the help, but I think I should handle this one on my own."

Oh damn!  Crash and burned kid. ^_^  Well, kinda.

	"Oh!" the boy laughed nervously again, scratching the back of
his neck. "That's right, isn't it? Sorry about that. Just trying to
be courteous and all that, you know."

	"Of course," Jason added cooly, keeping Chibiusa's expression
neutral, inwardly twitching.

	Hesitating a couple of times, as if feeling a thread of Destiny
suddenly tearing loose and thwapping him in the face, Masanori
focused back on his own sculpture.

Heheheheheh

	"..." Ben steamed slowly.

	Jason quickly undid some of Masanori's modifications on Ben's
clay sculpture. "Heh. You gotta watch that temper, Ben," he whispered
calmly, smiling to himself.

	"What'cha have to go and do that for?" Chibiusa whined. "I
wanted to get to know him better. I'm trying to make friends!"

	"It's a matter of interstellar security," Jason flatly lied.
"But seriously, Ben. You need to watch your mouth around here. Any
action you might take could, like, seriously undermine our plan for
getting out of here." He redid the outlines and other details on
the ArbyFish. It was actually starting to look like it might leap
up and start going off on a rant about mushrooms any second now.

Surprising it doesn't.

	"Interstellar security," Chibiusa muttered to herself. "So
Masanori-kun is a criminal from another galaxy?"

	"Something like that," Jason replied, "but he's out of our
jurisdiction." Chuckling to himself, he turned his thoughts to Ben.
"There, your sculpture's all better now. Heh, don't cry."

	"..." Ben's three dots spoke a million paragraphs of annoyance.

	"My advice," the Florida-dweller continued, "is that you stay
out of this and let me handle the action. You'll just end up
embarrassing yourself or get upset and snap at people when things
don't go your way--"

I'm sensing a certain doom coming...

	*Crash!* Some boy slipped on a piece of wet clay, accidentally
throwing a very heavy metal tray full of clay into the air, which
promptly dropped its center of gravity directly onto Chibiusa's right
foot.

	"@#$^#$&@#$&@#^&@^!!!" Jason yelled and grimaced in pain. He
pulled Chibiusa's foot out from under the pile of materials and
hopped around on one foot while holding the other. "WOULD YOU !@$!@#%
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE !@@#^^&@^&@ GOING, YOU @#$^#&@^#^&@@#^%@!##$ KID!"

Heh, for example. ^_^

	"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" the poor boy pleaded, scooping up his
dropped materials in much the manner a tormented serf would clean up
a broken glass dish.

	"Err, Chibiusa-san?" the teacher began uneasily, visibly taken
aback. "What happened? Did the tray fall on you?"

	"YES, YOU @$#^@$&#&#@$*#**##*!!!" Jason cursed long and loudly,
gripping the window sill and kicking the wall several times with all
his might as the entire classroom watched in shock. "THAT !@#%@^?@#^
HURTS, YOU @#^%@$&^@$&@$& KNOW!!! !@!%!@#^!@#^!^#@^$#%*#$%*%$^!!!"

	"A closed mouth gathers no foot," Ben quoted sagely, not
without a great deal of satisfaction.

Worthy of Minako if it didn't make as much sense as it did.

	"Shut up!" Jason shouted in agony, grinding his teeth and
rubbing Chibiusa's small toes against the inside of her shoe, trying
to deaden the nerve endings. "&&@#%#&$%!!&^#$%($*^#&^$##!$@#$@#$&!!!"

Too bad doing that hurts worse than the initial injury.

	"Ooooh," Ben laughed, "scary."

	Chibiusa wanted to tell Jason in an equally powerful fashion to
watch his mouth, but soon discovered to her horror that her small
vocabulary was insufficient to combat his colorful, extense and
experienced dictionary of obscenities.

Imagine if he knew Klingon. ^_^

	"His father and grandfather were sailors," Ben explained. "What
were yours?"

	"My mommy was a Sailor," Chibiusa replied. "She never said

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

anything like that." She thought about that. "Well, only that one
time when I was hugging Mamoru a while back."

I don't mean to say anything, but if Usagi was jealous of a girl as young as
this, she has some serious issues...not that she didn't have any already....

I mean the fact that Mamorou was dating Rei before Usagi should really raise
some alarm bells in the jealousy department (or the seriously warped
relationships department).  How did they resolve that?  I don't recall if
they did or just ignored the potential problem.

	Wincing from the outburst, the teacher rushed over to the pink-
haired girl and took her by the shoulders, ushering her out of the
room. "It's okay! We'll get you to the nurse and have that taken care
of. Just stop swearing already!"

	"@#%#$%&#%$^&#$&#$%@!!!"

^_^;;;

	"They did -WHAT-?!" Professor Tomoe asked over the phone.

<Eudial>  Fell into the springs.  Terribly tragic story, really.

	Eudial of the Witches Five sighed, leaning against the edge of
her computer desk, and started to explain it as best she could. "They
totaled the van." She typed in a few things. "They sent some sort of
midgit ninja to take it, ran over the daimon, and crashed it into a
pole at high speed."

Close enough. ^_^

	"Midgit ninja?" Tomoe echoed darkly.

	"All right," Eudial stated, "it was a nine year old girl with
strange hair. She and an accomplice crashed my vehicle."

She's that old?  She seemed a bit underdeveloped for nine.

	"Have you discovered who they are?"

	"I didn't see who was helping her, but there's something odd
about the girl that was driving." Eudial looked up at the computer
screen and typed in a few more things. "I can't seem get a match on
her. I saw her when she got out of the van and I have a very good
memory. She simply is not in any of my databases. It's like she
appeared out of nowhere!"

I take it her databases consist of whatever information is in the national
databases, including but not limited to:  birth cirtificates, crimial
records, drivers liscenses, and the like?

	"I see..."

	"She's probably one of the Sailor Senshi. I'll try to find out
a bit more, but in the meantime, I have a favor to ask."

	"What is it?"

	"Could you lend me another car, preferably one with better
security features than the last?"

	There was a long pause. "Very well, but..."

	"What?"

	"Did you leave anything in the van that could be traced back
to us? The license plate? The registration?"

Hey, good thinking on his part. ^_^

	"No, nothing," Eudial said, but after another moment's thought
slapped her forehead, cursing under her breath.

	"Did you forget something, Eudial?"

	Eudial quickly regained her composure. "Ahh, nothing whatever,
Professor. Nothing at all."

	"Good. Come down to the lab when you are ready. I want to show
you something."

I won't make that joke. ^_^  You can't make me!  Damnit...I won't make it...

	Eudial nodded. "Of course, Professor." She put down the phone
and buried her face in her hands in frustration. "My drivers'
license!"

And that is more than they need.

^_^

	Haruka met Michiru outside the school building.

	"So," the blonde began as the shorter woman approached, "what
do you think about the little girl?"

	Michiru backed up against the wall, then lowered her eyes and
shook her head. "There is definitely something very strange about
this 'Chibiusa.'"

	"-I- could've told you that," Haruka replied, grinning
slightly.

	"She goes through these horrible mood swings." Michiru looked
serious. "But it seems like it's more than that. It's unnatural,
and very unnerving, like she were possessed or something."

Technically that's a very good description of what's going on.

	Haruka nodded. "Yeah, I guess I can see that, too." She
shrugged. "Even though she's so young, we have to consider the
possibility that she could be with the enemy."

They have GOT to work on that one track mind of theirs. ^^

	Michiru sighed sadly. "I certainly hope not. Many sacrifices
have already been made, but to have to get rid of a child as well..."

<Megatron> Beware Starscream.  If you succeed in disposing of me, just
remember there will always be someone waiting to dispose of you.

Then she remembered the art class. "But something is definitely wrong
with her."

	"Where did she learn that kind of language, anyway?"

<Michiru> Cable TV and viloent video games, most likely.

	"I have -no- idea. On the other hand, if she does know where
the talismans are and can guide us to them, then we should be able to
minimize any other kinds of losses." She looked up at the other
woman. "Did you get a chance to check up on our 'friend,' Eudial?"

	Haruka chuckled a little when she took out the license and
looked at the prized piece of laminated plastic. The photograph
had a bad picture of a moderately attractive redheaded woman with

Dark Schneider from the anime/manga "Bastard" had that right idea.  Have sex
with the women bad guys until they can take no more, and you generally solve
any tendencies they have toward death and destruction.  That man has a list
a mile long of such women he's taken care of in that fasion.

That probably would have worked wonders for the Death Busters here, and just
about every other enemy the Senshi fought now that I think about it. ^^

Guess Mamorou wasn't near good enough in that department for Berryl. ^^;;;

red eyes. She looked over at her companion. "I went by her
apartment."

	"Was she there?"

	"No."

	"Did you find anything unusual?"

	"Other than the fact that she sleeps in a queen-sized bed and
has a very limited wardrobe?" Haruka shook her head. "Not really.
Her neighbors didn't seem to know much about her, either."

	Michiru nodded. "We can pay her a real visit later. For now
it's more important that we find out where the talismans are."

	"On the other hand," Haruka considered, "it might be useful to
know where the Deathbusters are hiding. If we could capture Eudial,
that would help. But how?"

	"Hmm... I have an idea."

Heheheheheheh.  Famous last words. ^_^

^_^

	The five sets of shoes left near the entrance of the Tsukino
household bore testament to the fact that Usagi had visitors.

	Also, since Usagi was hunting through the kitchen in search
of food, her visitors were apparently quite hungry, as well.

	"Isn't there -anything- left?" the blonde mused while going
through an in-depth search of a cupboard. Finding nothing that
she could use, she moved on to the refrigerator. There were some

Too bad the cuboards had things like canned soup and instant Ramen, but the
qualifier was anything she could use.

vegetables in it, but not much else. Usagi sighed in worry. "Come
on! Why couldn't there be at least -something- around here?"

	Then, the girl discovered that the oven was hot, and full of
a large pan of fried chicken. "Ah!" she said. "Here it is! Looks
good, too."

...

	"Here you are, everyone!" Usagi announced to the two cats and
the other four girls in the room as she placed the pan of chicken
on the table in front of them. "Help yourselves!"

They are growing girls after all.

	Luna sat up in surprise. "Where did you get that chicken from?"

	Artemis looked at the food with his eyes full of fear. "I hope
YOU didn't make it, Usagi..."

	"It was in the oven," Usagi beamed, holding up a saucy wing.
"I think Mom made it for us."

That's one of the first rules.  All unattended food is fair game and will be
scavenged.

	"Ah, good," Rei sighed in relief, "then there's no problem in
eating it."

	Beside Rei, Makoto developed a large drop of sweat on her brow
and edged away from the black-haired girl.

Oi?  Why'd she do that?

	Ami clapped her hands together in joy. "Right. We don't want
to get food poisoning before taking the exams, do we?"

Narrowly avoided getting food poisoning once.  A few friends of mine on the
ship were not so lucky.  I recall quite clearly a couple of them praying for
death...and they were serious.  Fortunately I had a sandwich that night
instead of the Corned Beaf, that was some serious pain they went through.

	Minako nodded in agreement.

	Usagi, noting the cynicism, looked at her friends and asked,
"Hey, what do you mean by that...?" She held up the serving fork
menacingly.

Isn't she the kind of person you keep knives and stuff as far away from as
possible? ^^

	"Uhhh, nothing! Nothing," Makoto said, picking up a few pieces
of chicken and handing them to the others near her. "Here, here,
and here."

	Once everyone got a leg, a wing, a thigh or a breast, they
started eating.

	Minako discovered that she enjoyed the flavor, though it tasted
a little different than normal meals or even Kentucky Fried Chicken.
"Wow, run and run away," she quoted, "you'll never catch the chicken
man, huh?"

	"Minako," Makoto said between bites, "I think your sense of
humor is running low these days..."

Or it's run so far, that out there doesn't begin to describe it. Heh.

	Rei nodded in agreement, and Usagi added, "True, true..."

	Suddenly, there was a quick knock at the door, and in the next
instant, Chibiusa took a step inside.

	"Hey," the little girl said, "anybody seen the chicken I was
keeping warm in the oven?"

And a tumbleweed flys by. ^_^

	Everyone froze in shock and looked down at the mostly-devoured
meal of fowl. "Errrrrrrrrrrr, uhhhhhh," everyone stuttered with their
eyes wide.

	After a tense moment, the puffy-pink-haired girl tilted her
head and asked. "Did you know you're eating my famous hand-made
Beer-Can Chicken?"

Hey, it's how we grill just about anything whenever anyone has a BBQ in the
apartment complex.  Marinade it for a couple days in lemon juice and garlic,
then as you're grilling dump liberal amounts of beer on it.  Good stuff!

	"S-so," Ami stuttered, "this wasn't for us?"

	Minako shook her head in disapproval. "Ooooooooh, shame on you,
Usagi."

	"Beer-Can Chicken?" Makoto whispered to herself in disbelief.
"That's a new one... Maybe sake-chicken, but beer-can chicken?"

Jack Daniels is pretty good too. ^_^  I don't recommend doing it with Yukon
Jack though.

	"Well!" Rei stood up and posed dramatically. "In the name of
Mars," she said, taking up an aggressive posture, "I will punish
Usagi!"

	Rei reached over and lightly flicked her index finger into the
blonde's forehead.

	Usagi crashed onto her back as if hit by the force of a club.
"Traitors," she whispered in a daze.

The one inch punch.  I recall watching Bruce Lee demonstrate that on a
martial arts documentary one time.  Nifty technique.

Either that or Usagi is a wimp. ^_^

	"I made it for Hotaru and me, but..." Chibiusa shrugged. "Eh,
it's okay." She grinned and rubbed her hands together. "So, did you
like it?"

	Ami, Minako, and Makoto nodded wordlessly.

	Chibiusa looked down at the pan. It was empty, save for a few
bones. "Wow! You sure eat quick." She looked at the others. "I'll
make some more! Stay here."

Like I said, they're growing girls.  And lord, I can't wait to see what they
grow into. ^_^_^_^_^

	The little girl walked out the door and closed it behind her.

	*Wink!*Wink!* Everyone looked at each other and blinked a
couple of times. Then their digestive tracts started rumbling.

	Soon afterward, the rude noise competitions began.

<Jay> Don't you know that fast food makes hot chicks fart?

	*Ppphhht!*

	"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew, Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeei!"

	"Ooops, eh heh..."

	*PHARK!*

	"Minako-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

	"Oh, excuse me!"

	*SQUARCH!*

Ah, the B33R farts!

^_^

	Jason went upstairs to raid his secret stash to get some more
of the special ingredient for the chicken. "Heh, Colonel Sanders has
his !#%@#^@ eighty billion herbs and spices," he muttered, kneeling
down and rummaging around under Usagi's bed. "I've got 'em beat. I
just need ONE! Sure, it's a -little- gassy, but hey, good old
Southern recipes can't be beat!"

	"You guys are weird," Chibiusa noted in her childish honesty.

	"Darn straight!" Jason soon withdrew a six-pack.

	"Aren't you supposed to keep that chilled?" Ben asked.

	"Nah," Jason replied. "It's @#$@#^%@! GREAT either way.
Especially if we're just gonna use it for making chicken right now."

	"I can't believe you guys did this," Chibiusa muttered. "What
if Ikuko-mama and Kenji-papa find out about it?"

	"Then I'll offer to throw 'em a @#%@#^%~!! HUGE kegger of a
block party," Jason replied. "One they'll NEVER @#%@%!*$% forget!"

Share and Share alike. ^_^  They'd probably attract Largo and Piro from
Megatokyo as well, heh.

	"You're under age, you know," Ben noted offhandedly.

	Jason groaned. "And WHOSE #$^#@# fault is that?"

	"Well, I -could- argue that it was yours since -you- were
the one that insisted on coming with me."

	"Excuses, excuses!" Jason waved off the philosophical point
and tossed the can in Chibiusa's hand. "Heh!"

	Oh yes, they had managed to create a secret cache of beverages
that were most certainly off-limits to those under the age of twenty.

	Or, more precisely, Jason had.

I think the legal age limit is different in Japan.

~Recap~

	"What does a @#$^#$&#^$ SPORE have to do to get some @#%@#%^
BEER around here, huh?!" Jason muttered in Chibiusa's high-pitched

That is the eternal question, is it not?  ^_^  I wonder if he knows they have
vending
machines for Beer...though the beer he might wind up with might be something
like
Asahi or Muhai Tai (sp?).

voice as he scanned the street for an appropriate shop through red
irises. Luna-P followed close behind him, whirring happily. Several
random bystanders backed away from the sheer force of the spine-
tweaking foul language.

	"Jason," Ben chided his friend, "we're in the middle of our
first Self Insertion venture. Do you REALLY want to ruin it by
getting drunk?"

It's always better with six pack or two in you.  ^_-  I remember watching
Mortal
Kombat 2 quite inebriated...mediocre movie compared to the first one, but damn
did
the music and action seem so much better drunk.

Mind you, I don't recommend watching Overfiend like that.  Did that to one guy
in the
Navy, and we scared him for life. ^_^

	"Hoo-yeah, baby, do I ever!" Jason tilted back Chibiusa's
head and howled. "What a great idea, Ben, thanks!"

	"I have moral objections to the use of alcohol," Ben noted
calmly in a voice that would have competed with the HAL9000
supercomputer for the Most Monotone in the Universe. "If it comes
down to it, I may have to stop you by force."

	"Would you just @#%@$^@^@ chill out, man?!" Jason chuckled to
himself, then kicked Chibiusa's ankle when he discovered he missed
a pun. "Oops, I mean SPORE! Heh heh."

	"I mean it," Ben added.

	"Umm," Chibiusa began in what was rapidly becoming her typical
confused voice, "I don't drink that stuff, I don't think."

You're doing a good job of almost making me feel sorry for her.  And believe
me,
that's hard to do. ^_^

	"There, you see?" Ben asked. "She doesn't drink. And neither
do I. So you cannot have any beer, understood?"

	"I just need it for something I want to cook," Jason said.

	Ben was silent for a moment. "Oh. I guess it's okay, then.
You promise you won't drink any?"

<Jason> But we're in a foreign land!  I must taste the vintage to ensure it
will be
up to my high standards.
<Ben> And how much will that be?
<Jason>  Eh, at least 2 or 3 cases.
<Ben> ...that's equal to the spore's body weight you realize.
<Jason> So, she'll die of alcohol poisoning.  Bet Naoko didn't see THAT one
coming...heheheheh.

	Jason shrugged Chibiusa's little shoulders. "No promises, but
I'll try. Maybe." He swaggered into the nearest corner store he could
find, poked around for a little while, then snagged as many cans as
the girl's short arms could carry. "Hoo-yeah, baby, this is the good
stuff!!!"

Just out of curiosity, what brand does he consider the good stuff?

	"That will be enough, I presume...?" Ben prodded impatiently.

	"Ugh. I'm gonna have to make a few more trips, I can tell you
that much," Jason said, straining with two six-packs under each arm.
Luna-P floated cheerfully behind him.

	"Jason, you only need one six-pack for cooking," Ben said.

	"Well, maybe YOU'd only need one six-pack, but I need extra:
I've been under some serious pressure lately!"

	"Like the day you came with me to this fantasy?" Ben asked.
"Honestly, self-inserting under the influence? What were you
thinking?!"

"Thinking?" *hic-up!* ^_-

	"Hey, it was a rough day after work. I needed something to
help me unwind!"

	"Ah, so you admit it."

	"I admit nothing."

	While Chibiusa stewed off in some random corner of her brain,
she had to admit: this was definitely a new experience.

For the comedy value if nothing else. ^_^

	With a bit of effort, Jason jumped up and shoved the cans
onto the checkout counter. Rapping Chibiusa's knuckles against the
glass, he attracted the clerk's attention. "Hey you! How much?"

	The clerk--a twenty-eight-year-old male with a Moe-style
haircut, square glasses, and a cynical look about him--looked at the
cans, then stared at the cute little girl before him. After a moment,
he rolled his eyes and said, "You have -got- to be joking."

	Jason folded Chibiusa's arms and stared seriously at him.
"Do I look like I'm joking?"

<Clerk> You want an honest answer?

	"Listen, -kid-." The clerk pointed to a kanji and hirigana-
emblazened sign. "I know you're not old enough to know how to read,
but let me tell you something."

	In a gruff voice, the surly man proceeded to explain the rules
about the dangers of alcohol, the price, and most importantly, the
fact that, in his shop, one has to be twenty or over in order to
even consider buying it.

	Unfazed, Jason added in a clear--if a bit childish--voice,
"I'm over twenty."

	The clerk stuck his hand out and roughly prodded Jason in the
chest. "Hah! Then let's see some ID."

Again, I think the age limit for consumption is a bit different in Japan, as
well as the rules concerning the sale and distribution, but what those are I'm
not entirely sure.

	Jason looked down at the man's finger. A disdainful expression
came to Chibiusa's face. "Right." He held out a hand. "Luna-P." In a
puff of pinkish smoke, the balloon turned into a multicolored
umbrella. He caught it and opened it up, starting to twirl it while
staring directly into the man's eyes. "You don't need to see my
identification."

	Big swirls appeared in the clerk's eyes and he stumbled
backward a little. "I don't need to see your identification..."

	"I'm not the Spore you're looking for."

Ol Ben Kenobi must be turning in his grave. ^_^

	"You're not the Spore I'm looking for."

	"I can have as much beer as I want."

	"You can have as much beer as you want..."

	"Move along."

	The clerk motioned blankly toward the door. "Move along, move
along..."

	"Bwahah!" Jason laughed, shaking the umbrella and aiming it
around like an assault rifle. "I @#%^#&$@$#^ LOVE THIS @#%@#^!!@!@
THING!!!" He ceremonially blew the magical sparklies off the tip,

Shit, it's better than a Swiss Army Knife, or a Leatherman tool. ^_^

allowed it to return to its balloon form, then reached up to collect
his special, brewed prizes.

	*BZZRT!* Then Ben took over. "I'm sorry, Jason, I can't let
you do that."

	"Ben!" Jason growled. "I'm going to count to three. If you
don't let go..."

	"I'm sorry, Jason," Ben continued, padding over and replacing
the beer in the refrigerator. "I can't let you do that."

	"Move along," the cashier repeated vacantly.

	"Ben, don't you dare put that @#$^@#$ beer away!"

	"This SI is too important to be ruined by your flawed,
southern drunkeness."

<Jason> What about northern drunkeness?

	"BEN!!!!!" Jason screamed mentally. "YOU PICK THAT BEER BACK
UP RIGHT NOW!!!"

	"This conversation can serve no further useful purpose," Ben
added. "Please remain quiet until I can get us home."

<Ben> Resistance is futile.

	"BENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!"

	"Move along," said the shop worker.

	*BZRRT!* Jason reasserted his control, blasting Ben against
the back of Chibiusa's skull, sending them reeling against a big
stack of Pringles potato chip cylinders, scattering them all
around the floor. "I'm gettin' my #!@@%#% beer if it @#!%!$!#^%!^
kills us, okay?!!!"

<Jason> ESPECIALLY if it kills us!

	*BZRRT!* "No way!" Ben cried, coming to the forefront again.
He stumbled around, accidentally smashing several chip-filled
containers in his attempts to remain upright. He grabbed onto a
rack of candy bars. "I mustn't let you disgrace yourself!"

Ah, more chibi bashing! ^_^

	*BRZREOW-REOW!* The other Self-Insertist forced his way back
up. He swung around on the candy rack with sufficient momentum to
propel him onto the cashier's shoulders. "Oh, believe me, it's -WAY-
too late for that!"

	*BZRRRRRRRRT!* Sparks literally flew around Chibiusa's head as
the battle went on. A few passerbys outside noticed the one-spore

Just out of curiosity, how did the monkier 'spore' come to be associated with
Chibiusa?

karate match through the window. Off the walls and around the room
the girl went, smashing expensive things all over the place.

	"Oooh," commented a stereotypical Japanese tourist from
Nagasaki, "Jackie Chan!"

	"No," another said, "Jackie Chan's a little taller."

Jet Li then? ^_^

	"Jackie Chan's daughter?"

	"Maybe..."

	*CRASH!*SMASH!*BZROWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWW!!!* The destruction
of the corner store continued.

~/paceR~

	"I refuse to be named an accessory to such an act," Ben
muttered silently.

	"Heh. You were into it as much as I was!" Jason noted.

	"Was not!"

	"Was too!"

	"Guys!" Chibiusa whined. "Can't you two just get along?!"

<Jason> No!  I'll kill this body and Ben with it!
<Ben> Oh yeah!  Not if I kill you first!  Die Jason!
<Chibi> Wah!  They're trying to kill me again!

	For the first time in a week, there was silence in the young
princess's head.

	"Sure, we can get along," Ben said. "Right, Jason?"

	"Yeah," Jason agreed. "We always get along. Like a house on
fire!"

	"Screaming, property damage, and heavy casualties later on?"
Ben asked.

Ah, Emerald and Rei.  

	"You got it!" Jason said, cracking open a can of beer and
saluting.

	*BZZRT!* Then Ben suddenly decided to take over. He dashed
downstairs with the opened lukewarm alcoholic beverage and went into
the kitchen. "Let's get started on that chicken, okay?!"

	"Watch it, buck-o!" Jason shot back. "That's what I was about
to do! You didn't have to go and take over again."

	"Yes I did," Ben replied. "You were about to take a swig,
weren't you?"

	"So what if I was?"

	"It's my duty to stop you. Giving beer to a minor--what were
you thinking?!"

He keeps asking that question.  One wonders what he would do if he ever got an
answer. ^_^

	"It's good fer her! Puts hair on her chest."

	Ben slapped the girl's forehead and groaned slowly.

	"Ummm!" Chibiusa's sudden protest indicated that she didn't
really want that particular result to take effect anytime in the
near future.

<Jason> Hey, what're you worried about?  It's not like your boyfriend will
ever notice!
<Ben> ...even considering who we're talking about, surely that was going too
far.
<Jason> ...
<Ben> Eh, you're right.  Can't go too far with the spore. ^_^

	"Look," Ben cut in, "she's, what, nine? The last thing she
needs is a hairy chest! Plus, she's Usagi's kid. Usagi has roughly

<Jason> Bet if I set her on fire, you'd change your mind about the last thing
she'd need. ^_^
<Chibi> Wah!  They're going to burn me alive!

ZERO alcohol tolerance--"

I remember that ep when she got totally sloshed.  What was it...maybe two
glasses of wine?  Too bad they never took that ep to its logical conclusion. 
You know, throwing up, lots of pain, less than perfect balance (which for her
would mean near total loss of mobility) and the hangover after the fact.  Not
to mention all the embarrasing other stuff that one does wasted. ^_^  Truly
fear it, if your friends have a digital camera and internet access.

	"Then it's about @#$#$&#^&$^ time she @#%&^@ built some,
don't'cha think?" Jason suggested in a malevolently gleeful tone.

	"Uh! Why?!" Chibiusa asked.

	"You never know when a burbon-daimon might come out of the
woodwork and try to squirt itself down your throat!" Jason explained
quickly. "You've gotta protect yourself, y'know!"

	"Oh," the body's actual owner whispered, comprehension flooding
her voice, "so you're just being nice and trying to get me ready for
what'll happen in the future?"

	"Yeah, that's the ticket!" Jason replied in a smug manner.

The bad thing is that she would be that easy to convince. ^^

	"I don't believe this," Ben muttered, placing the can on the
counter. "Don't tell me you're buying that, are you, Chibiusa?"

	"Well, it makes perfect sense," Chibiusa noted softly.

	Ben took a look at the pans and other utensils used in making
Beer-Can Chicken. "How do you figure that?"

	"Mommy sent me here to train and make friends," Chibiusa said.
"If a lot of stuff happens in the future, I need to be ready, right?"

<Ben> So, won't you have friends and allies to help you out, get your back,
and generally cover for you if you can't be there?
<Chibi> Mom has those, but they don't really do a very good job without her. 
Come to think of it, they're kinda useless.
<Ben>  Sounds like a problem you should probably look into.
<Jason> Quit %&^$ giving away secrets!
<Ben> You're just bitter that Hotaru wasn't in Sailor Moon Super S.
<Jason> *&&^% you!

	"Chibiusa," Ben added, "if you stay away from all that, I will
make you more powerful than you can possibly imagine." He paused and

<Ben> You do not know the power of the darkside!

realized that he had absolutely no idea how to make Beer-Can Chicken.
"When I figure out the Otakufic stuff, anyway."

	"Hey, wait a second!" Chibiusa cried in a plaintive voice.
"You're not one of those evil people like Death Phantom that makes
people really powerful but saps their wills, are you?"

	"Why?" Jason asked. "Does your will feel sapped?"

	"Well, sometimes you guys take over and won't let me do what
I want to do. I think that's mean."

She might have a point there.

	"Oh," Ben whispered, then shrugged. "Okay, in that case, go
ahead and grab control, if you like."

	"Hai!"

	*BZRRT!!* Once more, Chibiusa felt the sensation of her own
body. It was actually quite relieving. She paced around for a little

I expect semi sensory deprevation is quite unnerving.

while just for the fun of it. "All right!" She advanced toward the
uncooked chicken. "Now I get to do some more cooking!"

	"Great!" Jason said. "Say, were you paying attention when I made
Beer-Can Chicken the first time?"

	"Umm-hmm!" Chibiusa replied, grabbing the opened can of beer.
"We take the chicken, and put it in a big pan, like this." She placed
the chicken in the pan. "And we put the opened can in, like this..."

As it sprays all over the place...

	"@#!@in' good job, kid!" Jason exclaimed as the tiny girl from
the future successfully completed the task and, with some effort and
a stool, turned up the oven. "Now all we've gotta do is wait for it

See, if she were 9 years old, she SHOULD be able to reach the stove controls,
unless she was seriously underdeveloped.  Now a 4 or 5 year old on the other
hand...

to finish. Ben, tell me more about the Otakufic features. How could
we get 'em switched on?"

	"Hmm," Ben began, "I don't remember much, but the guy said that

<Ben> A guy who, strangely enough, had purple hair cut just above his
shoulders and kept his eyes shut all the time.  Maybe that should have tipped
me off...

if we SI'd as ourselves, it'd pop up like a Star Trek holodeck arch.
But if we SI'd into someone's mind, it'd end up looking like one of
their more special moves. He said that if I were in, say, Goku from
DBZ, turning on the Otakufic stuff would look like when he's charging
the Genki Darma or Spirit Bomb or whatever."

That's sort of an effect of switching on the otaku features, how would one do
it as a resident of someone's mind I think was the question.  IE How would one
turn it on, not what it would look like after the fact.

	"Is that something to make you really, really strong?" Chibiusa
asked. "Like calling out 'Moon Prism Power, Make Up?'"

	"Nah, that'd be too simple," Jason muttered. "Besides, there's
NO @#$^%@# way I'm gonna say THOSE WORDS!!!"

	"Okay," Ben let out a mental sigh, "so what's Chibiusa's
ultimate attack?"

	"I can use the Pink Sugar Heart Attack," Chibiusa offered. "It
works pretty good."

This is up there with the worst bit of tactical planning to ever grace a war
of any sort.  They sent a soldier back with something that doesn't even count
as a stun weapon.  That's like when the US sent soldiers out to fight without
any ammo awhile back.

	"If you're fighting off a bunch of GNATS," Jason grumbled. "Eh,
that sort of move'd have to be like, oh--uh oh..." He trailed off. If
he were in control, Chibiusa's face would have suddenly gotten very
pale. "NO. I'm NOT thinking about THAT one. No. @#@#^@$^&!. Way."

	"What?" Ben prodded. "The Twinkle Bell thing?"

Heh.

	*BZRRRT!* Jason took over, but only so he could hold Chibiusa's
head and scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

	"Hey!" Chibiusa whined. "What's wrong?!"

	"Oh, come on, Jason!" Ben asked cheerfully. "What's so wrong
about a Pegasus?"

	"Pegasuses are cute," Chibiusa noted, blissfully unaware of
the fact that the proper way to say it would be 'pegasi.' "I like
pegasuses."

And they like little girls apparently too. ^^;;;;;;;;;

	Jason fell to Chibiusa's knees, and continued to shout about
the inhumanity of it all.

	Summoned by the yelling, Usagi and her friends poked their
heads into the kitchen. Makoto moved to enter, but Minako held
her back, shaking her head.

Heh, the things I wish I could see on the screen. ^_^

	"Shh," Rei whispered.

	"What's going on with her?!" Usagi wondered, staring
incredulously at her future daughter.

---

	The star member of the Witches Five, Eudial, rushed back to her
apartment, only to find it ransacked beyond recognition. Checking
with her neighbors, she found that a tall blond man--or woman, the
last one she asked seemed pretty confused about that--had been asking
about her.

	So, wisely deciding that a change in residence was in order,
she grabbed a sack, filled it with her sparse possessions, bounded
down the stairwell to her recently-loaned vehicle, got in, and
prepared to start it. Her breathing was rapid and her eyes were wide.
Her hands shook as she fumbled with her keys, inserting them into the
ignition and starting the engine.

	Eudial glanced around furitively, expecting, at any moment, an
arm to wrap around her neck, a hand to clap itself over her mouth,
and someone to whisper sharp threats into her ear.

Heh, she'd have been better off just running for it, taking a cab and sending
a major strike force back for the vehicle later.

Then again, she'd have to explain why this was neccessary, and I'm not sure
she can lie well enough for that.

	This, of course, is exactly what happened.

Of course. ^_^

	Sailor Uranus adjusted her grip. "Don't move unless you want
your head twisted off."

	Eudial remained carefully still.

	"That's right," Neptune said. "Now, you're going to tell us
exactly where your headquarters is. Understood?"

	"What headquarters? URK!" Eudial asked levelly before her
larynx got squeezed a bit tighter.

	"I wouldn't advise lying," Uranus pressed.

One wonders though, why certain government agencies haven't sent out
investigation units to check out these Senshi and daimon sightings.  Given the
amount of damage they do, it's not really something those in power can ignore,
no matter how much they might wish to discount them.  I mean you'd think
things like this happening to the bad guys, and good guys, would occur more
often.

	"Er, lying?" the first member of the Witches Five continued,
sweating profusely from the stress. "I wouldn't dream of it." Then
she reached over, put the vehicle in reverse, and slammed her foot
down on the gas.

<Eudial> Trying to escape on the other hand...

<snip>

	"B@!!@&&!" Jason swore with great enthusiasm. "Good plan kid,
let's get your best lunchbox, let's pack up that chicken, and let's
go have dinner with that @#%@#^@#! great gothic supergirl, YEEEEEEE-
HAAAAAAW!!!"

Fanboys. ^_^

	Chibiusa smiled to herself. "You think so too, Jason? That's
great!"

	"It looks like she has an imaginary friend now," Ami whispered
to the other four teens, who nodded.

	Ben would have coughed in disbelief if he were able. "Um,
couldn't we work on the problem with getting back first instead?"

	Chibiusa rolled her eyes. "Aww, Ben, don't be such a stick
in the mud."

	"@!#^@!#^in' YEAH, Ben! Don't be such a stick in the mud,"
Jason said in his lovably vulgar manner. "All you talk about is
me trying to enjoy myself and the second I do, you jump all over me!"

	"Two imaginary friends," Makoto said, while the others hummed
their agreement.

It's like the three stooges. ^_^

	"Well, all right," Ben sighed. "While we're there, do you think
we could at least work on the Mistress Nine problem?"

	"I'm way ahead of ya, buddy!" Jason replied. "You get those
cheat codes worked out and we'll solve all their problems."

There is no problem that cannot be solved with liberal amounts of high
explosives. ^_^

	Chibiusa giggled. "I'm glad to hear it, guys. I knew you'd
come to help!"

<Ben> Yeah...we're here to help.  *dum, dum, dum!*  He he he he he.

	"Heh. @#%@ straight, kid!"

	"Yeah, we like to help," Ben said, "and I'll see about those
Otakufic plugins."

	"Yeah. Get the Dragon Slave thing working, ASAP!"

Not seen the anime "Bastard" has he?  They have much cooler spells, most of
them named after Heavy Metal bands.

	"Right!"

	"And NO girly sailor powerups, got it?"

There's a lot of power ups one can use then, but uhh, the idea of Chibi Usa in
Hariel's armor gives me the willies. ^^

	"I don't know how it works, but I'll see what I can do."

	"Yeah, let's make sure this future-girl has enough firepower
to blow up a continent or two!"

	"What's that, Jason?" Chibiusa asked aloud, trying to figure
out her mental occupant's meaning. "You want me to destroy the
Earth!?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!! THAT WAS GREAT!

<Usagi> Chibi, why did you blow up the earth?!
<Chibi> The voices in my head told me to.  

	All five teenagers at the door started sweating.

	"Well, not the whole Earth," Jason said. "I mean, like, BIG
monsters that come along. HUGE ones. Y'know, save the planet?
Wouldn't you enjoy that?"

	"Oh!" Chibiusa said, inclining her head. "Yeah, I'd like to
do that."

And the fact that they can't hear Jason makes it sound to the Senshi like she
just said she'd LOVE to blow the planet into it's component particles. ^_^

	"She's lost it," Minako noted.

	Usagi choked while her eyes bulged in disbelief. "Something's
going on with her. Rei, can't you sense anything?!"

	"I don't feel any evil coming from her," Rei replied and
added after a moment's thought, "As such."

Menace, and violence, yeah.  But evil?  Depends on your perspective. ^_^

	While Chibiusa loaded up the chicken, Ben withdrew into some of
the more secluded regions of the girl's head, and began work on the
Otakufic problem. "Hey, I think I'm on to something here," he said
after a few seconds. "Be right back."

Usually when a computer geek says that about a problem, it'll take two or
three hours before you see them again...at least!

	"I KNOW you can do it, Ben!" Jason shouted at his friend. An
empty echo came back.

	"Okay, Chibiusa," Jason said, "put the rest of the beer in
the fridge. We can make some REALLY great gravy later on. Let's go!"

Good thing that Gravy is supposed to be flat. ^^

	"Right!" Chibiusa chirped happily, grabbing the can and putting
it in the refrigerator. "I'm glad I met you guys. I never thought
ANYTHING could be so fun before I met you!"

	"@#%! Any time, kid. Let's get going already!"

He's having fun with the girl.  I think it might be time to find another
planet a few hundred lightyears away and hide. ^_^

	"Umm-hmm!"

	As the young girl skipped out the front door with a bag full
of chicken, the heads of Usagi, Ami, Rei, Minako, and Makoto peeked
around the corner from the living room. After such a long time of
strenuous eavesdropping, they collapsed all over each other into a
writhing heap.

	"WAAAH!"

	"Watch it, Mako-chan!"

	"ECCHI!!!"

And they say that like it's a bad thing. ^_^

	"Why, Ami-chan, I had no idea!"

	"You're crushing me!"

	After a lot of uncomfortable struggling and groping, such as
Usagi's hand on Rei's chest, and Minako's head up Makoto's skirt,
the group finally managed to untangle themselves.

	Shingo walked by with a mischievous grin and a thirty-five
millimeter camera. "Heh!" he laughed, cradling the device in his
hands. "I can't wait to get these developed!" He ran off and slammed
the front door behind him.

If he were smart about it, he wouldn't have said anything. He's got a ways to
go before he can aquire really some good blackmail/embarrasment material. ^_^

Then again, I'm still wondering what that boy does in his spare time off the
camera.

<Shingo> Sailor Moon, huh?  Well, wait'll they get a load of me. *Joker smile*

Still, I bet he's one of the more frustrated males in all of anime.  His
sister continuously brings home these hot babes he will never have any chance
with (unless one of them decides to educate him in the ways of the flesh, but
that's for a better writer than I).  Could be another explanation of why, as
the series progresses, he's just not around.  He couldn't take it! ^_^

	"SHINGO!!!" Usagi screamed, sprinting after him, struggling
only momentarily with the door handle on her way out.

	This left four young women to blush and occasionally glance at
each other in an uneasy manner.

	Makoto cleared her throat. "So...?"

<Makoto> Anyone up for an orgy?

	"Do you, ah, think Neo-Queen Serenity really sent Chibiusa back
because she was going crazy in the future?" Minako suggested while
fixing the bow in her hair.

	"Could it really be that stressful in Crystal Tokyo?" Ami
pondered, straightening her blouse.

	"Well, if Usagi's ruling the world, then things are probably
pretty badly messed up," Rei noted playfully.

Indeed. ^_^

	Makoto thought about that. "Yeah, you've got a point there.
I mean, even in a thousand years, Usagi couldn't have changed all
-that- much, could she?"

	Ami and Minako hummed and nodded in agreement with that
assertion.

	Usagi ran back and glared down at them through the window,
camera in hand, dragging Shingo's unconscious, battered form behind
her by the strap. "What are you saying about me???"

So, she's looking at them from the outside from the kitchen window?

^_^

	The park on the way to Hotaru's house remained peaceful, with
adults walking side by side and children scattered about, some
chasing squirrels. The trip seemed to be taking longer than it
should. Come to think of it, a rather brisk walk separated Usagi's
house from Hotaru's mansion. The trio inhabiting one child's head
pondered the situation silently.

	Finally, Ben decided to break the monotony and ask, "So, when
were we supposed to meet with Haruka and Michiru?"

	"Oh, probably a few hours ago," Jason replied. "Why?"

	"No reason," Ben said, while a van with Uranus, Neptune, and
Eudial struggling inside sped by. They seemed to be exchanging seats
in a random manner, grabbing alternately at the wheel and each
others' throats. "Oh, there they are. I'll go back to working on
the cheat codes now."

	"You do that," Jason said. "Chibiusa, wave for 'em!"

This scene is perfect.  I don't know how else to describe it.  I laugh every
time I read it.  It's like watching an episode of Bugs Bunny. 

	The girl wordlessly waved at the battling Witch and Sailors.
Neptune waved back with a free hand while she yanked on Eudial's

BWAHAHAHAAHHAAHAH!!!  And I could see it happening.  I really could. ^_^  

red hair with her teeth. The Witch's fist knocked her away. "Um,
don't you think we should help them?" Chibiusa asked.

	"Nah!" Jason shot back as the van roared past, knocking over
a street lamp and a couple of wooden benches before screeching around
the corner on two wheels. "They'll be fine."

*que the looney toons end theme*

Too bad the cops aren't following them at this point getting into the
occasional wreck.

	"Okay..."

	A few minutes more brought them to the tall door of the
humongous Tomoe residence. At Chibiusa's will, Luna-P turned into
an umbrella, which she used to ring the bell.

Too bad they didn't think of that the first time. Heh.

	Kaolinite answered the door. Looking down disdainfully at
the small child, she said, "Oh. You. I'm sorry, but you can't come
in. Hotaru is currently resting."

	Chibiusa frowned. "But--"

	"You cannot come in," Kaolinite insisted, and moved to close
the door.

	"One side, kid!" Jason cried. "Let a professional handle
this!"

	"Who's that?"

	*BZZRT!* Jason took control and stuck the umbrella into the
doorway while kicking it open with Chibiusa's foot. "Yo! Wait a
second! I want to show you something."

Ah, these are the things I wish I could to do to some NPCs in certain games.
^_^

<snip>

	*RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!!* Like a fully-automatic machine gun, dozens
of charges exploded at the tip of the colorful parasol.

	Kaolinite fell flat on her back.

<Jason> Good.  Bad.  I'm the guy with the Luna ball.

	"..." Chibiusa didn't say. "I can't believe you just made me
do that!" she shouted internally.

Note, that she's not actually upset her body might have been used to kill
someone, or that someone just got shot a few times in front of her...no, this
is the "I can't believe you just did that." mild annoyance tone.  Heh.

	Jason blew the smoke off of the umbrella's barrel. "Hoo-yeah,
baby!"

	"Umm, Jason?" Chibiusa continued. "Why did you just kill that
nice lady?"

See, she's still not what you'd call upset. ^_^

	"Because she deserved it, Chibiusa. She @#%!@! deserved it."

	Kaolinite sat up, her face full of rage and black soot. "WHY,
YOU LITTLE--!!!" She lunged forward and raised her hands into a
clawlike position while her hair got blown backward from a wind out
of nowhere. "I'LL MAKE YOU--"

	"Dang! Just blanks," Jason muttered in silent mode. "I wanted
aluminium-jacketed hollowpoints!"

Must have been something other than blanks.  Blanks at that range will kill a
person via the massive shock they expunge out the muzzle of the gun.  It's why
they sound like bullets, just without the projectile.

Either that or she can take a lot more damage than most.  Though as I recall
she did shrug off a planet attack.

	"Okay, it wasn't real. You had me scared for a second."

	"Kaori-san!" a voice called from the hall. "Is someone setting
off fireworks out front again?"

At least it wasn't flaming bags of doggy doo. 

	Kaolinite clenched her teeth and apparently had to resort to
every last ounce of will at her command to regain her composure.
However, she continued to glare at Jason. "No, it's no one, Hotaru."

	The thin, black-haired girl came to the door. She wore her
typical black body stocking with the miniskirt. "No one?" she asked.
"It sounded like something that--" She broke off and smiled when she
saw Jason. "Chibiusa-chan!"

	"Yup, that's me," Jason said, struggling to keep a straight
face. "Good ol' Chibiusa-chan. Whassup?"

I'm getting flash backs of all the Wassup commercials. ^_^

	"Were you setting off fireworks in front of my house during the
middle of the day?"

	"Uh, yeah!" Jason replied. "This fat, ugly chick over here said

While she deserves a good killin', if I recall correctly, she was damn hot. 
Still, when tossing out insults facts such as this are not to be
considered...unless you can use it to make insults worse. Heheheh.

that you were resting, so I had to do something to, like, wake you
up, ya know!"

	Kaolinite balked at Jason's statement. "Fat, ugly chick?!"

	Hotaru laughed softly back. "You're so funny!" She took Jason
by the hand. "Come on in."

	"This girl was being very rude to me," Kaolinite said, fingering
her face. "Aside from insulting me, she shot off explosives right in
front of my face!"

	"Wow, you did?" Hotaru asked, grinning at her smaller friend
before looking back up at Kaolinite. "That's wonderful! You look so
much better with all that soot on you. Kind of like a puppy." She

One gets the impression that Hotaru HATES Kaolinite.

took Jason by Chibiusa's small and and led her inside. "Come on in,
Chibiusa-chan. I want to show you something!"

	Jason stuck out Chibiusa's tongue at the redhead and made a
taunting gesture with the girl's spare hand as he and Hotaru departed
down the hall. "Nyaaah!" He turned back to Hotaru and held up the
bag. "Hey, Hotaru, you eat yet? I brought us some chicken."

	"I love chicken! How did you know?"

	As before, 'glaring' would have been a perfect way to describe
Kaolinite's reaction. However, that would fail to take into account
the shaking in anger and the lightning bolts flashing behind her.
"That cheeky child... Grr!" She whipped around and stormed off toward
Professor Tomoe's lab.

I guess she thinks that killing the spore in front of a girl who could wipe
out the planet would be a BAD THING (tm).

^_^;;;

	Ben dove through the recesses of Chibiusa's mind, trying to
search for the recesses of his own subconscious.

	He had glanced at the README.TXT file before initiating the
program, but didn't remember exactly what the cheat portion had
said before he started up the self-insertion venture.

	In the distance, he saw a light. "THAT is where I will go!"

Head towards the light....

he declared to himself. Jason and Chibiusa were too far away to
hear him. If he wasn't careful, he could get lost.

	"Speaking of lost," Ben muttered, "I wonder what happened to
Jussi Nikander. He said he'd come along, but I guess he backed out
before he was committed."

Might want to scratch that part about "before he was committed." Unless you're
saying before he was commited to the self insert venture.  In which case
another way to say it would be "before we started this little venture" or
something like that if you need more detail after 'backed out.'

---

	As nuthou..., err, mental health institutions go, it was a
rather pleasant place. Electric shocks weren't used as treatment,
lobotomy was strictly banned and there weren't even any old, wizened
ex-Naxi doctors making diabolic experiments on the patients. Instead,
the walls were were painted in soothing colors, the nurses were
generally kind and the management really tried to help the patients.

What sort of psycho place did he wind up in?!  Heheh.

	All in all, it was almost, but not completely unlike the place
where "One Flew Over Cockoos Nest" supposedly happened. But even in
the most pleasant mental health institutions there are cases that
have been labeled incurable, put in a straight jacket, and locked
into a small, padded room.

With pleaseant and peaceful elevator music playing 24/7.

	In one such room there was a man in a straight jacket, staring
up at the single window bringing pale midwinter light into the room.
He was unkept, with dirty hair and a messy beard, and was apparently
wearing a hospital shirt and pants under the jacket.

	Suddenly, the man blinked and turned to look at the door.

	"I didn't back out; I was committed," Jussi muttered before
turning back to the window. "And I still think I got the better part
of the deal."

<Hanibel Lector> Indeed, he's been wonderful company.  

---

	In the living room, Hotaru smiled down at her young friend.
Never before in her life had she met someone that had such a talent
for making her laugh. The magic of it was that Chibiusa hadn't even
tried to tell a joke--it was as if the little girl viewed the entire
universe as one huge, cosmic punchline.

Probably not too far from the truth.  Then again, there are quite a number of
such people in the United States, heh.

	"You see this here?" Chibiusa held up a drumstick. "This is my
special made-to-order Beer-Can Chicken. It's called that for one
simple reason: I made it with beer."

	Giggling, Hotaru sniffed her piece, a thigh-bone section. She
couldn't smell any alcohol on it, but she nodded along anyway.

	"Nasty stuff, really. But back home, you got made fun of if
ya didn't like it. So I guess that means I like it! Great way to
prove your manliness, ain't it?"

	Hotaru nodded again while she listened intently.

To spend the day just talking and having fun with Hotaru...*sigh*

	"What's worse: You ever try hauling home a set of four twelve-
packs with arms like these?" The nine-year-old held out her arms and
swung a small fist around. "@#%^in' good exercise, let me tell you!"

Unless she aquired Usagi's dense bone and muscle structure, I don't think
that's humanly possible. ^^

	Hotaru maintained a smile.

	"Your dad's a professor, huh?" Chibiusa asked.

	"Yes. Yes, he is."

	"And you've had major health problems for, what, ten years?"

	Hotaru nodded yet again. "You certainly seem to know a lot
about me," she commented between bites. "It's either just a strange
coincidence or--"

	"Spies," Chibiusa cut in while gnawing on a drumstick. "I've
got a great spy network. Did you know that Kaori's real name is
Kaolinite and she's an evil alien from outer space?"

Could explain a few things.

	Hotaru snickered at that. "That would explain a lot. I never
did like her."

We couldn't tell. ^_^

	"Wait 'till I get going!" the pink-haired girl continued. "Your
dad is not only a professor at Mugen. He's also a mad scientist and
has a secret lab under your house!"

<DeeDee> Dexter!  Oh Dexter!

Hmm...cute blond destroys itty bitty red head's lab.  Most think they probably
got that idea from Tenchi Muyo, but goddamn did they take it to where it
needed to go. Heheheheh.

	"That's another thing I like about you. You've got a great
imagination."

<snips>

	Chibiusa's entire body spasmed for a moment and she nearly
jumped out of her seat--another seizure, Hotaru noted to herself. All
her mannerisms changed and she replied in a much sweeter tone, "You
got that for -me-, Hotaru-chan?" She smiled broadly as she hugged the
new backpack. "Thank you! I like it! I like it a lot!"

	"I had hoped you would," Hotaru beamed, and laughed softly. It
certainly was nice to have a friend that could understand her, she
reflected. Chibiusa could probably empathize with her frail health
and occasional seizures, since she suffered from them as well. But
the great thing was how the little girl managed to find joy out of
life despite it all, while seeming to understand just about
everything that went on.

Hmm...getting a bit sugary here, better hook up the insulin just to be safe.

	"Say, you wanna go out again today?" Chibiusa asked brightly.
"My art class was going on a field trip to Tokyo Tower, so I'm
supposed to meet up there later." She donned her new backpack.

	Hotaru held a hand to her cheek. "I don't know, I've got a
lot of homework to do." At her friend's pleading expression, she
added, "But I'm sure it can wait until after we get back."

All to easy to convince. ^_^  Then again, I usually took every excuse I could
to duck out of homework too. Heheheheh.

	"All right!" Chibiusa exclaimed, jumping for joy.

	"Just give me a minute to get ready."

	"Okay!" The rabbit-eared girl visibly twitched again, then
started looking around in earnest. "But first, can I, er, use
the bathroom?"

	"Yes, of course. It's down the hall, to the left."

	"Thanks, Hotaru!"

^_^

	"I like Hotaru," Chibiusa noted inside her head. "She's nice."

	"Heh. I like little miss Death Star, too," Jason added as he

And in that phrase, he sums it all up. ^_^  Most of us like little miss Death
Star.  She's cute, cuddly, looks like she could use a lot of hugs, and can
blow up the planet!  What more could you want?

glanced around the hallways. "I'm gonna have to do something about
Mistress Nine, though."

	"Who's Mistress Nine?"

	"Uh... Didn't we go over this before?"

	"Umm..."

	"Oh, right. That was with Ben. Sometimes, it's so hard to
tell." Jason cleared Chibiusa's throat and proceeded to tell her
about the daimon in question. "Okay, here's the deal, kid. Hotaru's
possesed half the time by a really tough, evil daimon named Mistress
Nine, AKA the Messiah of Silence."

	"That's terrible!"

	"Nah, it just makes 'er more cool. And Gothic. Can't be a
cool, Gothic, Lovecraftian character without a demon inside your
head, you know."

He has a point. Too bad Chibiusa has NO idea who Lovecraft is.  Heh, his
stories would probably permanently derange the girl...hey, that's an idea....

	"Won't you do something about it?"

	"You bet'cher sweet @$#^!@%! I will!"

	"My sweet WHAT?" Chibiusa asked, not really comprehending the
term, before shrugging it off and guessing it was just another one
of Jason's potty words. "As long as you're gonna help her, it's okay.
What are you doing right now, huh?"

	"Insurance, Chibiusa. If Ben doesn't know how to handle an
SI right, I'll just have to take matters into my own hands." As if
to demonstrate that point, he spit on both of Chibiusa's hands,
rubbed them together, and wiped them on the sides of the girl's
outfit. "Or yours. Heh."

	"Eeew. Weren't you going to the bathroom first? I don't need to
go yet. I don't think, at least. Except maybe now to wash my hands."

	"Did I say bathroom?" Jason said. "I meant the secret
underground lab @!#@^ ol' Professor Tomoe's got here."

	"You mean, you weren't joking earlier?"

	"Heh heh heh! Do I sound like I'm joking? We're gonna go blow
it up!!! Sound like fun to you?!"

YES!!! DESTRUCTION!!!

	"Umm..." Chibiusa didn't sound very sure of much of anything
at this point. So, she changed the topic. "Hey, you've been using my
body for a few minutes. Can I have it back again yet?"

Heh, this is worse than time sharing.

	"Just a second," Jason said, as he reached a dead-end in the
hallway. On the wall was an inconspicuous button, which he hopped up
and pushed.

	An outline of a door appeared in the wall in front of him,
then slid aside to reveal a dark passageway, full of steel pipes
and poorly-placed metal girders. Jason stepped in before it closed
again.

	"Okay," Jason said, releasing his control such that Chibiusa
just sort of slid back into it. "Your turn, kiddo."

	"What?!" Chibiusa cried aloud. Realizing that she could now
speak, she whispered, "What am I gonna do here?!"

	"Your mission," Jason continued smoothly from the safe confines
of the girl's thick skull, "should you choose to accept it, is to

Heheheheh, and the chibi bashing continues unabated. ^_^

find one or more of the following items: The self-destruct button, if
they've got one, Tomoe's daimon-making machine, Eudial's experimental

Oh, they've got one.  Gauranteed, they got one.  After all, these guys are
very much like the examples used to create the evil overlord list.

Fire Buster Mark Two, or another one of those vans Eudial was using."

	"Why would you want another van?"

	"'Cause I've got road rage and they're fun to crash. Oh! And you

I like Jason.  He has the right idea. ^_^

have to get back before Hotaru notices anything's wrong. Five minutes,
maybe. You up to the challenge?"

	Chibiusa looked down and pursed her lips. "A real challenge,
huh? I can do this." She tilted her gaze upwards. "Yes! I can do it!"
She thrust a hand into the air and proclaimed, "Moon Prism Power,
Make Up!"

	"@#%@#%@#%!" Jason cringed and covered his metaphysical eyes.
"I don't @$@$*$! wanna see -that-!"

	This time, though, there wasn't much to see. The little prism
hooked to the front of Chibiusa's outfit gleamed and chimed a bit.
Then she got flung upwards, upside-down, hitting her bottom hard
against the ceiling. In a puff of pink smoke, her sailor suit
replaced her street clothes. Then, in an amazingly anti-climactic
moment, she fell flat on her face and groaned.

When transformations go wrong! ^_^

	Jason finally found the courage to look. "Hey... All right.
Cool! Now get up and let's get to it!"

	"Ow...That huuuurt!"

	"Don't start complaining like Usagi now. Fall in, soldier!
We've got an enemy base to destroy and you've got a mission to
complete. Chop chop!"

	"Right," Sailor Chibimoon said, before getting shakily to
her feet and trudging onward, into the unknown. "Chop chop?"

	"That's what's gonna happen if you don't hide, since Miss
Bad Hair Day's coming around the corner. Into the open locker,
fly-girl!"

<Morpheus> There is an empty office to your left.  Go now!

	Chibimoon noticed a row of tall lockers to her left. One
of them had been recently opened, emptied, and left that way.
She quickly climbed in and closed it as silently as she could.

	Surely enough, Kaolinite came around the corner and walked
right past her, then used the hidden entrance to depart out of
sight.

	"Think like a ninja, kid!" Jason ordered. "Get out there
and get what we need! Four minutes left!"

	"Um, okay!" Chibimoon fiddled with the latch.

	"I can't hear you!"

	"Um, yes!"

	"Yes, what?!"

	"Yes sir?"

	"@$^@#$^@! yeah! That's better. Now move 'em out!"

	"Okay, Jason!" Chibimoon replied while she swung the locker
open and ran toward the main section of the lab, which opened up
into a larger room that extended a floor below. Professor Tomoe was
there with his back turned, examining a beaker on a bunsen burner
in front of him.

All that high tech gear, and still reduced to using a bunsen burner. 

	"Get down there and sneak past 'em," Jason commanded.

	Chibimoon climbed under the railing and slid soundlessly
behind a strewn pile of steel drums before making her way across
the room. However, as she tried to sneak by, she tripped over a
fallen camera tripod. "Ow!"

	Professor Tomoe, engaged in a bout of laughter, did not take

Rule 20, doc. ^_^

notice immediately. The Senshi-in-Training scrambled to hide, making
a great deal more sound with the tripod stuck between her feet, and
finally made it behind a desk.

	"Hmm?!" Tomoe turned around urgently, not a second too soon.
"Who's there? Kaolinite?"

	Sailor Chibimoon saw a large rat crawl in front of her. She
hurriedly shooed it toward the professor's visual range.

I'd be a bit leary of anything that's 'alive' in this lab.

	Fortunately, the mad scientist saw it, then shook his head
and went back to work, muttering about the need to set some traps.

	"See that in front?" Jason asked. He would have pointed if
he could. "The metal box with the black star on it at the center
of all those tubes? That's the machine Tomoe uses to make daimons."

	"Gosh," Chibimoon whispered, in the frightened awe of one that
had just been shown the root of all evil.

In a way, she had.

	"We'll get to blow it up after all..."

	"Right!" Chibimoon whispered, and whipped out her cute little
heart-shaped wand. "Pink Eshugaaah--"

I'm not sure that thing can light a match though. ^^

	"Wait, not yet!" Jason said. "See the thing in pieces on the
table near it? The backpack with all the hoses and cables? That's
the Fire Buster. Go get it!"

<Jason> Heheheh...fire...fire...FIRE! ^_^

	"Okay..."

	Sailor Chibimoon shuffled on her hands and feet over to the
table. She paused, confused as to which bit to pick up first.

	"The big thing's a backpack. Slip it on, grab the nozzle,
and slip the tube under your arm. Quick now! Two minutes."

	The sailor-suited girl did as she was instructed. She put
on the large backpack section of the Fire Buster II, momentarily
staggered by its weight, then picked up the nozzle by the hose,
and shuffled back behind the desk.

	"Good!" Jason said. "Now take it off and let's assemble
this bad boy!"

Heh, reminds me of the Knights of the Dinner Table flash cartoon.  They bring
a flame thrower to the game to add some realism. 

"Hey man, crank that bad boy up!" *whoosh* 

Needless to say one of em got a bit toasted.

http://www.hoodyhoo.com/kodt.htm ^_^

	Shaking with fear and excitement, Chibimoon hurriedly put the
Fire Buster on the floor and looked at the parts, trying to decide
which bit went where. She started to slip the nozzle into the
outflow pipe.

	"Stick the hose in there!" Jason corrected her. "Move, move,
move!"

	Chibimoon did so, then slipped it onto her back again.

	"Hit the ON switch. It's at your left."

	The girl found it and activated the device.

	"@#%^@! It didn't blow up," Jason muttered angrily. He let out

*%Dying...in a moment of splendor...for a moment the glory and the death are
one the same.*% ^_^

a long mental sigh. "All right, kid. Take the nozzle in your right
hand, and note the trigger on the handle."

Eudial didn't bother to include a safety did she?

	Chibimoon fumbled around a bit, and found what Jason was
talking about. She hefted the large nozzle uneasily. "Now what?"

	"Remember the daimon-making machine?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Get to where you can see it and take aim."

	Chibimoon struggled to her feet, then pointed the dangerous,
humming device at the black-star box. "And...?"

	Jason chuckled evilly. "Target: MAXIMUM FIREPOWER!!!"

He's one of the guys who thought they should have had laser guns around the
main reactor, isn't he?

	The little, pink-haired girl drew a nervous breath, braced
herself, and pulled the trigger.

	*KER-BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!*

	The device was obliterated within a second. Judging from the
size and fury of the explosion, the fluid used in making daimons must
have been highly flammable.

Or possessed of a lot of energy...which just got released.

	Sailor Chibimoon didn't take much notice the recoil from the
shot, since the force of the blast greatly surpassed it, knocking her
all the way back into the wall just below where she had come in.

So for a moment she felt a bit squished. Heh.

	"@^@##%*#%&%^*^%(&*%^(&@$%@^!!!&$%^*^&(^*()%^(%^(*%$($%!!!"
Jason exclaimed. "THAT WAS @#%@#%@^##^@^#$@ COOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!"

	Chibimoon slid to the floor. "That... hurt," she noted weakly.
Her strength of will faltered, leaving Jason in control.

Little tollerance for pain.  Then again, that's what training is for.

	"Ow," Jason added, wincing. "That DOES hurt."

	Not caring, for the moment, how the explosion had happened,
Professor Tomoe got back up. His laugh became a bit more frightened,

Still laughing?  Him and Tarantulus should compare notes.

and he grabbed a high-pressure fire extinguisher, then ran to the
other side of the room, attempting to douse the flames threatening
to consume the whole lab.

Thanking Cthulhu that he didn't install that halon system like he originally
planned on...

<snip>

	"It was kinda faded and said, 'Chidisyte,'" Chibiusa noted.
"And the combination sounds familiar..."

And the plot thickens. 

	"Had a dream once or twice about that," Jason said. "Seemed
as good a guess as any." He looked around in the darkness. It smelled
musty. He wrinkled Chibiusa's nose. "Chidisyte?"

	"Jason!" Chibiusa squealed. "Kaolinite can see us! She's
coming this way!"

	Jason patted the nozzle of the Fire Buster. "Heh. Let 'er
come!"

	*BZZRT!* Chibimoon suddenly regained control, just as
Kaolinite swung the locker door open. The little girl whipped out
her wand, pointed it at the woman's face, and cried, "PINK SUGAR
HEART ATTACK!!!"

All things considered this was likely the smarter of the two attacks
available.  The firebuster would have probably cooked them too in that
enclosed space hitting a target a point blank range.

	A few music-box notes played, and then...

	*Ping-ping-ping-ping-ping!* A stream of little pink hearts
smacked into Kaolinite's face, which she kept trained on her
while backing out the secret door. The red-haired lady couldn't
have gotten more than a glimpse of the girl before she escaped.

Heh, so it is good for something.  Though I bet mace would have been more
effective.

	Sailor Chibimoon grasped the Fire Buster's nozzle and pointed
it into the open passageway, and pulled the trigger, shouting,
"HUNKA HUNKA BURNIN' LOVE!!!"

Now she's getting it!  A disgrace to all magical girl attacks everywhere.  ^_^
Good job!  Hell, a few more days under their care and she'll be a character
that everyone will want to be. 

	*BLAAAM!!!* The blast scored a direct hit on Kaolinite's back,
knocking her deeper into the lab and melting away a goodly portion
of the entranceway before the secret door slid shut.

Probably didn't kill her...well, maybe it did, but probably not considering
the amount of pounding Kaolinite took in the R season before finally buying
it.

	"@#%@#%@#!% GREAT SHOT, KID!" Jason let out a triumphant war
cry. "THAT WAS ONE IN A MILLION!!!"

	Panting hard, Chibimoon de-transformed into her street clothes,
and ran off toward the bathroom, closed the door, and locked it. She
breathed a sigh of relief. "I can't... believe... I just did that!"

This is how it starts.  Pretty soon you get addicted to the russsshhhh.

	A second later, there was a soft knock on the bathroom door,
and on the other side, Hotaru asked, "Are you all right, Chibiusa-
chan? You've been in there for a while..."

	"I'm fine, Hotaru-chan!" Chibiusa replied. "Just another
minute!"

	"That was @#*%#@!%#@ COOL!" Jason added. "Why didn't you tell
me you could do somethin' so @#$%^@^%@#' cool?!"

Heh, it's good to have someone in your head giving you pointers in situations
like that.  Sometimes they can get you to do things you would never have
thought you could do.

	"Thank you, Jason," Chibiusa whispered, glad to hear a bit
of praise from the normally beligerent presence in her head. She
felt relieved that the machine the enemy used to make daimons was
gone, but then she frowned and looked at the Fire Buster that she'd
let slip onto the floor, along with the backpack Hotaru had given
her earlier. "But how do we hide this now that we've got it?"

	*Vrrr!* Whirring happily, Luna-P came back into view from
wherever it had been hiding.

	Chibiusa looked between the floating balloon, to the Fire
Buster, and then to the big bunny-backpack.

	"I've got--" Jason began.

	"--an idea," Chibiusa finished the thought.

They're a bad influence on her.  Heheheheh, very good job. *evil grin*

^_^;;;

	On another note, Ben had just mastered the elementary psychic
backstroke, and had reached his goal: He had found a collection of
his forgotten memories. More importantly, he had encountered a few
fragments of the explanation of the Otakufic SI Adventure System,
v0.080a.

	"Oh," he commented to himself as he examined the item in
question. "Who'd have thought it was so simple? The cheats are
practically built in. This ought to keep Jason happy. Dragon Slave,
here we come!"

	He turned around and started his journey away from the
subconscious and back toward the bright, pink sentience of Chibiusa's
mainstream thought.

Even in there it's pink? GAH! 

^_^

	A bus ride later, Hotaru and Chibiusa had made it to the base
of Tokyo Tower.

	"I'm glad to see you've put the backpack I gave you to use,"
Hotaru said, quite pleased at that. What did you put in it? What's
the tube hanging out the top for?"

	Chibiusa smiled back, obviously very proud of a recent
accomplishment. "It's a prize I won a little while ago."

A very good description. ^_^

	"Really?" Hotaru asked, quite interested in its origin.
"What did you win it from?"

	Chibiusa thought about that for a moment, then explained,
"A shooting gallery."

And she hasn't lied yet. ^_^

	"It looks strange," Hotaru said. "Is it a vacuum cleaner?"

	"Something like that."

It can certainly be used to clean things. ^_^

	The teenager laughed and smiled so deeply that she found it
difficult to keep her eyes open. That was one reason, Hotaru
realized, that she liked the odd little pink-haired girl so much: she
finally found someone that made -her- look normal. "You look so cute
and silly, carrying around a vacuum like that."

Heh, and that's an accomplishment, making her look normal.

	Chibiusa held her arms behind her head and replied, "Thanks!"

	As the two approached the elevator, they took notice of an
empty, familiar-looking, battered van, crashed up against one of
the Tower's main supports. A crash of thunder split the air. Hotaru
and Chibiusa looked upwards, and saw the telltale flash of magical
attacks and explosions on one of the higher levels. Then they looked
at each other.

	"Something's going on up there," Hotaru said. "Do you think
it has anything to do with the daimon that attacked the boy that
served our tea that one time?"

	Chibiusa looked pensive for a moment before replying, "Yes,
yes, I think it is. I'm sure of it, actually."

	Hotaru flashed her younger friend a mischievous grin. "Shall
we do something about it again?"

Hotaru's a bit of an adrenaline junkie too.  Who'd have thunk it? ^_^

	Chibiusa clenched a fist and shouted, "@^@#^% YEAH!"

	"Then let's go!" Hotaru grabbed the little girl by the wrist
and started to lead her onward, with a vigor that she'd previously
thought lost to her. She hadn't felt so alive in years.

I pity her first boyfriend.  <Hotaru> and on our first date, we'll go sky
diving! <Boy> Sounds cool. Can't wait to drop and then open my chute. <Hotaru>
Parchutes?  Parachutes are for sissies! ^_^

---

	As the two young girls rode upwards on Tokyo Tower's main
elevator, a tallish, green-haired woman in purple and white business
attire watched them solemnly from the ground.

	"Small Lady," she whispered, her eyes shimmering with a hidden
worry. "What on Earth could you be thinking?"

Technically...she's not.  Then again, I'm not sure her current guests are
either. Heheheheheheh.

<snip of the end credits>

Well, that was a nice lil' cliffhanger, wasn't it?

Can't wait to see how they screw with things now. ^_^

I didn't know exactly when I'd get this one done, but one day,
inspiration hit, and I found something worth chuckling about.
I hope you liked this one, and if anyone saw the bits that needed
fixing, please tell me. I hope the formatting comes through okay.

Seems to have.  And I definately liked it.  A couple of parts in it were just
priceless, and I'll be laughing about them for a long time. 

So... Anyone STILL want me to continue this? ^_^

Damn straight man!  It'd be a shame to leave this hanging for all time.  At
the very least we get to see more of Hotaru, and that's got to be worth
something, right?

Anyway, hoped this helped a bit.

Take it easy.

K'thardin
"I'm a soldier.  I fight.  That's what I do."
	-Optimus Prime


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