Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Fri, 27 Sep 2002 15:43:53 -0400 "L.S McGill" <lsmcgill@hotmail.com> wrote:
Zhu Shu took a deep breath as she straightened. "I have heard
{mother : my aunt} talking to the revered magistrate."
As she stepped out of the bathroom and made her way to the dining
room, she found herself looking at a Chinese girl doing exercises in
front of the shrine. {Curiouity : Curiosity} fighting nausea, she headed towards the
kitchen, hunting for her sister. "Hey, Belldandy! Who's the girl
practicing in the courtyard?"
"Well, you were drinking for most of a week before {Urd : Skuld} and I saw
the transmittal beam. You've been sleeping since then. The Sysop said
you'd blown most of your energy on the transmittal, since it was an
unscheduled wish. Father was a trifle upset at that, but he said he's
willing to overlook it, providing you {did : do} well on granting the wish.
Isn't that great?"
And Belldandy had clarified what had happened as Urd recovered from
her {multi day : multi-day} drinking binge. It seemed the white haired goddess
wasn't the perfect being one might think a goddess would be, but the
wish was real enough. Belldandy had verified it with her home office.
It had just been a matter of waiting until Urd had slept everything
off. Meanwhile, Shan Pu had been told to just relax and {recupuerate : recuperate}.
- And that, she had to admit, was probably why Kami-Sama had given it
-to her as a test.
+ And that, she had to admit, was probably why Kami-Sama had made it
+{a : her} test.
I prefer the previous wording.
"Zhu Shu need {now : know} what skill senshi have before can know how
train." she began when every was looking at her. "Song school take
much practice to do dance, and will be some time before Zhu Shu teach
attacks, but if have training already, may make easier."
Usagi shrugged and pulled out her locket. A few moments later, Zhu
Shu sniffed and rubbed her nose as Sailor Moon did a Ta Da in front of
her, then nodded.
"Zhu Shu see how that could distract until transformation done, but
it take too long."
I don't think that really helps. Most of the youma weren't lesbians.
A whirwind exploded through the room as the five girls found
themselves caught in what was for all intents a natural disaster. Zhu
Shu had vanished into the wind as they found their wands ripped from
their hands and their bodies {impacted : slammed} with the power of a speeding car.
As a group, they went flying, and several {impacted : hit} the shrines walls
with the crunch of broken bones.
No. There had to be a way to work it all out. She sat on a {bus
stop : busstop} bench to think.
The next morning, she pretended not to notice Rei trying to watch
her secretly at her exercises, but she did do her hardest forms. No
sense in wasting the opportunity to show her exactly how much she had
yet to learn. Rei's aura worried her a little, but at least it wasn't
Usagi or Minako. Rei was a priestess, and hopefully mature enough to
recognize a minor fascination with a novel stranger as what it was.
She could read the swirled tangle of admiration, envy and desire and
{know : knew} it wasn't serious yet, however muddled teenaged hormones could
make the situation seem. Rei was curious, and undecided if she should
persue that {curiousity : curiosity}.
"We slaughtered the Musk. Though we came to late {to : too} save the
stronghold, we still held to our oaths. We could have protected you,
helped you rebuild Clan Dragon. You would not now be reduced sending
the sole heir on a husband quest."
"So you punish Akane for not be like Zhu Shu?! Fight with her,
call her name?" Shadows overhung the Chinese {girls : girl's} face, "Maybe want
Zhu Shu teach Akane be like her?!"