It's a very fascinating concept. I'm sure you'll all want to read the
backstory if you haven't already. Find it at the following website:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html
Larry F has been very helpful in this respect. So have the bazillions
of people that have helped contribute ideas. (Thanks, guys! Remember:
Resistance IS Futile.)
And now, on with the story!
WOOHOO! And here with C&C, is me, proclaiming: I YET LIVE~!
All right! Brian Randall's back with a vengeance!!! ^_^
Sorry about the massive delay and stoppage of my C&C, but 48 consecutive
10-hour work days tend to cut into your free time.
I can imagine. School's been biting into my time, as well as
a few other things.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A blonde fourth-grader dressed like
a nurse and carrying a staff ran away as fast as her little legs
would carry her, an Invid fighter in hot pursuit.
Ah, yes.... Nurse Angel Ririka?
Correct. It was too obscure of a series for me to find much
information on, so the Genma subplot got moved lock, stock,
and barrel over to Cardcaptor Sakura.
Now I have to rethink the entire concept, while including
the suggestions of CCS fans and meshing Sailor Moon and Ranma
material. AND making it funny and dramatic...
It's a plotting nightmare, let me tell you.
"Hey, I've got one of those..."
This elipses terminates a sentence. ... -- ....
That's odd, really. Nobody's brought up that point, really.
Ahem... WHY hasn't anyone else told me about this rule?
And if they did, WHY on Earth did I ignore it??!!? ^_^;;
Changed. Actually, I went back and found that a lot of
the elipses weren't necessary.
Can I use a regular elipsis to separate sentence fragments?
I really need to go back, finish and revise this sometime
soon. I've gotten enough suggestions to change Ryouga's
cat appearance, and a few other things.
The truant officer's eyes glowed red for a moment. "Your
parents and/or legal guardian(s) will be informed of your recent
transfer to Tomoeda Elementary School. I will personally escort you
to your new class."
Yes, yes, this is good.
The things I do to move plotlines. ^_^
Arnie vs. the Regis. I can kind of see it, ya know?
The Regis? Who's that? (CCS mythology? I hadn't heard of it.)
"I am," the girl breathed hard, "Tomoe Hotaru," she finished
writing her name on the board, "and I'll be your substitute teacher
for this class from now on for Mondays and Thursdays."
Ah... Hotaru/Hinako?
It's as close a match as is necessary. Hotaru won't use any
coin techniques, but there's plenty of fun to be had with
Mistress Nine teaching a class.
"SHE's a teacher?!"
"How did some fourteen year old get to do that?!"
"I don't believe this..."
I'm not positive about this, but I think it's fourteen-year-old (?)
Okay, I'll change it to that. Corrected a spelling error in there,
too.
A couple of gangsterish boys in the back row folded their arms
incredulously. It wasn't that they weren't in uniform, because they
were. It was more how they slouched in their seats and the way they
appeared to have a waistline roughly three feet lower than the
average human being. "Oh yeah?!" they yelled at their very young new
teacher.
Waistline? Arm length to match, I'm sure....
Yup. I'm probably getting the cultural references completely wrong,
but I couldn't think of a properly insulting group to put in.
Tomoe Hotaru winced. "Yes, I know it seems strange to everyone,
and believe me, _nobody_ is more nervous than I am right now." She
picked up one of the sheets she had placed on the desk. Taking a
deep breath, she tried to speak over the muttering and whispering
going on in the classroom. "Okay, now I'm supposed to explain to
you the importance of chemical bonds in..."
Same thing for an elipses that terminates a sentence. ... -- ....
A lot of the elipses turned out to be unnecessary and were removed.
The rest were changed to the four-period elipsis.
The teacher, a moderately tall man in semi-formal attire named
Terada Yoshiyuki,nodded encouragingly and motioned for her to come
and stand at the front of the class. "Saotome-san," he said
curteously and with a smile, "we got the note from the office that
said you were coming." He looked up at the rest of the class. "It
looks like the mystery's over. Everyone, this is our new transfer
student!"
Yoshiyuki,nodded -- Yoshiyuki, nodded (missing space)
Fixed.
Keeping the T-800 Truancy Enforcement Unit in the corner of her
eye, Genma waved with a very nervous smile. "Ummm, hi..." Silently,
she decided to wait until the android moved on before escaping, since
another direct confrontation was obviously out of the question. She
wasn't THAT suicidal. But that would probably mean suffering through
school for at least until lunch. She never had liked school. Not one
bit.
Again with the elipses. :p
It's a bad habit, really. So much more can be conveyed via textual
references rather than overuse of elipses. It's just that I've got
so many of them lying around.... ^_^
"Oh, all right," Genma sighed, then clenched her fists and
stared at the wall on the other side of the room. "My name is Saotome
Spo," she trailed off, then suddenly found herself wondering why
she'd chosen to bring up the name used by her son to insult her, "I
mean _Genma_." She took another breath, thinking about how she was
going to escape at lunch and how she could get her boy's engagement
back on track. "I enjoy training in martial arts, getting out of
class and," she almost slurred the rest of her half-muttered words,
as if not really concentrating, "finding out how to make son go
through with arranged marriages with a friend's daughters..."
I'd replace the comma trailing 'spo' with an elipses, actually. ;)
A three-period one? ^_^ Okay.
The final elipses should have four periods in it, since it appears to
terminate the sentence.
Done and done.
It's gotta be a great story if all there is to complain about is
the improper usage of elipses. ^_-
"She likes stuff about marrage?" a girl with dark eyes and
long dark hair whispered to herself. She turned to her friend, who
was sitting next to her. "Maybe I could could get her to help me
try out a few new designs on Sakura..." Aloud, she said. "Sakura-
chan, what do you think about inviting her out later to help with
a costume I've been working on?"
said. "Sakura -- said, "Sakura
Fixed.
Kinomoto Sakura, a girl with short brown hair and a sort of
thoughtful, innocent look about her, didn't take her gaze off of
Genma. "Uh, sure, Tomoyo-chan." She leaned her cheek against her
hand, starting to look worried. "You know, she looks kind of weird,
especially the hair..."
Daidouji Tomoyo nodded. "Pink rabbit ears. We don't see that
too often, that's for sure. I've got a cousin with pink hair, but
he always dyes it neon purple to look more normal..."
Thee consecutive paragraphs of elipses madness!
Ah, I see you have studied the art of period placing, while I have
not.
It's funny... These rules didn't bother me until I'd heard about
them.
Before, I used two-period elipses instead of the three-period
ones. Then, someone told me about the three-period ones. Now
I'm getting told about the four-period ones.
Will the madness ever end? ^_^
Genma paused. "There's a club for that?"
Wedding Peach next, eh?
The series is rather packed as it is, and is just on the point
of blowing up in my face and scattering itself to the four winds,
but if I see an opportunity, I'll use it.
When I started writing this, the main thing in my favor was
surprise. Now, everyone knows, so what's the fun of that? ^_^
Sakura's eyes went wide. "Oh! I guess you already have one..."
....
Genma grinned maliciously, touched the tip of her pencil to
her tongue, and got started.
This worries me.
Even Genma could ace a fourth-grade class. ^_^
She was naturally a bit nervous, what with all the rumors that
the Outer Senshi were out and about again. Nevertheless, with the
knife in her boot and the dual magically-enhanced semi-automatic .45
Magnums holstered at her sides, she felt confident that she was
prepared to face whatever this world could possibly throw at her.
With the possible exception of moving platforms.
Those always were annoying, weren't they?
"The Principal will be most pleased to know we have a prisoner
to interrogate," Vader mused.
Hehehe....
"Now we will discuss the location of your hidden delinquent base..."
Hands down, everyone, thank you. Now, who could kindly
inform me where they are?
Thanks! Be hearing from you, then. ^_^
Was good. More!
Thanks! I'm glad to hear it. I've been feeling that this story
hasn't quite been up to snuff...
Just like NETTG, it'll need tons of revision.
Mix and Match is still slow-going... Stylin' is moving along,
HoS hasn't been worked on much, and NETTG's at a stand-still.
Probably has something to do with me trying to do too much at
once. ^_^;;;
Thanks for the commentary!
----------------------
Benjamin A Oliver
boliver@U.Arizona.EDU
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to make us laugh.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
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