Subject: [FFML] [Ranma/Shakespeare] Much Ado About Ranma, Act Three, Scene One
From: Timothy Groves
Date: 9/21/2002, 12:49 AM
To: Fanfic Mailing List


* Disclaimer *

Takahashi  Rumiko created Ranma 1/2 and all of the characters and
situations found therein.  I have no rights to  them  whatsoever,
and  hope  that  she  and  anyone to whom they have been properly
licenced do not sue me.

William Shakespeare has been credited with the creation  of  Much
Ado About Nothing, but regardless of whoever actually wrote it, I
don't think I'm in danger of being  sued  for  misusing  it.   My
apologies nonetheless to the Bard.


"Shampoo  not  care who see Shampoo naked.  You sell any pictures
you want.  You give away.  If Shampoo  care,  Shampoo  wear  more
clothes."

Nabiki sighed.  "Fine.  What do you want?"

The  Amazon  scowled.   "Why  mercenary  girl  think Shampoo want
anything?"

Nabiki threw up her hands.  "I just wanna  get  this  film  done,
okay?  I want the sucker finished!"

Shampoo tilted her head.  "Why not say so?"

"...What do you mean?"

"Nabiki  come  in  here,  show  pictures,  make  threats.  If was
warrior, Shampoo might simply beat up.  But all you want is  film
finished?"

"...Yeah."

"What Shampoo do?"

"Well, all you gotta do is play the part of a lady in waiting--"

"Play  part?   Shampoo  be  movie  star!"   The girl jumped up in
excitement.  "I go ask Great-Grandmother if is okay!"

Nabiki groaned, and dropped her head in her hands.

A minute later, Cologne came out of the kitchen.

"So, you need an extra for your little movie, eh, girl?"

Nabiki nodded glumly.

"Well, luckily for you, Shampoo likes the idea.  She's willing to
work for free.  I, on the other hand, am not so generous with the
working time of my best waitress."  She cackled.  "Mousse, on the
other hand, you can have if you want."

"No,  it's  a  female  part.   And  Shampoo  looks a lot like the
original actress."

Cologne nodded.  "I thought so.  So you must pay the piper,  eh?"

Nabiki sighed.  "What do you want?"

"Two  things.   First:  You will pay Shampoo's normal wages while
she works for you.   Keep  track  of  the  hours,  and  make  out
receipts."

"All right.  Anything else?"

"Yes.   Second:   You'll  find  a  small  part  for myself."  She
grinned.  "I, at least, you will not have to pay."

"Oh?"

"I've always wanted to be in a film."



                      Tail Kinker Presents

               In Association with TN Enterprises

                      Much Ado About Ranma


"I have a task for you, Kodachi--"

"Name not Kodachi.  Name Shampoo."

"Cut!"  Nabiki sighed.  "Well, that was quick."

She walked up to the Amazon.  "Look, Shampoo.  One of  the  first
things to remember when acting, is that you aren't called by your
real name."

Shampoo frowned.  "Other people are.  Airen is.  Nice girl is."

"Yes, that is true.  But you  are  replacing  someone  who  quit.
Remember?"

"Shampoo still not Crazy Girl."  She fingered the single ponytail
that had replaced her normal hairdo.  The natural  purple  colour
had  been  covered over with a seven-day black dye.  "Even if try
to make look like."

Nabiki growled.  "I know you're not stupid, Shampoo.  Why do  you
act like you are?"

Shampoo  looked  askance  at  Nabiki.   In  flawlessly unaccented
Japanese, she said, "And give up all the advantages that go  with
being  considered  mindless?"  She coughed.  "Not like what do to
throat."

Nabiki smirked.  "Fine.  At least try to  use  some  brain  cells
here, okay?"  She sighed.  "Just as well we had to cut...I forgot
I was supposed to be in this scene anyway."

Kasumi spoke up.  "If you are going to be on-camera, who is going
to run the cameras?  I don't see your partner here."

"He's  not  my  partner.   He's  just an unemployed computer geek
foreigner with delusions of being a writer."   She  fumed.   "And
he's been paying less and less attention to this ever since--"

"Ever since what?"

"...Never mind.  Not important."

The  scriptwriter  in  question  chose this unfortunate moment to
show up.

"Hi, Nabs.  Sorry I'm late.  Did I miss anything?"

The resulting beating was, of course, no more than  he  deserved.
Perhaps  he  should  have  remembered  that  Nabiki,  while not a
martial artist per se, was still physically quite formidable.  At
least  compared to an out-of-shape writer.  When it was over, and
he was propped up behind a camera, Nabiki stormed onto  the  set,
straightened her clothing, and bellowed.

"Roll, and action!"

"I  have a task for you, Kodachi.  I need you to run to the dojo,
where you'll find my sister Akane talking with Mister Saotome and
Doctor  Tofu.   Please  tell  her  that  you overheard Nabiki and
myself talking about her.  Oh, and tell her that if she stands by
that  corner,  there, she can hear everything that happens in the
garden without being seen."

The other girl nodded.  "Kodachi will do this."  She  turned  and
ran off.

Kasumi  giggled.   "This  shall  be a nice joke, don't you think,
Nabiki?  When she arrives, I'll mention Ranma, and  you  have  to
praise him to the stars.  Do you think you can manage that?"

"I'll  try  real hard."  She craned her neck.  "Yep, and here she
comes now, sis."  She winced.  "Cut."

The scriptwriter, still groggy  from  his  thrashing,  shook  his
head.  "What's the problem?"

Nabiki  scowled.  "I goofed.  Kasumi and I aren't sisters in this
film."  She considered.  "I'll just jump back in on my line.   We
can edit around it later.  Ready, sis?"

"When you are."

"I'll  try  real hard."  She craned her neck.  "Yep, and here she
comes now, Kasumi."

Kasumi's voice dropped somewhat.  "We'll have to  move  a  little
closer,  so  she  doesn't miss anything."  She turned towards the
house, raising her voice as she did.  "No, I think  it  would  be
better  if  we  don't  tell  her.  She is stubborn, hotheaded and
proud...she would merely use it to torment him."

Nabiki grinned.  "But are you sure that Ranma loves your sister?"

There  was  a  muffled  thump  from  around  the  corner.  Kasumi
pictured it as Akane's jaw  hitting  the  floor,  and  stifled  a
giggle.  "His father told me, and so did my fiancee."

"And you really don't plan to tell her?"

"Well,  Mister Saotome said that I should, but I will not.  And I
told them that they should not, either."

"Why not?  He seems a nice enough guy, and he's  good-looking  to
boot.  Lots of muscles."

"No.   I know my sister well.  She has no use whatsoever for men.
Probably because they are all so weak, compared to her.  Even  my
dear Ono could not defeat her."

"But Ranma's a strong man.  And he's handsome, and even-tempered,
and quite noble.  His father told me once that  Ranma  would  die
before breaking his word."

"True.   If  I  wasn't already engaged..."  She grinned impishly.
"But knowing Akane, she'd  just  turn  it  all  around.   Strong?
She'd  say, like a gorilla.  Handsome?  She'd say he looks like a
girl.  Noble?"  She sighed.  "She'd just call him simple."

"You're pretty harsh on her."

"I do love my sister...but I know her, too."

"I still think you should tell her."

"No!  I'll go to Ranma, instead, and tell him never to  speak  of
it  to her.  I'll even tell him some lies about her, just to make
sure!"

"Fine,  I'll  stop  bugging  you  about  it.   Sheesh."    Nabiki
considered.  "When are you gonna hold the wedding?"

"Tomorrow,  in fact!  Come on, I'll show you the dress!"  The two
hurried away, into the house.

Akane stepped around the corner, her mouth hanging open.

"My ears are burning."  She shook her head.  "What kind  of  line
is that?"

"Cut!"   Nabiki  re-entered  the set from the house.  "And it was
going so well, too."

"Sorry, but still...'My ears are burning?'  Does someone set fire
to  my  hair  in  this  scene?"   She turned on the scriptwriter.
"What the heck does that mean, anyway?"

The writer threw his hands in the air.  "It's just an expression.
When you hear someone talking about you, y'know?"

"No,  I  don't  know."   She scowled at him.  "Maybe when someone
talks about you in America, your hair catches fire, but  here  in
Japan, people sneeze."

"Canada."

"Huh?"

"I'm Canadian.  Not American."  The writer scowled.

"What's the difference?"

"Americans  can't  hold  their beer."  The writer glanced down at
his notebook.  "And I know about the sneezing thing.   But  there
wasn't really a way I could see to work it into the story."

"Oh?"  Akane grabbed the notebook and flipped through it.  "Where
the heck is the script?"  She tossed the notebook back at him and
grabbed  a  script.   "The  rest  of  this  is  pretty lame, too.
Where'd you get your writing  skills?   Out  of  a  box  of  rice
crackers?"

He  threw  up  his hands.  "Look, I'm doin' my best, okay?  I had
problems with this scene.  It doesn't help that my Japanese isn't
that great either."

Akane grinned.  "Trust me to ad-lib?"

"Why not?  It's Nabiki's film."

"Fine.  From my entrance."  She turned and left.

The  scriptwriter  glanced  up  at  the director.  "You cool with
this, Nabs?"

"Sure, I trust her.  And don't call me Nabs.  Action!"

Akane stepped around the corner, rubbing her nose.

"I can't believe that.  I  can't!   My  own  sister,  calling  me
stubborn?   Hotheaded?   Said  she'd lie about me!"  She threw up
her hands.  "And to protect...Ranma?  Ranma, in  love  with...me?
I don't believe it!  He'd never love any woman, he said so!"

She  considered.   "But...it  was  Kasumi  who said it.  Kasumi's
never told a lie in her life, as far as I know.

"Maybe...he does love me.

"And I'm just driving him away..."  She shook her  head.   "Maybe
Kasumi  was  right.   Maybe  I am too proud."  She sighed.  "I'll
give him a chance.  Maybe he's a nice guy, and just  reacting  to
my  being  nasty  to  him."   She  looked up.  "All right, Ranma.
You've got that chance.  But you'd better live up to even  better
than Kasumi said you were!"

"Cut  and  print."   Nabiki turned to the scriptwriter.  "See?  I
told you we could trust her."

"Well, yeah.  It's a  little  more...melodramatic...than  what  I
intended,  but  what  the hey?  It works."  He considered.  "Hey,
Nabs.  Would you like to head down  to  the  Nekohanten  with  me
after we wrap up?  Grab a bite to eat?"

She  turned  to face him.  "How many times have I told you not to
call me Nabs?"

"Ummm..."  He flipped open his notebook and thumbed  through  the
pages.  "Looks like...counting today, it's seven."

Her eyes widened.  "You've been counting?"

He shrugged.  "I count everything."

"Well,  then.  Count on this.  I will /fRnever/fI date anyone who
insists on calling me Nabs."  She turned and walked  towards  the
gate.

"Hey, we're not finished wrap-up yet.  Where are you going?"

"Nekohanten."  She scowled.  "You can finish the wrap-up.  I have
to pay Shampoo."

"How much?"

"Eight grand."

/fR"Eight?!"/fI

"I am not happy with you costing this project a total of  twenty-
four  thousand  yen.   Three shootings, three days, eight grand a
day.  Plus, you get to figure out  what  part  we're  gonna  give
Cologne."   She  turned back towards him.  "You are proving to be
more of a liability to this effort than an asset.   I  am  really
not happy with you.  And now you have the balls to..."  She threw
up her hands, turned, and stormed off.

The  scriptwriter  watched  her  leave,  then  flipped  open  his
notebook.   He  jotted  something down, then snapped the notebook
closed.

And smiled.

-- ICQ#66022322 "It's a terrifying thing, isn't it? To live in fear. That's what it's like to be a slave." --Rutger Hauer, Bladerunner ______________________________________________________________________ Post your free ad now! http://personals.yahoo.ca .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----. | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'