Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Tue, 27 Aug 2002 16:45:43 -0400 Nuki_mouse <Nuki_mouse@hotmail.com>
wrote:
The flames of her rage lit up Akane like a party lantern as her battle aura
burned red hot, fueled by her anger driven{ : -}chi. Shampoo had taken too many
things that were rightfully hers; Akane wanted not only revenge, but to leave
Shampoo hurt, broken, and DEAD!
Or maybe not so vain as {they : it} seemed.
This time the mallet was raised straight up above her head like a pickaxe,
she'll smash Shampoo like an over ripe tomato. Akane's knuckles turned white and
her muscles knotted under the strain as she {feed : fed} all her strength and {rages : rage} into
the blow.
"Now dodge THIS, bitch!" Akane knew this truly would be the final blow. Only
vaguely could Akane hear other voices crying out to her, but her anger and rage
kept her {form : from} listening to them.
<The Yakusa? She'll just ignore it, no way she'll endanger her precious skin for
anyone, least of all ME> Xian Pu felt. <No honor at all in that one, but the Old
Maid, the Housekeeper!> she thought in contempt, <She so weak and timid, {: but} she
bound to come and try to stop the Gorilla.>
Xian Pu forced herself to face the bitter truth of her {: Great-}Grandmother's words.
<It's better to surrender, to swallow my honor...and ask for... MERCY then to
die,> and this idea was indeed very foreign, almost vile to Xian Pu.
"{FOUR : FORE}!" Xian Pu heard the Gorilla Girl's strange battle cry sounding her
impending doom.
Kasumi did not have time to waste arguing with Nabiki. Her arm suddenly shot out
and her hand, with a speed that belied her gentle nature, jabbed Nabiki hard in
the {side : chest}.
A perfect solar plexus blow.
Tears that Nabiki had always hidden from others, tears she cried out only in the
lonely solitude of her room burst forth like a fountain and Nabiki found herself
gripping Kasumi in a fierce embrace. "I... I don't want... to... be a... a
c-cold hearted bitch..." she sobbed into {sisters : sister's} shoulder.
Nabiki had wanted the gaijin to be hurt and {punish : punished}, but the fury of that blow
and the sounds of destruction now echoing from the guestroom made her realize
that Kasumi may be right.
The room was in shambles! Splitters of wood and shreds of cloth were scattered
everywhere and goose-down feathers floated through the air and {laid : lay} ankle deep
on the floor.
<NO! Stop, please mustn't do it!> Nabiki silently implored her younger {sis : sister}, too
shocked to cry out those words. This was not a battle or a fight, it was not
even a justly deserved punishment, it was murder anyway you cut it.
<So {Cold : cold}, so dispassionate, let my OWN SISTER dishonor herself, use her like a
tool> Nabiki accused herself. <Let the TOOL hurt Shampoo, KILL Shampoo! I'll
just sit back and go "Tist Tist Poor Shampoo..." and blame it all on hotheaded
Akane....>
<I blackmailed everyone, friends and foes alike, and cared less whose life I
ruin as long as I {get : got} my blood-money. If they wanted my silence, they should
have paid up, right?> Nabiki continued as more tears rained down and a slight
sob escaped her lips. <Give me your money or else!>
<She giving up, surrendering!, I can FEEL it{: ,}> Kasumi {realized, <she's : realized. <She's} not faking
it, I can tell!>
Shampoo's feelings were no longer that of the defiant warrior Kasumi {sense : sensed}
earlier. Those had CHANGED, now Kasumi sense a scared, troubled, pain wracked
girl who desperately wanted to live.
<I'm worst than useless! I sent a distressed girl out to kill herself! Or...
(remembering the Succubus Blood) ...maybe to an even {WORST : WORSE} FATE!>
Father became a...? Kasumi thought about her father's {with-drawl : withdrawal} from life.
became a weak shadow of the strong man he had been, like the best part of him
died along with {mother : Mother}.
And I..., I was helpless. I hid myself in a role, I tried to BECOME {mother : Mother},
Kasumi realized. The "Perfect Traditional Japanese Housewife;" never complained,
always happy, docile, I never tried to be myself, the family came first!
And that is what puzzled Kasumi the most, that RAGE. This was not like her
imouto-chan, at least not the one she {use : used} to know.
Once, twice, three times Kasumi hauled back and slapped her sister, opened
handed across her face. These where not little "Love Taps" but violent blows
fueled by Kasumi's own stress and frustration, a sure sign she had lost "The
Way"{: .}
A spasm of guilt rocked Kasumi, what gave her the right to play games like this
with people's {mind : minds}? <It would be... BAD! Wrong, like a mental RAPE, to ALTER a
person's thoughts or mind> Kasumi somehow instinctively knew to be true.
<?!?> Akane was flabbergasted, it wasn't her wild imagination. The spirit WAS
there, it had answered her! It, no SHE, sounded like..., like {mother : Mother}.