I've been meaning to comment on this for a while. Time to stop being so lazy.

"Yes, and I think the fever is gone.  Ranma stopped
thrashing around."  Nabiki laughed.  "It's a wonder
he hasn't given Akane a black eye with all the
tossing and turning."

No, the real wonder is that Ranma's been sleeping in the same bed as Akane 
for six months or so and hasn't been put into a bodycast because of all her 
thrashing around. 

[snip]

The Big Revelation

"Your mother was in a hurry to have grandchildren,
because it doesn't look like it will be possible for
her and I to have any more children."

I dunno, maybe it was because of several months of wondering what Genma was 
going to tell Ranma, but this came as something of a let down. Oh well, 
pay-off almost never lives up to the anticipation. 

Ranma flinched.  His parents were trying to have
another child?  For a moment all he could picture
was what it would be necessary for them to do in
order to have one, and that concept kept him from
speaking.  That was all the opportunity his father
needed to keep talking without interruption

 
Yep. No one EVER likes to think of their parents having normal human 
impulses, habits and drives, let alone acting on them. 

"C'mon, Pop.  Tell me."

"It's not your mother.  It's me.  I have no sperm
count."

"You mean a low one?"

Genma shook his head.  "No.  I mean none."  He
glanced at Akane, who had turned bright red with
embarrassment.  "I didn't mean for Ranma to bring
you along, daughter.  I wanted to tell him, and let
him tell you."

Heh heh. I guess chibi-Ranma got in a few too many shots to Genma's goodies 
on that ten year training trip. Talk about payback...

"No.  The next part involves you.  You see, No-chan
got it into her head that Ranma HAD to father a
child while he was still young.  When the two of you
said you wanted to wait, she chose to believe that
you, Akane, didn't want children."

I know that it is implied, but you may want Genma to state outright that 
Nodoka is afraid that his condition is hereditary, just to remove any 
ambivilancy.

It was Ranma's turn to get up.  He pulled his hand
out of Akane's and turned his back on his father for
a minute.  Then he turned back and looked his father
in the eye.  "I don't remember her from before our
trip.  You know that.  Then I got stuck pretending I
was a girl, so that's how she treated me!  It was
kinda nice when we all lived together at the Tendos'
house, but after Jusendo you two moved out and I
stayed there.  I really wanted a chance to get to
know Mom, but I never got it!  I don't even know how
to talk to her!"

Perhaps you should write some chapters about Ranma and Akane staying at his 
parents house sometime. The phone conversation later on in the story was just 
a first step, but if he really wants to get to know his Mom then spending 
some vac. time at the Saotome house is necessary. 

"Mom!  We're supposed to be making up, not fighting!
I didn't say I don't love you, and I'm not saying I
don't respect you, [SNIP] 

I wonder how much of the later part is true. I remember Jan Story stating in 
one of her story notes that Ranma calls his mom Ofukuro-  honorable bag...

Akane heard some sniffling before Nodoka spoke
again.  "I've driven you away, haven't I?  You hate
me, don't you?"

I dunno, maybe I'm just cruel, but Nodoka going out in full fledge Soun mode, 
arcing showers of tears and all, strikes me as hilarious. 

Tatewaki chuckled and sat down on the bed, pulling
his wife down beside him.  "Technically, my father
still holds that title, but--" he lifted a hand to
stop the objection Nabiki was already starting to
make--"he did give up any rights to the position
when he ran back to Hawaii.  It is now my
responsibility to take care of my sister, and that
is a very delicate situation.  I will have to give a
great deal of thought to the matter."

This should prove interesting... 

"Let me get this straight.  Nabiki Tendo is married
to Tatewaki Kuno and nobody knew about it?  She
married one of the richest guys we know and didn't
have a huge, fancy wedding?"  Ukyo paused for a
moment, deep in thought.  Then her eyes widened and
she snapped her fingers.  "I've got it!  She's HAS
to be pregnant!"

And wacky hi-jinxs ensue. Soun with spear and full armor chasing Kuno around 
Nerima should be worth the wait...

"That makes sense to me.  Perhaps Ukyo is right."

"I wish I understood how women think!"

Join the club, bub. 

Twenty minutes later a very exhausted Akane
stretched out on one of the lounges and watched
Ranma and Shiro roughhousing in the deep end.
Shampoo was beside her on another lounge, half
asleep.

(Waves fan around) Akane and Shampoo lounging around in swimsuits! Fan 
service galore! Woo hoo!

[SNIP]

Fun as always. I think you mentioned to someone that Shampoo is pregnant. 
I'll be curious to see if Akane starts getting jealous of her again, though 
for obviously different reasons.

Jeremy Harper












 












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