In a message dated 8/24/02 5:55:08 PM, SkyeFire writes:

 Amy Lynn was not the sort to make mistakes. She carefully analyzed each

decision she made with the utmost logic and care. Invariably they turned
out to be correct.

  Except, of course, when dealing with such chaotic, illogical things as
other human beings.  That's why she preferred computers.

Yep.

 "You're a Pervert!"
 
 "I didn't decide to be gay!"
 
 "You married me, for God's sake! You obviously like women, so how the

hell can you stand there and tell me you didn't decide to be gay?!"

  Well, it happens, but I don't think Dr Mizuno is in the mood to listen.

Nope. 
 

 then I am. I don't know the first thing about raising kids! But I didn't

give up on the right to be a father! You sent back every, letter, card,
Birthday and Christmas gift I ever mailed to her. You shut me out of her 

life,

Janice. You!'

  Ouch.  Maybe he was also hoping that distance would let Janice cool down.

Nope.
  

 "She's not becoming a degenerate pig like you! I refuse to let her be

swept into your disgusting little world!"

  Err...huh?  Okay, somebody's been reading too much of Jesse Helms' 

propaganda.

Whenever hear Jesse's name, I think of this:

http://www.ozyandmillie.org/d/19980502.html

 Sighing to himself, Malachite entered the small cabin on the plantation
 grounds that he shared with, Zoicite, his clothes fading away to be

replaced with his general's uniform as he dismissed the illusions that 

allowed

him to walk amongst humans.

  Hmm.  Does he have other "distinguishing" marks besides his uniform, or
is it just the clothes that would make him stand out?

Other features, which will be mentioned in the third draft.
  

 Moving into the bedroom, he began to remove his cape, giving only a

brief glance to Zoicite, who lay on the bed, naked. "Hello, Love," Malachite
said absently, hanging his cape up.

  Ah.  So Mike fills Kunzite's role in this alt?

Well, Malachite, but yes.

 "Jeddite told me about your meeting," the younger man said. "A family?"

The  younger man slid off the bed and came over to Malachite. "You never
told me  about a family."

  Is this spelling of "Jeddite" deliberate?  The actual mineral (and canon
General) is Jadeite, IIRC.  It's actually referred to as "a combination
of Kunzite and (something)ite," in a geology book i read once.  Gave me
a giggle.

Well that gives me an idea or two. But yes, the spelling is deliberate. I'm 
using the dub names because I'm more familar with them.

 "A remnant of my human life," Malachite said, undoing the collar of

his jacket. "Nothing to worry about."

 
 "Good, good," Zoicite said, leaning against him. "I'll talk to Jeddite

and the next Youma will be sure to pay them a special visit. They'll be
dead in--URK!"

  Heh.  OTOH, Mike had better be careful -- Beryl would not be happy if
one of her Generals shows loyaltly to any "cattle."

By the time Beryl finds out, she'll have other things on her mind.
 

 "Good." Malachite released him and continued undressing. "Now let's

get to bed , shall we?"

  Whoa.  Mike has definitely got a cold-blooded streak.  Now, the question
is:  was he just telling Zoicite a story the other General would accept,
or does Mike really have feelings for Amy and Janice (beyond ownership)?

Ain't tellin.
 

 if it existed, would require lots of...experimenting...and probing....with
 meters, and tools, and...a pleasant tingle ran through her.

  .....
  Y'know, if Amy ever stops redirecting (there's a psych word for this,
but I can't recall it) her sexual energies into science, this fic is gonna
go Lemon faster than Bubblegum Pink!
  (starts "Rock You Like A Hurricane" on WinAmp with an innocent expression)

I don't do lemons. Tried it once, no.

 "Okay," Amy Lynn replied and ducked back into her room.

  Sneaking out?  They've corrupte Amy so soon?  <grin>  OTOH, what *else*
is there to do in Juuban Hollow on a Saturday(?) night?

Nothing I'm prepared to discuss in public.
 

 A few minutes later, she left the house and crept down the stairs wearing

the  work shirt, jeans, and boots Bunny had loaned her for the farming
assignment.
 
  Um?  I thought the boots had been left at the clinic by a patient.  Unless
you changed it.

Whoops!

  Ah.  So it's already established among the girls that Janice would 

disapprove

of such late-night adventures.

More like common sense.

 At least she turned on the headlights.

  ....
  .........
  Bunny:  "What're y'all staring at?  Ain't you evah seen a girl use Russkie
army-surplus night-vision goggles befaw?"

Everyone: "No."
  

 **************
 At the very edge of the woods, Bunny parked the truck and grinned at

Amy Lynn, who seemed a bit pale, but otherwise okay.

  I'd lose that last comma.  
  It's interesting how Amy seems to be adjusting to Bunny's driving style.

Yeah, her mind doesn't blank from fear anymore.
  

 Amy Lynn had once met an old woman who sold dream catchers up by Lake

Tskykeputchy in Minnesota. The woman had been normal in every respect
except 

  Just asking:  is that a real lake?  And HOW do you pronounce that?

Not as far as I know. And it's pronounced "Tiski-catchup-py"

 "Ain't sure," Bunny said, an odd note in her voice as she switched off

the flashlight taped to the rifle. "You stay here. C'mon Luna." With that,
she and Luna disappeared into the trees.

  Heh heh.  Plot development coming up!

Countdown commencing, Captain...
  

  Huh.  Sounds Greek, aside from the dual swords.  What kind of swords?
(Don't mind me, I'm a sword geek).

Not Greek, close though.

 Behind the monster, a great black wolf circled, lunging in to try and

sink it's teeth into it's hamstring.

  Ah.  So, Luna (and Artemis?) aren't just advisors in this alt -- they've
got combat roles (and transformations too, it seems)

Well, Luna does anyways...

Artimes...well, you'll see.

  Yep.  Gotta be a double-action revolver.  A semi-auto wouldn't behave
that way (or at least, the slide locking open would be really obvious).
  That's what you have to love about Amy (in any alt) -- she may be a shy,
sheltered academic, but she never *freezes* when crises happen.  Her brain
keeps working.

Yep.
 

  Hmm.  But what was Luna doing while Amy was shooting the Youma?  I'd have
thought she'd take advantage of its distraction to go for a hamstring.
Maybe the monster kicked her away?

In the anime, Luna always extracted herself from the battle to awaken the 
latest Senshi.

 "Never mind that!" Luna half-shouted. "Hold it up and say, 'Mercury,

Grant Me Strength'

  Hmm.

Yes, foreshadowing.

 "Never mind that!" Amy Lynn said as the monster leapt high into the

air.  "Roll!"

  Yeah -- survive now, talk later.  <grin>

Always a good plan.

  Hmm.  That's different.  "Merucry Ice Vise," maybe?  <grin>  Her powers
are definitely more offensive in nature than canon-Ami's are.

Amy Lynn's powers are water based and I'm trying to be original in their 
application. Technically, all she did was freeze the water vapor in the air 
around the youma. Frozen, it's Shatter City.

  "There's no time for that!" seems to be Luna's stock phrase.  <grin> 

When you find a good one, run with it.

  Interesting to note that Mike and Janice are together and not fighting
-- are they concerned over Amy?
  And how long will it take Mike to get suspicious of Amy?

Suspicious? ::Innocent expression:: Who said he'd get suspicious?
 

Here she could see the sides were smooth, like glass and
cold to the touch.

  Hmm...so was the blast a result of the Youma, or of her "Ice Vice"?  Was
the ground frozen smooth, or converted-to-glass (hot!) smooth?

Ain't tellin.

<grin>  Heh.  This almost borders on mild fanservice (assuming Janice looks 
like canon Dr. Mizuno).

I've never seen the canon Doctor Mizuno, but sure, why not?

  An' -- needs apostrophe after to represent the missing letter.
  Wonder why she reacted so hostiley to his question -- it seems like she's
made at him for more than just the "Buns" nickname.

You'll see why soon.

Turning, Amy Lynn saw a tall man with a mane of brown hair. He wore a green 

T-shirt >and black pants.

  Hmm.  Who's this guy?  I thought maybe Nephrite, from the hair...

Yep. It's Neffy.

 "Like what?" Doctor Anderson asked. "I've spent my entire adult life

in this nation's military and I've seen every kind of explosion there is. 

Nothing

  Her *entire* adult life?  I thought she was in a civilian practice (the
one that got shut down under criminal charges) before the beginning of
Ch 1.  Or is she including Reserve time?  And is she still *in* the Reserve?

It won't be mentioned until later, but Doctor Anderson got her M.D. in the 
Army (where she met Mike) and then transfered over to the Reserve when Amy 
Lynn was born. How do you think she got out of Juuban Hollow in the first 
place? Day after graduation, she was signing enlistment papers.

 "Come along, dear," Doctor Anderson said stiffly. Amy Lynn sighed and

 followed her mother.

  Yow.  So much for distracting her mother....

Heh.

 **************
 For the second time in as many days, Malachite was angry and the dark

power in him was practically begging to be released.

 
 Jeddite grunted as he hit the wall, propelled against it by the raw

power bolt Malachite threw at him.

  Oh, Mike's *pissed.*

He's beyond pissed. He took a left turn at Furious avenue and is halfway up 
I'm Going To Hurt You In Ways That Would Make The Marquis DeSade Sick street 
by now.

On top of that, we now have another one of those blasted Priestesses to deal
with."

  Priestesses?  Interesting.  Sounds even more Greek.  Although wouldn't
Amy be Geek?  <grin, duck, and RUN>

Ain't tellin.

  Epreya, or Emperyia?  Just curious.
  All six what?  Priestesses?  Or pieces (a la the Rainbow Crystals)?

Ain't tellin

  "Old Boy" probably shouldn't be capped.  I suspect you were trying for
italicization, there.  

It's a name. Shouldn't it be capped?
 

  The plot thickens.  Mike definitely seems to be in charge among the Four.
Although if he alienates the others enough to unite against him, can he
handle all three?

That would depend on who's rebelling. Jed is the only one likely too. Neph 
strikes me as the thinking man, I don't see him as fighting Malachite, he'd 
be more likely to simply leave.
 
And Zoi won't do anything that might jepordize the protection sleeping with 
the General's powerhouse offers.

  Nothing like being terrified for your daughter together to ease tensions
between a feuding couple.  <grin>
  And wait until Amy discovers that her visor's adaptive ECM suite can be
programed to hack into sattelite-based internet systems.  Still not as
fast as a T1, since the bottleneck will be on the *other* end of the system,
but still better than AO--I mean, USA DirectConnect.  

Third world public urinals are better then USA NetConnect.

 Something else happened tonight. But I'm not sure I can talk about it

yet. 

 
 I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to talk about it...

  "So I'll write about it instead.  Mother, if you're reading this, STOP
NOW.  I really, really, really mean it."
  "Okay, fine, here it is:  Bunny and I are now lovers."

  Yeah.  *That* oughtta throw Janice off the scent if she suspects anything.
<grin>

Heh.

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