From: "Nidoking" <Nidoking@RC_Books.zzn.com>

This email addy doesn't work for me.  Server rejects.  So, ffml only.

This is gonna be a bit wierd.  Just warning you!

Ah, good. Sounds just like my type of story. ^_^

I believe that.  -_-

Haven't seen the OVA of Rayearth yet. Any good?

I liked it well enough.  Didn't really get what was going on, but it was
kinda cool.  :)

Ranma opened his eyes and light stabbed its way into his skull,
punching through the other side.  "That...hurts."

GOURRY: Um, sorry... (puts away the Sword of Light)

It doesn't hurt THAT much...

"Ow."

Gee, he sounds hurt. Might want to describe his speech with an adverb
there, or say that the pain is too much or he's too tired to properly
express his pain, or something like that.

It was already described, though.  The "Ow." is just his verbal way of
showing how much it hurt.  To say it again would be redundant, redundant,
wouldn't it?

Ranma leaned back slightly.  She sure was enthusiastic.  "It's getting
better."  He looked around the room and saw girl stuff.  There was a
few kendo bokkens on display in the corner, though.

There *were*. More than one. ^_^

Fixed.  This was originally going to be 'was a stand of bokkens.' or
something along those lines, in which case 'was' would have been correct.
^_^;

"No, that's fine.  I'm not marrying you."

Because it's the rule. Is she gives you Tylenol, you have to marry her.

That IS the rule.

But seriously... I know Ranma's not keen on getting married, but is he
taking EVERYTHING as a hint, or does he just enjoy repeating it at
frequent intervals?

It's not that he's taking it as a hint, it's that she's not responding.
"I'm not marrying you."  "Hi, I'm Hikaru!"  "I'm not marrying you.  "Oh,
would you like some Tylenol?"  "...I'm not marrying you."  More than
anything he's wondering if Hikaru is just dense.  ^_^

Hikaru waited until he finished, then said, "So you do kendo, then?
You don't seem to have a very high opinion of those who practice it."

"No, I practice the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."

"That's not kendo?"

Ranma studied her, doubtful.  Hikaru was the daughter of his Old Man's
training buddy?  "No, it's a mix of different fighting styles,
primarily barehanded, though some weapon use is taught as well."

This scene works much better in this version.

Good. :)

The girl nodded.  "So are you any good?  I'd offer to spar if not for
your head injury.  I'm better than everybody I know, except my
brothers and father."

HIKARU: I'm also the most humble member of our family. I don't have a
trophy for that, though.

Heh.  Statement of fact, here.  :)

"Ah, I don't think that's a good idea."  Hikaru laughed nervously.
"You did get hit pretty hard and you only just now got up.  It's been
over an hour, you know, since that panda knocked you out."

RANMA: Yeah, I keep excellent time while I'm unconscious.

Well, he's probably used to spending time unconscious...

Hikaru's smile was strained.  "Well... are you thirsty?  I can make us
some tea and a small snack, then if you still want to spar afterwards,
we can."

Ranma brightened.  "Yeah, I'm hungry.  Lets do that."

Buying Ranma off with food... too bad Akane can't take advantage of that
technique.

Ain't it?  :)

Ranma kneeled in front of the table, waiting impatiently for the tea
and crackers.  Breakfast had been early that morning, his father
wanting to get back into Tokyo and to his friend's house, and they had
skipped lunch.  It was midafternoon now and he was used to eating at
set times of every day.  His stomach didn't like this whole missing
meals thing at all.

Ranma's used to eating at fixed times of day? It surprises me that Ranma
is used to eating at all, after that training trip... didn't his father
usually try to starve him?

Well, not really.  He eats when he's hungry and there is food available.  At
this time, both those conditions are true.  :)

But really, the whole starved-Ranma routine is overexagerrated in fanfics.
The manga is inconsistent as hell.  You remember the whole rice and fish
incident?  That was before the training trip even started.  Ranma wasn't six
years old then!  So what's the justification?  Bleh!

Plus the whole, 'oh, Ranma spends his whole life on the road!' cliche.
Which is why he obviously has so much trouble in school, and why Ranma was
attending and managed to piss Ryouga off in the first place.  Noo... he's
NEVER in one place.  -_-

So, I'm not making the assumption that Ranma is used to starving.  We see a
few flashbacks where they're hungry and on the road, but more happened
during those ten years than what was in the flashbacks, ne?  We never see
Ranma complaining of always being hungry in the manga.  He just eats, like
everybody else, only a bit... sloppier.  I don't think it's ever even
indicated that he eats more than is normal, despite all the fanfics which
beat people over the head with that idea.

Anyway, moving on.

Hikaru entered from the kitchen, bearing a tray.  The tea set was nice
but not overly formal, which was a relief.  He'd almost been expecting
the girl to try to get into the whole engagement thing right away.
She seemed far too compliant, despite her easy agreement to call
everything off when he refused to marry her.

Well... RANMA'S the one who keeps bringing up the engagement.

Well, she's being nice.  It's gotta be a trick!

Ranma stuffed some of the crackers into his mouth, dropped a few cups
of the tea in to wash it down, then cleared his throat when he saw
Hikaru staring at him.

Spraying crackers and tea all over her... he should have swallowed
first.

...?  Well the washed down was assumed.  :)

"Oh, sorry," she said.  "I'm not used to seeing people eat like that.
It's... different."  She took a sip of her own tea.  "Is there someone
you need to call, do you need to let your parents know where you're
at?

Run-on sentence there.

Fixed.

"What?"  Ranma stared back at the girl, who looked as confused as he
felt.  What was she talking about?  "Isn't my Pop off celebrating with
the rest of your parents?"

"The rest of"? Are they only half there? I sort of understand what you
mean here, but I think just "with your parents" might sound better.

Meant to say "the rest of your parents?" but again changed the phrasing in
the middle of typing.  Fixed.

"So," he said slowly, "you have no idea who I am, you've never heard
of Genma Saotome, the animal clinic people hauled off the strange
panda, and I'm not your fianc�e?"

I should hope not... "fiancee" is the female version. Ranma would be a
"fiance" (e-accent, of course). Especially since, even in female form,
you refer to him with masculine pronouns.

Right.  I think this is the first time I've made that mistake.  :)

"Ah, well..."  Ranma's hand went to the back of his head and he rubbed
nervously.  "That's kinda hard to explain."  The ground shook and his
teacup bounced off the table and into his lap, flipping upside down in
the process.  Suddenly Ranma was taller than Hikaru was.

Quite a fortuitous little earthquake, there.

Yeah.  Seemed the obvious way to handle his reluctance to talk.  :)

"It's a curse," he said simply.  "I turn into a girl when splashed
with cold water, and back when splashed with hot."  Ranma ignored her
staring and gulped down another sip of the tea.  It didn't go down
quite as easily with her looking at him like that.

RANMA: Yuck. This tea tastes like my pants.

Unless he's sipping her tea, since his spilled all over him...

Forgot to note that he poured himself another cup.  Fixed.

"Only for a bit," he insisted.  "I was a guy earlier today.  Now where
is my Pop?"

"Your Pop?"  Hikaru sank down to her knees, still staring at him,
thought she seemed to be recovering slightly.  "The panda?" she
guessed.

Well, she's taking it all well.

Yeah.  It wasn't a big deal in the manga, so I didn't want to make a big
issue of it.  Those 'Pop's should have been lowercase, too.  Fixed.

"Yes.  Panda's are endangered but they wouldn't let one go around
attacking people."

Pandas. Not possessive.

Right.  Force of habit.

They walked down the sidewalk, squished next to each other by its
narrowness and the telephone poles and fences that ran along each
side.

Naturally, Ranma feels no urge to run on top of the fences when it means
he can be squished against a CUTE girl...

Well, yeah.  Would you?

Hikaru had insisted on walking him, he didn't know why.  Maybe
she wanted to see his Pop, the trained circus panda, turn into a bald
and ugly old man.

Nah... she's been lying when she said he didn't have to marry her. ^_^

No.  There's a reason for this.  You'll see later.

"That's what my Pop said.  We were fighting over it when he knocked me
out."  He still couldn't believe the old bastard was trying to stick
him with some girl he didn't know.  She'd probably be some ugly chick
who liked pokemon.

Hey! What's wrong with liking Pokemon?

Nothing.  What a wonderful electric rodent.  -_-

Another miscapitalized 'Pop'.

Ranma was looking ahead, trying to see the clinic, but he still caught
Hikaru's gestured affirmative from the edge of his vision.  "My
brothers were saying something about you marrying another girl when we
carried you back to my house after I got the animal control people.  I
didn't believe it, though.  They talk about that stuff all the time."

How did they know?

Hikaru ran off to the pound while they stayed to watch the fight.  Ranma was
talking about not wanting to marry some girl, as in the beginning of the
manga during the fight with Genma.  They heard.

The animal shelter wasn't too far away, and when they arrived fifteen
minutes later Hikaru was still refusing to let go of his hand or quit
hopping around like a deranged and drunken bunny.  She hopped her last
hop and came to an abrupt finish.

Well, THAT refusal didn't last long, did it?

Fifteen minutes is quite a while for something like this.  ^_^

The building was made of white-painted bricks, the floor a smooth
concrete.  It made Ranma think of some of the men's locker rooms he'd
been in, when they were empty, with puddles of uncomfortable water
stagnating on the grey slab, walls radiating coldness, and an
oppressive feeling of being naked.

He wondered why they had forced him ot leave his clothes at the door.

Too bad they didn't take Hikaru's...

They went to the counter and waited while several people talked to the
receptionist.  They all talked at once and seemed to do better at
confusing the woman than figuring out whatever their problems were.
Ranma couldn't tell what was going on.

After a little while everything was figured out and the group headed
in different directions, some people following an orderly that showed
up to guide them away, some leaving, and some sitting down in the
small plastic chairs the room provided.  Ranma and Hikaru stepped
forward.

Was any of that important? Interesting ambience, but...

Well, no.  Do you go to the driver's license place and expect to be first in
line?  ^_^ ;

Ranma gave his own response, and then Hikaru did hers, a bit
distracted by his pop.  He guessed that was why she listed her blood
type, interests, and hobbies, anyway, all said quickly while squeezing
his hand even harder.  Maybe she'd never seen a panda so close before?

HIKARU: Since this guy won't let me marry him, I wonder if his dad's
available...?

You're sick.

Hikaru finally let go of his hand and walked up to the cage, ignoring
the doctor completely.  "Wow!  He's really big!"

.... is she looking in all the wrong places? ^_^

Again!

Fukima looked over at her with annoyance, then turned back to Ranma.
"Do you even have some kind of ownership papers for this panda?  I
can't release him unless you do.  The panda also needs to be picked up
with an approved transportation method, you can't just walk him out of
here on a leash, you know.  Pandas aren't allowed on the streets like
the common dog or cat, there are all kinds of rules about this."

Yep. Japan added the panda clause to its animal law statutes back in
1874, after the Great Panda Massacre of Nagoya.

...really?  I didn't know about that.  It works, I guess.

"Of course he's alive!"  The man sounded affronted now.  "Look, I'm
going to have to ask you to leave.  You're obviously not qualified to
be back here looking at the panda, let alone taking it anywhere."

And yet they let him back there without asking any questions... some
security.

Heh.  So true.  But really, why would the pound need security?  Is that a
big issue?  o_O;

He grunted in response, and bent over.  One arm slid under the panda's
back as he heaved it upwards slightly to make room, and then the other
curled around its stomach.  Ranma stood, heavily, and lifted the panda
up onto one shoulder.  "Okay, let's go."

One shoulder? You are aware of the relative size difference, right? I
think even Ranma would have to use the fireman's carry.

Well, Ranma's head is pressed against the opposite shoulder, too.  I really
don't know how big around they are, but the shoulder and arm length should
be enough to at least have a grasp on the center of Genma's weight.  I
should look up the weight of a panda, I doubt 800 pounds is right.

Hikaru and Dr. Fukima both stared, open-mouthed, as he stepped out of
the cage.  Both of them just watched him walk past until he got to the
door, which the orderly had closed behind him.  The panda was too big
for him to stand close enough to the door to reach the handle easily.

I guess there's no room to put the panda down, either?

And do what?  Push him through the door?  No...

"Gotcha."  The turned and made their way down another hallway, and
Ranma hoped she knew where they were going.

"They turned"

Yup.

"Of course I will!"  Hikaru turned around and lead the way again.  Was
this the right direction?

Is she prone to getting lost? I don't remember that from the series.

No.  Reference to Ranma not having a clue which way to go.

Ranma dumped his pop on the ground beside the pond, careful to place
him in a spot where the rocks wasn't all artsy looking.

Sounds like you'se picking up a bit of an accent there.

...die!

Hikaru either hadn't noticed or didn't care, instead staring at the
panda again.  "What's he look like when he's a man?" she asked.

With hearts in her eyes...

...again!

Hikaru poked his father in the forehead.  No response.  "He was
probably taking you to the Tendous'.  They live a little ways from
here, near the school that I go to."  Hikaru moved away from the panda
and sat down on a bench near the pond.  "There are three sisters,
Akane and Nabiki both go to school with me.  Kasumi is older, I think
she's nineteen.  You'll probably end up engaged to Nabiki, since Akane
hates boys."

Right. That would happen...

Of course!  ;)

Ranma stared at her.  "You challenging me?  Even knowing I can carry a
panda for a fifteen minute walk?"

HIKARU: Have you ever heard of Rune-Gods? Or escudo swords?

...not in this fic!  :)

Ranma stood and started to walk to the dojo.  Hikaru surprised him by
heading back towards the house.  "I'm going to go get changed," she
said.  "Feel free to look around.  See how many trophies I've got!"
she called before heading inside.

RANMA: Still none for humility, I see...

Ranma is the one saying he's gonna beat her.  Hikaru is only stating truth;
she is the best of everybody she knows except her brothers and father.  She
has lots of trophies to prove it.  Ranma doesn't have ANY trophies and he
still has the same attitude.  :)

In each corner of that wall was a stand with trophies, with labels
boasting the same thing.  Maybe she would put up a good fight.  She
was awfully small, though.  Then again, so was his girl form.

Time for a quick change before the fight? I thought Ranma always
insisted on being a girl before fighting a girl. Or at least, the girl
would suggest it to his refusal.

Yeah, he has time, but no, he has no reason to change sex.  It's never made
an issue of in the manga, as far as I know.  The ONLY time Ranma hesitates
to fight a girl is when going up against Konatsu, which was really more
supposed to be a joke than anything else, since Konatsu isn't a girl anyway.

"Intimidated yet?" Hikaru asked as she stepped into the dojo.  She was
dressed in a simple skirt and short, no longer in her school uniform,
forgoing the usual protective getup that kendoist used when fighting
each other.  Made sense, since he wasn't going to be hitting her with
some stick, and it made things fair.

RANMA: (staring) Yeah... that outfit is DANGEROUS! You know that thing I
said about not marrying you... forget it!

Heh.  She's not dressed all slutty or anything.   ^_^;

Ranma shrugged.  "It's just like any other sparring.  You attack, and
I'll take away your stick so you can't fight anymore."

Isn't that what Loreena Bobbit said?

No, she attacked first, didn't she?

Ranma bent backwards and the blade past over him at chest-height,
nearly brushing against the buttons of his shirt.  Damn things stood
out like targets, they did.

Ranma was in female form the first time you wrote this, right? It shows
in the rewrite. ^_^ Buttons standing out as targets is a little hard to
picture.

I dunno.  I really think this works, as it is.  It's to show how really
really close the swipe was, more than anything.  It's not literal, that they
are big targets to be aimed at or something.

"Er, right.  Pop, bad news.  Those people at the pound..."  Ranma
looked at his father with all the sadness he could muster.  He hoped
it was enough.  "The pound has a procedure they carry out on overly
aggressive animals.  We didn't get there in time."

<...>  Genma looked down, trying to see past his furry stomach.  <NO!>

RANMA: That's right... you were declawed.

Heh.

"He DID do that to me, only it wasn't just pretend.  What do ya think
it's like, turning into a girl all the time?"

HIKARU: Dunno. I've never been a girl before... wait...

So... cold... -_-

Hikaru turned around quickly when Genma dumped the water on himself,
blushing once again.  Ranma wondered if she'd just been traumatized
for life.

HIKARU: He's just as big in human form...

You're so nasty.  -_-

"Ha!  Take that, ya bastard!"  Ranma chucked the sign at his father's
head and it bounced off, floating next to the waterlogged animal.
<Can you smell what the panda is cooking?>

It must be a heated pond...

Heh.  This part was fun.  :)

Hikaru's father wasn't anywhere near as stunned as Hikaru and that
doctor guy had been to see Ranma pick up a panda.  The man didn't even
seem to notice, except that his target had gotten bigger.  Ranma
dodged frantically, the bokken everywhere as he tried to escape, the
kendoist flailing at him in incoherent rage.  Only the lack of control
kept Ranma from getting smacked around, with the burden on his weaker,
feminine shoulders, and even that left him running ragged.

At least he's had plenty of practice with Kuno.

...?  No he hasn't...

<Foolish boy!> flashed before his eyes, impacted on his face, and
everything was gone.

Still not a sledgehammer, at least.

That's true.

Pretty good start to the story, Thermo. Looking forward to more!

- Nidoking

Heh.  Already in progress.  As you can probably tell I moved right on to
chapter two instead of bothering to read chapter one before doing so.  :)

Anyway, thanks for the comments.  Dunno how quickly the next chapter will be
along since I'm just writing it in my spare time, but it shouldn't be too
bad a wait.



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