"I was hoping to get to Tokyo tomorrow and it's just a days walk west from
Hokkaido now I'll never get to the Tendo Dojo!"

The Hibiki directional curse rears its ugly head once again...

"A reasonable one I would think," Taro filled a bowel with rice and stew

and

handed it to Ryouga.

Ryouga politely declined, having long since learned that second-hand cuisine
tends to taste like shit.

Of course, if handed a BOWL of stew, he'd be happy to eat it.

"No, I've said enough. Here, to show you there's no hard feelings I have
something for you." Taro rummaged through his bag and produced a small red
object it was a doorknob.

This sentence needs more punctuation it is a run-on.

"What that for?" Ryouga asked staring at it skeptically.

Aiya! Why Ryouga talking like Shampoo all of sudden?

Taro tossed the doorknob into the air and caught it. He studied it turning
it around in his hand. He smiled when he finally looked up at Ryouga. "Well
that is an interesting question. It could be a door to your house or it
could be for one in the Tendou Dojo it could even be for . . . . . well if

I

had all the answers I wouldn�t be lost in the middle of Hokkaido would I?

"But aren't we lost in Okinawa?" Ryouga interjected.

A sudden shock from the doorknob made him let go in surprise. Fire flared
out of it producing the glowing outline of a door in the tree.  Ryouga
tapped on the doorknob there were no more sparks coming from it.  Slowly he

Ryouga winced at this sentence it is a run-on there's not enough punctuation
the author really needs to work on this.

A cool breeze struck him as he opened the door, a pleasant contrast to the
heat and humidity of Okinawa.  Ryouga tried to see what it was as if there
was a field of smoke between him and the doorway. He passed his hand

And not only run-ons, but now awkward and unnatural wording.

It no longer had the yellow specks floating around in it. Ryouga put the
doorknob in his pocked and went back to trying to figure out where he was

I imagine putting it in his pocket would be more helpful.

A dog ran around the corner barking loudly. "Shirokiro? Ryouga whispered
when he saw the dog's unique markings, "Shirokiro is that really you?"

The dog replied, "No, I'm Shirokuro."

I was worried about burglars while I went shopping so I set some traps. I
made you some fresh lunch I should be home in time for dinner.

I also speak in run-on sentences I'm your mother of course you caught it
from me.

"I'm home? Ryouga whispered. He ran to the kitchen with Shirokiro close
behind him. On the table was a bowel of dried up Ramen covered with mildew.

If your bowel is covered with mildew, you should REALLY go see a doctor.

"Are you sure you have everything, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked concerned.

Concerned replied, "Why are you asking me, and not Ranma?"

"Yeah Kasumi," I've got my snacks, thermos, sleeping bag, tent and my
portable heater. The only problem is I finished Tale of the Genji after
Ryouga's last challenge."

Extra quotation mark here. I'll give you a hint...it's not the first one,
and it's not the last one.

Kasumi paused thinking for a moment. "I may have just the thing. Ranma-kun.

Of course, some believed Kasumi paused thinking all the time, but I digress.

It's not quite as long a read but it should be enough," She turned and ran
up the stairs and returned with a large thick volume

A period would be nice here. For the sentence, not for Kasumi.

Ranma looked at the book. " "War and Peace? Is it any good?"

"Does it matter?"

If it didn't, would he have asked?

Maybe he's learned a new technique you how excited he gets," Kasumi
suggested.

Excited enough to speak in run-on sentences?

What do you think Ryouga is going to do?" Akane asked as she helped Ranma
lay down the Picnic blanket.

Missing a quote mark here, and picnic should not be capitalized.

"All I know is that you keep running away, Saotome." Ranma and Akane turned
to see Ryouga walking towards them well rested and clean. "Try not to act
too surprised, Ranma," Ryouga grinned cracking his knuckles. After all this
time you're finally going to get what's coming too you."

And what's coming *to* you, too.

"That's not important Ranma what matters is you're not running away from me
again!"

Unless you're this sentence.

"You stopped getting lost?  Oh, Ryouga I'm so happy for you! Akane shouted.

Another missing quote mark.

"I was helping Ranma set up. We didn�t expect you until at least . . .
.well. . . . . later!" How did you do it?"

And another *extra* quote mark.

"Well, Akane, I, it's like this I don�t get lost anymore."

But I do keep talking in run-on sentences now it's very annoying I wish I
could stop oh well that's life how are you?

"Learn to read a map, Ryouga?" Ranma quipped earning an evil glare from
Ryouga and Akane."

And there shouldn't be a quote mark at the end of this at all.

"A doorknob, this is the solution to all of your problems, a doorknob?"
Ranma sniffed. "How does that take you back home?"

"Come on you can come to the dojo with me. Ryouga grinned smugly. They all
walked through the door together.

Punctuation nightmare ahoy.

*snip remainder of story*

Recommend author research:

 - Proofreading
 - Punctuation
 - Grammar

-------------------------------------------

Studio ELL: Back in Crack!
http://www.lurkerdrome.com
The Eternal Lost Lurker
lurker@lurkerdrome.com
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lurkerdrome



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