Hallo Brian,

Thank you for once again taking the time to comment on my story!  I'll reply
below.

"You wanted to stop the stone," Ranma explained.  "The sword drew upon

that

intent and turned it into action.  The sword, the mind, the body, acting

as

one.  That is what you are beginning to learn, even if you didn't know

it

at the time."

So will shapes reality? Interesting.

Indeed.  The swords act only upon intent, and that really is something
fundamental to the main idea behind them.  Gradually, I'm hoping, this will
become more and more clear as the story continues.

Wiping water from her face, Akane stepped over to the edge of a spring

and

gently sat her aching body down, gingerly dangling her feet into the

warm

water.  She let Shoryoutensei rest across her lap, and let out a long,

deep

breath.  "Thanks, I think."

Repetition of water, there.

Well, there -is- a lot of water.  Ahh, you got me.  Okay.  I'll fiddle with
this paragraph a little.

"It must be difficult," Akane sympathised.  "I'd be lost without my

Dad."

I'm not sure about this one, bit it's a general reference, not a specific
title, so I _think_ that 'Dad' shouldn't be capitalized.

Very good point.  I think I'll ditch the 'my'.

"Maybe.  Or a painter, or a violinist, or ... I don't know.  I get

curious

sometimes, what my destiny would have been if things hadn't happened as
they did."

Heh. Subtle.

I always did like 'Genma's Daughter'.  :)

The hunter backed further away, but found his back pressing up against

the

wall.  He desperately looked left, and right, but to no avail.  He was
trapped and unarmed.  Cursing his arrogance, he threw caution to the

winds

and hurled himself toward Ranma.  He charged at her with blinding speed,
letting out a cry as he hurtled  toward her.  At the last moment he

turned

aside, attempting to dodge past her and turn toward the cave entrance.

Who's PoV is this? I think it started as Akane's, but now it seems to be
the hunter's.

This scene is from the hunter's POV.  Akane's not mentioned at all ... she's
busy sneaking off while the two Ranmas are distracted.

The first droplet was joined by another, and another, and another; in
moments the dripping had become a downpour, black rain soaking Ranma's
body, penetrating it with unbearable cold.  She shrieked in agony, her

mind

attacked by a thousand stabbing, frozen needles.  The cavern spun wildly
before her, and suddenly all she could see was the ground.

I had the suspicion it was some form of seal.

Well, it's acting as a seal, yes, but that's not its intended purpose,
merely a side effect.

What she had seen had changed everything.  Two black-clad demons trying

to

destroy each other.  No matter what Ranma had tried to say to her, she

had

seen the proof for herself.  Ranma was no better than the "hunter" she

was

fighting against.  Both were killers, murderers.  Monsters.

Wasn't 'hunter' capitalized before?

Yes, I believe it was.  Whoops!  :)

"If they're copies of you, why was it a ... you know ... a boy?"

"If I knew, I'd tell you," Ranma replied with a shrug.  "All of the

Hidari

I've come across have been boys."

What, she's forgotten? Or she's just lying again....

She remembers perfectly - she's just not being entirely truthful with Akane.
She has her reasons why.

I'm afraid I don't have much to comment on, here. It was an interesting
chapter, if the fight scenes felt a little over-done.

How so, might I ask?  I'm interested in this comment.  What felt over-done?
What can be improved?

Thanks again for your comments.

Regards,
R. E.

========

Ten
http://ten.waxwolf.com
Perfection has a price.

========

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