This is an interesting introduction, and I am looking forward to seeing

what

you do with it.
my comments are proceeded with a >.

No problem. Happy you liked it. :D

She turned to the shadowed walls of her room. Even with light adjusted

eyes

she could see but the outline of her rooms contents. Everything muddled,
nothing sure. Like her life, both future and past.

the phrase "...could see but the outline..." seems really awkward to me,
but I'm not sure what I would use instead. I can see the metaphor you're
going for here.

Hey, go with what works! *shrug*

He past was a dark story fitting her position. Senshi of Death and

Rebirth.

She mused on her father and his pact, the Witches 5, Death Busters, her
personal sacrifice when she used her powers save the world. The Death

Reborn

Revolution. It turned her into a baby. [F]Began the more positive part of
her
life.

suggestion: "...baby and began..." otherwise, the last phrase is a

sentence

fragment.

Many of the fragments are styleistic. This prologue take place late at night
and many of the ideas are fragmented. It is stream of conciseness. Hey, what
can I say, I just finished Ulysses. ^_^'

 > split worlds, devastate civilizations, and lay all in her path to dust.
She

was their weapon. The mighty scythe of death forever posed to strike down
their enemies. She was forever at their hip, fighting with them for a

bright

it's up to you, but the usual cliche is "always at their side", not hip,

but if are trying to

describe her attitude like that of a sidearm , I suppose it works.

doah... } p

It is amazing how everything you fought for, bled for, could be disrupted

by

a single dazed exploit. A foolish blunder you could not, did not realize

"single dazed exploit" is very vague. prehaps that was your intention,

perhaps not.

it slightly confuses the reader, leaves them asking 'who was dazed?'

I'm going to shed so light on it in chapter 1, and explain it in 2. I'm
trying to force people to think here. It's fun messing with people
preconceptions. ; )

But just so everyone knows, she is talking about herself in almost the
entire intro.

until it was complete. A single moment could bring you to a crossroads

with

no light at the end. She was at the fork of this road. How would the

history

where is the end of a crossroad?

That is the thing with the future. There never is an end to the crossroad of
life. She is just at an important moment in her life, a critical choice.
That choice is the crossroad, and her life is the road.

of her future be written. What path would she chose.

choose?

hehe... ^_^'

Life or Death. Dishonor or Conspiracy. Duplicity or Truth. What would the

life-death, opposites. duplicity-truth, opposites. dishonor-conspiricy,
ummm, vaguely related, sometimes, and not opposites. 'One of these things
is not like the others, one of these things is not the same.'

Dishonor or Conspiracy: To cover the truth, lie, and make everything look
aok or to admit to the truth dispite the personal loss of honor.

IE: Coverup y/n

 > She had disposed of the evidence. No one would know, at least for now.

no body, no crime!

lol! No comment! ;p

Comming soon: "Chapter 1: Unexpected Revelations" Where the questions are
answered! Will Hotaru find Ranma, what will he say, and what the hell is
this actually about? Wait and see! -_^

To answer your questions, yes, otherwise it would be kind of boring, he
will say "Yo, Hotaru! Whazzup, beeotch?", and I'm guessing there was a
bun in someone's oven.

Errr, also no comment... ;)

As I said at the beginning, very interesting intro, and well written.
I hope to see more soon.
-Exar

Thank you for your C&C, and I'm glad you like it. I think that I'll have
chapter 1 up sometime by the start of next week.


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