Subject: [FFML] Re: The Fourth Tendo 2
From: "Jeniam" <Jeniam_2@hotmail.com>
Date: 4/25/2002, 3:22 PM
To: "Thryth" <thrythlind@yahoo.com>, "FFML mailing list" <ffml@anifics.com>


Hi

Take everthing I say with a grain of salt, I'm new at reviewing and French
is my first language beware.  ^_^  I did enjoy the story, actually I enjoy
most of the stories you write.  I did have an 'oh no Cinderella moment' but
that didn't last too long. Comments are interspersed.

Hopefully the comments help.
Take Care
Jen

Coming Soon http://www.imaginativeminds.org/
Hosting fanfiction websites

----- Original Message -----
From: Thryth <thrythlind@yahoo.com>
To: FFML mailing list <ffml@anifics.com>; Ranma Fiction List
<ranmafiction@yahoogroups.com>; Ranma 1/2 List <ranma1-2@yahoogroups.com>;
Chorus of Ryouga and Ukyou Fan Fic List <newchorus@egroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 25, 2002 2:37 PM
Subject: [FFML] The Fourth Tendo 2



   Tarre stood across from her new family and sat
there nervously, her head bowed, as the quiet
stretched out.  She didn't glance up, she didn't need
to.
   The one she had been told was her new father was
still crying loudly as the oldest of the girls,
Kasumi, tried to comfort him, her face calm, though
she glanced occasionally at Tarre.
   The brown-haired girl, Nabiki, didn't have any
particular expression on her face, she had seemed
happy until she learned the news that Tarre had
brought, then her face had frozen, and mostly stayed
frozen.
   The youngest, Akane, who had dark blue hair just
like her Mother, was outright glaring at Tarre.  It
brought somewhat happy memories of the time just after
she had been rescued by Silk.

^_^

   In fact all the girls reminded her of silk.  Their
smell, their behaviors in different ways, and their
looks.  She just hoped they would take her in.

Silk, their smell

   "I will honor my wife's final wishes," Soun said
finally to the obvious disgust of Akane.  It was hard
to tell what Nabiki and Kasumi thought of the matter.
"Welcome home, daughter."
   "Thank you, Father," Tarre said relieved and
bowing.  "I...I shall try to earn my keep."

********

   "Do you need help, oneesama?" Tarre asked from the
doorway of the kitchen.
   Kasumi glanced back and considered the offer for a
moment, on the one hand it would mean giving up more
of "her" domain to this new "sister."  On the other
hand it would make things a lot easier to have someone
one hand with better reach than hair.
   "Why do you call me 'oneesama?'" Kasumi asked,
putting off her decision.
   "You were here first, oneesama," Tarre said simply.
 Kasumi didn't argue the point.
   "Do you know how to cook?" Kasumi asked.
   "Hai," Tarre said with a soft and sad voice.  "A
little, Mother taught me."
   ~Mother taught this girl to cook?~ Kasumi sounded
surprised.  "Okay..." Kasumi thought for a moment.

thoughts usually don't sound surprised ^_^

"Can you cut those vegatables for me?"

vegetables

   "Hai, oneesama," Tarre said cheerfully and
proceeded to get to work on her assigned task.  After
a moment Kasumi interrupted her.
   "Wait, wait," Kasumi said, moving to stand by the
larger girl.
   "Did I do something wrong, Oneesama?" Tarre asked.
   "I thought you said Mother taught you to cook," she
said.
   "I watched her prepare the food," Tarre said.
"And...when she couldn't...I..."  Kasumi sighed and
felt herself starting to slip.  She needed to stay
strong, for her sisters, for her father, and in the
face of this outsider.
   "I see," Kasumi said sadly.  She was about to send
the girl away, but Tarre turned around of her own
accord and started to leave.
   "I'll see to the laundry," she said and she sounded
so disappointed that Kasumi changed her mind.
   "Wait," Kasumi said wearily.  "Let's see what we
have to work with."  It was something her mother had
told her when she was first learning to cook.
   "You mean," Tarre asked hesitantly.  "You'll teach
me?"
   "I guess so," Kasumi said.

********

   "Tarre," Nabiki said, coming upon the dark-skinned
girl outside doing the laundry.  "Is my yellow dress
done yet?"  Three years, and the girl still looked the
same, aside from the housedresses she had taken to
wearing, or the long pony tail her hair was in.
   "Almost, Oneesan," Tarre called back.
   "Well, I need it for tonight," Nabiki said simply.
"I'm going to a birthday party."
   "Hai, Oneesan," Tarre said.  "How was school
today?"  Though Nabiki had already turned around.

maybe -today?"  She added though Nabiki

   "She's not a servant, Nabiki," Kasumi lectured from
where she lay on her stomach watching TV and doing her
homework.
   Nabiki shrugged, not saying anything about her
opinions of the girl.  Apparent or otherwise.

********

   "Hey, did you see Akane's sister at the market?" a
boy in her class was asking.  Akane froze as she
listened further.
   "You mean the grey girl?" another boy asked.  "What
about her?"
   "You should have seen it, man," the first said.
"There was this car accident, nobody was hurt bad, but
this one guy's car was flipped over before he climbed
out.  And they were waiting for the police or somebody
to come clear it, and Akane's sister just sets down
her groceries walks over and flips it around rightside
up!!"
   "Wow!" the second boy said.  "She's stronger than
Akane!"
   Akane winced and clinched her teeth as she walked
past the two suddenly silent boys.

clenched instead of clinched

********

   "Tarre!" Akane shouted when she got home.  Kasumi
and Nabiki wouldn't be home yet, the high school got

(yet; the high school) I think this is a semi-colon

out later than the middle school Akane was going to
now.  Her father was usually on his afternoon walk
about this time, there was nobody but Tarre to see
what she knew was essentially a temper tantrum.
   "Hai, oneechan," Tarre asked, pausing in doing
whatever housework she was engaged in.  "Do you need
something?"
   "Let's spar!" Akane shouted.
   Tarre paused for a moment, looking a little
worried.  Wondering what she had done to upset Akane

fragment  (worried and wondering) or maybe (She wondered)

this time.  Still, she had allowed the girl to "spar"
with her quite often, and nothing bad had happened
yet.  Though it had been more than a year since she
had last stood there in her vain attempts to put up
some sort of challenge for Akane.
   "H...hai, Oneechan," Tarre said.

********

   Kasumi arrived home ahead of Nabiki, who was
meeting some friends at school before heading to a
baseball game.  She came home to the unusual sight of
Akane looking downright sheepish and worried, and
hanging around the phone as if deciding whether or not
to make a call.
   "Is something wrong?" Kasumi asked, she noticed the
beginning of a bruise on Akane's face.  "Have you been
fighting?"
   "Just sparring," Akane said.
   "But the only one home for you to spar with is..."
Kasumi had a sudden sickening thought, and rushed to
the dojo.  As she had thought, Tarre was lying
unconscious on the dojo floor, and she looked like a
mess.  "Oh my."
   "I could never hurt her before!" Akane protested as
Kasumi checked her pulse and started to pick her up.
   This was moderately unfamiliar territory for her,
Tarre knew more about first aid and caring for someone
than Kasumi felt she ever would.  The older girl
shuddered as she considered how the girl had gained
that knowledge.
   "You couldn't break ten bricks bare-handed before,"
Kasumi yelled.  "I'm going to Tofu's clinic, Akane.

*blink* Kasumi yelled *blink*

You come with me, we need to talk!"  Kasumi was out of
the house the next moment.

********

   "It's just a concussion, I think," Doctor Tofu
said.  "And maybe some bruised ribs.  It's hard to
tell."
   "Thank you, Doctor," Kasumi said.
   For a moment it seemed that she had sent him giddy
with that small bit of gratitude, but surely she was
imagining it.  She was much too young for him,
certainly.
   "It's no problem, Kasumi," Dr. Tofu said happily.
   Kasumi was almost perfect.  If she had been any
more perfect Dr. Tofu would have had trouble
maintaining any level of competence around her.  As it
was he was trying to avoid pounding himself into the
ground for being a pervert and lusting for an eighteen
year old girl.
   "I need to talk to Akane now," Kasumi said,
wearily.  She stood up and wearily strode into the
waiting room.  Akane looked up at her nervously.
   "Is she going to be..."
   "She's going to be fine," Kasumi interrupted.  "We
need to talk about this temper of yours, Akane."
Akane winced.

********

   "Well, Akane," Nabiki said in a low voice after
Soun had gotten through with lecturing at her.  "I
know Kasumi's the better cook, but that's a rather
extreme way to get her to do dinner tonight, isn't
it?"
   Akane flushed red and looked down at her lap.

********

   "Oneechan!" Tarre shouted, waving over the heads of
the other students.  Akane looked back and wondered
what her sister was doing away from the house.
   Akane paused at the entrance to the school and
waited for the girl, she was finally starting to look
as if she were a year older.  It had only taken about
nine years or so.  Tarre reached Akane quickly and
presented her with a bento.
   "You forgot your lunch, Oneechan," Tarre said.
   "Oh, uh," Akane said, she was still no longer
certain how to treat the girl.  There was a lingering
distrust of her, but the scare that Akane had caused
last year had pretty much destroyed that.  Not even
Akane was that stubborn.  "Thanks Tarre."
   "What beauty is this that is before me?" a voice
demanded loudly.  Akane turned to see Tatewaki Kuno
standing in the school entrance.
   "It's me, Kuno-Sempai," Akane said.
   "Nay, think not that I would not recognize the true
beauty of Akane Tendo," Kuno said.  "I was referring
to the exotic creature that stands with you, bearing
your noon repast."
   "Excuse me, I am Tarre Tendo," Tarre said, bowing
formally with a confused expression.  "I'm her
adoptive sister."
   "Ahhh," Kuno said.  "To think that the same blood
line that produced the famed Ice Queen should also
produce two such beauties."
   "I'm adopted," Tarre repeated, blushing as much as
she could.  Kuno didn't seem to hear.
   "Certainly you have come because your sister has
told you of the great Tatewaki Kuno," Kuno continued.
"Oh, I weep to think that because of me two such
gentle souls should be pitted against each other!
Fear not, fair Tendos!  For I..." Akane's fist to his
face cut him off.
   "The 'gentle soul' gets left out of this Kuno,"
Akane said to the unconscious swordsman.  "Umm, you
better get home before he comes to, Tarre."
   "Ohh, uhh...hai," Tarre said, heading back for the
gate and then her home.
   Akane watched Tarre leave and sighed.  Tarre was
physically much stronger than Akane, she was probably
harder to hurt, but Akane had learned that she was
certainly not as capable of protecting herself.
Muggers and stray animals sure, but not someTHING like
Kuno.
   Unless she got behind him with a lamp post, Akane

lamppost I think

corrected, remembering the giant boar that had reached

corrected herself,

the edge of town one day when she was still too young
to effectively fight much.

********

   "Tadaima," Kasumi called out, stretching as she
slipped her shoes and satchel off in the entrance.
   "Okaeri Nasai, Oneesama," a young voice called out.

? I have no idea what okaeri nasai means ?

 Kasumi rounded a corner towards the bulk of the
building and saw her adoptive sister working on the
laundry.
   "Hey, Tarre," Kasumi called out cheerily.  "Am I
too late for breakfast?"
   "Iie, Oneesama," Tarre said, finishing hanging up
the basket before her.  "I was just about to start,
unless you would like to."  She sounded hopeful.
   "Maybe I'd like to see how you've improved," Kasumi
said.  Tarre blinked and then nodded, looking
embarrassed, she was probably blushing too, though
Kasumi couldn't tell.
   "Hai, Oneesama," Tarre said, bowing lightly.
   "Don't be worried," Kasumi said.  "I'm sure it will
be fine, I just feel a little too tired to make
something today.  So, do you know what this news that
Father is talking about it?"
   "Iie," Tarre said.  "He received a post card in the
mail yesterday and called this meeting."
   "All of us then?" Kasumi asked.  At least it was
Sunday and she had no classes, culinary or college.
   'Hai, Oneesama," Tarre said, then she paused.  "Oh
wait, I am afraid I shall have to miss it.  I need to
get some supplies for the larder."
   "He's not including you in this?" Kasumi asked.
   "Iie," Tarre said.
   It wasn't all that surprising.  Her father provided
everything he was supppsed to for Tarre and made sure

supposed to

that she was taken care of, but when it came to family
business.  In those cases he almost acted like she
didn't exist.
   "I need to be going, Oneesama," Tarre said.
   "Be careful," Kasumi said.  "I heard that that Kuno
boy is bothering you now, too."
   "I run faster than he does, Oneesama," Tarre said.

********

   "FIANCE!!!!!!"
   "Father!!" Kasumi gasped.  "I HAVE a boyfriend
already!  Tofu-kun and I are very close!  And what if
he's too young for me?"
   "Why isn't Tarre here?" Nabiki asked.
   "Well, she isn't a Tendo by blood," Soun explained.

********

   Tarre had watched horrified as a strange redhead
fought off this giant panda, only to have the panda
wake up and knock her unconscious when her back was
turned.
   The local people were hardly surprised when Tarre
walked over to pull a lamp post out of the ground.  In

again lamppost just seems correct

fact a lot of them started making a great deal of
noise to make it easier for her to sneak up behind
him.

********

   "Tadaima!" Tarre's voice called out.
   "What are you doing home?" Soun asked, seeming
confused.  "You have to do the shopping."
   "Sumimasen, Father," Tarre said coming into view

another japanese word I don't know

carrying a small, unconscious redheaded girl.  "But
Tofu-san is still out of town until tomorrow and I
needed to bring her somewhere!"  She set the girl down
on the floor and went to get the first-aid supplies.


=====
"Caffeinated Kender?  What's that, a berserk spell?" -
Tribble, Kender Warrior of the Celestial Kingdom
"God has to have a sense of humor, it's the only explanation for sex." -
my father
"I have to write a how-to paper for class, so I'm writing a paper on how
to be psuedo-evil." - my brother

http://members.aol.com/thrythlind/snake.html

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Games - play chess, backgammon, pool and more
http://games.yahoo.com/

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'