Subject: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][R1/2] The Things We Wish For...: Prologue
From: "Larry F" <lwf58@socal.rr.com>
Date: 3/26/2002, 4:02 PM
To:



You are quite the grammarian. :)

    Hey!  I ain't -nobody's- Gramma!  ^_-


preservative oil, kept the scroll from disintegrating as it was forced
from
the rolled up tube its form had carried since the day it had been
completed.

    creation, it

    If the scroll has been in a damp cave for a decade, why isn't it
moldy?

It has a musty odor. I thought that would be enough emphasis on smell..

    Mmm.  Gotcha.  Wasn't thinking of smell, though.  Talking about
appearance.  It may just be me, but the combination of 'parchment' and
'damp' brought that to mind immediately.  Come to think of it, parchment is
animal skin, so it would probably rot, too.  Oh, well...


adoration on the beautiful and vast harem he owned. A bevy of the most
attractive women made up the composition of the harem, representing a
veritable mountain of breasts. And the panties, certainly the sheik
had
spared no expense in outfitting the women in his palace of pleasure.
Even
Happosai had been hard pressed to liberate them all, but he had. That
success was one of the proudest accomplishments in his long life.

    lest the fat man use it on himself and unleash his

    'ill-gotten adoration' doesn't make any sense in the context.  It
sounds
like the sheik is the one doing the adoring.  Please reword.

Okay.

    Sheik: It's not that I don't adore them.  I adore the way they feed me
grapes, I adore the way they massage my shoulders, I adore the way they wash
my feet, I adore...


The answer struck him all at once, like a woman's slap when he tried
to
show
them his appreciation by embracing their chest. He stared down at the
parchment and said, "I wish everyone else in the world were nubile
young
girls with large breasts, that they had an unlimited supply of
panties,
and
that they'll let a venerable old man like me grope them so that he can
enjoy
his twilight years in peace and comfort."

    Numeric agreement: 'like a woman's slap when he tried to show her
his
appreciation by embracing her chest.'

Okay.

    Happi: Actually, DB had it right the first time.  I was talking about a
run-in I had with the Queen of England.  She always talked like she was more
than one person.


the woman popped up next to Nabiki, wherever she was, they should
still
have
proof of their mother's continued survival within a couple of hours.
At
least that was what Akane hoped.

    As Brian noted, the master bedroom is on the first floor, next to
the
family room.

Got it.

    I can send you floorplans if you ever want 'em.


    As a name, 'Kachinko' leaves something to be desired, IMHO.  It's
too
close to 'Pachinko'.

Hmm. I rather liked it when I heard it somewhere. I definitely wanted to
diverge from the most used version of 'Kimiko' Not there's anything wrong
with it, just I wanted to be different.

    Fair enough.

    Kachinko: Just don't try to bat at my flippers, you %$#&ing pervert.


Thank for the grammar corrections. It's amazing how many you can tally up
even in only 12k or so of work.

    You are quite welcome.

   Ja mata,
   Larry F

   The Lost Library of Florestica:
   http://rakhal.com/florestica/

   La Biblioteca Perdida de Phantasia:
   http://phantasiaca.tripod.com




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