*Crosses fingers*

Here's hoping it makes sense...

-Warhammer

_________________________________________________________________
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: 
http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx


-- Attached file included as plaintext by Ecartis --
-- File: RE.txt

[In middle of a Kyoto suburb street, Warhammer, dressed in casual clothes, 
is enjoying a walk as the sun is setting.]

WH:  Always be prepared for the best and expect the worst even more.  
Because one is never going to be sure if one will be able to handle it.

TWHammer presents

Returning in Exile

A Neon Genesis Evangelion work of fanfiction


"It never changes..." the fourteen-year-old Shinji Ikari whispered to no one 
in particular.  From his position on his bed, the sun was glaring in his 
eyes, but he didn't care.  Ever since he had gotten that letter, all rhyme 
and reason seemed to vanish before they could even take shape.  He had never 
expected such a thing in all of his life.  Ever since he was four, he had 
expected nothing good to come to him at all.  To others, he was a recluse 
from other children, silent, aloof, and given in to despair.

Worse yet, his guardian at the moment also seemed to be silenced by the 
contents of the aforementioned letter.  A kindred spirit, Yuko Aso, seemed 
to lose all communication with her charge.  To think that several months 
ago, they seemed like family to each other - in an unusual way.

Whenever most other people saw them, they kept their distance and said 
nothing, for fear of being on the receiving end of Yuko's infamously violent 
and explosive anger.  The fact that she was in her early fifties, never 
married, and socially rejected did not help her disposition at all.

It was to this cause that others had hoped to wrest Shinji out of her care, 
for they thought that he had been abused because of her attitude.  However, 
she had been given permission to take care of him by his father, and due to 
that there were no signs of physical or emotional abuse; they were unable to 
do anything.  Shinji also felt strangely comfortable with this 
anti-socialist.  To him, she understood.

They were never like the 'ideal' family that many people saw on television 
sitcoms before the Impact, nor did they want to be.  It seemed too 
superficial and distorted from the cruel reality that they preferred.  This 
was far from saying that they were incapable of showing affection; it was 
just something they showed in surreptitious ways.

Shinji was only eight years old when he had run from his aunt and uncle's 
house.  Though he was grateful for all the care they had given him, he could 
not help but feel that in small and inconspicuous ways, they didn't want 
him.  That small study house they made for him for example.  True, it did 
serve a purpose for a while, but the isolation had gotten to him, yet 
whenever he tried to do something else, they simply sent him off somewhere 
else to spend time with their own children.

Another irritancy was all the smiles they seemed to plaster onto their faces 
to make themselves appear cheerful and nice.  He didn't like it at all.  
Those smiles were shallow to him and the sincere ones were reserved for his 
cousins.  He was a liability to them and they were supposed to take care of 
his needs like some dumb animal.  Like that time he had been brought in for 
taking an abandoned bike and had been accused of stealing.  His aunt had 
said that all he had to do was ask for one and they would have gotten the 
money for a new bike.  It wasn't the bike he wanted.  It had nothing to do 
with the bike!

Why didn't anyone understand him?  Yet, why should they bother?  He was a 
cast-off.  Abandoned by his father only a few years before.  No one ever 
wanted the loser, the castaway, the loner, or the fatalist.  So, he did the 
only thing he could do.

He ran away again.

At an old bus stop, he sat behind the bench, trying to meld into the scenery 
and appear as if he was not there.  The sooner the bus came, the better he'd 
like it.  He had no idea where to go, he just needed to go somewhere else 
but here.  For the first time, a shadow loomed over him that didn't hold the 
condescension of most others.  Shinji looked up to see an old woman, 
withered with age, hardened by isolation, and weary with apathy.

She knelt down to him, and asked quietly, "you running away too?"  Her eyes 
were tired, but full of comprehension.

For the first time in years, Shinji finally felt that someone knew how it 
was and nodded.  Very few words were exchanged between them as time passed 
that evening, but it was those words that were balm to his aching soul.  
Finally, the bus arrived and again Yuko asked if he was still going to run 
away again.  He looked to the ground and sighed.  He wasn't sure anymore.

"Think about it, Shinji.  When you find the right way, you'll know."  She 
said plainly as she walked onto the bus.  He looked up to see her take her 
seat and see the bus door close.  He watched the bus drive away and another 
half an hour later, decided to go home.

He was scolded for being seen with Yuko.  His aunt and uncle had heard many 
things about her and like the rest of the residents of the district she 
lived in did, avoided her like the plague.  From overhearing rumors, and 
through a bit of searching, he had been able to find that she lived in a 
neighboring district.  As much as they told him to stay away from her, he 
found himself going past her house once in a while, even though it was quite 
out of his way.

It seemed well kept, but silently cold from the outside. Even in the humid 
summer, it seemed cold and unwelcome to most people.  At times, Shinji felt 
envious of her, though he didn't know why.

Things went on as drab as they would, until he had overheard his aunt and 
uncle purposely speaking in hushed tones on day.  Though he couldn't 
understand most of what they were saying, he did however, get the basic 
idea.

He was going to be given to another guardian.

Though he would have been happy to get away from his relatives, he did not 
enjoy the thought of being placed into the same situation as he was in now.  
However, there would be little to no point in complaining, so he simply went 
along as usual.

In a near vacant room on the second floor of the city hall, Shinji gaped at 
whom he saw inside.  His father, Gendou Ikari and the same woman that he had 
seen at the bus stop only a few months ago.  His father and Yuko only stared 
at each other like a pair of scorpions, ready, able, and almost willing, to 
tear the other apart.  It turned out that his father knew Yuko very well 
when they were both younger.

Taking a casual glance at Shinji, then back to his father, Yuko commented, 
"I never would have thought it would have been your son, Rokubungi.  
Considering that you're that same little prick I knew back in high school, I 
never thought you had the balls to get married and have a kid."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, senpai." Gendou retorted calmly.

Looking down to a sheet of paper on the table, Yuko continued, "So, all we 
need is his present guardian's signatures and we are all set?"

Gendo nodded, "Yes, but I never thought you would be the kind to take care 
of a child.  Even more so that I asked you."

Yuko snorted, looking over the contract again, "You thought wrong, like 
always."

"A rare exception actually, but anyway, you're well enough off financially?"

"All my finances are in order and I have enough in reserve should anything 
bad happen."

"And if it exceeds your expectations?"

Yuko threw Gendo a hateful glare and said with an 'as a matter of fact' 
tone, "Then I'll just have to work harder then, won't I?"

Shinji was surprised; his aunt and uncle were not and quite displeased at 
this recent turn of events.  They opened up with their objections to turning 
over guardianship of Shinji to someone like her without hesitation.

Yuko remained stoic of their prejudices and replied, "I can see how well 
you've taken care of him.  So much that he ran away and who knows where they 
would have been right now if I hadn't been there.  Yeah, I can see that 
you're both absolutely wonderful at taking care of an animal, but not him."

Shinji had heard many rumors about Yuko, some seemed exaggerated and some 
seemed pretty close to the woman that stood up to his aunt and uncle.  One 
of the rumors said that she understood pain very well and knew how to give 
it out.  When she looked at him, he could see the animosity, resentment, and 
bitterness.  Yet, there was also a familiarity behind all that pain she 
carried.  It was probably the reason why he was silently grateful for this 
new transfer.

A year passed and Shinji slowly fell into a routine with Yuko of living in 
near silence most of the time.  Most would consider this a lack of 
communication; yet, it was quite to the contrary.  It was like speaking a 
whole different language when comprehension made words meaningless.

Returning to the present, Shinji felt that the past five years were nothing 
more than a blur.  So much had happened.  They had progressed from being a 
guardian and ward to friends.  Shinji remembered fondly on his twelfth 
birthday, she had surprised him with a cello just his size.  From that time, 
when silence was not enough, they would play a strange duet of her piano and 
his cello.

Now, instead of the comfortable silence he had gotten used to, all that 
replaced was a tense quiet.  All that they had built upon was abruptly 
shattered when they both read the letter's contents.

That letter... that letter that had just come in the mail...  the letter 
with his father's name and address on it... the letter which turned out to 
be a summons for him to come to Tokyo-3 as soon as possible.  Though Shinji 
had the option of refusing, he could not.  He hadn't told Yuko yet, but he 
had a feeling that she already knew his answer.

Getting to his feet from the bed, he walked slowly to the small room on the 
other side of the house that he and Yuko had often played their instruments. 
  He saw her sitting silently at her piano, quiet as death, with one hand 
over the middle C key.

His cello laid on the ground by the closet behind the piano and almost 
beckoned him to open it up to play with Yuko's piano.  Without a word, he 
opened up the case, placed the piece of rubber on the floor to prevent it 
from slipping, tuned the strings, and turned to his guardian.

Seeing his reflection in the mirror for an instant, she returned her 
attention to the piano and started to play.  It only took Shinji a few notes 
to know what exactly she was playing: Jeux D'eau.  He knew that the title 
was French, but he didn't know what it meant, nor did he care.  All that 
mattered was the song they had learned to play to near perfection during the 
last two years was one of the things which broke up the monotony.

Soon after, he joined in.  The song was somber, if anything else.  Shinji 
had practiced with other songs, but they always seemed to try to hard to be 
happy or upbeat for his tastes.  He had found a lot of decent operettas, but 
somehow; the subdued nature of this particular song removed whatever worry 
he had to vanish for a short while.  A pitiful respite to say the least.

Too soon the song had ended.  And as the evening started to enter the room, 
Shinji let his gaze sit upon his guardian, who remained still on the piano 
bench.  He wasn't scared of the silence at all, but it was her inaction, 
which gave him a little bit of anxiety to control.

"You're going to go, aren't you?" she whispered silently.  Outside, no one 
would have heard her, but in that silent house, it seemed louder than a 
sonic boom.

"Yes."  He replied silently.

For minutes that seemed to stretch into hours, silence reigned.  She didn't 
sound angry, disappointed, or anything that he could tell.  Shinji did not 
want to leave her, but he had this innate sense of duty within to tell him 
to go.  For the past five years, he had felt like himself instead of some 
clone to be melded into society.  Now, all of it seemed to mean nothing from 
one single summon.  He would go to Tokyo-3.

"I'll make the arrangements." She continued before standing up and walking 
to the main room.  She didn't look at him at all, and he couldn't blame her.

*

A few days later, Shinji had received another letter from a person by the 
name of Misato Katsuragi, which gave him instructions to open a secondary 
letter once he got to the city.  His things were packed and sent in advance 
and his train ticket was purchased and ready to be used.

Many people were coming and going to whatever business they had inside the 
city, but they seemed phony to Yuko and Shinji as they entered the platform 
to the train.

Within minutes, the train heading for Tokyo-3 came and people came pouring 
out of it like breaking dam.  As the last of the people exited, Yuko knelt 
in front of her charge, took him gently by the shoulders, held him close, 
and whispered,

"Don't come back, Shinji."

She let go, stood up, and walked away.

Shinji gaped after her as she walked up the stairs and to the walkway that 
led out of the station.  He almost missed the train after having to run 
through the doors as they were about to close.

Taking a seat in the near empty rail car, he let those three painful words 
sink into him like a poison.  It only leads to the idea that he came up 
before - he was never wanted in the first place.

He leaned against the seat, letting his head droop to his chest, and sighs.  
It seemed like lot in life was to be tossed to the will of the four winds 
and he could do nothing to prevent it.

*

Opening the door to her home, Yuko let her shoes fall into the genkan with a 
thud.

He was gone.

The first person she learned to care about in over thirty years was gone.

She had been used to the cold and bitter isolation for so long, and now she 
had the misfortune to try and act human again.  Though their pain was 
similar, Shinji held within him that she wanted for so long, yet never knew 
it.

The ability to move on and learn from the past.  Though not many knew it, 
she could tell that Shinji would slowly turn into a man of dignity because 
of his chance at living a life that allowed him to choose.  She never had 
that option.  Or maybe it would have been better to say that she wasn't 
mature enough to realize that and move on.

Now, it was too late.  The curse had been cast and now both of them would 
continue to merely 'exist'.

Existence, in her experience, was not a life at all, but a hell where 
nothing changed for the better or worse.  There was no point to it and no 
escape from it.

Feeling her knees weaken, she collapsed face first on her bed and allowed 
tears that she thought had long since dried up to flow freely.

Curling into a fetal position, she let her tears flow and whispered, "It 
never changes..."

The end.

[Outside, WH is walking away quietly.]

WH: Nice, huh?  If you read any newspaper articles that mention something of 
a fanfiction author killing himself for writing a depressing fic, don't be 
surprised.  :p

I'm almost embarrassed by saying this, but the character Yuko Aso came from 
a little known game series called "Valis".  Rightfully so, because the games 
weren't all that great, but it's stuck with me all these years, so I thought 
what the heck, "I need someone to be the embodiment of self-loathing, 
bitterness, and resentment."  It also should be noted that what happens to 
her in this fic has hardly anything to do with the games.  Also, I don't 
think this could be called a cross-over... or would it?  I guess you can say 
it isn't because most of everything has something to do with EVA, yet the 
element of the other character is significant enough so that you could call 
it one.  I'm so confused...

An important thing to note is that this fic is the prequel to a fic I'm 
going to rewrite, some of you older folk out there know this as that piece 
of crap called 'Seraphim's Judgment'.  Like I said in another chapter that I 
put out recently, 'I really had no idea what I was doing.'  It has no real 
important ties to other fics for the time being and I think it can be done.  
So, start packing up the Prozac!

Oh, in addition, extra special thanks goes out to a one 'Sparky Clarkson' 
for writing 'Ascent of the Fallen', which not only takes the series on an 
upturn from the down that the director put it in, but actually makes all the 
Christianity jargon sensible!  I applaud you, Mr. Clarkson.

Let us not forget that EVA and everything related to it belongs to Studio 
Gainax and Yuko belongs to Telenet.  I get no cash from this, henceforth, no 
reason for lawsuit.  Jeux D'eau belongs to the wonderful folks that write 
the music for Cirque De Soleil.  In case you want to hear it, get the 'O' 
album.  It's odd music, but worth a listen.

Oh yes, let us not forget that C&C is always appreciated (especially for 
this first draft).  For the most part, corrections concerning grammar, 
spelling and so on are nice, but telling someone how ya felt when you read 
this is even better.

Well, I'm going to go out to try and continue to prove my semi-pointless 
existence by writing more fanfiction.  Or get really bored, busy, or blocked 
in the process.

[Runs away before he gets depressed even more.]




             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'