----- Original Message -----
From: "Jeanne Hedge" <jhedge@enteract.com>
[snippage]

Sylia winced when the device activated.  "I never like doing this." (2)

<snip>

Perhaps Madigan noting the effects? It's an interesting subplot that doesn't
(IMO shouldn't) be explained right away. If you're a hardcore BGC fan,
you'll catch it and go, 'Oh, yeah' but someone else might not.

You've picked my favorite of the various speculations on how Priss was to
die for your story. :)

A suggestion - please don't use footnotes in the body of your story. I
personally find them distracting and annoying, and I'm sure I'm not alone
in that.  Discuss things in your notes as you have - it's not that
difficult to add words to your discussion to remind people what you're
referring to instead of numbers :p

I think she's right, in this particular circumstance.

Jeanne Hedge

Arthur Hansen


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'