Woohoo!  Two series I've actually seen!  *cracks knuckles*  Ahem.

All comments strictly my opinion, and offered in good spirit.

	Ranma ran, not knowing where or why. He had to get there, wherever 
'there' was. And he had to get there fast. He felt it in his bones!

	Buildings rushed past him, as he roof-hopped towards his soul mate, 

him as {comma muyo!}

his tuxedo flapping in the wind-- his Tuxedo?!

{First time through I said he has a tuxedo, so this shouldn't be a huge
surprise, but later I realized that this was set in Ranma's pre-tux
days...}

	Ranma screamed, and lost his balance, plummeting towards the street 

screamed and {comma again}

below. He felt a crunch, and winced in sympathy towards the poor 
person he must have landed on. "Hey, you okay?" he asked, getting up 
while trying to ignore the intense pain coursing through his body, 
and pulling a large, errant thorn from his side. The grotesque 

{suggest splitting that sentence into something like}

 body.  He winced suddenly, then extracted a large thorn

mockery of a female that had cushioned his fall twitched, laughing 
shrilly and loudly, before disappearing in a cloud of dust.

{Three guesses who THAT was. "Oh, Ranma-sama, I'll be your tumbling mat
any time!"  But "grotesque mockery"?  Kodachi's stunning, I'll have you
know! :) }

	"Tuxedo Airen!" several female voices chorused, reminding the teenage 
boy of his plight. He paled and grabbed the offending article of 
clothing, ripping it off his body.

{Uh oh -- }

Looking around, he was disturbed 
to find three of the girls leering at him. The fourth formed a bow 
from fire and started flinging fiery arrows at him, crying out 
"Pervert!" occasionally.

{Oh, my. :) This ties in nicely with the intro to CP, which I assume is
your intent here: the hero has disturbing (and foreshadowing) dreams of
girls he hasn't met yet.}
 

	As he tried his best to dodge the arrows of fire - luckily for him, 
the raven-haired girl was a lousy shot - Ranma lamented the 
unfairness of it all. He also made a mental note to wear something 
under his tuxedo next time.

{Thought so.}

	"Stop it, Sailor Paragon!" a brown-haired girl commanded, giving her 
comrade a firm glare. Turning towards Ranma, she beamed at him. 
"Please excuse her. You know how she gets."

	"Yeah, Sailor Temptress," Ranma laughed nervously, tugging on his 
pigtail. Or trying to. "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PIGTAIL?" he screamed 
in panic, when his hand met nothing but air. Ranma started shaking 

panic when (comma)

his head from side to side frantically, trying to look at the back 
of his head.

	"Calm down, Tuxedo Airen!" two girls cried out together, each 
latching onto one of his arms.

	That had the desired affect, as Ranma relaxed considerably and looked 
at the girls holding him, the passionate purple-haired Sailor 
Erudite and the exotic and beautiful yet bashful Sailor Mystique. A 
little over to the side, he saw Sailor Temptress holding her 
teammate, Sailor Paragon, in a headlock. No doubt to prevent her 
from doing him great bodily harm, he thought darkly.

{I'm almost afraid to ask, but what are they wearing? Detailed
descriptions aren't necessary, and would slow things down too much, but
a couple of hints would help to build a mental image here.}

	Just as he was getting relaxed, Ranma sensed a dark presence 
converging upon him. Shaking the girls' hold on him, the teenage boy 
jumped away to get some space between him and what appeared to be a 
red-haired female monster holding a wrapped up package. Before he

{again, my mental image is ambiguous; suggest} gift-wrapped package {or,
if it's functional wrapping} package wrapped in brown paper
 

could realize what was making his skin crawl at her mere presence, 
Ranma noticed that he was somehow female, naked and held in 
someone's arms.

{...nice segue/parallel to Ranma's Kuno-nightmare, sort of}

	"Hello, my beautiful Airen," Sailor Stoic crooned in his masculine 
voice, his long hair done in a weird style that resembled meatballs 
and spaghetti to Ranma. "Now, finally, the Schools will be United!"

{ Eek. }

	Ranma woke up screaming, and lashed out violently, socking his old 
man and Mr. Tendo, who had been whispering into his ears to marry 
Akane already and unite the schools.

{Nice teaser intro, just like CP's is.}

	-------------------------------------------------
	Ecchi Party -- Chapter One: Ranma's First Time

	A Ranma 1/2 Comic Party Fusion

	A Brother's^H Production

	Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is the property of Takahashi Rumiko and Viz 
Video. Comic Party is the property of Aquaplus/KSS, those lovely 
people who create ecchi date sims for every occasion. Er... or so we 
hear.

{My shallow web-research on CP left me with the impression that the game
was halfway beween a dating sim and a fighting game... which conjures up
interesting images itself. :) }

	"Oh, like it really matters," he muttered absent-mindedly, pausing 
next to a bench to look at a clock. "It's just school. Martial arts 
are good enough for me." Despite his casual response, the pigtailed 
boy inwardly tensed for battle. 'Oh man, and just after Shampoo 
returned to China...'

{OK, this time cue indicates somewhere around Manga V.5, before the
appearances of Cologne, Mousse, Happosai, Ukyo, etc.}

	Ranma sighed, and cursed his weird dream for the umpteenth time. Who 
were all those weird girls, anyway? Damn that dream for making him 
stammer! Damn his dream for causing him to think of all those 
beautiful girls after him! Damn that dream for making him think of 
Soun cross-dressing...

{I repeat, eek. :) Of course, we see that (more or less) much later in
the manga, so no imagination is required on our part... :) }

	"Hey, Ranma, are you okay?" Akane asked, her voice penetrating the 
pigtailed boy's thoughts.

	"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered absent-mindedly, shaking his head to 
clear it from all the images. "Why?"

{suggest} clear it of all

	"You spaced out all of a sudden, and had the scariest face..." 
Looking at him suspiciously, she questioned, "You were thinking of 

{suggest} she accused

something perverted, weren't you!"

{heh.  For once, she's right.  :) }

	A shrill female cry for help interrupted his fiancee, making Ranma 
eternally grateful to the screaming girl. 'Wait. Screaming girl?!' 
Breaking into a sprint, he shouted over his shoulder, "Sorry, Akane, 
gotta save someone."

{"Me."  :) }

	"What's going on, Ranma?" Akane asked him, finally catching on to her 

catching up {?}

fiance.

	Springing violently from the bushes, dressed immaculately in a 
pressed and dry-cleaned white gi, a figure shot upwards, and landed 
on the back of the bench, balancing neatly there. He posed dramatically,
from his vantage point on the peak of the bench, and proclaimed, 

{suggest reordering:} He posed dramatically and proclaimed, from his
vantage point on the peak of the bench,

	Ignoring him, the figure continued his passionate speech. "Once you 
become masters of the art, and able to teach, you won't have to 
worry about your future at all."

{*snort*  Yeah, right. :) }
 

	His form blurring, the elderly man that had been talking to them 
avoided the stone with surprising agility. He leaned forward and 
_leered_ at both Ranma and Akane, who were leaning back in alarm. 
Smirking at Ranma, he shook his finger to the negative, closing one 

finger in the {?}

eye. "Sloppy, sloppy..."

	Ranma's face twisted into a scowl, and he cocked his hand, preparing 
to hit the annoying guy, when his next words stopped the pigtailed 
boy in his tracks.

	"So... you both are students of the Anything Goes..." A smile 
breaking on his face, the old man drawled out, "Would you like to be 
all that you can be... My Students?"

{ *facefault*  Happosai as Taishi?! Aiyaaa... }

	Ranma blinked. The entire presentation would have been more effective 
had he not had to look down at the speaker, even as he was, standing 

{suggest} speaker even though he was standing

atop the bench. "Um, Akane?" he asked. "Should we just go home?"

	"Wait!" the elderly man cried out in alarm. "Hey, stop!" he yelled, 
when Akane shrugged and turned around, Ranma following her lead 
after giving him a wary look. "Don't go! I really am your master! Wait!
I AM YOUR FATHER!"

{ *facepalm*  :) }

	Ranma and Akane stopped in mid-step. They looked at each other, 
blinked, and turned around to face the short man in shock. "Fa... 
fa..." the two stammered, not noticing they were mirroring each other.

{suggest, since it's sound, not light} were echoing each

	"Well, not father." The short man rubbed his chin thoughtfully. 
"Maybe godfather. I trained your fathers." Smiling at them, he 
added, "Would you like to know more?"

{ "Do we have a choice?"  :) }

	Happosai easily avoided being hit by the makeshift projectile, and 
smirked at her, ignoring the cries of agony behind him, where the 
bag had hit some unfortunate bystander. "The Ecchi in you is wild 
and savage, yet you deny it," he proclaimed sagely. "Until you 
become one with your inner pervert, your hormones won't know peace."

{ Just what I always say.  :) }

	Not bothering to suppress his shudder, Ranma high-tailed out of 

{ high-pigtailed, even.  :) }

there, sacrificing Akane's bag for the greater good. Besides, he 
doubted that she would want it back with all the slime on it...

	"Make way! Hot dojin coming through!" the girl yelled, though the 
people in her path moved out of the way even before her warning 
reached them, unwilling to become road kill.

roadkill.

	She blinked, apparently confused at the question. "Well, no... I 
turned fourteen last month."

	"Oh." It was Ranma's turn to blink. "I could've sworn you were eleven 
or something," he mumbled.

	"You're mean." The girl pouted, making him wince.

	"Umm... that is..." Ranma fumbled with words, idly twirling his 
thumbs, before letting out a deep breath with defeat. "Aren't girls 
supposed to like it when you say they're younger than they are?" he 
asked desperately, hoping it would be enough to get him through this 
sudden crisis.

{ Nice save.  I'm sure those skills will serve him well.  :) }

	It worked, and the girl's facial expression brightened. "You're 
right." Smiling at him, she nodded as best as she could from her 
position. Steering the cart right, she added, "I'm Kurumi."

{ Hmm... Kurumi and Chisa do look a little alike, don't they. }

	"I think what bothered me most was the way you called my precious 
darlings," Kurumi said suddenly.

	Ranma looked at her strangely. "Your what?"

	"The dojinshi!" Kurumi exclaimed, pointing at the manga on her cart 
with her left hand and almost losing control.

{ Hmm... sounds like she was befriended by Happosai whilst a child... }

	"The Ecchi guides me through," Kurumi explained, once she got her 
giggling under control. "My precious darlings give me strength in my 
times of need. I let their essence enter me... possess me... make me 
whole." Blushing and sticking her tongue out at Ranma, she added, 
"At least that's what my big sister explained to me when I asked 
her. She knows how everything works, because she's really smart and 
old - but don't tell her I said that - and she even saw the Clair 
Dojin--"

{ Clair... Dojin?  Oh, very nice. }

	"Wait a sec," Ranma stopped Kurumi in bewilderment. "What are you 
talking about? Ecchi possessing you... some Clyde Dojin..."

	"Clair Dojin," Kurumi corrected him, talking at a normal pace again. 
"The Ecchi is everywhere and in everything. The Ecchi is the mother 
of all that exists." Noticing how Ranma's right eyebrow began 
twitching slightly, Kurumi stopped finding more analogies, and 
merely said, "You must read the Clair Dojin to understand. Though 
the original edition is very rare, so you're better off finding an 
of the reprinted manuscripts. They don't hold a candle to the 
original, but perverts can't be choosers."

{ If people go around holding candles to the original editions, it's no
wonder they're so rare. :) }

	"Hey, I ain't no pervert!" Ranma protested, poking at his chest with 
his left thumb for emphasis.

{Not YET.  :) }
 

	Kurumi gave him a careful once-over that made the pigtailed boy feel 
strangely dirty. "Does not understand this one," she mumbled quietly 
to herself. "Yet time he has not." Turning towards Ranma, she called 
out to him as the cart started picking up speed, "Denial leads to 
delusion. Delusion leads to favoritism. Favoritism leads to bashing. 
Bashing leads to the Dark Side."

{ *nodnod*  :) }

	"Damn," he muttered, turning. He wheeled in time to see a matronly 
woman with reddish hair nod at him in approval before melting into 
the crowd, a rushing tingle racing up his spine.

{Did she have a wrapped sword over her shoulder? :) }

	Finally guessing where the old man was, Ranma threw a punch directly 
over the top of his own head. "Enough with the sides already! 
Everyone and their uncle talk about them!"

{suggest} uncles

	The first was a tall, lanky man in an ill-fitting multi-colored 
beret. The second was a much rounder man in a trench coat, glancing 
around furtively.

{You left out "obsessively wiping his face with a handkerchief". :) I
trust those two will be the same recurring encounters as in CP? Say, I
wonder if their names are Hiroshi and Daisuke? :) }

	The two men leaned forward ominously, the first muttering, "Brudda 
Cor, dis woman don wanna give us da ecchi!"

	"Meine freund Dur! What shall we do?"

{Hmm... I guessed wrong.  Who are these guys, then?  I can't place them.}
 

	"Feh," the third voice continued, the speaker just coming into 
Ranma's point of view. "Dojinshi is like okonomiyaki -- it's got a 
proud tradition, and I'm not going to let your eagerness corrupt our 
enduring ethics!" Ranma blinked at the girl as he saw her. Long, 
brown hair in a pair of ponytails down her back, standing next to 
the banner that loudly proclaimed, "Kuonji!" in bold letters.

{ heh!  Ukyo/Yuu? }

	Her eyes lit up when she glanced at him, and she lunged across the 
table, pulling him over it and towards her. "Our brother here is a 
dangerous man," she warned, tapping the table with a large steel 
spatula for emphasis. "Feared the world over for..."

{ The pen is mightier than the spatula, is it not?  :) }

	"I'm so happy!" she gushed, pressing a manga into his hands and 
blushing darkly. "Now read this! Read this!"

	Ranma looked at the papers in his hand, reading the cover aloud. 
"'The adventures of Ranchan and Ucchan'? What's this?"

	"Our dojinshi!" Ukyou responded, blushing even more deeply.

{ O_o  Ara maa. And she has a heck of an imagination...}

	"What the heck's a dojinshi?" Ranma mumbled, eyeing the cover of the 
book in his hands. An oddly well drawn rendering of himself stood on 
the cover, in a grossly exaggerated bishonen pose, the same girl he 
was talking to draped over his picture-self's arm. "Kinda cool," he 
admitted, flipping it open. "It's just like me, I guess." Though he 
didn't bother mentioning that she had misspelled 'Martial Arts' as 
'Marital Arts' on the cover...

{ er... that's not a misspelling, is it.  :) }

	The first pages were kind of lacking, reminding him of Akane's manga, 
which bored him to death.

{Akane's manga? I thought she was Mizuki's alter-ego, the disdainer of
all things dojinshi...}

	Sparing a questioning glance to the girl, he turned back to the 
manga. Where the buildings and backgrounds were only indicated with 
a quick brushstroke or two, granting them an inconsequential feel, 
the girl and her clothes -- especially as they were being torn into 
ribbons -- had been paid a lot more attention. Ranma shivered, so 

{suggest} shivered; so

well had they been drawn, he felt it was almost real.

	He flipped to the next page nervously, as the girl screamed and 
covered herself with what scraps and shreds of her clothing 
remained, and a full-page illustration of his picture-self jumped in 
the way, dispatching the thugs with a single blow. He couldn't help 
but smile at that part -- he got to be the hero in his own manga!

{Yeah, I can see how that would appeal to him.  :) }

	Continuing on, he watched the picture-girl throw herself onto the 
picture-Ranma, thanking him and telling him in no uncertain terms 
that her body was his to do with as he pleased. Ranma stared at that 
panel for a very long moment, before flipping to the next page. He 
managed to raise his face and stare at the girl across from him 
levelly before his eyes rolled up and he passed out, a faint trickle 
of blood issuing from his nose.

{hehehe!}

	"Uh-oh," he heard, as things began to fade. "I better get you to the 
first aid booth!"

	***

	Muscling her way through the crowds, upset, confused, lost, and more 
than a little bit hungry, Akane wondered if she were moving in a 
large circle. The raving otaku gave her no more attention that the 

than the

rare passing grope, and she simply couldn't move through the mass of 
bodies quickly enough to retaliate.

{ah, I was wondering.}

	Something broke through the gloom she was slowly accumulating, as the 
public announcement system blared, "Tofu-sensei to the first aid 
booth, please. Tofu-sensei to the first aid booth, please."

{ Of course. But if Minami, the organizer, has the same effect on him as
Kasumi (and she sure ought to, they even have the same voice), then...
oh my.}

	Akane blinked, staring in surprise. Tofu? Here? Well, he was a 
doctor, nothing like the otaku that surrounded her -- but if she 
could find him, then he could lead her to the exit, and from there, 
escape from the wretched hive of ecchi and perversion that had 
trapped her! Were she to have her way with things, she'd never see 
such a thing again.

{Don't say "have your way with things" here, Akane, they'll get the
wrong idea entirely... :) }
 

	As she watched, a woman in a pristine white Kimono stepped before 
her, somehow creating a rift in the crowd, a bubble of personal 
space that the otaku seemed to be completely oblivious of, despite 
the woman's presence in their midst.

{Who?}

Trailing shortly behind her, in 
a much smaller, yet still present envelope of solitarily, was an 
unmistakable man in the same gi she remembered far too well to forget.

{Happosai? This paragraph is opaque; I can only hope that it will be
clarified by later events. }
 

	Catching himself, and turning to steady her, Tofu exclaimed in 

himself and {comma}

surprise, "Akane-chan! I never thought you'd be coming to a place 
like this!"

	Akane knelt on the floor, trying to help the doctor collect his 
comics. "Are these yours?" she asked worriedly. "'Housewife on the 
Rampage'? 'House Call'? 'Betty Does the Med School'..."

{heheheh!}

	Tofu ignored her, pulling the cloth barrier aside, and stepping 
inside. Akane's eyes widened as she recognized Ranma laying on the 
cot, eyes staring upward dizzily, head in another girl's lap. "So 
you're Ucchan?" he asked, stifling a hysterical giggle, holding a 
reddened tissue to his nose. "And you've always been a girl?"

	"Yep," she announced, beaming at him. "And don't you forget, you 
_are_ my fiancee."

fiance." {Akane's not going ballistic at this? }

	"I am?"

	"Yep! Your father engaged us, and I decided to sell dojinshi about us 
to educate the world about our love!"

{ Makes sense to me... :) }
 

	Tofu flipped through the manga, and Akane peeked over his shoulder to 
study it. She looked away again, very quickly. The artist had done a 
reasonable job of guessing what Ranma looked like, to have drawn him 
naked in that much detail.

{ Thinks the girl with first-hand knowledge.  :) }

The doctor made a thoughtful noise, and 

noise and {comma}

flipped the manga shut, returning it to the girl. "A little bit much 
for someone who's not used to it," Tofu admonished. "These things 
need to be built up to, you know. Make a man jump into something 
like that with no preparation, it's no wonder he loses it all three 
pages before the money shot!"

	The other girl's eyes widened, as Ranma sat up, staring at his feet. 

widened as {comma}

"Ranchan!" she exclaimed. "That was your first time?"

	Ranma managed a nervous laugh, and admitted, "Um... yeah, I guess 
that was..."

	"There is no escape," a disembodied voice announced then, seemingly 
coming from the walls themselves. "Don't force me to make you impotent."

{ ...OK, that's the appropriate kind of weakness moxibustion, isn't it. }

	Errata:

	E-mail me at the address above, and Corwin here: ely7@inter.net.il

"Brothers^H" being you and Corwin, I take it?  If so, you might want to
say so in the author credit.

	Or visit his website here: http://corwin.anifics.com

A fun read.

I'm guessing that the Ranma characters who haven't shown up in the Ranma
manga before Shampoo's departure will be fused with their CP "equivalents"
(and vice-versa, in some cases) according to some system weighted more for
humor than consistency.  :)  So far I recognize:

Ranma = Kazuki
Akane = Mizuki
Happosai = Taishi
Kurumi = Chisa
Ukyo = Yuu

and I'd like to suggest
Kasumi = Minami (in other words, Kasumi has a secret hobby of organizing
 dojin conventions)

I'm looking forward to seeing who gets Eimi's role of Ukyo's arch-enemy
(Kodachi, maybe? Her personality's about right, and I'd like to see her
get more than a cameo); also Aya and Reiko.

Thanks for writing and sharing!

Vince Seifert    Fanfic Analyst   FFIRC Frog
Prime:  seifertv@csus.edu
Backup: seifertv@myrealbox.com
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
Ideas are worth their weight in gold.


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