Subject: [FFML] Bitter Testament, chapter 2
From: Andrew Huang
Date: 12/13/2001, 12:13 AM
To: <efml@nabiki.com>, <ffml@anifics.com>

  This assumes definite knowledge of the action and events of
Evangelion. There are some elements of the manga within.

************************************************
  An Oddzilla Productions Fanfic, by Andrew Huang
  Evangelion: Bitter Testament
  Based on Neon Genesis Evangelion, c. Gainax Studios and ADVision.
************************************************

Chapter 2

  EVA-01 stood in the middle of Tokyo-3, about 1000 meters from the
Angel, now facing him. The black giant squinted, almost curiously, at
the purple giant.

  "Release the final safeties."

  Bolts in the frame that carried Unit 01 unlocked, causing the robot to
sag slightly from the lack of support. "Now, Shinji. Just concentrate on
walking."

  Shinji nodded, and imagined that the robot's body was his own. But for
all his enthusiasm, he found controlling the EVA to be rather difficult.
"Walk...."

  The robot took a step. It was like forcing a leg that had fallen asleep
to move.

  "Walk...."

  "Shinji, how is it?"

  "It's hard. Dammit, I think I'm going to fall. Stop."

  The robot kept walking.

  "Stop."

  Step.

  "Stop, dammit!"

  "Shinji, what's--"

  "Fine. If you're going to be that way, then CHARGE!"

  Clumsily, but with definite power, the EVA leaned forward and began to
run. "Ha! DIE!" Unfortunately, he paid little heed to his surroundings,
and tripped headlong over a building, demolishing it in the process. The
EVA bounced along, wrecking more structures, and skidded to a halt past
the Angel. "Ah...damn...."

  "Shinji, watch out! Get up!" yelled Misato. The Angel now turned
around, and grabbed the EVA by the head, lifting it up. With its other
hand, it grabbed Unit 01's arm, and squeezed.

  "RRRGH! Get off, get off my arm, get off getoffgetoff--" The robot's
left hand was clawing ineffectively at the Angel.

  "Shinji! That's not really your arm!" Misato flicked off the comm,
muttering, "Damn it, his control isn't good enough--"

  *SNAP* "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

  Maya called out, "Synchronization is dropping! Below forty...thirty-
seven percent! Thirty-five!"

  "Pilot's blood pressure and pulse rate are going too high!"

  The Angel now proceeded to slam the EVA in the eye with the spike
mounted in its arm. Shinji could only continue to howl in pain,
clutching his own eye within the plug. The armor began to strain and
crack.

  "Shinji, get out of the way! Just--just move!"

  The Evangelion made feeble efforts to disengage the Angel's grip. The
pounding kept going, and suddenly, the spike sliced straight through the
head of the robot, sending it flying across the city, landing with a
sickening crunch against a building. Blood-like fluid spouted from the
wound.

  The control room was reduced to chaos. Shouts of, "Pilot monitors are
down!" mingled with, "We have to get him out of there!" The technicians
frantically tried to reset connections to the pilot plug and the rest of
the EVA, attempting both to find out what was going on and perhaps get
some control of Unit 01. Nothing happened.

  "That hurt," grated a voice, coldly. It sliced through the confusion in
the control room, and brought everyone to a halt.

  "Shinji?" asked Misato.

  She was not answered.

  Instead, the roars of a robot filled a city.

  What followed next was less a battle and more a brutal thrashing. Both
combatants were tossed around the city by punches, energy blasts, kicks,
and body slams.

  Everyone on the bridge simply gaped at the scene on the monitors. The
EVA flipped through the air to land feetfirst on the Angel's chest,
sending it flying. The EVA smoothly, almost casually slapped away the
Angel's arm as it reached out. The EVA spun on one leg to deliver quite an
impressive kick to the Angel's midsection.

  The EVA was not moving like it was being piloted by someone who had
never gotten in and operated one before.

  "Ever seen something that inspires a sense of wonder that overwhelms
you, sweeps you along helplessly?" asked Ritsuko, who suddenly appeared at
Misato's elbow.

  Crunch. Thud. Wham.

  "Yeah," answered Misato, faintly. "That's precisely what's happening
right now, I'm sorry to say. It isn't the nice kind of wonder."

  The assault continued. Another kick sent the Angel flying backward into
a building, which crumbled from the impact. Immediately, the Evangelion
leaped on it and started beating on the Angel with its fists. The howl of
unearthly fury that accompanied this sent shivers down Misato's spine. An
involuntary glance around the control room showed that she wasn't alone in
that.

  What happened next, though, she couldn't really recall until she watched
a tape of the battle afterward, because it seemed somehow too surreal. It
could only be described as this: somehow, the Angel managed to shove the
Evangelion up and off, just long enough for it to jump up and wrap itself
around the giant robot. And then, there was a flare of blinding light, and
tremors that shook the entire Geofront.

  When the white-hot surge of energy finally faded, Misato picked herself
up off the floor and staggered over to the monitors. At first, they were
only filled with static, but after a few taps on the keyboard, alternate
cameras came online, and showed a smoke-filled, blasted cityscape.

  "Angel...self-destructed," whispered Maya, through the earthquake sirens
that had been set off by the explosion.

  "The EVA?" asked Misato.

  There was a dull, rhythmic thumping, and a large shape emerged through
the smoke.

  "There's your answer."

  "...yeah. And, you know, I should feel happier about that than I
actually do."

------------------------------------------------

  Shinji sat in the plug, breathing heavily, mind finally clearing of that
red haze that had overtaken him. A speaker within the cockpit issued forth
a stream of babbling. The people back in the control center, no doubt. It
was easily ignored.

  He had done it. Or...had he? He vaguely remembered moving the grips of
the controls and squeezing the triggers...but it had been almost as if the
grips and triggers had been moving and squeezing _him_.

  No matter. It was dead. Very dead. One step in his quest of paying back
these things for taking his life away from him. He smiled mirthlessly. It
had only begun. He could feel the rage within himself, a righteous rage,
ready to continue what had started today--

  Something caught his eye, to the right. He turned, seeing the reflection
of his EVA in a mirror-surfaced skyscraper that had mostly escaped damage
during the battle. The helmet of the EVA had fallen off, exposing its real
head--a brownish, smooth structure. Where the right eye had been was now a
burnt slash. But the slash began to quiver, and without warning, a green
blob popped out. No, not a blob, an eye, regenerating from the remains of
one that had been lost. The pupil formed and dialated, looking back.

  Looking back at him.

  Looking back into him.

  Into him....

  Into--

  Blackness, and a scream in his own voice.

  "What the--Shinji? SHINJI!"

------------------------------------------------

  "What happened in there?"

  "Neural overload. Extreme emotional stress on the part of the pilot
caused feedback."

  "Emotional stress _after_ the battle? He seemed to be doing fine after
it was over."

  "I don't know myself. It's right here, though. Physiological reaction
seem to indicate that he got really angry or something, somehow worked up
before it happened."

  "Angry? But it's already over...."

------------------------------------------------

  Blink. "This is...where?"

  Shinji pulled himself upright and looked. This had to be a hospital
room. The only other place that he had recently been in that was as coldly
white as this was that room in the juvenile detention center where they
had the psychological evaluation.

  My arm...why does it feel like it hurts? I don't...I don't remember.
And why do I want to remember?

  His jumbled thoughts were cut off by someone opening the door. It was a
nurse, wheeling in another bed. On it lay a pale, blue-haired girl, who
stared sightlessly at the ceiling. Shinji worked his muddled brain for a
few moments. "Looks like my mother...Ayanami...Rei?"

  The nurse glanced at him wordlessly, then placed the bed next to his and
exited the room. Shinji decided to speak. "You are...the First."

  Slowly, Rei turned her head to look at him. "Yes."

  "A pilot, like me."

  "Yes."

  Shinji pondered this, and slowly smiled. "Good to meet a fellow
pilot." He lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes, to rest some
more.

  Rei looked at him a moment longer, then closed her own eyes as well.

------------------------------------------------

  Misato pondered the day's events. "It would be convenient," the boy had
said, when the offer was made to stay with her, instead of living alone.
That response was somehow odd.... Yes, it would be convenient, of course--
that was one of the reasons she thought of the idea. But there was
something about the way he had said it, as if something as important as
his permanent living arrangements here were just an afterthought. But
then, this boy seemed to have a lot on his mind. He hadn't said anything
since leaving NERV HQ, and not because he was shy. The look of intense
concentration on his face had put off any conversation. But, one must ask,
what exactly Shinji was thinking so hard about.

  The silence finally got to Misato, and she pulled over onto the
roadside, getting out of the car. This roused Shinji out of his
ponderings. "What are we doing?" He exited the car and walked next to
Misato, standing next to the guardrail. He followed her gaze out over
the landscape. "The city?"

  "Yes. Wait just a moment...there."

  Slowly, under the setting sun, the buildings of Tokyo-3 rose
gracefully out of the ground. "There is the city that you helped
protect. Beautiful, isn't it?"

  Shinji looked on in silence for a few moments longer, then shrugged.
"Beautiful? I don't know," he said, still watching with a seemingly
complete sense of detachedness. "It's not something I particularly care
about. The city is safe, and that's what matters." He turned around and
walked back to the car. Misato frowned. So much for trying to strike up
some light conversation.

  "What is with that boy?"

------------------------------------------------

  "Was there any particular reason you had Ayanami placed in the same room
as Shinji?"

  "They would have to meet sooner or later. And this way, allowing him to
see her in a state similar to his, having been injured as a pilot...makes
him respect her. I want a determined pilot, eager to fight, but not a
loose cannon who ignores his teammates."

  "Mmm. I see."

  "Anything else, Fuyutsuki."

  "How was the meeting with SEELE?"

  "As to be expected. Complaints about the cost of the damages, of course,
but underneath, they seemed pleased. It _is_ working, after all."

  "And what about sending y--"

  "No. I am the Commander of NERV, he is a pilot for NERV, and that is
all. Nothing more to it."

  "Gendou. You know I never liked this idea from the beginning."

  "I never thought you would."

  "I hope your lies do not catch up to you."

------------------------------------------------

  Shinji watched dispassionately as Misato slammed down her beer. "WAA-HA!
Now this is the way to live!" She grinned at him, but was met only with
silence. "Hey, Shinji. Why are you so quiet? It's disturbing."

  He shrugged with one shoulder. "Nothing to say."

  Misato was getting irritated. "You've had nothing to say all day, but
you're obviously thinking about something. What's going on in that head
of yours?"

  "...the past."

  "All right, then, tell me about your past."

  "Haven't you read my file already?"

  "Humor me."

  Shinji tilted his head slightly, looking thoughtful. "All right.... My
parents. I'll start with what I've read about my parents.... My father,
Izaki Ginta, was killed in a flash flood that was the direct result of the
Second Impact, the day after it happened.  My mother, Izaki Arimi, never
quite got over that. She attempted suicide a few times, before she found
out she was pregnant with me.

  "She stopped trying to kill herself then, but according to statements
from her who survived the Impact, she also stopped trying to live. She
ate barely enough to keep the both of us alive. And once I was born, she
stopped altogether. I guess she just gave up and died, then."

  Misato stared at him, a vague sense of horror building in her gut. His
voice was calm, unwavering. Perhaps there was sorrow somewhere in it.
Maybe. But she couldn't detect it.

  "I had no living relatives, and due to the trouble from the Impact, no
one was really looking to adopt any children. My earliest memories was of
the orphanage, the one that I was in for most my life...I think I was
five, or so. There were hundreds of kids, like me, parents killed by the
Impact--directly or indirectly.

  "It was...it was an existence. They cared for us adequately, as well as
they could given the circumstances. We got enough to eat, we had warm
beds. But none of us had families." He paused, and looked at Misato
thoughtfully. "Some of the caretakers had families. I'd see them meet up
with their spouses and children, and they would smile and hug each other."

  The calmness was a cold, deathly one, rimed with ice...and hollow.
Hollow like the fang of a venomous snake. That was what it was. "I...I
see," said Misato, slowly. Her eyes flickered downward, unable to hold his
gaze now.

  There was some silence from Shinji, before he answered. "Yes, you would,
wouldn't you? You lost your parents as well. Your father--"

  He was cut off by a sharp, indrawn breath. "You--you even know about
_that_?" Misato hissed. "Good God, what the hell didn't you get your hands
on?"

  He stared hard back at her. "Ah. This must not be something you like to
talk about. Sorry."

  Misato was now gaping. "Nuh, no, it isn't," she said, very slowly. "I
mean, it's...it's...but you, you can talk about what happened to you so
easily?"

  Another one-shouldered shrug. "It's something that's with me all the
time. I've learned to accept it. And it's what gives me my purpose."

  "To defeat the Angels."

  "Yes. To destroy them."

  He would have to say it like that, wouldn't he?

  "I see why Commander Ikari wanted you as a pilot."

  Shinji smiled. She drank more beer.

  "Misato-san?"

  "Yes?"

  "I'm hungry."

  "Oh. Of course. I'll make dinner, now."

------------------------------------------------

  Deep down, Misato realized that she was a bad cook. Of course, this
was quite deep down, and not anything that she would admit out loud.
Everyone else just had tastes that were too narrow, of course. Ramen and
curry were meant to go together.

  So she didn't know what to think, exactly, when she saw Shinji's face
spasm with internalized pain when he started eating. He kept eating, and
didn't say a word, and was really quite valiant in trying not to express
anything. But she noticed it anyway, including the strangled quality to
his voice when he said, "Thank you, Misato-san," when he was finished.

  She decided to take this in a good way. So to speak.

  "You didn't like it, did you?" Misato asked a bit peevishly.

  Shinji looked back at her stiffly. "It was fine."

  She stood up and pointed at him accusingly with an overdone flourish.
"Admit it! You're just like everyone else. You also think it's bad, don't
you?"

  Without even waiting for a response--which he wasn't likely to give, as
he was all but gaping at her in total confusion--she whirled away,
crossing her arms. "I don't understand. I've lived on this stuff for
years, so it couldn't be bad. No one appreciates my culinary style. The
mingling of flavors in an exquisite balance--"

  "...it was curry powder and instant beef stock--"

  "--painstakingly mixed! Yes. You're just like everyone else." She
finished with an indignant sniff, then slyly glanced at him to see his
reaction.

  He was staring, at a complete loss for words. "Mi...Mi...Misato-san?"

  She laughed. She laughed, and laughed, and laughed. "Finally! Cracked
that cool exterior of yours! You know, you're kind of cute when you're not
so damn serious."

  Too quickly, far too quickly, he had clamped down on his bewildered
expression and set his face back into the usual lines of professional
regard. "I'm a little tired, Misato-san. I'd best get some rest, after all
that I've done today. Thank you for dinner. Good evening." He rose, bowed
to her, and cleared his setting from the table, before disappearing out
the door.

  But Misato could swear she saw him smile genuinely, if only for an
instant. She was certain of it.

------------------------------------------------

  Paperwork, always with the paperwork. Misato rubbed her eyes, trying to
keep the words in front of her in focus. Difficult, though, given the late
hour and the simple fact that she just didn't want to do this anymore.
Finally, she slumped back in her chair and threw her pen down in
frustration.

  The pen screamed as it hit the desk.

  No, not the pen. Shinji.

  She leaped out of her chair, stumbling as she pushed it out of the way
to get out through the door. It was Shinji's muffled voice through the
walls, and it told her that something was wrong.

  Through the door, down the short hallway, through another door. "Shinji!
What's wrong? A nightmare? Are you all right?"

  He was sitting up in bed, shivering, head held in his hands. He had
screamed only that once, and now, was only breathing raggedly.
Nevertheless, she was at his side in a moment, arm around his shoulders.

  "What is it, Shinji? It's all right, you can tell me."

  He continued to breathe hard, but the shivering slowed and stopped after
a mere half minute. "I...I remember what I did today," he panted, finally.
"In the EVA. What I did to the Angel."

  Misato nodded gravely. This wasn't uncommon--blanking out a traumatic
experience just after the fact, and not remembering until later. "It's
over now, Shinji. It's all right. Don't linger on it."

  He chuckled then, and that was one of the most chilling things she'd
ever heard in her life.

  "But...I want to linger on it. I did well. I did really well, didn't I,
Misato-san? Yes. But, of course, I could have done better. Hmm. You have
video footage of the fight, right? I need to observe myself, see what I
did right, what I did wrong...."

  Her heart sank. You wanted someone enthusiastic, willing to train,
willing to do a good job. But this wasn't right. There was an edge. This
wasn't enthusiasm, this was battlelust. The look on his face...the kind of
smile she didn't like. Not like the one she saw after dinner--if she'd
really seen it at all.

  "...crush the next Angel. Absolutely."

  No. It frightened her.

End chapter two.

Andrew Huang...Shizumaru@KawaiiMUCK
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/
NAC MAC FEEGLE!


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