Subject: [FFML] Re: [fic][Ranma][MY INEVITABLE RETURN TO THE FFML or HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB]
From: "Thermopyle" <Thermopyle@tds.net>
Date: 10/24/2001, 7:47 PM
To: "Werness, Charles" <st08@SJNMA.ORG>, <ffml@anifics.com>

Um.  Well, a couple of comments.  First, I kept thinking this was in reply
to something, since every line starts with a >.  It was really distracting,
I'd glance down the page to see if there were comments yet, sigh, then read
what was there before scrolling further into the story and repeating.  For
some reason I like reading the comments for a lot of stories more than the
stories themselves, which I have to admit is quite weird, but this just
threw me off.

Anyway, here's my actual comments for the story:

Soun sighed.  He didn't like deceiving his girls.  "A friend of mine is
coming to visit.  He has a son, about Akane's age."  Akane tensed up.
He
really didn't think Akane would react favorably to the pact with Genma
that had been made so long ago, which was why he was withholding
information from the girls.  That didn't mean he had to like it, though.
"They're going to be staying with us for a little while.  I just thought
you would like to know.  You live in this house, too, after all."

SNIP

Akane glowered.  "As long as this...boy," the word was laced with
contempt, "knows to keep his hands and eyes to himself, I shouldn't have
a
problem."

Soun grimaced, but turned it into a smile before anyone could notice.
He
hoped, at least.  "Don't worry, Akane.  I don't think you'll have any of
that kind of trouble."

Akane was about to reply harshly when a knock came at the front door.
"Ooh!  That must be...what's the boy's name, anyway?" Nabiki said as she
looked at her father questioningly.

To put it bluntly, these two passages make the whole story premise seem very
unlikely.  You're showing Soun in a way that indicates he is quite aware of
Akane's hatred for boys and is holding back information because of it and
his fear of her reaction.  This is fine.  This is believable.

Having him turn around immediately afterwards and say that Akane is best
suited to Ranma is not.

If you want to marry Ranma and Akane off, that's fine, but I would
definitely suggest either dropping the whole bit about showing Soun's pov
and reasons for not revealing the marriage pledge, or to at least make an
attempt to show why he chose Akane over his other two daughters for getting
married to Ranma.  What you could do is show Nabiki and Kasumi's reaction to
Ranma's curse from Soun's POV, and have him come to the conclusion that it
would never work out, that they were too freaked out about it or something.

Frankly I'd have trouble believing even that, because I can't help but think
that Akane's reaction would be more severe, as it was in the manga.
Granted, she had walked in on him in the furo as her method of finding out
about the curse, but she still seems more likely to view Ranma as being some
kind of pervert simply because of his ability to change into a girl, and
that would then, if you're using a halfway reasonable/intelligent Soun,
cause him to choose Nabiki or Kasumi instead.

Your comment at the end also seems rather off.  I really, really have
trouble believing that Akane isn't going to blame Ranma for thier marriage
and get the idea into her head that Ranma purposely waited until she was
drunk and her defenses were down to violate her in the worst possible way.
Not only does he take advantage of her drunken state to marry her, but he
doesn't even do the deed while she's too senseless to realize what's going
on!  She'd be furious!  Now she's expected to have sex with Ranma while
she's NOT drunk, which she certainly isn't going to accept (you aren't
exactly showing Akane as being the sweetest girl around in this fic), but
she also has to drop her crush on Dr. Tofu without any preparation or a
chance to see that Ranma can indeed be nice on occasion.

This is completely sidestepping the whole problem of why Akane and Ranma
can't wake up, beat the hell out of the two idiots who fathered them, and
then go get an annullment the instant whatever office grants them opens up
the next morning.

If you have them having sex while they're drunk, these problems I've
mentioned are going to seem rather tame and silly in comparison to what I
would expect to happen as a result.

Having said all that, I can say that this is something I haven't seen in a
Ranma fanfic before... not quite, anway.  There was one story where Ranma
pushed for the immediate marriage, thinking that as soon as they were
married he and Genma would be taking off again just as they had after all of
the engagements that had taken place before that point.  That fic gets off
to a much more angsty start, but to tell you the truth, I really see it as
being more likely than this scenario as far as being something that would
actually stand up and not result in an immediate annullment.

Something I do have to wonder about is the way Ranma and Akane were married
off without the official who gave the marriage certificate protesting their
drunken state.  I can't help but think that this seems unlikely.  Some kind
of breathalizer test for people suspected of being in a state where thier
judgement isn't all that reliable would be appropriate, IMO.  Does anybody
know whether something so incredibly stupid could actually happen in RL in
Japan?

Anyway, take all this as it is: an opinion.  Some of my other opinions could
very well result in my being stoned to death by various parties, so I
wouldn't really discount the possibility of this being a similar case.  If
you think these are valid points, do something to compensate for the issues
they raise.  If not, curse my name and hope that I have a long and lengthy
stay in hell when I die (and may it be soon!).  I won't mind. :)

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