Hello Allyn!

At 06:49 PM 10/21/2001 -0700, you wrote:

My comments@@
Best taken with a large grain of salt.

Always.  ^_^

@@Author notes best put at end of story.
Disclaimer?

Knew I forgot something.  They were in the original
post, thought I'd left them in the story... Guess I 
didn't save.  eep

Used the grammar comments.

Woa See Huan Suay
by Warr


@@Ummm . . .I'm always interested in furthering my
knowledge,
but this title was lost on me. IMO, it's better to
have a title in
English, since that's the language of the target
audience or at
least an English translation OR use 'foreign' words
that most
FFML readers will recognize. (Easy words. ^_*)
@@@@

It means, "I Like Water" in Cantonese, which I thought 
was too plain a title in English.  Will add a note at
the end.

I love water.  I always have and I hope I always will.
Whether it's 
sitting on the shore of some lake, sunbathing at the
ocean beach or 
even just walking the rain; water has a comforting
presence that I 
enjoy being around.

@@Nice mood setter.

Thanks.

@@Cute. But "father" wouldn't know if she could swim
or not? Or is this a comment on the absence of
Japanese fathers from the home? (Or this father in
particular?)
@@@@

This happened to me.  In Hawaii with my parents, at
the hotel pool on Maui.  Just changed the setting to 
fit the story.  Only it was the lifeguard who saved
me, not my dad.  

We are lunch after Dad and I dried off then while Mom
packed up I 
wandered off to walk around the lake. 

@@"We are lunch"? Typo? "We _ate_ lunch", perhaps?

AckThp.  Fixed.

About and hour and three-fourths 
of the lake later, my frantic parents found me and
yelled at me for 
getting lost.  I hadn't been lost; I'd been walking
around, enjoying 
the lake that they had brought me to, the view and the
sheer wonder of 
it all.  Try explaining that to parents who walk away

>from their 

picnic to find their child missing.  I still visit
that lake and hope 
to take any children I will eventually have there,
though, hopefully 
without any incidents such as the ones I caused.

@@You might want to tighten this up a bit.

Will look over this.

@@Hmmm . . .this is probably stylistic, but I'd modify
this section slightly
as well.

This too.

@@Nice little slice of life.
Very nice.
^_*

Thank you, Allyn.  I really appreciate the comments!
I'm such a lazy bum when it comes to writing, comments
like this help a lot!

Warr

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"I screamed like a little girl."

My buddy, Dave, after we watched, "The Others."

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