You wrote:

    "Ummmm," Chibiusa voiced aloud, looking up and trying to
figure out who was speaking, "who

Who

Actually, isn't it right as it is?  The dialogue should read as "Ummmm,
who...", right?  There is no period in the dialogue tag, so the 'who'

isn't

the beginning of a new sentance but a continuation of the original one,

and

as such should be lower-case.

Oops. Quite right. Wasn't paying close enough attention. This is what
happens when you're in a rush.

Heh, glad you did this c&c, I never read it when the chapter was

originally

sent to the list, thought it was yet another stupid SI,

Yes. If it wasn't by Ben, I'd have probably looked it over too.

but the parts you

commented on got me interested.  It's funny and if done well the story

could

poke a lot of fun at the SM series in a more interesting way than usual,
especially when Chibi-Usa's personality starts to change through being
exposed to such, um, colorful characters. :)

Yeah. I thought it had a good bit of comic potential as well.

For some reason the image of Chibi-Usa kicking Tux-boy in the nuts and
calling him a pedophile just appeals to me.

Heh. He's not the most popular character out there. And he is sort of one.
How young is USagi when they first start going out?

 Especially if the other senshi

are about, since it would raise the question of how Chibi-Usa would KNOW
that he's a pedophile.  Once they started wondering about that, well, even
Usagi would be beating on him at that point.  "How could you?!?  Your own
daughter!", etc.

Heh. Yeah. They could make life hell. Wouldn't mind seeing them tweak
Setsuna a bit, but that doesn't seem likely with Jason's statements.

But... it's been two months since the first chapter was sent to the list.
Will we ever see another? *prods BoredCollective with a sharp spoon*

Indeed.

D.B. Sommer

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