To prove that I am still alive, I forced myself to write something.
Disclaimer: If you honestly think that I need to inform you all that I did
not make Ranma 1/2 or Sailor Moon, I honestly think you need your head
examined.
-------------Ranma 1/2---------------
Ukyou Kuonji was having a pleasant morning. She'd woken up refreshed a
whole ten minutes before her alarm went off, she'd got her hair brushed and
her ribbon tied in record time without looking off, she got dressed and even
had a calm breakfast.
She picked up her trademark bandolier and giant metal baker's peel,
adjusted them and checked herself out in the mirror. She looked cute, even
in the traditional girl's school uniform, but even she found herself
jokingly winking at herself in the mirror.
It was then that everything was interupted with Ranma's battered body
flying into through a closed window and slamming into the wall nearest to
her.
Ukyou blinked. Ranma usually didn't get into trouble this early in the
morning and the trajectory suggested that he and Akane had been walking by.
"Ranchan? You okay?" Ukyou asked, helping Ranma to right himself and
stand.
"Not really..." Ranma groaned.
"Maybe you should sit down for a bit." Ukyou suggested.
"Can't... gotta fight... some freaks called the Akanekodan or Red Cat
Gang... they got pops." Ranma groaned.
"I know what Akanekodan means, Ranchan. I'm japanese, after all, not some
gaijin who learns japanese out of an online dictionary who pretends to have
a solid grasp of our language." Ukyou scolded.
Ranma blinked, glanced at the author, then looked at Ukyou.
"Better be careful where you fling those insults, Ucchan." Ranma warned.
"PFFFFT! I'm his favorite. He wouldn't leave me out of an attempt at an
epic fanfic like this." Ukyou snorted.
"Anyway, the author's given me some time to talk, so I'll explain what I
know..." Ranma began.
"That short, huh?" Ukyou teased.
Ranma grumbled something about having at least sixty more IQ points than
most of the comedic writers gave him.
"Anyway, these Akanekodan geeks wanna bring back some Ghost Cat King, but
they need three treasures to do it. The Forest Mirror, the Peach Gem and
the Sakura Sword." Ranma explained.
"Uh-huh." Ukyou nodded.
"But the author thought that sort of story was rather lame-ass, so he
changed it to a cult of psychos who want to destroy the world by summoning
the Ghost Cat King and sending him to battle the Light Dragon God." Ranma
continued.
Ukyou arched an eyebrow, but decided to let Ranma speak. After all, too
many wisecracks or comments may get her a nannichuan curse and Kodachi or
Akane as a romantic interest.
"Well, the problem with that, see, is that the Light Dragon God doesn't
exist in this world, so they're planning to follow and they need a cursed
virgin sacrifice and a cursed non-virgin sacrifice. Pops fits the first
bill, but who are they going to get for the non-virgin?" Ranma wondered.
"Uh, Ranchan?" Ukyou asked, wondering how that would be possible.
"I'm joking, Ucchan. Mousse is probably going to be the virgin sacrifice."
Ranma noted.
"Why Mousse?" Ukyou inquired.
"The Author hasn't liked him since reading Jim Bader's Nabiki 1/2 series.
He disapproved of Mousse's casual assault on an unprepared Perfume." Ranma
responded.
"Ah." Ukyou nodded.
"Anyway, we've got to find the usual convenient allies to aid us in our
quest and try and stop these bastards before they can carry out their
heinous plots." Ranma declared.
"Right." Ukyou agreed.
"I wonder how we'll meet Ryouga...." Ranma pondered.
"You think Ryouga'll be the first person the author will present?" Ukyou
asked.
"Probably. Since these guys are called the *Akane*kodan, he'll probably
say something about defending her honor or some b.s." Ranma declared.
A-kun's right eye twitched dangerously.
"I thought he'd pull in Kodachi or Shampoo to show that he's gotten over
his dislike of Shampoo or his affection towards bondage." Ukyou considered.
"Well, we can rest assured we'll probably be developing some brand new,
never before seen techniques and rambling on about how the author's personal
theories and philosophies are infinitely superior to any other and adding in
sidenotes that refer to the modern day dilemmas." Ranma continued.
Ukyou shook her head, "Naw, probably be safest to make cheap puns,
typed-out sight gags and totally ignore more locales as that sort of
information interupts his style of writing, so there'll be long-winded
explanations at the beginning, then he'll instinctively expect the readers
to imagine how the fight is going on."
"But, you shouldn't forget that he often slacks off and goes into even
longer-winded rants about how everyone is ignoring all-time favorite games
and anime," Ranma countered, "like Variable Geo (which has three different
pornographic games and three clean versions under it's name) or Breath of
Fire 2 (which features Katt and Nina, the two girls he's probably whacked
off to the most since playing the game), and he'll make mention of how
videos like Panzer Dragoon, Balthus and Battle CanCan are signs of Ragnorok
or Armageddon."
A-kun roared angrily, "THAT'S IT!"
Ukyou found herself splashed with cold water and changed into a man. Ranma
found himself splashed with cold water and changed into a woman. Ukyou-kun
looked at Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan looked at Ukyou-kun.
"HOTCHA!" they cried in unison.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Ranma screamed, bolting upright.
"Ranchan, come back to bed. And don't forget the cold water..."
Ukyou-kun's voice purred from upstairs.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Ranma screamed, bolting upright.
"Ranchan, come back to bed. And don't forget the cold water..."
Akane-kun's voice purred from upstairs.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Ranma screamed, bolting upright.
"Airen, come back to bed. And don't forget cold water..." Shampoo-kun's
voice purred from upstairs.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Ranma screamed, bolting upright.
"Ranma-sama, come back to bed. And don't forget the cold water..."
Kodachi-kun's voice purred from upstairs.
"Ranma's dreams very whack, great-grandmother." Shampoo sighed.
--------------Sailor Moon---------------
The Senshi looked at Ami curiously.
"What do you mean, 'I have a defense in mind'?" Haruka asked.
"Yes, they do seem to have a rather intrusive technique." Michiru noted,
recalling how Naru looked like she was in the throes of ectasy when Tiger
Eye had been sticking his head into her dream mirror.
"But, there's a critical flaw in that. They're after dreams, right? So,
all you'd have to do is
*dream* up a defender for your dream mirror." Ami
explained.
The other Senshi started, realizing that it
_WAS_ that easy. Then, the
wicked grins began to form.
Sailor Uranus wasn't panicking like most of the other people had, but Tiger
Eye ignored that fact, pulling up her dream mirror.
He stuck his head in.
*CHONK*
His arms flailed and managed to grab his head before he yanked his entire
body out of the mirror. Tiger Eye haphazardly turned his now-severed head
over and glared at the now grinning Senshi of Uranus.
"That wasn't very nice." Tiger Eye told her.
Sailor Neptune watched in embarrassment as Eagle Eye summoned her dream
mirror. Eagle Eye blushed as he noted that the dream mirror had the image
of Neptune, scantily clad in a red lace teddy and on a bed, motioning the
male daemon to join the dream Neptune on the bed.
Eagle Eye stuck his head into the dream mirror.
*FWHACK*
Fish Eye sighed as Eagle Eye was thrown bodily out of the mirror, a massive
lump where the blackjack had struck him on the head.
"Like I'd let
_HIM_ into my dreams. I only like women." Neptune snorted,
before eyeing Fish Eye, who turned bright red and ran off screaming.
Sailor Mercury hadn't been expecting to get caught so soon. Tiger Eye
thanked his lucky stars that he had caught the one Senshi without a lot of
violent tendencies.
As he summoned her dream mirror, he thought how easy it was going to be to
get this done.
"OY! What the 'ell do you think yer doin'?! We gots a noice game'a pok'r
goin' on 'ere 'nd we don't take koindly to your type." a gruff
british-accented voice demanded.
Tiger Eye screamed as one hand reached out, grabbed him and socked him
across the clearing in the park. Two burly sailors stepped out with Doctor
Who.
"Rough 'im up boys." Who ordered, motioning to Tiger Eye, who screamed like
a little girl.
Doctor Who helped Sailor Mercury down.
Eagle Eye briefly wondered why Fish Eye had suddenly refused to go on the
missions, but shrugged as he was going to take care of two stones with one
bird. Or was it two birds and one squid? Or was it two girls and one
tentacle monster? He hadn't thought clearly since that incident with
that... girl...thingy...water...
He looked at the five grinning Senshi of Jupiter, Mars, Saturn, Venus and
the Moon and wondered what was so funny. He checked his zipper, but since
the only zipper he had was on his right shoe, it wasn't that important.
And while his pants
_were_ down, the girls were grinning for a different
reason.
Eagle Eye summoned their dream mirrors.
It was the biggest mistake of his life.
A hand reached out and grabbed Eagle Eye before punching him lightly in the
stomach, which sent him to the other side of the room.
Sailorjin Moon, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn and Mars stepped through the dream
mirrors and powered up to Super Stage 1 each.
(apologies to whoever created the original Sailorjin idea (which I'm going
to tentatively say was Skysaber.))
---------------Preview
The Saiyan - Tako
The Mage - Chichi
The Were-Tiger - Nozomi
The Android - Akiko
Evil better start changing it's underwear more often.
Tako: Eewwwwww!
Chichi: MMPPH! [runs off]
Nozomi: [shudders] bleah...
Akiko: GODDAMN IT! Can you NOT do that sh*t?
----------------
Ben McCrillis <aka. A-kun>
reply at
akun15@hotmail.com
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